I Dumped My GF Today On Her Birthday

[soulforge]

When you meet a woman deserving of your time and attention, you will never doubt her values. Sure you will have disagreements, but core compatibility values will always be congruent. Nor do you want a women to change her values for you, as it would not be a genuine change and thus she will likely falter in that change down the road.

Congrats. Walking and staying away from a woman who is incongruent with your essence is the hallmark of a DJ. All other thoughts of would be, could be, should be is your body, not YOU, looking for a quick fix to ease the "pain." Withdrawal of anything begins with nastalgia. As long you remain true to yourself, that "emptiness" will slowly transmute to strength, having overcome an old thinking paradigm of the body's machinated "helplessness."

YOU are in control Don Juan. As long as you remain true to YOU, and not your body, you will evolve and realize that your value is directly attributable to what YOU are willing to accept and not accept in your life. As what you are willing to accept is a reflection of YOU.

Hey man i really appreciate your words there.. means alot and makes allot of sense.

Its true, i need to stay true to my principles!


I imagined we could have a life together.. and there would be an understanding between us, and she wanted the same as me..

Only two weeks ago, she asked me what my expectations are in a relationship, what my do's and dont's are, as she is my GF and she wanted to know.. We was talking about living together so things was getting serious!

I explained to her i'm easy going about most things, the only thing that wouldn't make me happy is, my partner going out to bars regular and getting drunk.

I explained i don't mind the odd night out here or there.. ocassions, birthdays, or a drink with friends.. but going out to bars regular, getting drunk etc, is not a good thing for a healthy relationship in the long run.

And she agreed with me..

After i dumped her.. she left a voice mail stating.. i don't like bieng told where i can go.. WTF

Well i will leave her to it now, she can get smashed in as many bars as she like now.. not my problem anymore!

 

[wifehunter]

Its funny how once you develop onitis, hows many obvious red flags you choose to ignore..

Focus on hobbies and/or acquiring new plates. You need to move on from this, or you will dig yourself into a hole! (Expirience)

 

[Atom Smasher]

I imagined we could have a life together..

There's the magic word. That's what we guys tend to do... we feel the pain of breaking up with what we imagined, not what is real.

On another note, I can't stress enough that a man should NEVER live together with a woman unless married. When things go bad they REALLY go bad when living arrangements and property are involved.

 

[Floydispink01]

Its funny how once you develop onitis, hows many obvious red flags you choose to ignore..

If you've ever had oneitis's in the past, ask yourself how you feel about them now OP? Nothing most likely. The present one will fall into that category eventually.

Some great advice on here by the way.

 

[soulforge]

I just find it strange that we both agreed with the discussion we haf about going out drinking in bars..

But after i dumped her, she leaves a message on my phone.. "I don't like being told where i can go"

Its funny how what they say to us, doesn't actually mean chit..

And i agree, have had oneitis for a few girls in the past.. when i look back now, they don't mean chit to me.

 

[Atom Smasher]

We told you in this thread how women will do and say ANYTHING in order to transfer blame to you. When she agreed, it was expedient for her to do so at the time. Now it is expedient for her to do a complete 180.

Women think and say whatever is most convenient and expedient to them at the time. That's why we always say, never go by her words but only her actions.

If you're looking for a woman who lives by principle you're going to be looking for a long, long time. They expect us to live by principle (when it benefits them) but they literally have no concept of principle in their own world of rainbows and unicorns.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Wow - I read thru this whole thing, and I swear, it reads like a perfect example of a man going through the "7 Stages of Grief/Loss".

For those that don't know what that is: when something bad happens - in this case, a break up - a person will usually go through 7 stages of various emotions before they finally get over it and can move on. You can read full details about each of these stages here - http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html - but I'll summarize:

1. Shock and denial
2. Pain and Guilt
3. Anger and Bargaining
4. Desperation/Reflection/Loneliness
5. The Upward Turn
6. Reconstruction/Working Through It
7. Acceptance

Right now, our OP is in phase 4, "Desperation/Reflection/Loneliness" - thus, him expressing how sad he is and looking back over the events over and over again.

What's funny is, OP posted about his problem with this girl clubbing a while back, and my response to that forum was that she doesn't really go out a lot now, so don't make it a big deal 'cause ultimatums don't work and people don't like to feel controlled.

So, of course, he went and did the exact opposite - thus, why she acted out.

The reality is, in terms of how the break-up got started, it stemmed from him trying to get her to stop "going out so much" due to his fear that she MIGHT start acting that way again. And yet, there were NO examples of her going out all the time. So, in terms of her feelings about his request for her not to go out so much, she was in the right, and his own insecurities got the best of him.

With that said, it's accidental happenstance that, by doing that, he got to see her do other actions that weren't becoming of a girlfriend - i.e. telling her friend about any problems they were having, insulting him, not appreciating the money he was spending on her... the whole "clubbing" thing wasn't really a dump-able offense other than it being his preference to date someone that doesn't do that, BUT the other stuff? Definitely grounds for dumping.

Anyway... so yeah: OP is at stage 4 of this grieving process which is normal since he just dumped her last week. It will probably be a few more weeks before he's able to look back and say "why the heck was I so obsessed with that ol' b!tch in the first place??" But for now, just know that, at some point, OP will get over this chick.

In the meantime, I'm getting some more popcorn so I can prepare myself to read more of these responses...

 

[soulforge]

Its true... i shouldn't even be dating or getting serious with a low quality woman, who needs to be in bars getting drunk.. especially when in a commited relationship!

I need to aim for better quality woman.. fuk this bish.. i,m gona get over this chick.

Still getting daily text messages from her... i'm going to ignore the chit out of her, thats all she deserves!

 

[soulforge]

Its crazy.. in her her own words around 4 months ago, she said she would never chase a guy.. no matter what.

Yet bieng hounded by messages from her on a day to day basis! Lol

 

[soulforge]

SHOCKING..

In her own words, she admitted she was a damaged woman.

In her own words, she admitted that she was quite a shallow person.

Every boyfriend before me, screwed her over (more like it was the other way around)

Talk about major major red fuking flags!

 

[LiveYourDream]

GET YOUR MIND OFF HER!!!

It does not matter what she said, did, thought or is now saying, doing, thinking, texting, etc.

It does NOT matter!

Continuing to focus your thoughts and attention on her is like throwing more money at an investment you already lost in and you are guaranteed to lose every additional dollar you put in.

Every time you think about her imagine that is like throwing away $50. Next thought about her another $50 gone. Every thought $50 gone.

If you want to make it real, fill your wallet with cash and force yourself to pull out a bill every time you think about her. Put it in a glass jar you can look at. At the end of 90 days donate it as it is no longer yours!

Spend your time, energy and thoughts on things that WILL ACTUALLY ADD value to your life!!

She is a guaranteed ZERO return on any additional energy/thoughts invested. In fact, the more you think about her, the more your mind gets stuck on it and before you know it you've lost 10 minutes, an hour, an afternoon or days or more, that you will NEVER be able to get back.

Move on! Focus on what adds value to your life NOW!

 

[LiveYourDream]

GET YOUR MIND OFF HER!!!

It does not matter what she said, did, thought or is now saying, doing, thinking, texting, etc.

It does NOT matter!

Continuing to focus your thoughts and attention on her is like throwing more money at an investment you already lost in and you are guaranteed to lose every additional dollar you put in.

Every time you think about her imagine that is like throwing away $50. Next thought about her another $50 gone. Every thought $50 gone.

If you want to make it real, fill your wallet with cash and force yourself to pull out a bill every time you think about her. Put it in a glass jar you can look at. At the end of 90 days donate it as it is no longer yours!

Spend your time, energy and thoughts on things that WILL ACTUALLY ADD value to your life!!

She is a guaranteed ZERO return on any additional energy/thoughts invested. In fact, the more you think about her, the more your mind gets stuck on it and before you know it you've lost 10 minutes, an hour, an afternoon or days or more, that you will NEVER be able to get back.

Move on! Focus on what adds value to your life NOW!

I realize what I wrote was quite harsh. You are still in shock and grieving so to speak. I am sorry. I apologize.

Honor your process. Be careful not to get stuck or hang out thinking about it too long.

No matter what your emotions or thoughts tell you, maintain No Contact.

 

[soulforge]

I realize what I wrote was quite harsh. You are still in shock and grieving so to speak. I am sorry. I apologize.

Honor your process. Be careful not to get stuck or hang out thinking about it too long.

No matter what your emotions or thoughts tell you, maintain No Contact.

Thats ok mate.. i know your only trying to help, and yes i,m experiencing mixed emotions right now.

From anger, to relief to feeling guilt.. at the same time i am remaining no contact and ignoring her.

I have moments where i think, forget all this and i need to get back with her and try sort things out.

But that could turn out to be a huge mistake!

 

[LiveYourDream]

Any contact with her now is like dropping to your knees and giving her your balls, on a silver plater.

Do not do it!

Keep your balls!

Keep your self-respect!

 

[LiveYourDream]

Thats ok mate.. i know your only trying to help, and yes i,m experiencing mixed emotions right now.

From anger, to relief to feeling guilt.. at the same time i am remaining no contact and ignoring her.

I have moments where i think, forget all this and i need to get back with her and try sort things out.

But that could turn out to be a huge mistake!

I highly suggest you read the no contact thread starting at the very beginning and all the way through. There are great stories of men's transformations through staying no contact, detailing their up and down struggles, as well as plenty of examples of men who thought they might be the exception and recontacted their ex only to experience tremendous regret and they explain why.

When you find yourself thinking of her, start reading there and keep going back and read some more when thoughts of her pop up.

Dedicate the next 60 days to No Contact and you will be a changed man at the end of it.

If you are not exercising everyday now, start today. Help dissipate any tension/frustration/anger/etc out through intense exertion/exercise. The endorphins and self care will serve your transformation as well.

 

[soulforge]

Any contact with her now is like dropping to your knees and giving her your balls, on a silver plater.

Do not do it!

Keep your balls!

Keep your self-respect!

Lol don't worry, i intended to keep my balls mate.. and yes i have read many stories in the no contact thread, where reaching out had resulted in a hell of alot more pain..

I will be hitting the gym later tonight, i,m sure will feel better afterwards.. today is my day off work, and my days off work was usually spent with her, so feeling somewhat nostalgic

 

[soulforge]

I have a couple of niggling questions tho everyone?

After i dumped her, she sent me a text and left voice mails agreeing with the break up.

She sounded enthusiastic about breaking up.. and was giving me reasons why she is happy to break up (obviously blaming me)

Was this her attempt at trying to salvage some dignity by acting over enthusiastic about the break up? because it was me who dumped her.

Also i am getting daily messages from her, that i do not read..
If she decided to plead for another chance, would you guys give it to her in this situation??

 

[LiveYourDream]

Lol don't worry, i intended to keep my balls mate

Excellent!

I am glad for you (and your balls), that you intend to stand firm, in your strength and self-respect, regardless of any waves of nostalgia/emotion or contact from her. Stand strong!

 

[LiveYourDream]

I have a couple of niggling questions tho everyone?

After i dumped her, she sent me a text and left voice mails agreeing with the break up.

She sounded enthusiastic about breaking up.. and was giving me reasons why she is happy to break up (obviously blaming me)

Was this her attempt at trying to salvage some dignity by acting over enthusiastic about the break up?because it was me who dumped her.
Hello??? It certainly wasn't a sign of regret, loss or her being sorry!!! That is what really matters!!!

For your curiosity, her enthusiasm was likely her immediate and honest relief that she can go drink & party without feeling constrained anymore.

Also i am getting daily messages from her, that i do not read..
If she decided to plead for another chance, would you guys give it to her in this situation??
ABSOLUTELY FVCKING NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer above in red.

 

[Tictac]

I have a couple of niggling questions tho everyone?

After i dumped her, she sent me a text and left voice mails agreeing with the break up.

She sounded enthusiastic about breaking up.. and was giving me reasons why she is happy to break up (obviously blaming me)

Was this her attempt at trying to salvage some dignity by acting over enthusiastic about the break up? because it was me who dumped her.

Also i am getting daily messages from her, that i do not read..
If she decided to plead for another chance, would you guys give it to her in this situation??

This is getting pathetic now.

You are acting like a woman.

Grow a pair