I get farther with women when I'm nice

[GreatHornedOwl]

I know this is hard for people to believe, but it's true. I also notice this with my friends as well. None of them are "bad boys" or act anything remotely resembling this forum, and get hot girls.

This seems to be an internet thing of trying to be a bad boy, calling a woman out on their behavior, putting them in their place. I have done this before and it doesn't work. Women think I'm an a$$hole and want nothing to do with me.

Same thing with my male co-workers. They are nice guys, and get girls. I've been around them plenty, and seen them interact with women who are very receptive to their advances, and end up in long-term relationships as a result.

What's interesting is I also know a few guys who are jerks, and I never see them with any girls.

A lot of this seems to be internet advice that never translates into real life.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

What do you mean?

 

[Zimbabwe]

If all you had to do was "be nice" this forum wouldn't exist. If a girl finds you attractive you can be as beta want and she would still be interested.

 

[GioWolf]

The catch is you are wasting your time being “nice”. Nice guys are safe. Eventually you will catch oneitis, she will get bored and break your heart. Being less nice and setting boundaries, you’ll weed out all the provider-seekers and the ones who want to be with you will really want to be with you.

 

[EyeBRollin]

The proper word is kind. Women like kind men. Kind and nice are not synonymous

 

[metalwater]

I know this is hard for people to believe, but it's true. I also notice this with my friends as well. None of them are "bad boys" or act anything remotely resembling this forum, and get hot girls.

This seems to be an internet thing of trying to be a bad boy, calling a woman out on their behavior, putting them in their place. I have done this before and it doesn't work. Women think I'm an a$$hole and want nothing to do with me.

Same thing with my male co-workers. They are nice guys, and get girls. I've been around them plenty, and seen them interact with women who are very receptive to their advances, and end up in long-term relationships as a result.

What's interesting is I also know a few guys who are jerks, and I never see them with any girls.

A lot of this seems to be internet advice that never translates into real life.

not difficult to believe at all.

thnk about the dual mate strategy idea.

first up is the provider (nice, kind, strong, stable, dependable). all of those characters' attributes are part of an internal vibe of not being greedy. NOTHING to be ashamed of, this is being a noble person.

second up is the lover (dominant, direct, assertive, RISKY). all of those characters' attributes are part of an internal vibe of greed. not really being a jerk, but being greedy. it looks like jerk to a kind man.

For your internal vibe to change you have to practice the character attributes for some time. Your vibe will change to match, but not instantly. A not greedy vibe together with pretending to be greedy usually falls flat. Same as a greedy trying to fake kind, it's creepy. perhaps we can learn to switch back and forth, but if not do you really want to turn into that... I don't think we can switch back and forth because the greedy one has no interest in being kind and the kind one not greed, except about sex.....

she wants a kind dependable caretaker and a child that has built-in greed. the fact is that greed usually wins. she also wants the attention and validation of the greedy one, because it is a challenge and not available. it's really wild how it works.

always remember she is your employee, not your boss. you can be a kind boss, but be the boss and manage the project if you take it on.

 

[Serenity]

The misunderstanding is that what is typically referred to as a nice guy is actually a nice guy. The "nice guy" label isn't really for actual nice guys, it's for the guys who think they're the greatest guy around when in fact they're just massive assh0les.

Their defining feature is their massively overgrown ego, selfishness and lack of self-awareness.

I think the "quit being a nice guy" mantra is better suited for the self-proclaimed nice guy. They get confused and start acting opposite of what they have, inadvertently acting more honestly and nicely than they were before. Giving this advice to men who genuinely give a fvck about others, but lacks a bit of self-esteem is detrimental as they turn into "nice guys" aka actual assh0les

I know it's confusing and it did take me a while to realize I was nowhere near as nice as I thought I was in the past, I was in fact a major pain in the ass towards most people I interacted with. That was my real problem, that's why women and most of everyone else stayed away, as one would rationally do. As I reflected upon myself I began to see more clearly and changed myaelf, people started responding more positively and I fully realized I had been a d!ck.

I also remember at the time of being a complete d!ck that I was fully convinced I was a nice guy, yeah, that was a delusion and a huge part of the problem.

Being nice never was a problem, however, thinking you are when you're not is the entire problem.

 

[The Duke]

You definitely can succeed being "nice", however there will come a time in short and long term relationships when you will need to drop the hammer. If she doesn't think you are a dik once in a while she doesn't fully respect you.

My long term girl was getting a little bitchy lately and hard to get along with. I called her out, ignored her, and guess what??? The next day she was working to address the issue and went above and beyond to remedy the problem. If you're girl doesn't respond like this, she doesn't think you are #1.

A man she respects will always carry the day. Not the guy she thinks is "nice". Nice guys don't make the vagina tingle in the long run.

 

[MatureDJ]

I don't believe a man can nice his way into a woman's pants.

 

[SargeMaximus]

If she's fat you can. And the fatter she is, the nicer you can be. If she's morbidly obese then you can be really nice to her and she will let you bang her smelly gunt while you feed her from a bucket.

All these guys who are saying that "being nice works. I've experienced it myself and I'm nice to my wife" - they are either dealing with fat chicks or they are lying and fantasy-projecting and purposefully trolling.

There really needs to be full disclosure with this stuff.

Hmmm I must say my experiences disagree with you here as well. I used to be the biggest ******* and was a virgin not to mention whenever I’ve tried to be a jerk women who initially liked me get turned off. I think there’s a sweet spot I just haven’t found it yet. But you can definitely push women a way if you are a jerk. Field tested

 

[BillyPilgrim]

The proper word is kind. Women like kind men. Kind and nice are not synonymous

Being kind/empathetic/positive will work. Being "nice" (i.e. having submissive and unmasculine vibes) won't work.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Today I had the best line, I ran up to this chick and said in the most annoyed Karen tone I could muster "Uhhh, Excuse me lady, your coat is so long that I cant see your butt!" and she took it off, then we walked together for 5 minutes and I got her number.

When guys talk about nice guys finish last, they mean guys who part with their time and money without protest

 

[zekko]

The proper word is kind. Women like kind men. Kind and nice are not synonymous

PUA gurus changed the mainstream definition of "nice", just like they changed the definition of "jerk" and "@sshole".
In PUA speak, the nice guy is a jerk, and the jerk and @sshole are strong, admirable, authentic characters with charisma and style.

 

[SargeMaximus]

This is the problem - not being Nice doesn't mean you act like a jerk. This is Gamma territory.

Amused Mastery is what you want.

I can’t pull it off. Too lazy: not to mention flirting actually turns me off. Women get this weird energy when they flirt back and my d!ck shrivels up

 

[Bingo-Player]

There is a popular reality tv show in the uk called love island , they mix and match males and female contestants who are hoping to find “love” I use that term very loosely

They have all kinds of male and female personalities on there …..bad boy , nice guy , provider , chad

After around 4 weeks on the island The “ nice guy” was rejected by every single female on there the excuse they used was they didn’t feel a connection and they felt more like friends


This isn’t just a tv show thing either I’ve seen it happen countless times in real life guys fast tracking themselves into the freindzone for being her emotional tampon


Don’t get me wrong there are women out there that will take a nice guy but usually because she’s past her best and knows she can’t get anyone else

The word “hot” is incredibly subjective there are girls I wouldn’t rate more than a 5 that some guys will genuinely value at 8’s or 9’s


One of my mates is shacked up with a 32yr old single mother who I would struggle to give a 6 , I think he values here somewhere between a 7.5 & 8


I suspect these are the types of girls that you are referring too


Why do you think cheating is so prolific in society its because men and women are bored , nice is boring , predictable is boring , routine is boring

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Same thing with my male co-workers. They are nice guys, and get girls.

Which is why all the girls' there consider you as creeps. They know you're intention and wet dream to fish in their fish hole by being "nice".

Nice = creepy.

This seems to be an internet thing of trying to be a bad boy, calling a woman out on their behavior, putting them in their place. I have done this before and it doesn't work.

You cannot fake what you not are in the first place. So therefore it doesn't work because it will not show up as a natural behavior and thus women can sniff that in 2.3 seconds. .

 

[AureliusMaximus]

After around 4 weeks on the island The “ nice guy” was rejected by every single female on there the excuse they used was they didn’t feel a connection and they felt more like friends

Exacly.
Women hate nice boys and think they are creepy+boring as fuark.

 

[RangerMIke]

The proper word is kind. Women like kind men. Kind and nice are not synonymous

Exactly. I am ALWAYS kind and respectful of women, and this has served me well for over 30 years.

What I am not is a push-over. I do not let people take advantage of me, and I do not spend time with people who are disrespectful. I am kind and respectful, and I expect reciprocation. If I don't get this I walk away, I don't try to set boundaries because that doesn't work. The reason I don't is because I respect women... and I do not assume she is stupid and doesn't know her behavior is unacceptable.

Nice guy behavior is a form of manipulation, and chicks don't like this.

Women like kind men, but understand that if you are 'kind' but do not make her wet you are not going to make anything happen or last. Being too nice and supplicating is not masculine behavior so this is going to turn her off.

 

[Mike32ct]

I can’t pull it off. Too lazy: not to mention flirting actually turns me off. Women get this weird energy when they flirt back and my d!ck shrivels up

Same here. It’s not for everybody. Some guys have a more serious vibe. Gotta own it.

TLDR: I can’t do amused mastery or c&f.

 

[SW15]

What's working is not your "kindness", it's your boundary setting and walking away when she's not complying. That's what is getting you laid.

Kindness with distinct boundaries can work. The boundaries need to be enforced.

Men get the best results when being aloof, confident, and somewhat distant.