I don't know what to say to my bro

[Drmuscular]

Ok so basically i have this friend, basically my lifelong bro, probably the only dude i completely trust because he has never once failed me, he is short, skinny and imo a lil ugly, not very ugly but below average, i do think this makes it unproductive for him to use OLD, he does dress very well though and has "presence" or idk what to call it, but he looks like some mafia boss to me with his mannerism and body language, smartest dude i know too.

he is 20 and nearing 21 but he is still a virgin, he has told me about some heavy flirting with some coworkers of his (imo he has very good social skills, funniest dude i ever met and not a "nice guy" at all) but it never goes anywhere either because of his insecurities (he says he might have a problem having sex, refuses to say but says is medical) or because things outside of his control (they have a boyfriend etc).

Recently he has told me how he is felling really bad because he is still a virgin, a lot of his coworkers talk a lot about sex and he says he feels left out and practically doesn't talk to them nor go out with them often because he doesn't wanna lie when they ask him nor does he want them to notice by him talking about that and saying something stupid, and he also wants to know if he can even have sex normally (no idea what his medical problem is) he said he has considered 1. "using" one of her coworker friends who he doesn't find very attractive but she seems to be "easy" and a "pretty dumb and innocent chick" who is very affectionate with him. 2. to simply hire a prostitute and have sex with her. He wants to "get it over with" but i don't really trust him to not get addicted to pu$$y, and i think he might hurt himself long term.

He started saying these things to me after he fumbled a chick who seemed pretty easy, basically told him that she wanted easy sex and invited HIM out, but he wasn't capable of being a man and invite her out and show his interest and now feels regret because as of now he thinks its over with her.

I have told him that banging that other unattractive chick might be trouble because 1. if he doesn't like her why even bother, you don't game chicks you don't like 2. she is his coworker, if it ends badly it will give him a reputation 3. furthermore it will give him a reputation of banging ugly chicks if she is actually unattractive, and people WILL know. I told him that we should go out and party, and i will help him get some chicks in the process because if he just wants lays he should go for girls he doesn't know much and will probably never meet again, but he refuses because he finds it weird to party and go to clubs just with me, but he also wants to be someone with he can trust and im probably the only person he trusts like this (and it makes sense, gentlemen in my country chicks will drug you and rob you, and he also feels very ashamed), and at the same time since he is not very good looking idk how much will cold approach in clubs to dance work for him.

He has explicitly said to me that he is "out of options", i felt very bad seeing my dude like this, i told him that he looked desperate and that he had the wrong mentality and wanted to do things for the wrong reasons, i don't want him to lower his standards he has very good personality and has a good job and wealth and has many talents and hobbies, i know he can do better even if he is not the greatest looking, and his standards weren't unreasonable anyways I've seen some of the chicks he liked and they looked pretty average to me, he also refuses to work out like ever, though he has made his educational and financial life much better and he is doing pretty well by himself right now.

I've also told him to not pay too much mind to what the coworkers say, to lie/avoid and not touch the matter much, but he did called me out since i tried to stop him from damaging his reputation which is tbf true, and that he still feels like **** when they talk about it and he just doesn't know what to say when regularly he is pretty much the funny/extroverted guy.

Idk should i simply support him in his endeavors and even in getting a prostitute? i just want the best for him but i really don't know how to help him or what else to say to him, i guess i already spoke my mind to him so i will leave him alone for now but what advice would you guys give to him in my place?.

 

[ManFromTartarus]

....... i have this friend,..........

he is still a virgin,.............(he says he might have a problem having sex, refuses to say but says is medical) ...............

he is still a virgin,

..........OK

... and how does he know he's having medical sex problems if he's never had sex?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

... and how does he know he's having medical sex problems if he's never had sex?

Erectile dysfunction or something like that can appear before you have intercourse.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Ok so basically i have this friend, basically my lifelong bro, probably the only dude i completely trust because he has never once failed me, he is short, skinny and imo a lil ugly, not very ugly but below average, i do think this makes it unproductive for him to use OLD, he does dress very well though and has "presence" or idk what to call it, but he looks like some mafia boss to me with his mannerism and body language, smartest dude i know too.

he is 20 and nearing 21 but he is still a virgin, he has told me about some heavy flirting with some coworkers of his (imo he has very good social skills, funniest dude i ever met and not a "nice guy" at all) but it never goes anywhere either because of his insecurities (he says he might have a problem having sex, refuses to say but says is medical) or because things outside of his control (they have a boyfriend etc).

Recently he has told me how he is felling really bad because he is still a virgin, a lot of his coworkers talk a lot about sex and he says he feels left out and practically doesn't talk to them nor go out with them often because he doesn't wanna lie when they ask him nor does he want them to notice by him talking about that and saying something stupid, and he also wants to know if he can even have sex normally (no idea what his medical problem is) he said he has considered 1. "using" one of her coworker friends who he doesn't find very attractive but she seems to be "easy" and a "pretty dumb and innocent chick" who is very affectionate with him. 2. to simply hire a prostitute and have sex with her. He wants to "get it over with" but i don't really trust him to not get addicted to pu$$y, and i think he might hurt himself long term.

He started saying these things to me after he fumbled a chick who seemed pretty easy, basically told him that she wanted easy sex and invited HIM out, but he wasn't capable of being a man and invite her out and show his interest and now feels regret because as of now he thinks its over with her.

I have told him that banging that other unattractive chick might be trouble because 1. if he doesn't like her why even bother, you don't game chicks you don't like 2. she is his coworker, if it ends badly it will give him a reputation 3. furthermore it will give him a reputation of banging ugly chicks if she is actually unattractive, and people WILL know. I told him that we should go out and party, and i will help him get some chicks in the process because if he just wants lays he should go for girls he doesn't know much and will probably never meet again, but he refuses because he finds it weird to party and go to clubs just with me, but he also wants to be someone with he can trust and im probably the only person he trusts like this (and it makes sense, gentlemen in my country chicks will drug you and rob you, and he also feels very ashamed), and at the same time since he is not very good looking idk how much will cold approach in clubs to dance work for him.

He has explicitly said to me that he is "out of options", i felt very bad seeing my dude like this, i told him that he looked desperate and that he had the wrong mentality and wanted to do things for the wrong reasons, i don't want him to lower his standards he has very good personality and has a good job and wealth and has many talents and hobbies, i know he can do better even if he is not the greatest looking, and his standards weren't unreasonable anyways I've seen some of the chicks he liked and they looked pretty average to me, he also refuses to work out like ever, though he has made his educational and financial life much better and he is doing pretty well by himself right now.

I've also told him to not pay too much mind to what the coworkers say, to lie/avoid and not touch the matter much, but he did called me out since i tried to stop him from damaging his reputation which is tbf true, and that he still feels like **** when they talk about it and he just doesn't know what to say when regularly he is pretty much the funny/extroverted guy.

Idk should i simply support him in his endeavors and even in getting a prostitute? i just want the best for him but i really don't know how to help him or what else to say to him, i guess i already spoke my mind to him so i will leave him alone for now but what advice would you guys give to him in my place?.

As someone who use to hang out with nerds in high school and college, was a semi nerd myself, but basically grew out of that phase but can still talk nerd stuff with nerds, my answer after years of dealing with friends who did not have the ability to pull women is that I tell them to simply be more talkative and confident and be ready to fail. Cause there were nerd friends who had women simply cause they were more outgoing. And when you are in a community of nerds, nerd girls have some of the lowest self esteem so it is like shooting fish in a barrel if you have even a little bit of competence.

In your friends' case, he is dealing with people outside his expertise and comfort zone, and that is a recipe for failure cause they can manipulate and take advantage of him since he is too naive. I do not know what he does for a hobby, but tell him to get somewhere where he is seen as the better man. He does not have to be attractive to get a woman or sex. Just be somewhere around women where you are basically superior. That is why a lot of men go overseas to poorer countries.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

he is short, skinny and imo a lil ugly, not very ugly but below average, i do think this makes it unproductive for him to use OLD, he does dress very well though and has "presence" or idk what to call it, but he looks like some mafia boss to me with his mannerism and body language, smartest dude i know too.

he is 20 and nearing 21 but he is still a virgin, he has told me about some heavy flirting with some coworkers of his (imo he has very good social skills, funniest dude i ever met and not a "nice guy" at all) but it never goes anywhere either because of his insecurities (he says he might have a problem having sex, refuses to say but says is medical) or because things outside of his control (they have a boyfriend etc).

See, most men will say something like this to your friend "you have no reason to be insecure just because you're a short skinny ugly virgin. Your insecurity is holding you back, not your appearance or virginity". This is literally gaslighting. You cannot seriously tell me someone in those circumstances that has no right to feel insecure... I'll even take this a step further and say he should feel insecure, and that's perfectly normal, it's called being human. Being insecure is not a sin, it is a natural response, and you can choose how to react to it. Confidence comes from competence and experience, not from deluding yourself with a "fake it till you make it" nonsense. This self-esteem/"everyone is special" movement we've had is absolutely sinister and has had disastrous consequences to common sense and reason.... this is how people delude themselves, this is how narcissists function, they think they're special when they're not.

People simply need to acknowledge the hand they've been dealt, admit that life isn't fair, admit that people aren't all cut from the same cloth. This doesn't mean all humans don't have instinsic value as a human being, or that any of these things determine your self-worth, but to pretend otherwise is pure delusion. Only once you recognize and accept the hand you're dealt will be able to discover your potential and capability and innate talents/strengths, and as long as you don't identify with your disadvantages and use that as an excuse to be a victim and become stagnant in life. But, this is far too nuanced for most people to understand and I'm sure posters here will ridicule me for making these statements.

and he also wants to know if he can even have sex normally (no idea what his medical problem is)

Regardless if its a physical issue or mental, viagra/cialis will fix it. PM me if you want sources you can give him, but bluechew looks like it may be pretty easy way to get it, too. There's no shame in that.

Recently he has told me how he is felling really bad because he is still a virgin, a lot of his coworkers talk a lot about sex and he says he feels left out and practically doesn't talk to them nor go out with them often because he doesn't wanna lie when they ask him nor does he want them to notice by him talking about that and saying something stupid, he said he has considered 1. "using" one of her coworker friends who he doesn't find very attractive but she seems to be "easy" and a "pretty dumb and innocent chick" who is very affectionate with him. 2. to simply hire a prostitute and have sex with her. He wants to "get it over with" but i don't really trust him to not get addicted to pu$$y, and i think he might hurt himself long term.

I don't think he'll get addicted to hookers lmao, does that really happen? I don't think it's a bad idea at all to fvck a prostitute or three so he'll just get it out of the way...btw, being a virgin at 21 isn't that bad, but once you get to your late 20s that's when you really need to be concerned... and if you're still a virgin by 30, 35 you're probably fvcked for life tbh. He still has a few years but I'd probably suggest he fvck some *****s to stop valuing it so much, then focus on acquiring skills/wealth/resources, his charm/wit, social circle, etc...by the time he's 30-35 I bet he can do well with women if he's in a really good place in his life, and the sooner he accepts that it will be harder for him, the sooner he can move past his limitations - there's no other choice.

 

[BaronOfHair]

See, most men will say something like this to your friend "you have no reason to be insecure just because you're a short skinny ugly virgin. Your insecurity is holding you back, not your appearance or virginity"

Yeah, manufacturing "reasons"/justifications for not taking action sabotages not just most men's, but most people's prospects for success. Even "attractive" folks have flaws, be it a nose that's off-center, teeth that are a bit crooked, or tits that are under below A cup. Focusing myopically on what you don't have, rather building on what you've got, is a choice we all make

 

[Clockwerk50]

Your friend just wants to connect with his co-workers at any level. He wants to receive attention and validation from others since the human survival and happiness depend on it. Some people crave it so much they do anything for it, such like committing a crime or attempting suicide.

At his age, I would to tell him to get a cool car or a motorcycle. He will get all the attention he craves and some women would throw themselves at him, even making the moves in his car.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sex just isn't that serious. Next time he gets a chance he just needs to make it happen.

There ain't anything you can say...he has to do it on his own ...or not.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Sex just isn't that serious. Next time he gets a chance he just needs to make it happen.

There ain't anything you can say...he has to do it on his own ...or not.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

Mercury, not water, would fit better for your metaphor. 3/10, up your analogy game son.

I was at a pool earlier this week and observed people diving in. The water did not flow away or react to their presences as divers; they did not hit their head on the bottom of the pool. For the OP's friend, women are like mercury. Water is not like mercury.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

When I get thirsty I go to the sink, turn on the faucet, and get my fill of women. WTF is wrong with OP's friend?