I Have Anger Problems/I Don't Know What To Do

[hithard]

Your divorce rates were shown and explained to you before. You fudged the numbers to get a result.
Guys that are looking for answers naturally come here after divorce. You are going to have higher numbers of divorced men on this site.

Did you just link to a men's divorce site (the epicenter of bitterness and guys failing) to prove a point?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

T.O. can you explain the damn high divorce rates man? I know guys who are GOOD GUYS, decent guys, excellent in terms of personality and can pull all types of women. And their chick totally used them, manipulated them, or did other types of deceptive shyt.

(Jesus why do I keep letting myself keep getting sucked into this drama...)

How about you explain all the happily married people in the world, that have been together for YEARS. Decades.

Go through the countless threads here on Sosuave, about how guys are being ripped off by their baby momma in child support and the like, with the chick doing a 180 on him. Are you saying she did a 180 because his personality was out of wack T.O.?

SoSuave attracts men that are self-selected for having problems with women. So yes, part of the reason chicks leave/manipulate/cheat on guys is they don't RESPECT him because they don't FEAR losing him. And that is based on his BEHAVIOR. Most guys make the WRONG assumption that a girls attraction is SET. Therefore if it drops, it is HER fault. From a guy's perspective, it would be like a chick gaining 200 pounds since they started dating.

There are just as many forums for people in committed relationships that talk about how they MAKE THEM WORK.

That just simply wouldn't be possible if the world existed as you claim it does.

And JUST LIKE a girl can ALWAYS increase her GENERAL VALUE so can a male. Guys fail in relationships because they assume relationships are SET AND FORGET. They are not.

If you go through all of the guys who are apart of the Manosphere in general, listen to their stories, you are saying ALL of these guys got screwed over by their chicks because their personality was out of whack?

I could also make the argument that BECAUSE most salespeople in commission only sales (cars, insurance, etc) get BLOWN OUT after a couple weeks/months MEANS that the market for those products are whack. It COULDN'T POSSIBLY mean there are just TONS of people who desperately WANT money from sales jobs but couldn't sell water in the desert.

Yes. Most men in the manosphere, MGTOW etc, SUCK WITH WOMEN. OR they want women that are HIGHER than they are capable of pulling. And instead of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility, and taking the HARD WORK of increasing their skills, they blame women.

Yes, many women are horrible. But that's what your QUALIFYING SKILLS are for.

 

[LiveFreeX]

I always visualized PUA's as the Fire Gates.

0:26 Dude grabs her boobs, 3:39 "We want head, get us off!"

Bet you never saw that when you first watched it... crazy stuff.

R.I.P Bowie

 

[Konada]

Ten is a fvcking headcase. Dude needs professional help, not us convincing him that his worldview is warped.

 

[Bible_Belt]

many women are horrible.

Yep. File that one under "serenity to accept the things I cannot change."

The sun is going to swell and eat the Earth in a few billion years, you might as well worry about that instead of the state of the world's women or the world's economy - you've got the same amount of control over it.

 

[Tenacity]

Guys at the end of the day, no matter how "heated" this might get, I think this is a great discussion. There are guys who see this issue similarly to myself and others who see it like T.O., Hithard and others see it.

The reason for making this thread is still present. I have anger issues and resentment towards women that goes BACK years as I pointed out. There's still things I don't understand, such as the deliberate selection of drug dealers, criminals, thugs, etc. I'm thinking about getting into some sort of legal relationship with a woman eventually (marriage or making a kid) and I NEED clarification on WTF was going on back in the day. I'm sorry....I need that for closure.

In addition, I have read the posts of even other guys who talked about massively filtering the field with sets of criteria to find the wholesome girl. I just don't see how this completely eliminates the problem.

- If I filter women who only come from a good upbringining, in that their parents are still married and the household was pretty good, how in the hell does this mean the girl will be just like her mother? Then vice versa, a girl who came from a fvcked up household with a "bytch" for a mother, who is to say she's going to be like her mother? Technically, because MY PERSONAL family structure was fvcked up, couldn't a girl do the same thing to me? Because my Father was a piece of shyt, couldn't she say Tenacity will be one as well, even though I'm NOTHING like that guy?

- Then, there's talks of filtering girls who haven't really "gotten around" that much, as if women tell the truth about that?

The point I'm making is how in the hell do you setup an efficient filtering system, when number one, women put on false fronts that last sometimes 2 years or more, then number two, what if your filtering system has the wrong criteria?

Like I said, how can I filter a chick off just because her parents were a.ssholes? Is that fair, knowing that my parents were a.ssholes as well and a chick could do the same to me? If you LOOKED at who I am personally and compared that to how my immediate family is, you would have sworn I was fvcking adopted. It's like night and day.

 

[Desdinova]

- If I filter women who only come from a good upbringining, in that their parents are still married and the household was pretty good, how in the hell does this mean the girl will be just like her mother?

It does not. I've dated plenty of women who came from "good" families. Guess what? They were fvcked up anyway. A woman coming from a "good home" has the potential to have better core values than a woman who comes from a mom who's a divorced alcoholic. But ultimately, society will form her into the person she becomes in her adult years.

Technically, because MY PERSONAL family structure was fvcked up, couldn't a girl do the same thing to me? Because my Father was a piece of shyt, couldn't she say Tenacity will be one as well, even though I'm NOTHING like that guy?

Women don't think that deeply about things like this. The only time you'll hear them say something like that is if they want to use it as an excuse for something, or because they're mad at you. They won't adapt this into their ultimate opinion of you, unless you make it an opinion about yourself.

The point I'm making is how in the hell do you setup an efficient filtering system, when number one, women put on false fronts that last sometimes 2 years or more, then number two, what if your filtering system has the wrong criteria?

See, and there's the problem. Finding a suitable woman to keep around for an extended amount of time has turned into a life-long journey. This is why I keep saying that you should explore alternate options if you desire to have one or more children. You know damn well that you'll be a reliable parent, but there's NOBODY enforcing the family unit, nor is anybody guaranteeing that the woman has enough core values to stay in a family unit.

I've put all women on a 10 year system. If one sticks around for 10 years, THEN I may consider living with her.

I've come to a point where I'm only going to filter out women who give me red flags by the end of the first date. The rest are good for at least a STR and sex. Looking for something more meaningful in a relationship isn't worth it IMO.

 

[hithard]

Ten if you want a more proactive approach of changing the world, then take a look at rooshv forums. I haven't read a lot about the guy. But he seems to have the balls to fight the establishment and put himself on the line.
Might be a bit more along your lines.

Women from loving families and that are still close with family- have better odds. We try to work on best probabilities, not mistakenly believe she's a sure thing. Just being from a good home isn't enough, it's good parenting that makes the difference.

You can date women from messed up families and you might find a diamond in the rough. But in my experience redflags always pop up.
It then moves into the realms of what you can accept.

 

[Korrupt]

This might not be possible, but if you can... MOVE.

I'm very frustrated with the women in my area and would love to move to a place like NC/SC, FL, or Cali. Warm more often and I believe the quality of women is much better.

I live in MD btw. DC is probably the best spot in the DMV to pickup women, but MD SUCKS and I'd bet VA isn't much better. Plus there are literally no positives to living here... Traffic sucks, high cost of living, people are aholes, winter all but 3 months out of the year, dating is bad, etc.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I NEED clarification on WTF was going on back in the day. I'm sorry....I need that for closure.

I know exactly what happened to you "back in the day" and why it's causing your current issues. However, I don't think you would even be able to get through it with desperately trying to prove me wrong.

I have read the posts of even other guys who talked about massively filtering the field with sets of criteria to find the wholesome girl. I just don't see how this completely eliminates the problem.

This sentence tells me you still have no grasp of male-female relationships. NOTHING will ever eliminate the "problem" because it's not a "problem" like finding the right pair of shoes that will last a certain amount of time.

Every relationship takes TONS of ongoing WORK. You can't "choose" a girl that will "be" loyal simply because of proper filtering and game and personality.

Even the BEST marriages have TONS of doubt. Tons of second guessing. THAT will NEVER be eliminated.

You can't go out and "GET" a "Loyal high quality woman."

That's like "getting" a six pack and thinking you never need to exercise or eat right ever again. This is why most relationships and marriages fail. People (men and women) think they are "set and forget."

One of the things you SHOULD sort for (and few people do) is her WILLINGNESS to openly and honestly and responsibly deal with issues as they come up.

This takes a LONG TIME to get a handle on.

You seem to think we're talking about filtering her in the first time minutes, and then if she passes then she's a "high quality woman."

This is only the FIRST filter.

The first TWO YEARS or so you date somebody, the ENTIRE TIME is a filter. The better you get a DISQUALIFYING the more self confidence you will build (because you by disqualifying her you are subconsciously validating your own value) and PROJECT. And they better you'll get at filtering.

This takes YEARS OF WORK.

YEARS of self-development.

YEARS of honest introspection.

That's the reason most guys suck with women. They've been conned into thinking they can watch a set of DVD's or YouTube videos or read a bunch of SoSouave and think because they are "red pill" that somehow high quality loyal women are supposed to fall from the sky.

Then when the women don't magically appear, they put all their effort into forming MTGOW groups and blaming "the market."

The point I'm making is how in the hell do you setup an efficient filtering system, when number one, women put on false fronts that last sometimes 2 years or more, then number two, what if your filtering system has the wrong criteria?

You don't "put in place" a filtering system. You BUILD AN EFFECTIVE ONE OVER SEVERAL YEARS.

By TRIAL AND ERROR. By spending a good hour or two journaling EVERY WEEKEND on what worked, what didn't and what you can do BETTER next time.

You have to FAIL over and over until you fine tune it enough, you are willing to take a RISK. You will NEVER be certain.

If you had a goal to have an effective filtering system in place by the time you were 35, so you could find your high quality woman by the time you were 38, that would be a reasonable.

This is not something you learn by reading a couple pieces of advice on the internet.

What you want is some proof that some magical system exists that you can learn how to do by reading posts over the internet that you can "put in place" to suddenly "find" high quality woman.

They way I see it you have TWO CHOICES.

1) Look in the mirror, own your problems and get to work fixing them. Enjoy the deep happiness that can only come from personal growth and actively pursuing (through trial and error, success and failure) a WORTHY GOAL.

2) Find people that will agree that it's NOT YOUR FAULT. And realize you will NEVER FIND TRUE HAPPINESS. Only the kind of company that seeks misery. Spend your life finding evidence that it's not your fault. YOUR ANGER WILL NEVER GO AWAY.

Your choice.

The world really doesn't care which you choose.

 

[Tictac]

I know exactly what happened to you "back in the day" and why it's causing your current issues. However, I don't think you would even be able to get through it with desperately trying to prove me wrong.



This sentence tells me you still have no grasp of male-female relationships. NOTHING will ever eliminate the "problem" because it's not a "problem" like finding the right pair of shoes that will last a certain amount of time.

Every relationship takes TONS of ongoing WORK. You can't "choose" a girl that will "be" loyal simply because of proper filtering and game and personality.

Even the BEST marriages have TONS of doubt. Tons of second guessing. THAT will NEVER be eliminated.

You can't go out and "GET" a "Loyal high quality woman."

That's like "getting" a six pack and thinking you never need to exercise or eat right ever again. This is why most relationships and marriages fail. People (men and women) think they are "set and forget."

One of the things you SHOULD sort for (and few people do) is her WILLINGNESS to openly and honestly and responsibly deal with issues as they come up.

This takes a LONG TIME to get a handle on.

You seem to think we're talking about filtering her in the first time minutes, and then if she passes then she's a "high quality woman."

This is only the FIRST filter.

The first TWO YEARS or so you date somebody, the ENTIRE TIME is a filter. The better you get a DISQUALIFYING the more self confidence you will build (because you by disqualifying her you are subconsciously validating your own value) and PROJECT. And they better you'll get at filtering.

This takes YEARS OF WORK.

YEARS of self-development.

YEARS of honest introspection.

That's the reason most guys suck with women. They've been conned into thinking they can watch a set of DVD's or YouTube videos or read a bunch of SoSouave and think because they are "red pill" that somehow high quality loyal women are supposed to fall from the sky.

Then when the women don't magically appear, they put all their effort into forming MTGOW groups and blaming "the market."



You don't "put in place" a filtering system. You BUILD AN EFFECTIVE ONE OVER SEVERAL YEARS.

By TRIAL AND ERROR. By spending a good hour or two journaling EVERY WEEKEND on what worked, what didn't and what you can do BETTER next time.

You have to FAIL over and over until you fine tune it enough, you are willing to take a RISK. You will NEVER be certain.

If you had a goal to have an effective filtering system in place by the time you were 35, so you could find your high quality woman by the time you were 38, that would be a reasonable.

This is not something you learn by reading a couple pieces of advice on the internet.

What you want is some proof that some magical system exists that you can learn how to do by reading posts over the internet that you can "put in place" to suddenly "find" high quality woman.

They way I see it you have TWO CHOICES.

1) Look in the mirror, own your problems and get to work fixing them. Enjoy the deep happiness that can only come from personal growth and actively pursuing (through trial and error, success and failure) a WORTHY GOAL.

2) Find people that will agree that it's NOT YOUR FAULT. And realize you will NEVER FIND TRUE HAPPINESS. Only the kind of company that seeks misery. Spend your life finding evidence that it's not your fault. YOUR ANGER WILL NEVER GO AWAY.

Your choice.

The world really doesn't care which you choose.

This ^^^^. All of it.

No one is responsible for your anger Ten except you. Not women, not other people of any kind.

You. Only you. Until you get that, you will remain mentally and emotionally 9-years old.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

The stock market crashed over 10% in the last two weeks. Out came every economist professing it is such a "terrible market," "bear market," etc. I looked at this crash as a great market, as every tech stock was priced so cheaply. I viewed the market as a huge opportunity, not an egregious marketplace.

The question is: who is right? The answer: we both are. As I find it to be a great market, I bought stock at rock-bottom prices and will make a ton of money when these stocks trade back up to their fundamental value. For the economists who preached a "terrible market," they sold their stocks at low prices and effected huge losses in their portfolio. Self-fulfilling prophecies my friend.

Here is the irony about who is right: YOU choose.

 

[BeExcellent]

While we don't have control over everything that happens in our lives (I agree strongly with Bible Belt's recommendation to embrace the serenity prayer - God grant me the wisdom to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference - ) we can gain much greater control through our attitude.

Each of us has 100% control over our reaction to the circumstances in our lives. There is a book about this you might consider reading. It is "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. He was a prominent Austrian neurologist/psychiatrist who was interned in various WW2 concentration camps where his wife, parents and all but one sibling were killed by the Nazis. His book is about the fact that we have 100% control over our attitudes no matter what happens in our lives, no matter how terrible. Frankl also put forth the notion that success and happiness are things that naturally result (ensue is the word he uses) when we line up our attitudes and choices with our desires in life and take action toward them that success or happiness is the natural outcome.

So many men in this thread have said the same thing. Your anger has everything to do with how you are choosing to react to things in your life and your perceptions.

As far as your interactions with women really think about how your attitude affects things because it really does affect everything. People recoil from negative attitudes in others and are drawn toward positive attitudes. Be encouraging to yourself and to those around you. Isn't that what you would love to find? Someone who you are compatible with per your criteria (screening/filtering potential long term prospects is key as all have said) who encourages you and genuinely believes in you and your goals? Someone like that will be a positive person. To attract someone like that YOU have to be a positive person. All the arguing in the world won't change that simple fact. To attract a "high quality" woman you have to be a "high quality" man. This starts with one's attitude. It may be that the ones who flaked could have had potential but were turned off by negative attitudes? Change yourself (your self-defeating attitude) and your results in interpersonal relationships WILL change.

 

[Tictac]

While we don't have control over everything that happens in our lives (I agree strongly with Bible Belt's recommendation to embrace the serenity prayer - God grant me the wisdom to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference - ) we can gain much greater control through our attitude.

Each of us has 100% control over our reaction to the circumstances in our lives. There is a book about this you might consider reading. It is "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. He was a prominent Austrian neurologist/psychiatrist who was interned in various WW2 concentration camps where his wife, parents and all but one sibling were killed by the Nazis. His book is about the fact that we have 100% control over our attitudes no matter what happens in our lives, no matter how terrible. Frankl also put forth the notion that success and happiness are things that naturally result (ensue is the word he uses) when we line up our attitudes and choices with our desires in life and take action toward them that success or happiness is the natural outcome.

So many men in this thread have said the same thing. Your anger has everything to do with how you are choosing to react to things in your life and your perceptions.

As far as your interactions with women really think about how your attitude affects things because it really does affect everything. People recoil from negative attitudes in others and are drawn toward positive attitudes. Be encouraging to yourself and to those around you. Isn't that what you would love to find? Someone who you are compatible with per your criteria (screening/filtering potential long term prospects is key as all have said) who encourages you and genuinely believes in you and your goals? Someone like that will be a positive person. To attract someone like that YOU have to be a positive person. All the arguing in the world won't change that simple fact. To attract a "high quality" woman you have to be a "high quality" man. This starts with one's attitude. It may be that the ones who flaked could have had potential but were turned off by negative attitudes? Change yourself (your self-defeating attitude) and your results in interpersonal relationships WILL change.

Some people want to live in a custom designed personal sh*tpile and moan. You have to let them do that. They choose it.

 

[Reyaj]

- T.O. can you explain the damn high divorce rates man? I know guys who are GOOD GUYS, decent guys, excellent in terms of personality and can pull all types of women. And their chick totally used them, manipulated them, or did other types of deceptive shyt.

- Go through the countless threads here on Sosuave, about how guys are being ripped off by their baby momma in child support and the like, with the chick doing a 180 on him. Are you saying she did a 180 because his personality was out of wack T.O.?

- T.O., are you saying that ALL of these guys on this forum (http://forum.mensdivorce.com/index.php) who are having all sorts of issues with their "chick" in the Family Court, are only going through this because their personality was out of wack?

- If you go through all of the guys who are apart of the Manosphere in general, listen to their stories, you are saying ALL of these guys got screwed over by their chicks because their personality was out of whack?

Is that what you are saying? Huh? ELABORATE on what the hell you keep saying because it's not making any damn sense man. You are saying that ALL of these fvcking guys who were ripped off in divorce, alimony, child support, etc., it was just like that because his fvcking personality was out of whack............it had NOTHING TO DO with the fact that the women in particular were lying, manipulative, pieces of shyt?

Dude most of these people on here are keyboard jockeys and more concerned with defending their own rhetoric than accepting reality. I'll be posting a study on here soon based on my real world sarging/relationshships/hooksups/failures etc.... Its going to come up with real theories based on my own real experiences with women. Not to play spoiler but here's a few tid bits that I found to be true that most people on here won't admit...

• A woman's psyche/current situation will almost always trump any possible game or maneuver you can do
• Women don't play fair
• You'll fail more than you'll succeed but when you start batting 300 like in baseball you've made it.

 

[hithard]

• A woman's psyche/current situation will almost always trump any possible game or maneuver you can do
• Women don't play fair
• You'll fail more than you'll succeed but when you start batting 300 like in baseball you've made it.

I don't think anyone is going to argue against the above.
It's a bit like saying "$hit stinks".
You are stating the obvious.
Interested in the thread though, put it up.

 

[Tenacity]

Dude most of these people on here are keyboard jockeys and more concerned with defending their own rhetoric than accepting reality. I'll be posting a study on here soon based on my real world sarging/relationshships/hooksups/failures etc.... Its going to come up with real theories based on my own real experiences with women. Not to play spoiler but here's a few tid bits that I found to be true that most people on here won't admit...

• A woman's psyche/current situation will almost always trump any possible game or maneuver you can do
• Women don't play fair
• You'll fail more than you'll succeed but when you start batting 300 like in baseball you've made it.

PLEASE make this thread, better yet, how about you post it right here in this thread? This thread can be the discussion/debate ground on this topic which in my opinion is an extremely IMPORTANT topic.

It's the battle of two different viewpoints of the holistic market in general:

- I'm seeing (currently) a fvcked up "women dynamic" in general that's setup for you to lose before you even begin. In other words, if you don't "get" a decent chick then you are of course "rejected" and have to deal with the feelings of such isolation. But if you "get" the chick, it's almost worse than being rejected because now you have to manage a SHYT LOAD of issues, personalities, protect your finances, pray to God/Moses/(insert whomever else) that your chick doesn't FLIP on you and cut your nuts off one day in Court, etc. etc.

- Then the other side is basically saying, life is how you make it and even though most women are fvcked up in general, if you setup a quality filtering criteria AND continue to work on yourself in terms of your SMV, then you can now begin to get into a position to not just initially attract the "quality girl", but also keep her in terms of a relationship.

I don't want this discussion and debate to stop, I hope this thread goes for 50 damn pages because in my opinion, it's one of the most important debates of our current dating time period. Guys on the other side have migrated to this thread like HitHard, BeTheChange, and T.O., but there are countless guys out there who see this from my point of view like a Des, maybe an Espi, a LiveFree, a Reyaj, and more.

I want more people to jump in this, on either side, so we can discuss this topic in full and put it ALL out there. Honestly, I don't even know if there's a right or wrong side with this, that's how complicated and complex this issue is.

 

[hithard]

Ten I'm going to kick out for a couple of months (next couple of days) and will probably head back about April.
Try and take even one step towards improving your inner game. You mentioned the list you were doing. Try and nail one of them.
It's not about improving for women. For you its about inner peace and acceptance.
Just don't get caught up in the circle jerk these forums can loop you into.

While des, Espi and others may have different outlooks. We all share similar foundations. I still agree with what they post when it comes to handling a situation. Outlooks can change, but the base foundation stays the same. I don't look at it as taking sides. Everyone is where they are at from past experiences.

I've already noticed a slight positive shift in your posting style. Hope it leads to better things.
But I'll be back to annoy your ass in a few months.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Life is only how you make it to a certain degree. The other part is where you make it. Tell the destitute guy from India that life is how he makes it. Being born in the 1st world and speaking the language of money makes it a lot easier to say positive things and use new age -isms. Most millionaires didn't get there by mistake or even through hard work, they inherited the money/opportunity, stole it or had a really lucky break. Your life is what you make it [with the tools you have in front of you and where you are]. 99 times out of 100, you aren't going to be able to craft a wealthy, wonderful life if you only have sticks and mud to work with... half is effort the other half is resources in your environment. It is the same for women, you have the talent, you just need the tools.

Rocket ships aren't built in dumpsters.

 

[hithard]

I'm always reminded of the Vietnamese that jumped on boats and Italian immigrants. They came with nothing but most carved out an existence they wouldn't have dreamed about. They understood where the opportunity was and risked everything with a view of advancing their lineage. Sometimes you have to put yourself in front of as many opportunities as possible.
Most followed the same formula:
Get a job. Work hard.
Start business, family members if possible. Everyone on barely living wages.

Have 10 living in the one house till its paid off. Then buy the next house and rent it to add to the loan. Do this till everyone owns a house.
Educate the kids at good schools and send them through to uni.

They simply made sacrifices. They lived and worked years away from their families. They lived on little money. They lived under conditions most westerns would turn their nose up at. And it took time but they became reasonably wealthy. These are the stories based on following a plan and doing what it took to make it.

Being born in a western country means you have less excuse to be biatching and moaning.
Ten is a good looking guy.
Financial intelligent.
Educated.
Finding a decent wife isn't rocket science.
But it comes down to forming a plan, taking correct action, sometimes making sacrifices and just how willing he is.

All these arguments of "is the market sh.it" or "being positive is for fairies" is procrastination.
If you want something to happen, you actually have to do something.
Ten seems to think opposing opinion is the enemy. But it's actually time.
I don't want to see him on here for another year on the same position.
Goodluck with it anyway. My other thread got axed so I can bail early.