I don't like who I am

[SayWhat]

It's just like the thread title, I don't like who I am. I know who I want to be, I've read many many books and the bible a couple of times, deep down I know what to do. It just won't come out.

Why? I don't know. Somewhere deep down it feels like I am the person I want to be, for some reasons this person doesn't come out and I keep being the same introverted person who I've been for over 10 years.

The worst part is the time I'm throwing away with posting stupid threads, with thinking about what to do (even though I know), with being passive aggressive towards people who I want attention from.

I have changed in these years, I'm more of an a**hole but I feel worse than ever. I've watched pictures of me from 9 years back. I've had this HB8 who wanted me very bad and I just didn't care, she always looked very hot, but I didn't care. I looked like a bum, bought shoes just to have some shoes, had very disgusting hair and clothing style and still she wanted me. Now I'm dressed up, have my hair always neat, but yeah...

 

[Serenity]

Well, just do it. Is there any better advice?

 

[SayWhat]

I know there isn't. I just don't know what is holding me back.

 

[JohnChops]

Exactly what grewd advised. You just go for it. And if you fail then do it again until you succeed. Baby steps for big achievements

 

[FinallyFree]

You went too far in the other direction. I did the same thing. Be careful. Loosen back up.

How old are you? I'm getting over the most painful experience/dumping/humiliation of my life. I don't like myself either right now.

Just like you I look back 10 years ago. I had a good, beautiful, forgiving woman dropping all the hints at me and I barely noticed her, treated her like **** and wore wrinkled skateboard clothes until her mom died and she moved away.

She sent me a bikini photo one day (amazing body) and I asked who she meant to send that to, assuming some macho jock. She said "um you" all embarrassed and the conversation ended. I was like an angry, jealous version of Steve Urkel who missed every social queue.

So when I finally woke up and became a man, started dressing nicely, started learning social queues and realizing to get what I want I need to be ready for opportunity, I turned very self-conscious and insecure because of who I used to be.

I felt like I was behind everyone else, so I went for girls who were clearly behind everyone else. Don't repeat my mistake.

I wasted my 20s on a beautiful but psychotic, undatable girl with severe borderline disorder who everyone warned me about. I had nice clothes, no addictions, my own apartment, a car, a degree, treated her like a princess. I was still toilet paper to her.

Just because you used to be a dirty slob who brushed off girls it doesn't mean you should go to the opposite extreme and be a submissive guy who fiddles with his hair and worries about everything he does.

Roll it back a little bit. Be in the middle. It's experience/exposure you need now.

 

[cola]

https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614

Buy it, read it slowly. PM me in a couple months.

 

[MrOctober]

It's always been natural for me to just be sharp and dress well so I can't relate with your transition to that but....

Think positive man. Listen to some good music.
Vinnie Paz - is happiness just a word (if you like rap) popped into my head with your post. Music fills in the blanks when my wheels start to turn.

 

[Julian]

the reason is because your a fking puzzy who lives in fear completely. You try to gear up and armor up and weaponize yourself with the Dj bible and these posts and all that, yet everything you got you tuck it away because you dont have the balls to go for it. be a man. i realize its 2016 and sh1t aint sweet out here...but thats why you need to be that much more ruthless.

your not happy with who you are because you lack self esteem, and self confidence and most importantly self love. and your not giving yourself any reasons to have those things. you need little victories brother. or big ones but you need to get some WINS period. This will boost you up and get your momentum going. Its seems like your greatest detriment is your introversion. this is because you are scared to let people get to know you...you dont put yourself out there because your internal mindset is fked.

i can say all this because ive been there, infact im struggling with it right now. being a naturally introspective person, yet being able to be that gregarious outgoing balls to the wall confidence guy with high self esteem is in me as well, because ive been that guy before. idk bro it gets complicated...but ultimately it comes down to your personal happiness levels and what it takes to get yourself there.

 

[MrOctober]

Yea I agree with Julian.

You gotta go out and get it. Nothing will come to you if you wait.
I lost my job last month.. New ownership and I got the boot. I could have wallowed in misery and sat on unemployment but i looked at it as a chance to move forward with one more line of experience on my resume. Boom... Start my new career Monday and I'm pumped ready to slay a dragon. Positivity my friend.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Best advice I can offer is to repeat incantations that describe who you want to be. Something like "I am very social and outgoing" to yourself in your head, or "I am extroverted," or "I'm not the greatest, I'm the double greatest!". The reason why this works is after a while, this will always be on the back of your mind and you will eventually start to believe it. This is the way you change HOW you think and percieve things.

As you think, you shall become.

 

[Tenacity]

It's just like the thread title, I don't like who I am. I know who I want to be, I've read many many books and the bible a couple of times, deep down I know what to do. It just won't come out.

Look dude, stop reading the damn DJ Bible and stop reading anything else on the Manosphere for that matter. I want you instead to start a journal here on Sosuave tracking your progress from day one in terms of things you are to be doing in relation to being efficient in areas of your life. This is going to include the following:

- Finances: If you have no degree, go sign up for one with grant monies. If you have no career, list out the skills/talents you have so a career can be designed. Then you are to go after building your career and completing your degree.

- Looks: If you don't currently eat right and workout, this starts immediately. Research the healthiest foods and pick out the foods you enjoy eating. From there you can build an eating plan. Join a gym for the working out part. Also going to include buying good clothes, good cologne, having a good car, etc.

- Personality: You need to develop the art of just being able to have a good convo, with anybody. This will carry over to women where you can just have a good convo but then add in some sexual convo to move it forward in that arena.

- Women Numbers Game: As you fix your "product" above, you are also going to set it up where you are approaching at least 30 women a month. This will lead to at least 14 numbers, which leads to 7 dates, which leads to 3 fvcks, and of those 3 fvcks you will get into some type of relationship with 1.

Start this journal NOW and start the work NOW.

Day One..........

 

[ubercat]

I can give you a hand up with the good diet

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/help-with-start.235481/#post-2357621

Eat this lot with some cardio and lifting for a month and you look like Mr Healthy. Do it for 3 months and you look like Mr hard body

 

[RedZone]

The best thing you can do to make a change and write it down. Post it in your room, office cubicle, or wherever you think is best. Key is to look at it everyday and make sure you are completing what YOU want to accomplish. If you just say you want to change nothing will happen and all you will be doing is saying it.

 

[Poon King]

Here is some red pill information that might shock you.. but also might give you peace: No one gives a sh!t who you are.

That's right.. you are the only person who cares who you are. No one else does. People care about what you can do for them and that's about it. So all the people who waste their lives worrying about "fitting in" and looking, acting, dressing a certain way are really focused on the wrong thing.

There are only two questions a man has to ask himself:
#1: What do I want out of life?
#2: What do I need to do to get it?

And that's it. All the social d!ck measuring BS doesn't matter. People constantly rise and fall in status at different stages of life based on changes in society, economics, emotions, etc. Focus on understanding the world and knowing how to get what you want from it. F*ck caring about being a "certain type of person" to prove things to others. No one really gives a sh!t, I'm telling you.

When people meet you for the first time they generally worry about the following:
#1. Is this person a threat to me?
#2. Can this person do something for me?
#3. Do I like this person?
#4. Does this person like me?

Even better.. #3 and #4 are based on #1 and #2. This is the game. Pretty simple right? And it applies to life AND women. Most betas don't realize how simple the game is because they get manipulated by all the "noise" and bullsh!t that society, the media and women push on them.

 

[SayWhat]

Thanks all for your answers.

I think what is wrong with me is the fact that I just don't see how I would get the live I want. I constantly overthink every situation. If I see someone who is happy I feel worse because I want that too, on the other hand if I see someone who is depressed (and especially if it's someone who I don't like or even if it's someone who I want) I feel so much better. It is outright pathetic.

I tried saying to myself phrases like I am an extrovert etc, I tried meditation, I tried a psychiatrist, I tried just not caring. None of it works. I see threads on this forum of people who are talking and dating multiple woman at once. I haven't had a real date in over 8 years. I want to be wanted, I wanted woman to be head over heels for me and calling me out of the blue. But I don't see how this would happen, I am 27 and my hair is completely grey due to my genes, I have a very decent paying job but I still live with my mom and I won't be going for the next few years (it's good here but also it allows me to save a lot of money). I have some friends who, and this is harsh to say, are perhaps even worse than me (not all of them).

And yes, I should get some new friends, but I always get the advice just get new friends. It's just not easy for me. I see people on this forum who have no problem with that, but I also live in a small town on the countryside.

Something else I notice. I watched a set from a dj on a huge festival, they were filming him and also the crowd. When they were filming the crowd of course you had a lot of chicks wearing barely anything, taking pictures of themselves in front of the camera, surrounded by good looking guys. I don't mind this perse, it's just that I want that, I want to be that guy who can seduce these kind of girls and to make there heads go crazy for me.

 

[Phobos]

I just don't see how I would get the life I want.

What is the life you want?

I have a very decent paying job but I still live with my mom and I won't be going for the next few years

Is this the life you want? If I had a "very decent paying job" I would be living on my own, dating with the ever-present option of bringing her back to my place (unless that's not a problem with living with your mom).

I want to be wanted, I wanted woman to be head over heels for me

You won't have this until you're so head over heels for yourself / your life that you don't care if you have women. Figure that out and the women will follow.

 

[thatfeel]

It's just like the thread title, I don't like who I am. I know who I want to be, I've read many many books and the bible a couple of times, deep down I know what to do. It just won't come out.

Why? I don't know. Somewhere deep down it feels like I am the person I want to be, for some reasons this person doesn't come out and I keep being the same introverted person who I've been for over 10 years.

The worst part is the time I'm throwing away with posting stupid threads, with thinking about what to do (even though I know), with being passive aggressive towards people who I want attention from.

I have changed in these years, I'm more of an a**hole but I feel worse than ever. I've watched pictures of me from 9 years back. I've had this HB8 who wanted me very bad and I just didn't care, she always looked very hot, but I didn't care. I looked like a bum, bought shoes just to have some shoes, had very disgusting hair and clothing style and still she wanted me. Now I'm dressed up, have my hair always neat, but yeah...

Strive to be financially independent. Then you can pretty much focus on whatever you want. Notice how I didn't say wealthy. But you want to put yourself in a position where you're not too worried about your well being. This frees up your mind and honestly your time as well for a lot more things that can improve your self esteem and self confidence.

 

[Serenity]

I know there isn't. I just don't know what is holding me back.

If you don't know what's holding you back it's probably yourself. Have you considered that the fact you can't figure out what it is might mean there isn't really anything holding you back. That in some way you kinda want it to be some problem holding you back so you don't have to get out of your comfort zone?

You are already free to be whoever you wanna be, there is nothing holding you back. So stop making posts about this and get out there and literally insist on yourself doing something you want to do that you believe something is holding you back from doing. Go fvcking prove to yourself that it was just an illusion, that in fact there was nothing stopping you.

I'm sick tired of hopeless return posters here, getting good advice and not doing sh!t about it. Are you gonna at least fully commit to try something or are we wasting our time?

You can stay here and post until your hair turns gray and you're close to death. If you died tomorrow, your life ended, would you not regret having wasted so much time on irrational fears? Don't you already regret the time you've wasted? The clock is ticking, some people stay stuck until they die, that should be enough to scare you into action because you know it's true.

 

[Asmodeus]

Before anything, before anybody else, you must love yourself.

If you do not admire yourself, how can you expect any female to admire you? You may not think it, but your insecurity would be palpable. Women would sense this from you, and NOTHING is more dooming to a man than insecurity.

 

[Tenacity]

Thanks all for your answers.

I think what is wrong with me is the fact that I just don't see how I would get the live I want. I constantly overthink every situation. If I see someone who is happy I feel worse because I want that too, on the other hand if I see someone who is depressed (and especially if it's someone who I don't like or even if it's someone who I want) I feel so much better. It is outright pathetic.

I tried saying to myself phrases like I am an extrovert etc, I tried meditation, I tried a psychiatrist, I tried just not caring. None of it works. I see threads on this forum of people who are talking and dating multiple woman at once. I haven't had a real date in over 8 years. I want to be wanted, I wanted woman to be head over heels for me and calling me out of the blue. But I don't see how this would happen, I am 27 and my hair is completely grey due to my genes, I have a very decent paying job but I still live with my mom and I won't be going for the next few years (it's good here but also it allows me to save a lot of money). I have some friends who, and this is harsh to say, are perhaps even worse than me (not all of them).

And yes, I should get some new friends, but I always get the advice just get new friends. It's just not easy for me. I see people on this forum who have no problem with that, but I also live in a small town on the countryside.

Something else I notice. I watched a set from a dj on a huge festival, they were filming him and also the crowd. When they were filming the crowd of course you had a lot of chicks wearing barely anything, taking pictures of themselves in front of the camera, surrounded by good looking guys. I don't mind this perse, it's just that I want that, I want to be that guy who can seduce these kind of girls and to make there heads go crazy for me.

Your entire post is based on feelings.

I am sitting pretty good financially, stay in the suburbs, drive a new Camaro, still have my 6 pack, and my plate of dates stay full.

But you know what? Some days I still wake up feeling like a piece of ****. Some days I don't wanna get out of bed and I damn sure don't feel like working out all the time. Some days I want to quit everything and say **** it!

But I can't do that, you know why? I have responsibilities. As a MAN, I have to keep moving DESPITE not feeling like it.

You are sitting there waiting to start building your life once you FEEL "up" to it and I'm telling you that you will never feel "up" to it.... until you just start doing it.

Fvck your feelings, get off your a.ss and GET TO WORK. Not tomorrow.....NOW!!