I know what your going through. It took me 3 years to completely get over "the one". The most important thing to remember is that she is only "the one" because you have created this image or facade in your mind. I have you no doubt that you truly believe she is "the one". Only you can will your life back.
For years I tried to will my life back to no evail. Like you, I followed all the DJ advice and moved on. I was w/ probably at least 20 women in the 3 years following my breakup w/ "the one" and that didn't get me over her. The reason is because I, like you are fighting the most powerful opponent, your OWN mind. You truly believe in your mind and until, you make a conscious effort to change that, your going to spend the next umpteen years in love purgatory.
For me, one of the things that helped to open my eyes, was through some councilling with an old indian medicine man who basically told me the same thing that I read somewhere (David D I think) that society over the past century has built up this illusion that we are suppose to have this perfect wife someday and that life will be happily ever after. REALITY CHECK - you can choose to make any one "the one", however what makes any relationship work is the commitment by BOTH people involved to making the relationship work.
The other thing that helped me was the good old fashion adage of throwing your iron in the hot fire again. With all those women I was with, I was unable to give them myself completely because I truly felt that HB9 was "the one". However what one of these other women taught me was that I can laugh again, I could continue to find more meaning to life even without "the one".
What finally helped me over the edge was realizing that I found an amazing women and tossed her aside because of the facade in my mind of "the one". I had this amazing women, who totally accepted and loved my daughter, but I couldn't give my heart to her, even though she was perfect for me, and my daughter but I tossed her aside because I still had this image of the one and only women for me that my mind created.
To help you break this image in your mind, one thing you have to do is stop thinking about all the reasons why she is "the one". Sit down and make a list of all the things that are wrong w/ her and why you decided to break up w/ her. Focus on all her negatives. Use some NLP, and create a trigger to bring these thoughts to your mind, as soon as you think of her.
Finally, start focussing on yourself, find out what it is that you truly want for yourself and what you expect in a partner. From this you will slowly start to get your life back. It is a long slow process, remember it was you and your mind that created this image in your mind and only you can undo that. I think it will probably take you twice as long to break the habbit as it did for you to create it. Habbits are much harder to break than to create. Don't be discouraged though. Whatever you do, remember to go out and live life and have fun in the meantime.
You may break more hearts (even your own) in the process, hopefully at the end of the day you are a better person for it. Regain your life, one thought at a time.
