I thought i had actually learned things when i first came onto this site. Just one date later, and i'm reeling from the carefully crafted bs of a female dj. The woman is 35 years old and still single. She said that she's famous among her friends for "never going to get married". Now, there is nothing wrong with not getting married, but i've noticed that women who are set against marriage always seem to have major intimacy issues and are man-haters. She told me she was engaged last year and broke it off shortly before the wedding day. Who knows what the hell is going on in her mind?
No more starting off with dinner dates.
Onto the meat of this post. If i'm going to give you who i really am, it's got to be full PAINFUL disclosure, otherwise, you never get the full and complete picture and you cannot address it accurately. I DO NOT want to reveal anything more about this episode, but no pain, no gain. No secrets here.
When she wrote that "i'm such a cheapskate too" email, she ended it by saying how excited she was for the second date, because we had such a rare connection, but then she was so disappointed when she concluded we were "incompatible". Well, when you haven't fully unplugged from the Feminatrix, when you still have those rose-colored glasses in front of your eyes, you will continue to bite on such tripe. A pathetic stream of oneitis liquid will dribble through you feminized brain and harden into a jelly of futile hope and you will do very stupid things...
So i emailed her one last time and said maybe it was the heat and exhaustion that caused us to have such a bland date. I then told her that our being opposites was a good thing. One can challenge the other where there are differences and wasn't that what she said she wanted in her profile? A man who challenged her? On i went for several paragraphs reasoning why we should not shrink away from our differences but embrace them as ways we could compliment each other. And as for her thinking our individual quirks would drive each other crazy, weren't those quirks precisely what one appreciates about the other? (reference to Robin Williams's monologue in Good Will Hunting). I then told her i had wanted her more and more as the day unfolded, not just physically, but also by the force of her personality and its difference to my own. Her reply was short and to the point, as would surprise none of you. She reiterated very simply that though we had a connection, she did not feel we were compatible. With that, i deleted all of our emails, removed her from my match list, and licked my (self-inflicted AFC) wounds.
Guys, i can't tell you how embarrassing and demoralizing it is to relate this to you. It was total failure. Even i was shocked at the stupidity of my actions. It's blindness, brothers. Pure, rediculous, knee-jerk-reaction BLINDNESS that will drive an AFC to do such a thing! I'm a fucking tadpole in this game. I'm like an addict who is out-of-control and i'm starting from the bottom rung of the ladder to recovery. I am a boy in a man's body, "blessed" with good-looks and a strong analytical mind and a few talents and i have nothing to offer women here and now. I am weak and co-dependant. I am calculating, stiff, boring, and lifeless around women. This is my confession. I start from here.
Please, i don't need any "what an afc move, dude" replies. You are preaching to the choir. This episode has opened my eyes to the reality of what this website discusses. There was a child's ****iness still at play within as i headed toward AFC disaster on Saturday. That ****iness is gone. Life must beat such things out of you. Latinoman knows this well, for his tough-love messages are gleaming hard truths. The AFC way is the way of ignorant stubbornness fed by fear and weakness. It refuses to recognize truth. It only dies when reality hammers in finally on that one last failure that finally penetrates to the last pockets of resistance. When that happens, "hope", which was really nothing but stubborn ignorance, is eradicated and replaced by determinism, the first deposits of masculinity. And what is masculinity? Now i see that it is simply the substance that cuts through the feminine game of bullshit, that load of lies and manipulation that distracts and blinds a man from the unswerving course that the lie-telling feminine spirit actually desires itself and needs a man to take it on. A man can only lead when he fully realizes that the woman is incapable of steering herself. Up till now, i trusted each and every woman i was with to lead ME into delirious paradise, but the sad reality was that they led me in circles that flushed down the toilet bowl of confusion and needy bewilderment. I have lounged before the goddess of "love and romance" for years, fed by an endless succession of movies, television, and well-intentioned parental advice and comfort-giving...all trimmed in soft edges, all like cotton candy - tasty to eat, but bad for the body and positively useless for growing to male maturity.
At first, i despair of how to approach women now, for they play a game, the rules of which i do not know. I feel overwhelmed and lost before i even begin. How does one behave with women? You can't take their words for anything. You can't be logical with them. I feel like i'm trying to play a game without knowing the rules and have no chance of winning. How can any man win with women? How can women be satisfied if men don't know how they play? Then, i realize this: there is but one rule that determines how men are to behave with women and that is to cut through the feminine fog by charting your course before you set sail. Everything else will be resolved automatically and women will happily and deliriously fixate and follow. Masculinity is unflinching autonomy and self-sufficiency, which is the opposite of feminine dependancy. This i have not yet experienced for myself, for until now, i have been the very epitome of feminized, questioning, unsure, calculating, following, passive dependancy. While it is difficult and painful to face this, it is also extremely, extremely exciting because i see where i need to go from here and what i need to develop in myself. There is direction. The male is represented by a pointing arrow...
