I had a flirt session the other day. Ran into her again today. What to make of her behavior?

[GoodMan32]

There's a cafe in my office building. On Monday, a female cafe employee did what could be viewed as a flirt session with me.

She talked about my hair an awful lot. She asked if I dyed my hair, she said my hair looks good, she said she likes my haircut, she said my hair looks good a 2nd time.

After the 2nd time she said my hair looks good, I said "You look good too."

She said "Thank you."

Then today, I ran into her for the first time since our flirt session. She was back to business as usual today. She only did the basic customer service stuff. No side comments or flirting. And no, it's not that there was a line today. I was the only customer in there.

What should I make of her behavior?

(To give you an idea of her looks, she's a busty Latina. I'd estimate she's early 20s. And even if she's older than early 20s, I'd say the odds are close to 100% she's below 30)

 

[SW15]

If there was something there (there likely wasn't), then Monday was the moment to ask her on a date. Female attraction has an expiration date. It could have expired.

Attraction Has an Expiration Date

A guy meets a girl he likes. He starts talking to her, and there's electricity in the air. Attraction. He can tell she likes him. A lot, even. She tells him all kinds of things about herself, her eyes wide and filled with excitement. It feels as though there's a bubble around them, in which only...

www.girlschase.com

My suspicion is that there really wasn't anything there and she just happened to like your haircut. It's very difficult to hit on women who work public facing jobs while they are at their jobs. It's a low percentage play for most males. I made a great thread about this topic in 2020.

Successfully Approaching Women at Work (General Public Workers)

The idea of approaching women while they are at their jobs containing interaction with the general public is a topic that is somewhat contentious among men. When I think of women who work with the general public, these are the categories that come to mind of women to approach. Strippers...

www.sosuave.net

 

[GoodMan32]

If there was something there (there likely wasn't), then Monday was the moment to ask her on a date. Female attraction has an expiration date. It could have expired.

Attraction Has an Expiration Date

A guy meets a girl he likes. He starts talking to her, and there's electricity in the air. Attraction. He can tell she likes him. A lot, even. She tells him all kinds of things about herself, her eyes wide and filled with excitement. It feels as though there's a bubble around them, in which only...

www.girlschase.com

My suspicion is that there really wasn't anything there and she just happened to like your haircut. It's very difficult to hit on women who work public facing jobs while they are at their jobs. It's a low percentage play for most males. I made a great thread about this topic in 2020.

Successfully Approaching Women at Work (General Public Workers)

The idea of approaching women while they are at their jobs containing interaction with the general public is a topic that is somewhat contentious among men. When I think of women who work with the general public, these are the categories that come to mind of women to approach. Strippers...

www.sosuave.net

Between the red tape that comes with asking out a broad at her work, as well as the fact she's younger than I'd prefer anyway, I refrained from the ask out.

Plus there's the fact I don't believe in asking out a woman I'm going to run into again. Being in the cafe with her today was mildly awkward as it is. Had I been turned down by her (if I did a Monday ask out), the awkwardness factor today would have been a thousand times worse.

The expiration date thing is unreal (the fact a mere 3 days later, any attraction there ever was might have expired)

Monday was the first I ever found out she's potentially even into me in that way. That's a lot to take in. Finding the confidence to simply tell her she looked good took a lot. No way could I have asked her out.

 

[GoodMan32]

She was horny. Now she isn't.
And you're not proactive enough to become her backdoor man.
Women are like iron. Strike when hot.

Amazing how there can be 2 totally different responses depending on who you ask.

The last post said there likely was no attraction to begin with. Then you chimed in to say she was horny on Monday (and wanted my banana on Monday)

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Who knows. You didn't take advantage of the situation when you could have so I guess now you can post and wonder about in on the forum instead of having an actual answer.

 

[GoodMan32]

Another thing I should add:

Most the time when a broad says they like my haircut, I think nothing of it.

In this instance, however, she was going on and on (and really harping on my hair). That's why I thought there might have been something.

 

[GoodMan32]

Who knows. You didn't take advantage of the situation when you could have so I guess now you can post and wonder about in on the forum instead of having an actual answer.

I'd risk putting myself in the position of never being able to go back to that Cafe if I asked her out (because had I been turned down, I'd never go back to the Cafe)

And the first reply to the thread said there's a high chance she's not into me (therefore a high chance I'd never be able to go back to the Cafe had I asked her out)

 

[SW15]

never being able to go back to that Cafe

Never say never. Baristas change jobs all the time. If you didn't want to see her, you might have had to wait a few months for her to change jobs.

Many years ago, I took a harsh rejection from a very attractive woman at the gym. I still had to see her at the gym for a while until she changed gyms. It wasn't a pleasant experience to see her but I was cordial about it on the outside. We even conversed a couple of times in a rather basic way. We both acted like nothing happened.

Even if she rejected your advance, there's still a chance she still would have been impressed you tried to escalate in the moment to either a first date or to an invite to your home for sex.

It would have been dependent on you. It could have been unpleasant to see her in the future or it could have been no big deal.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'd risk putting myself in the position of never being able to go back to that Cafe if I asked her out (because had I been turned down, I'd never go back to the Cafe)

And the first reply to the thread said there's a high chance she's not into me (therefore a high chance I'd never be able to go back to the Cafe had I asked her out)

No you wouldn't.

Why? Because you acted like a man that has some balls?

My God...the delusional thoughts people have as if there is something to be ashamed of if a women declines a date.

Who fvcking cares? Why are you letting other people control your life to that degree?

 

[Barrister]

I'd risk putting myself in the position of never being able to go back to that Cafe if I asked her out (because had I been turned down, I'd never go back to the Cafe)

And the first reply to the thread said there's a high chance she's not into me (therefore a high chance I'd never be able to go back to the Cafe had I asked her out)

Why do you think this? Asking this woman out would mean nothing ultimately and if she says no she says no. It doesn’t mean you could never go back there. That’s silly talk.

Men who are bold reap the most rewards. Start acting like you own that cafe. Tell her about where you got your haircut. Then compliment hers. Then ask her to meet you after work. There’s literally nothing to lose. You have to stop thinking there will be some repercussions just because you ask a woman out. There are none.

PS - And I don’t see this as a “don’t sh1t where you eat” situation at work. This is a cafe in your office building. Not your boss or subordinate. Big difference.

 

[corrector]

Have a special coin, and next time you get a heavy flirt session, then flip it. Pick heads or tails. If it matches then make a move, if it does not, then do not make a move and move-on. You need a mechanism to make a decision on the spot and follow through with it. Whatever it takes.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

The chick liked how you looked, wanted to see if you had game which you didn't (at least at that time) and lost some if not all of her interest. You should've said "your hair looks good too, it looks soft" or something similar instead of "you look good too". What you said transferred "hand" (the upper hand in the transaction as Roissy/Heartiste used to say) from you to her and now you have to get some of it back to continue pursuing. Treating her like a bratty/annoying little sister may be the only way to go to get that "hand" back, as that frame is analogous to having a sense of amused mastery. Once the hand is back, ask her out at the opportune time. For a drink, not a coffee.

Next time a chick comments on your hair, offer to have her rub it, even if it's half in jest. Then you have the go-ahead to touch her.

Not on her bobs or vagine, though.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I asked a coworker out. She gave me a soft No. We still saw each other at work. I asked her out again three months later. She said Yes.
You shoot your shot.

 

[Gamisch]

Let me be positive today.

Op seems utterly confused that a whomum flirted with him. That's the number one indicator you are RUSTY AF. Hey, it happens to the best of us. You want female validation while women seemingly ingonre you en masse , and then when you do get a chance you don't capitalise..

So ,the next lesson you learn is that the window of opportunity closes real quickly. Ain't no coming back.

The positive note is that you atbleast get noticed. Your real challenge is to increase encounters like this while being 500% more aggressive.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Trial and error. Now you know what you have to do when someone that you are interested in gives you a compliment or what that compliment means.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

No you wouldn't.

Why? Because you acted like a man that has some balls?

My God...the delusional thoughts people have as if there is something to be ashamed of if a women declines a date.

Who fvcking cares? Why are you letting other people control your life to that degree?

It's taken me to reach the age of 47 years to agree with this, ie: not give a f*ck. I've known a girl for 10 years, met when she was 18. 19 years difference between us, she is model quality, and about six months ago, kissed her. Texted her later, but nothing eventuated. We are still friends. I don't regret it, because as you said, I had the balls (albeit fuelled with the confidence of alcohol) to give it a crack.

 

[GoodMan32]

@SW15 I understand there's high turnover in a lot of food service jobs. This specific Cafe is different. For whatever reason, the employees tend to stay.

The girl this thread is about has been there at least a year and a half; possibly longer (I forget when exactly she started)

There's one girl who's been there the whole time I've worked in that building (going on 6 years). Then there's a mother/daughter duo that's worked there since 2022.

Had I been turned down by the girl this thread is about, it would likely be a lot longer than a few months before she changes jobs.

In the hypothetical event you proposed (where I get turned down but she's at least impressed by my boldness), that does nothing for me. The female classmate I proposed a casual sex relationship with after class one day in college might have been impressed by my boldness too...but that didn't make it any less humiliating to get turned down.

 

[GoodMan32]

No you wouldn't.

Why? Because you acted like a man that has some balls?

My God...the delusional thoughts people have as if there is something to be ashamed of if a women declines a date.

Who fvcking cares? Why are you letting other people control your life to that degree?

When an autist acts bold, it comes across as creepy; not manly.

She wouldn't view me as manly/ballsy; she'd view me a creep.

And I guarantee word would spread among the Cafe staff (I've worked service jobs before. We gossiped about regular customers who made moves on female employees). The whole Cafe would end up thinking I'm a creep.

When you spent years in your youth being viewed as a freaky creep no girl would possibly want, and then spent years since then being largely invisible to the ladies, rejection cuts on a deeper level than it does for the typical man.

Not to mention the fact the hypothetical scenario where I ask her out, only to find out I misread her IOI, would remind me of what an idiotic autist I am (Yeah, I know neurotypical men are prone to misreading IOIs too. But it happens at a much higher rate with autists)

 

[GoodMan32]

Why do you think this? Asking this woman out would mean nothing ultimately and if she says no she says no. It doesn’t mean you could never go back there. That’s silly talk.

Men who are bold reap the most rewards. Start acting like you own that cafe. Tell her about where you got your haircut. Then compliment hers. Then ask her to meet you after work. There’s literally nothing to lose. You have to stop thinking there will be some repercussions just because you ask a woman out. There are none.

PS - And I don’t see this as a “don’t sh1t where you eat” situation at work. This is a cafe in your office building. Not your boss or subordinate. Big difference.

Everyone is different. On my last post on this thread, I elaborate on why it's the end of the world if I get turned down by a broad I regularly cross paths with.

Men with the confidence to do an ask out reap the most rewards (in the sense that they'll eventually catch an interested fish with their fishing rod), you're right. The problem is all the rejection that could (and most likely will) happen along the way. As an analogy, there are a number of single broads I like the looks of in my condo building. If I made a move on every single in my condo building I'm attracted to, would one say yeah? Statistically, probably. But then I'd risk putting myself in a position where I have to move out of my condo building. Too risky. My housing would be on the line; that's pretty serious.

You're right when you say casting my net at my office building's Cafe isn't the same as sh1tting where I eat. It's still something I don't want to do. And for that matter, I'd gladly get with a coworker (or even boss) if they made the move on me (hell, one of my bosses used to send me IOIs...had she gone one step further...and pounced on me, I'd gladly smash her Baby Boomer cooch)

 

[GoodMan32]

Have a special coin, and next time you get a heavy flirt session, then flip it. Pick heads or tails. If it matches then make a move, if it does not, then do not make a move and move-on. You need a mechanism to make a decision on the spot and follow through with it. Whatever it takes.

Whether I make a move on the spot depends more on my likeliness of running into her again than the result of a coin flip.