I have a confession to make and need some advice (for once)

[LeviathanIYG]

Re: Re: Re: I have a confession to make and need some advice (for once)

Originally posted by DJDamage
But she doesn't want him to go get her and he is not going to get the relationship he wanted to even if he does get her. Why should he bare the burden of the whole relationship? she failed in her responsibility to make him happy.

He was not married to her and she was already reducing sex, was depressed and became distant. I hate to think what a marriage to this "one" would look like.

He should go get another girl, love is a two way street my friend.

DjDamage

Have you ever had some problems arise in your life that cause you to be distant to your family, friends and/or GF?

Most of us have just because this girl had a little problem and she became enclosed and distant you want to condemn her?

Love is not about perfection she can't always be happy in order to make him happy.

She had some problems, he broke up with her. He made a mistake he now regrets.

I can only go by what he says, if he says she is “the one” I believe him and I am telling him not to let her get away thus the line “DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!”

 

[Stem]

Is there really such a thing as a soul mate?

The dictionary defines a soul mate as "One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity, someone for whom you have a deep affinity."

Greek mythology says, “Our ancestors originally had two heads and four arms until they angered the gods and were split in two, condemning humans to a lifelong search for their soul mates.”

Most people would say a soul mate is a life partner we're in love with... someone who we're connected spiritually, emotionally and sexually with. But this is a romantic view of a soul mate, one in which society has imposed on us..

As we transition threw the various stages of our lives, that need we have for a meaningful connection changes, our spiritual and emotional needs change. What I once looked for as a teenager, is now almost the complete opposite of what I seek now. So, would someone who I considered my soul mate back then, still be my soul mate today?

Soul mates have a remarkable ability to make a dramatic impact upon our lives. They can change our outlook, and our inner spirit, touch our very soul....even if only for a brief moment in time. But they leave there mark, then...move on...yet still remain....forever..inside of us...

Old couples I have met who often see themselves as soul mates, seem to take pride in being first and foremost friends. They seem to motivate each other, make each other happy, but more importantly trust and respect each other; something that has been lost in todays society. Honesty and mutual respect have been overshadowed by the selfish nature of human beings, and with it...so goes that laughter and spiritual connection we are all truly seeking.

So... what do we do?

Know that we don’t live in the past, it’s a story that has already been told... nor do we live in the future, that is a story we have yet to write.... We live in the now, because our lives are unscripted.. So, until your tale has come to a completion. Nothing is ever really true....because a new chapter is just a page away.....

 

[MacDiddy]

quote: She has not been with anyone since, and is still trying to get herself figured out. (I know this for a fact)

You don't know NOTHING!!! People never sit still, and wait, they have a life to live.

You're deep in oneitis and that is it!!! She doesn't seem like the one to me, she just gives you the level of drama you crave and that in itself is never a long term thing...

 

[RaWBLooD]

Originally posted by wavejams007
You said it. Nothing would suck more than to wait too long and lose the girl to another guy.

lol wow, the advice on this site is mostly jokes, but when you believe in a "soulmate" you are the joke.
LOL
cmon guys stop telling him to keep going after this 1 woman. It's pathetic.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

You feel guilty about breaking up with her. You're not sure you made the right decision. You feel that maybe you were not exactly fair to her and didn't give her enough credit. These ideas are in your subconscious and are manifesting themselves into these "feelings" you have for her. It's not because she's special, or any different from the millions of other girls out there. It's just circumstances.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I never said anything about her being my soulmate... i said that if there was ever such a thing, she'd be the one.

Most are still missing the point.

i broke up with her for a reason, and that reason hasn't changed. Telling her I want her back won't make anything any better.

I just need to find a way to get over this, cause like I said, I'm still feeling for her as much as i did 6 months ago. The feeling hasn't gone away... not in the least.

i can push it out of my mind for weeks at a time, but it eventually comes back around.

After 6 months, you'd think i would be ready to move on, but maybe that's just it.... I haven't given myself the chance cause I've been involved with a bunch of different women to mask the emptiness and haven't really delt with it.

 

[JackPrescott]

Originally posted by The Bad Ass Canadian
yup.

I've been talking to her about everything, off and on since the breakup.

i kept my distance and made my self scarce. We had a big discussion that turned into a huge argument and after that, we haven't really been in touch. We've been on msn a couple times over the last few days. She's been kinda depressed lalety and i'm just trying to be there for her.... She'd expect that from me, at least.

My opinion is that there is another man sharing her bed, and she, at this point could care less about you.

 

[wavejams007]

Originally posted by The Bad Ass Canadian
I never said anything about her being my soulmate... i said that if there was ever such a thing, she'd be the one.

Most are still missing the point.

i broke up with her for a reason, and that reason hasn't changed. Telling her I want her back won't make anything any better.

I just need to find a way to get over this, cause like I said, I'm still feeling for her as much as i did 6 months ago. The feeling hasn't gone away... not in the least.

i can push it out of my mind for weeks at a time, but it eventually comes back around.

After 6 months, you'd think i would be ready to move on, but maybe that's just it.... I haven't given myself the chance cause I've been involved with a bunch of different women to mask the emptiness and haven't really delt with it.

So, you don't want her back? Then get a hobby.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Originally posted by wavejams007
So, you don't want her back? Then get a hobby.

I do want her back..... but that doesn't mean i can just get her back.

Anything from my part, now, will seem like an act of desperation. why don't you understand this?

She is dealing with alot of crap, and being in a relationship right now isn't where she's at. She has plans of moving away for school... she's emotionally drained by certain things that have happened in her life and can't give anything to a relationship.

The only thing I can do is get over it and move on.

The problem is I can't get over it.

That's what i'm asking help for. how do I get ov er this... not
" how do I get her back?"

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by The Bad Ass Canadian
...
i can push it out of my mind for weeks at a time, but it eventually comes back around....

It comes back around because there's still space for it to return. You need to find something else to fill the space, preferably something other than another woman. Better still, something that would directly enhance you.

Here's a bad comparison, it's still a comparison but one that most people have seen or can relate to. Consider people who attempt to quit smoking and gain a ton of weight as a byproduct. Yeah, they don't smoke anymore because they replaced the urge with food. It's a bad replacement but it got smoking out of their minds none the less.

You need a healthy replacement for her. Push her out, replace her with something completely for your benefit and keep her out. When you are back on track, you may then add someone to share in your life but remember, don't put them in a place of being your life.

 

[wavejams007]

What do you want us to say? NOw that I understand that you want to get over this, do you mean to get over her as well? You know what others will say, PU other girls and all, but when you arethat serious in a relationship that ended, I don't really know what you should do. I haven't broken up from any girl that I seriously loved, so I have no personal experience there. I think you were on track when you said everything happens for a reason. Perhaps this was to help you build character, and even though it may be hard to realize right now, someone else tht is also perfect for you is out there, and you'll meet her sometime if you keep up hope. There are 6 billion people out there, one of them is bound to be for you.

 

[wavejams007]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
It comes back around because there's still space for it to return. You need to find something else to fill the space, preferably something other than another woman. Better still, something that would directly enhance you.

Here's a bad comparison, it's still a comparison but one that most people have seen or can relate to. Consider people who attempt to quit smoking and gain a ton of weight as a byproduct. Yeah, they don't smoke anymore because they replaced the urge with food. It's a bad replacement but it got smoking out of their minds none the less.

You need a healthy replacement for her. Push her out, replace her with something completely for your benefit and keep her out. When you are back on track, you may then add someone to share in your life but remember, don't put them in a place of being your life.

I think cisco has the best incite for you.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Originally posted by wavejams007
What do you want us to say? NOw that I understand that you want to get over this, do you mean to get over her as well? You know what others will say, PU other girls and all, but when you arethat serious in a relationship that ended, I don't really know what you should do. I haven't broken up from any girl that I seriously loved, so I have no personal experience there. I think you were on track when you said everything happens for a reason. Perhaps this was to help you build character, and even though it may be hard to realize right now, someone else tht is also perfect for you is out there, and you'll meet her sometime if you keep up hope. There are 6 billion people out there, one of them is bound to be for you.

yeah, i agree and i'll also say that many on here can't relate to THIS kind of a breakup. This is far past oneitis and infatuation. She was my best friend and a great lover.

To Fransisco,

Thanx man. as always your advice is spot on. I am a serious musician and music occupies most of my time. It's what I do proffessionally and it keeps me sane.

I'm living with my parents for the next few weeks (working) and i think the isolation of being out of my normal surrondings has just enhanced the loss a bit.. especially with xmas right around the corner.

I'll be hitting the gym extra hard this winter and the ski slopes as well.. with that and the recording of my next album, i think it'll keep me too busy to miss her.

 

[wavejams007]

I know that this isn't breaking up with a girl and all, but Iam a senior at my school, and people here go all over the world to study, so it is all but impossible to keep in touch with them later, so I have decided that I will work on being a PUA and all, but I don't want any serious relationship until college. So to get my mind off of girls, I played soccer, which is really competitive down here. It has aided me in getting girls out of my mind temporarily. I forgot you were a musician, that is a great thing, and hopefully it will get you over this.

Good luck bro.:woo:

 

[comote]

Hey Bad Ass, good luck, what I do is I think back to all the women that I thought were the one at the time, hey I had alot of afc years, I remind myself that I got over them and met someone new who made me feel that spark again.

 

[arlanda]

This site is trying to make us believe that a true DJ is a feelingless person, cold, unattached.

Bad Ass, go for it if you feel like it. You are old enough to make your own decisions (and mistakes).

I personally, prefer to get hurt to not knowing what could have happened.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by The Bad Ass Canadian
yeah, i agree and i'll also say that many on here can't relate to THIS kind of a breakup. This is far past oneitis and infatuation. She was my best friend and a great lover.

To Fransisco,

Thanx man. as always your advice is spot on. I am a serious musician and music occupies most of my time. It's what I do proffessionally and it keeps me sane.

I'm living with my parents for the next few weeks (working) and i think the isolation of being out of my normal surrondings has just enhanced the loss a bit.. especially with xmas right around the corner.

I'll be hitting the gym extra hard this winter and the ski slopes as well.. with that and the recording of my next album, i think it'll keep me too busy to miss her.

Good plan. Hang out with the family, be creative with your music and rebuild yourself with exercise. I did the very same thing last year at this very same time.

I focused on myself with exercise, work which has landed me a great position and friends where I could just hang out and be myself without the pressure of exclusivity. When spring came around I set myself loose on the world with a ferocity that no one could contest; I'm still riding that wave almost a year later. Can't wait until next Spring

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by arlanda
This site is trying to make us believe that a true DJ is a feelingless person, cold, unattached...

Some DJ's deal with things (feelings) by avoidance. It's like having a puppy that laid a log in the middle of the living room. You can walk around it all you want but it's still laying there smelling up the place.

What I didn't mention about the breakup of my LTR is that instead of dealing with it over time, I dealt with it immediately and all at once. Now that I look back on it, I was actually in LTR detox.

Once we 'officially' agreed to break up, I spent eight straight hours isolated reflecting on what didn't work, what I could have done differently and what I needed to do to move on. After the detox session and just two hours of sleep, I went to work not as a new man, but definitely a different one. One that had an actual written plan that I was going to implement that very morning. That plan was a success.

So what I am getting at is that to finalize anything, you have to deal with it. Maybe my method was a bit extreme and would expose a guy's core (thus the reason for my eight hour seclusion). But none the less, I came out of it with a better understanding of myself, my needs and what I had to do to fulfill them.

I may come across as uncaring and unfeeling on this forum but guess what, this forum is not my life and it has no bearing upon it. I could sit around the campfire with you guys and sing "Coom Bah Yah" and eat meat or I could choose to move on and get things done. Either one is a choice all of us have the capacity to choose between. When it comes down to what has a direct bearing on my life, I deal with it passionately; believe me.

So in an effort to not make this thread about me, I just want to reiterate that dealing with things emotionally is not always the best way. We see how most women are effected by not always striking a healthy between it an logic. In the same breath, we should also find the correct, unique balance which works for each of us individually.

 

[arlanda]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
In the same breath, we should also find the correct, unique balance which works for each of us individually.

I can only agree with you as I came to the same conclusion myself. Also, you are much older and thus more experienced than me so I guess you know what you are talking about.

What I was trying to say is that some people here advise you to immediately NEXT the girl or accuse you of being an AFC for not being able to move on. I mean not everyone is a bad ass mother****er who can ignore his feelings just like that.

 

[RaWBLooD]

Originally posted by arlanda
I can only agree with you as I came to the same conclusion myself. Also, you are much older and thus more experienced than me so I guess you know what you are talking about.

What I was trying to say is that some people here advise you to immediately NEXT the girl or accuse you of being an AFC for not being able to move on. I mean not everyone is a bad ass mother****er who can ignore his feelings just like that.

theres more than 1 woman in the world.
It takes mor ethan 6 months to completely get over this kind of stuff.