I have truly hit rock-bottom.

[Total Zero]

Ok...my story is very phukked up, but I have to lay it on the line and get feedback. Give it to me straight. Hopefully that'll light a fire under my ass, help me figure things out, and get me going with my life. I really need to make a change, for I'm clutching at straws here.

I'm 32. Never went out with a girl or kissed one until I was 20. Didn't have a girlfriend until I was almost 25. That's when I lost my virginity. She was a fat girl I met on the internet.

Only had one other girlfriend. I met this one on the internet, too. The only girl I've given oral to. I was 29. She dumped me after 6 months, partly because I was lousy in bed; I also wasn't assertive or took control. I was "nice" and chumpy. Even my mom told me she noticed I was way too accomodating with my two girlfriends. I wasn't very discerning, either. I brought them both home as "girlfriends" to meet the family after just a couple of dates.

I never just met a girl somewhere and got her number. I never met a girl somewhere, period. Internet or bust for me.

I still live with my mom. Always lived with her (she's 71), as well as with my older aunt (she's 82). She also played a huge part in raising me, and is like the grandmother I never knew. Had another aunt who was also just like that with me, helped raise me...always lived with us, and died this March at age 89. This left me very clinically depressed. I sleep abnormally long hours now. No matter how long I sleep, when I wake up, I can't get out of bed. Including weekends, I fester in my room day in, day out, except when I'm out looking for work. Yes, I'm unemployed right now. Working on that, though. I want to move out, but in addition to not having the money for that, I also know I'd feel guilty for leaving my mom and my aunt alone. I'm very attached to them and very over-protective of them. Hispanic families are close-knit, so they'd never ask me to move out. They would be seriously depressed if I left. In fact, they hope I don't move out unless I got married.

Married? You've got to meet a woman first. I'm overweight (6'1", about 260 lbs), wear glasses, and dress sh!tty. At least I got rid of my severe acne problem with Accutane early this year. That's one less worry, but still...I totally don't look the business. I kinda look like Michael Moore without the beard. Internet porn keeps me "company" - a lot. My other friends are married, have gf's, or are banging someone. Meanwhile, I'm 21st Century Schizoid Man.

I recently checked out Myspace and was blown away by the amount of attractive, available women in my area. I'm guessing some are horny. This got me thinking, "I need to get some of that;" but for that, I need to improve...everything. I just don't know where to start, much less have the DJ skills. Where the hell do I begin?

 

[cave dweller]

ok..........

Total Zero,

The first thing that you do is get off of your dead @ss and find a job.
The second thing is to go on a diet.

cave dweller

 

[Lost In Translation]

get some dumbells start working out

start eating properly

start getting exercise

you got no job so you got all the time in the world to get in shape

your focus should be your body

stop watching porn and whacking off

you are wasting too much energy and it is probably part of the reason you sleep so much

personally i would focus on getting in shape more than the job

also when you get a job are you strong enough to leave your older family members ?

spending 40 years looking after old people is a quick way to waste your life

we only have so much time on this earth

you are missing out on alot of good things


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

Quote: Pook
“Many girls merely upgrade their boyfriends and never become single “

" stop being insecure " i hate that saying. it's a cop out for not having enough balls to confront a woman about what she is doing THAT IS WRONG or potentially damaging to a long term relationship. – Lost In Translation

 

[joekerr31]

first of all change your nick. stop calling yourself crap like total zero.

second, you need to forget about any 1 problem in your life right now. whether thats a job, your mother, girls (and not having one), your looks, whatever. Forget about them all, they are symptoms of a bigger problem.

you need to develop a life philosophy. you need to put your past, present and future into context.

has your life been hard? definitely. could it be worse? for sure! can it get better? of course!

i can't really tell you all the changes you need to make here in a post because building a life philosophy is something only you can do and it takes time.

But i can tell you that you need to start looking at life in a positive light. See your past challenges and obstacles as tests. Life put the boots to you and you are still standing, be proud of that.

one of the worst things that happens to people when they lead an overly isolated life is that they come to believe that everyoen else in the world is having fun and living it up and have perfect lives. that a load of crap.

most people, even the beautiful ones, bust their ass ina job they don't really love to pay the bills. they may have a significant other, but that doesnt mean they are happy with them - the divorce rate isn't over 50% for no reason.

most of the peopel you think "have it all" are just very very good at looking like they do - often times they have to for their job. I make a lot of money and if i have a bad day i can't go to work telling people how depressed i am. I go in and act like life's my oyster, even if i feel like crap inside. my point to you is though DO NOT judge your life by what you see in others, becuase often times its total bullsh*t.

ok, now that ive rambled for a bit im going to through in some motivation for you.

1) i lived at home until my late 20s. didn't want to but financially had to (was in school). got a job making crap - just enough to get by. Now i make 6 figures.

2) i was just as overweight as you. i started eating 1500 calories a day and working out (being unemployed is a GREAT time to get in shape. youll never get this opportunity again!)

3) i grew up in an abusive household and had a "i hate the world" attitude most of my life. Then i realized that the only one my attitude hurt was me. I learn how to see the beauty in life despite all the hardships and ugliness. I threw the victim mentality in the garbage and realized that im lucky that im alive - period! Now i hear people b*tch about how hard their life has been (trust me, 95% of the people you meet in life, when you really get ot know them, have their own baggage they carry through life) and i tell them to just get on with life. stop being a victim. you aren't a victim. life has put you through these tests as an opportunity for you to learn and grow.

you may think your life is hopelss and that you are a total zero, but that's bullsh*t. you do have the power to change your life, but you have to believe that first. you have to find the motivation. go download some self help mp3s, get yourself a cheap mp3 player, and start walking 2-4 hours a day and dieting. hey, it's a good thing you dress sh*tty, because when you lose the weight you're going to have to buy yourself a whole new wardrobe (and youll probably find a job by then and will have the money to do so).

in the end man all i can tell you is that none of choose the cards we are dealt in life, but we do have the ability to better our hand. but first you have to stop seeing yourself as a victim, believe that you can change and believe that step by step, inch by inch, you will find yourself with a better life.

but you have to believe its possible. you have to come to love yoruself enough to try and be thankful that you've been given this life and believe you can overcome its tests.

will you ever get a girl? who knows. even if you don't you can still have a life. stephen hawkins couldn't get a girl to save his life, BUT, he doesn't waste his life giving up.

you know, 1 million people a year kill themselves. so in the past 100 years about 100 million people have checked out of life because they couldn't see any point in it. stats say something like for every 1 that succeeds another 20 seriously attempt. so about 20 million people a year try to kill themselves.

also, i suggest watching fight club the movie. you need to "just let go" of what you think your past is, what you think the point of life is, what you think you are - stop thinking - and start doing.

let go of your pain and believe you can change for the better. it will be a long journey, like climbing mount everest, but it can be done.

J

 

[Bible_Belt]

Do you know your father? It sounds like you lack a male role model.

The advice you have been given here is excellent. I would add that you first need to get your life together before you worry so much about women. Get in shape, and get a job first. These will help you build self-esteem, which will help with women.

In reading your post, I notice that you write well and seem intelligent. You have the potential to learn quickly. Try typing "David DeAngelo" into a p2p program search function. Also spend time learning some "chick crack" such as handwriting analysis and cold reading techniques. These make you fun to be with from a woman's perspective. You should also read the new book "The Game" by Neil Strauss.

 

[Mischka]

I do not want to insult you, rather help you. There is no thing like destiny. Your situation is like is is, because you made a lot of decisions which lead you to this current day, today. Actually this is bad news, because it makes yourself accountable for your condition. No one to blame.

On the other hand, it is good news. Since it is not destiny, since there is no one to blame except yourself, since no one is ever going to "save" you, it is a logic conclusion to take responsibility for yourself and CHANGE. There is nothing like "phukked up", it is all inside your head. Repeating it all over again does not help you.

So tell me, what is your decision?

 

[ogre]

BEGIN HERE

wow...

glad I'm not the only one out there.....

1st) :
GET AWAY FROM YOUR MAMMA. no offense to your folks, but growing up with all those wrinkled old ladies without a father figure around is a sure recipe for arrested development. your sexual maturity is at about age 5 and isn't going to improve 'til you get out. do not feel guilty; they lived their life, you have a right to yours. run away and don't look back. and if they try to make you feel guilty - know this: that is EMOTIONAL ABUSE!

dude I should know..... been there....

2nd: your depression has reached clinical level. congratulations! you are now officially emotionally disturbed. (thanks, mom!) get help. good news is there are a variety of public and private programs available for emotionaly disturbed persons that can help you get housing. take advantage of it. anything is better than where u r at now. even of it means staying in a men's shelter or sleeping in your car for awhile. furthermore, your depression is affecting your physical health and will also inhibit your ability to get and keep a job. the longer you suckle upon your mamma's poison teat the more screwed up you will get.

again, been there, done that.

in your sitch I wouldn't even THINK of getting a girl until I got outta that house. until then you can still practice your convo skills. be patient; you're at where you're at. just don't expect much and don't try too hard. you've a long way to go before you see any results.

Life has dealt you a $hitty hand. but it's not the cards you were dealt but how you play them that determines the merit of your character. So play that hand. you have 2 big advantages over me. you are 8 years younger and 6 inches taller. so be happy.

 

[racerX]

Be happy your alive. Look at all those people that died in hurricane Katrina...Dont spend so much time on the internet porn stuff. Get out outside. Take a walk. Join a gym. Discover a new hobbie/sport. I was out of work for 1-1/2 years & even though i had some unemployment $$ coming in, i got depressed. Sitting at home & not doing anything is a waste of life. Get a job & earn some $$ & at least rent a room from someone & you will have more privacy than you have now, plus it doesnt cost much to rent a room. Good luck & be positive.

 

[Chrispy]

Total Zero:

You may have hit rock-bottom, but in coming here you've taken a step. Now you have to focus on that and keep taking steps forward.

I won't repeat the advice you already got from the others (all of which I agree) so I'll just say that you should build a philosophy, a desire, to change. Not for getting girls but for yourself. That will involve committment to yourself - to lose weight and to get a job.

Keep the changes simple but stick to it - like build an exercise routine and never miss a session. That sort of thing.

 

[joekerr31]

total zero, i just wanted to add one thing after the posts that have been added.

people often think life is filled with mean, self centered, manipulative people. and there are lots of those, for sure.

but i think the responses to your post show there are lots of caring folks out there. many who have gone through tough times, and who have come out of it with a positive attitude.

notice how you didn't get a single negative response to your situation. everyone here knows it CAN get better.

so you just gotta believe in yourself the way we believe that things can get better.

J

 

[arlanda]

You need to set achievable goals. This "change" is gonna take time and you need to take it step-by-step. Don't get discouraged, you can do it - if you REALLY want to

 

[BigDawg]

Everyone else has pretty much summed it up. But, I'll throw in a couple of extra things. First, the easiest way to get out of that hole you're in is to stop digging and climb up. Second, you've clearly spelled out what you percieve your problems to be. So, now come up with a plan and do something about it. Don't just think, ACT! You'll be no good to yourself or anyone else if you do nothing about it.

Cliche: The key to getting ahead is getting started.

Finally: 21st Century Schizoid Man? A King Crimson fan, eh?

 

[nosexbox]

You sound pretty intelligent. Perhaps some schooling? Lots of opportunity at university. Maybe student loans can help.

32 is young, man. I'm 31, but I'm just starting my masters and spend a lot of my time around 23 year old women.

Maybe if you can't get far away from your mom, move to a seperate place that is close to her place. You can still come over and help, and still have your own pad. Chicks might actually dig your caring for your mom.

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by Total Zero
Give it to me straight.
Where the hell do I begin?

ok heres my two cents:
if you really want to change things, you will.
but you have to want them bad enough.

when you wake up in the morning, get a shower, get dressed and stay the fek outta bed dude. go get some breakfast.

eat healthy, pick up some activites to fill the empty time like running or exercise, tennis, golf, weightlifting. pick some kind of physical activity and learn to like it.
the weight isnt gonna come off on its own.
if your passion is doughnuts, stop eating them.
put some vegtables and fruits in your diet to flush out your system and keep you healthy. no woman wants to marry a man that looks like he will have a heart attack due to his diet and die on her.

go to your closet. try on stuff. if it doesnt make you look good, get rid of it . stop wearing things that dont compliment you. being over weight is no reason to dress like a slob all the time. im sorry but those were your own words.

so you meet women on the internet, so what? i met my fiance on there. there are some good people out there however you must weed thru alot of bad apples first.

start speaking to people at work, at the store whatever.

if you live with your elderly mom to help her, have no shame in that. you only have one mother and to heck with anyone that shames you for helping her.

figure out who you are and go from there. dont compromise yourself for anyone.

if you find yourself online too much set a timer. say no more than 2 hours a night . one night a week no computer time.
start small .


if you want to change anything in your life, you must take initiative and you must follow thru. remember the grass isnt always greener on the other side either. just because you may loose a little weight, doesnt mean the right women will come into the picture.
some of us would rather have a guy a little overweight than to some wifebeating hater.

 

[Total Zero]

I appreciate the good advice posted here, thanks everyone.

@nosexbox: Yes, I am a student, although I'm not attending this semester. I do plan on going back during the spring term, which begins in January.

And yes, I'd definitely want to get a place close to family, where I can still help out with things and be near in case of emergency. I always hear about people moving to another city/state, away from family...I could never bring myself to do that, although the idea of such an enlightening, horizon-expanding experience has appealed to me for years. The guilt of abandonment would send me right back, though.

@penkitten: it's not that I'm exactly "ashamed" of still living with my mom still, although it does get embarrassing and uncomfortable at times. I'm okay with having some of my longtime friends over, even though they're established and have their own places. However, if I were to meet new friends, I wouldn't want them coming over. Sounds weird, but it's hard to explain.
It's not so much that I need to look after my mom at this point, for I'm happy to say that she is active and healthy, and even looks 10+ years younger. The same goes for my aunt, but still....I'd kinda feel like I was "leaving" them, and again, that guilt - even though it's totally natural and expected for a guy my age to move out.

 

[Good_ol_boy]

"...even though it's totally natural and expected for a guy my age to move out."

This is only true in modern American Anglo (influenced) families!!

You indicated that you are Hispanic. Extended families (grand parents, parents, children, aunts and uncles in the same house) are common in Hispanic communities as they have been in all communities for eons!!

This is the least of your worries.

Work on the things that you need to, and have some control over. If someone doesn't like that you are living with your elderly reletives...screw'em!!

 

[penkitten]

dude, you dont have to leave them.
if you are uncomfortable having new guests over, perhaps you can figure out something.
is there a basement, garage, anything?

cause you can make a heck of a pad in either of those and still have guests without disturbing your mom and aunt.

but to hell with feeling weird about it, family is great and living alone sucks . for example, i have never lived alone, and i really dont know what quiet is. i like it like that.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

your life is fukked up. fix it dude.

0. forget about women, you need to fix yourself first.

1. get a job, top priority.

2. get out of your house, asap. you're a mamma's boy...to the point of being creepy. your post creeped me out.

3. commit to interacting with people.

4. commit to dropping the weight.

5. come back here for advice on chicks.


it's taken you 32 years to be in your position. it ain't gonna change overnight, because old habits are hard to break.

good luck!

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by penkitten
is there a basement, garage, anything?

OMFG!!! a 32 year old unemployed mamma's boy, living with two elderly ladies, who lives in the basement, jacking off to porn all night and rabbit humping his blow-up doll.

that's what came to mind with your suggestion. as did, having a frozen head in his freezer.

this guy is creepy sounding. he has to get un-creepy. having a basement pad, aint gonna help.

6. DO NOT LISTEN TO WOMEN!

 

[nosexbox]

"Do not listen to women"

Right.

Listen to the guy who tells you that you sound like a creepy porn-obsessed momma's boy.

Yeesh.

Hey, you can't move out, you can't move out. Do what you can.