I don't know if I can believe this anymore...

[squirrels]

OK...I tried to believe that this whole "Don Juan" philosophy was true. I tried to believe in myself, but it got me nowhere.

I hear people on here talking about approaching women from a position of self-confidence, but I try it and I have no success. I thought this was what women WANTED. I approach them with a smile and a ****y kind of confidence, and they talk to me for all of 5 goddamn minutes, and then go off to find the stiff they originally were hugged up on.

It seems like a lot of people talk about how a confident smile and a self-secure attitude are all you need...then why was it never enough for me?

Oh yes, I forgot...I should NEXT these girls because they're not good enough to talk to me...the only problem is that every god damned girl in the whole UNIVERSE gets "next"ed because NONE of them talk to me.

Yeah, just make eye contact and then go up and start a convo. What if NONE of them make eye contact? NEXT them? What good does that do me? I'm still going home alone!

I want so much to believe in this, but I look at the real world and I don't see it. It seems like it's so easy to say that confidence and a smile and self-security and charisma is all you need...when you pull women left and right anyway. What about those of us who DON'T pull women left-and-right...is the Don Juan attitude enough for us? It hasn't been enough for me.

What am I missing that every other guy in this universe seems to have? What isn't there? Tell me and I will TAKE it! This is so ridiculous...I want to believe in the "DJ" philosophy, I really do, but so far I have found LITTLE, if ANY, evidence to back it up. It seems to conveniently cop out at every available opportunity. "Yeah, if you don't make eye contact, she'll flake, just don't worry about her", or any time a girl doesn't like you, "Oh, just NEXT her, she's not worth your time."

What kind of pu$$y stuff is that?

Someone tell me what I missed when I was reading through this site. I tried to think of myself as being strong, confident, a womanizer. It got me nothing. What happened to "As you think, so shall you become"? Why doesn't it work for me?

What am I missing? Please tell me.

I don't want to go back to AFC-dom. I want to believe in the Don-Juan system. I really want to believe that it IS the truth, that I CAN get women if I just have confidence and self-respect and believe in myself...but so far I don't see it...how can I believe??

 

[Unbridled_1]

I promise I won't

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Dude, you've been here a month...This isn't a lightning method. Zeus does not send down his mighty spear with which to smite your faults granting you the ultimate cool. This is a dam dammit.

For years, you've been bottling your potential behind the wall of your own ineptitudes/inhibitions/insecurities. As you earn experience, you slowly let out the liquid of your potential to enrich, nourish and shape the valley below. Your life is that valley. The the good news is that you can control the amount of water you release by gaining experience...

So cool off, kick back, and just work on it.

 

[Unbridled_1]

Squirrels,

Based on your post you may be coming off as desperate. Desperation will sends chicks running faster than body odor.

Do you have a sense of style? Ask a female friend/relative to give you some advice on the clothes you wear and how you present yourself.

...

 

[SLIKKER_THAN_AVG]

Zeus does not send down his mighty spear with which to smite your faults granting you the ultimate cool. This is a dam dammit

He doesnt?? thats it im gone..PEACE

 

[Starman]

.

.

.

Dude I'll tell you what you are missing..you are missing the point

I dont know how many times I have to repeat this to people..but this site isnt a collection of techniques to turn a zero into a hero.

for those who "get the big picture" this site is to teach you to grow up, be a man, take charge, grab your balls and face the world as you transform..

faking confidence will get you so far..but the REAL DJ's have real confidence and believe in themslves..both in the world and with women

you are getting frustrated because you want everything NOW without having to work for it. Good luck. Does anything worthwhile come easy?

If you have a better technique than these by all means go for it.

Until then, put your infantile instant gratifiction needs aside and work towards getting what you want.

...

 

[trajhenkhet]

"The law of averages -- put in more, come out with more." -- Bruce Lee

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Starman
.

.

.

Dude I'll tell you what you are missing..you are missing the point

I dont know how many times I have to repeat this to people..but this site isnt a collection of techniques to turn a zero into a hero.

for those who "get the big picture" this site is to teach you to grow up, be a man, take charge, grab your balls and face the world as you transform..

faking confidence will get you so far..but the REAL DJ's have real confidence and believe in themslves..both in the world and with women

you are getting frustrated because you want everything NOW without having to work for it. Good luck. Does anything worthwhile come easy?

If you have a better technique than these by all means go for it.

Until then, put your infantile instant gratifiction needs aside and work towards getting what you want.

...

It just seems paradoxical...REAL confidence comes from success, but success comes from REAL confidence. What about those of us who have neither? How do you begin the cycle?

I thought maybe if I told myself that I believed in myself, eventually I could come to believe it. Maybe that's wrong. I'm just not sure any more.

I know that I have to assess my opportunities and seize them when they come...I just don't see that many opportunities coming for me any more.

I'm not in college like most of the people on this board. I'm almost 24 years old and I'm running out of time. I'm trying to squeeze a lot of life into what time I have left.

I mean, honestly, if I'm not ready to be picking up women yet at this stage in my life, what SHOULD I be doing? I went out tonight and I talked to a few chix, some hot, some not...even learned a little bit about how the "game" is played, but I really didn't hold any girl's interest, which leads me to believe that I'm just being played...humored until the girl finds what she's REALLY looking for, which, despite all my effort, I have yet to achieve.

I dunno...it just seems like there's some easy outs offered by this philosophy...like if you can't bag a girl, she's not worth your time. Or you're not ready. Or something.

I'm not expecting instant gratification. Yeah, it'd be nice, but I guess I need to wait. What I'd LIKE to see is progress, and I'm not sure I see it happening.

Maybe I DO need to give it time...I just don't want to put time in and find out it's all for naught. I know there are a LOT of people on this forum...how many have actuallly COME here as I have (AFC) and turned their lives around and now talk to women and hook up with them on a frequent basis? And how many of them always COULD hook up with women as they please and didn't really NEED sosuave.com?

I gotta sleep on this...

 

[-Zero_h0uR-]

Originally posted by squirrels
Someone tell me what I missed when I was reading through this site. I tried to think of myself as being strong, confident, a womanizer. It got me nothing. What happened to "As you think, so shall you become"? Why doesn't it work for me?

...

I don't want to go back to AFC-dom. I want to believe in the Don-Juan system. I really want to believe that it IS the truth, that I CAN get women if I just have confidence and self-respect and believe in myself...but so far I don't see it...how can I believe??

I have only started posting since April, however I have been around this site since November.

What is it you're missing? True confidence. "There's a difference between knowing the path... and walking the path." (Sorry for the Matrix quote, but not only does it fit here, but it's 5 days away .)

Seriously though. You have read through this glorious foundation of information, and know to be confident. However you are NOT confident. You are only acting the part. If you are going to fake confidence, that's fine, but you have to believe the lie yourself. Which really means, you have to be confident in your confidence.

Also, don't set goals too high for yourself. Set realistic goals, and start small. Let's say you want to meet two women today. Go do it. Don't "womanize" or try to meet them to get laid. Just go meet two women. Then the next day, meet two more. Maybe increase the number as you gain confidence in yourself.

It's been a long road for me, and I am just begining to bask in the glory of my own self improvements. My goal is not to bed as many women as possible. My ultimate goal is to become a better man that I once was. I am accomplishing this task by setting small realistic goals for myself.

Also, remember to have fun. If you're uptight and worried about the woman's responce, you are doomed from the start. The more fun you have with talking to them, the more fun they have talking to you.

Good luck bro, and keep your head up. We all hit a point like this near the beginning. It's best to push through and work it out.

-- Zero-

 

[Unbridled_1]

Originally posted by Squirrels:

I'm almost 24 years old and I'm running out of time. I'm trying to squeeze a lot of life into what time I have left.

LOL. That is the funniest line I have seen on this site. Do you have a terminal illness that you haven't mentioned? You have plenty of time. Yes, college and H.S. were the easiest times to meet women. It does take extra effort to seek out opportunities as you get older. Relax, you're a guy, whereas a chick starts to seriously lose her attractiveness to the opposite sex as she hits her 30's. Guys have extra time if you keep yourself in shape.

 

[Zoso]

It just seems paradoxical...REAL confidence comes from success, but success comes from REAL confidence. What about those of us who have neither? How do you begin the cycle?

I thought maybe if I told myself that I believed in myself, eventually I could come to believe it. Maybe that's wrong. I'm just not sure any more.

There's a difference between telling yourself to believe in yourself and actually believing. Right now, I'm working on how to actually believe too. Basically, I've been trying to change my perspective of "success." I'm realizing that getting girls isn't necessary to be happy or successful. I think that when I truly realize this, I can eliminate desparation and frustration and doubt and all those other negative AFC things that used to plague me.

Time will tell whether it will work for attracting girls, but either way I think I will be a happier and better person.

 

[-Zero_h0uR-]

... But, Squirrels...

You're not ready. If you are doubting yourself this much, you are not ready.

As for the "easy outs," it may seem that way, but you are not on top of your game. You need to relax and have fun with it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


-- Zero-

 

[Starman]

Originally posted by squirrels
It just seems paradoxical...REAL confidence comes from success, but success comes from REAL confidence. What about those of us who have neither? How do you begin the cycle?

I thought maybe if I told myself that I believed in myself, eventually I could come to believe it. Maybe that's wrong. I'm just not sure any more.

I know that I have to assess my opportunities and seize them when they come...I just don't see that many opportunities coming for me any more.

I'm not in college like most of the people on this board. I'm almost 24 years old and I'm running out of time. I'm trying to squeeze a lot of life into what time I have left.

I mean, honestly, if I'm not ready to be picking up women yet at this stage in my life, what SHOULD I be doing? I went out tonight and I talked to a few chix, some hot, some not...even learned a little bit about how the "game" is played, but I really didn't hold any girl's interest, which leads me to believe that I'm just being played...humored until the girl finds what she's REALLY looking for, which, despite all my effort, I have yet to achieve.

I dunno...it just seems like there's some easy outs offered by this philosophy...like if you can't bag a girl, she's not worth your time. Or you're not ready. Or something.

I'm not expecting instant gratification. Yeah, it'd be nice, but I guess I need to wait. What I'd LIKE to see is progress, and I'm not sure I see it happening.

Maybe I DO need to give it time...I just don't want to put time in and find out it's all for naught. I know there are a LOT of people on this forum...how many have actuallly COME here as I have (AFC) and turned their lives around and now talk to women and hook up with them on a frequent basis? And how many of them always COULD hook up with women as they please and didn't really NEED sosuave.com?

Squirrels, Im 32 years old..all my life I have been shy , reserved and in the "out" crowd..most of the chicks Ive hooked up with came up to me .. and have only had 3 LTR's (3 years each)

you think at 24 you are running out of time???

I didnt come here to improve my "game"..I came here looking for advice about a girl I thought was special..but turned out to be a flake.

This site helped me kick her to the curb, with support from others , and a kick in the a$$ about reality

On the side , I picked up some tricks here..that I field tested..that has really improved my game ( I go out with friends..they hook up with chicks , and the chicks eventually wind up talking to me (I know I **** block sometimes)

The site also convinced me that Women are not the most important thing in my life, and reading all these AFC posts has taught me to not take sh1t from ANY woman anymore.

It doesnt matter wich comes first success..or confidence..the point is you work on YOURSELF while you are hear.

Dont measure yoour self worth/life based on how many chicks responded favorably to you. This is a self esteem issue.

and stop looking for MAJOR Life changing improvements right away.

you are like the cripple who begins physical therapy..and gets pissed off/frustrated after not being able to walk correctly in a short time of therapy.

Now grab your balls..reread the DJ bible (not just the parts that interest you)..and get out there like the rest of us searching for a better life.

This is one game you can't quit , lest you become a victim of misery and lonliness.

We are all in the game

 

[Starman]

and you need to use a shorter ruler when measuring success...if you are out there trying, and talking to women, and trying to have a good conversation..THATS SUCCESS..thats ONE STEP closer towards your goal.

Stop measuring success with how many Numbers you get.

I mean for fvcks sake , if you didnt have confidence or game you wouldnt have invented the "..." approach

 

[Harmzuay]

squirrels, hey. ive been on this board for months, and im just now starting to see results. it took me a while, and im assuming it will take anyone a while. coming into this site as an afc, and trying to become what we are meant to be is not an easy transition.

lemme see... where to start. well, for me what worked was i just didnt pursue ANYONE until i had a few nibbles at myself. the actual philosophy behind the DJ mindset is self-improvement. improve the self, and your environment will improve too. its all a matter of POV. what you see is what is real. if you see yourself as successful, you are. thats the way things are.

i went thru thr various phases of hating myself after my last relationship bombed out. but once i started believing in myself again, things picked up. now, things are goinf good for me. ive been on more dates in the last few weeks than i have since, well... since i dont remember when. i dont think the way-back machine goes that far.

im 25, so im in the same age bracket as you. you say confidence and success are a wheel. that is true to a point. what matters is your POV. if you feel you are becoming more confident (ie: you been working out, recieving compliments, etc) or having more success (the women-folk talking to you more, them breaking the ice, etc) go off it. for me, it took them to start breaking the ice to really start to get out of the harbor of AFC. once i got a few ladies coming up and talking to me, about whatever, it helped. yeah, it was only a small eddy in a river. but it added up. after a while, you'll see... those little tiny eddies add up to an ocean. once you have enough, you will find in yourself the confidence, as well as the success.

ok, blah blah blah. what im saying is, you are right. confidence and success are a wheel. one creates more of the other. but it is far easier to begin with confidence. to get said confidence, you must come to terms with yourself, and those around you. find your fault, and elminate them. find your strengths and enhance them. once you are happy with yourself, you will find the world will be happier with you too.

not a fast process, and its not as much fun as it sounds (which isnt fun sounding even), but once you have done this, things will begin to work for you. you will see the good in bad, the better in best, and will learn from it.

****. im gonna shut up now. just came back from the bar, and got drunk and had a good time. i managed myself well with the women, and succeeded more than failed with them too. there are more ladies in Nowhere, MN that i have numbers for than before.

be true to yourself. if you dont like yourself, other will pick up on that. if you are happy with your life, and yourself, others will be as well.

Harmzuay

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Originally posted by squirrels
It just seems paradoxical...REAL confidence comes from success, but success comes from REAL confidence. What about those of us who have neither? How do you begin the cycle?

I thought maybe if I told myself that I believed in myself, eventually I could come to believe it. Maybe that's wrong. I'm just not sure any more.

I know that I have to assess my opportunities and seize them when they come...I just don't see that many opportunities coming for me any more.

I'm not in college like most of the people on this board. I'm almost 24 years old and I'm running out of time. I'm trying to squeeze a lot of life into what time I have left.

I mean, honestly, if I'm not ready to be picking up women yet at this stage in my life, what SHOULD I be doing? I went out tonight and I talked to a few chix, some hot, some not...even learned a little bit about how the "game" is played, but I really didn't hold any girl's interest, which leads me to believe that I'm just being played...humored until the girl finds what she's REALLY looking for, which, despite all my effort, I have yet to achieve.

I dunno...it just seems like there's some easy outs offered by this philosophy...like if you can't bag a girl, she's not worth your time. Or you're not ready. Or something.

Maybe I DO need to give it time...I just don't want to put time in and find out it's all for naught. I know there are a LOT of people on this forum...how many have actuallly COME here as I have (AFC) and turned their lives around and now talk to women and hook up with them on a frequent basis? And how many of them always COULD hook up with women as they please and didn't really NEED sosuave.com?

I gotta sleep on this...

You having problems with confidence?

Here's a prescription straight from Dr. Cyrano. D. Bergerac MDJ! Next time you go sarging, do something you're really good at beforehand. If you're a great martial artist, go after mastering a new move. If you're a concert pianist, go after playing a difficult piece. If you're a painter, a video game freak or, an aspiring race car driver...go after creating a masterpiece, beating a really tough game, or successfully losing the police after a high-speed chase across three counties.

Whenever you do what you do best, use that knowledge that you are indeed the shiznit and ride that confidence when you go out sarging.

"No? Well then its your loss, cause I'm da shiznit. No one beats me at pogs...!" Or something akin to that.

Some of these examples are a bit extreme but you get my drift. Worse comes to worse go sarging with a wingman, or as a wingman.

 

[The Main Event]

Originally posted by squirrels
how many have actuallly COME here as I have (AFC) and turned their lives around and now talk to women and hook up with them on a frequent basis? And how many of them always COULD hook up with women as they please and didn't really NEED sosuave.com?

I don't think you'll find many people who have always had success with women... and felt the need to search out a web site that offered success with women.

As far as The Main Event goes, I found this site in late 1999. I had already embarked on the long road that leads from girl-repellant to adequate, and from adequate to successful. I had embarked on the road, but had many more leagues ahead of me than behind.

And the site helped me. Beyond dispute, it helped me. At first, I was looking for magic bullets and super tactics. I was after a bag of tricks that would not only push my success with women into the stratosphere, but would push it into the stratosphere overnight.

Did I find what I was after? Yeah. Yeah, I did. I found very specific advice on how to behave in specific situations (the tips and articles on the main page; this forum was in its infancy). They didn't help me. In fact, they took my game backwards. I didn't know how to apply them, you see. I was trying to get my hands and mouth to behave like the hands and mouth of a Don Juan, while my mind was still the mind of an AFC. I was confused and angry. I thought I was doing everything by the textbook. Looking back, I can see that I was. I didn't realise at the time that I had the right script... but for the wrong character.

Fortunately, the information here today is better than it was three and a half years ago. It offers the complete package, a framework as well as isolated flecks of detail. Or, rather, it offers as complete a package as it can. You have to go out there and get your hands dirty, or you won't see what works and why it works. You have to sweat and you have to bleed. Then the Don Juan principles will mean something.

The bottom line? Keep with it, because it's the best thing going. More than three years ago, I thought the same things you are posting. Life looked bleak. Today, not only am I looking at life from a new vantage point; I'm living in a new world.

The same path and the same destination are open to you, but not if you leave the road and swear to never return.


I am
The Main Event.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Originally posted by SLIKKER_THAN_AVG
He doesnt?? thats it im gone..PEACE

*maniacal laugh* Muahhahahahaha! My plan is working purrrrrrfectly Mr. Bigglesworth! One DJ down, 3,867 more to go!!!

(skips away humming 'another one bites the dust')

 

[Sisko]

Originally posted by squirrels
It just seems paradoxical...REAL confidence comes from success, but success comes from REAL confidence. What about those of us who have neither? How do you begin the cycle?


Maybe I DO need to give it time...I just don't want to put time in and find out it's all for naught. I know there are a LOT of people on this forum...how many have actuallly COME here as I have (AFC) and turned their lives around and now talk to women and hook up with them on a frequent basis? And how many of them always COULD hook up with women as they please and didn't really NEED sosuave.com?

I gotta sleep on this...

How abouth this...
I wasn't aware that you should look in the girls eye before this site (never even done that!).
Now I can easuly talk to chicks, that I meet through friends,
but still can't approach... well soon enough I will do that too.

Another point... transformation in its best case is 6 months....
and that is the best case too really see improvment.

 

[anakin]

The main problem with sosuave.com

Originally posted by Starman:
for those who "get the big picture" this site is to teach you to grow up, be a man, take charge, grab your balls and face the world as you transform..

faking confidence will get you so far..but the REAL DJ's have real confidence and believe in themslves..both in the world and with women

you are getting frustrated because you want everything NOW without having to work for it. Good luck. Does anything worthwhile come easy?

Very nicely put Starman.

Originally posted by squirrels:
...REAL confidence comes from success, but success comes from REAL confidence. What about those of us who have neither? How do you begin the cycle?

You have only been here for one month…you need to take one step at a time, you are trying to run before you can walk. You have introduced yourself to the water gushing from the fire hydrant that is the DJ Bible, you cannot drink it all in one go, otherwise you will not go far. You need to take necessary steps, one at a time. You are putting too much pressure on yourself.

In short, you are in a transitionary state…hell, I also have AFC tendencies from time to time…the learning is a continuous process and not something that will magically change your life in such a short space of time. ..

But you are right, what are you missing?

The fundamental problem with sosuave.com:

Acquiring the Mindset

Defining such a term is complicated and I do not think this Board goes so far as to harness DJ thoughts – more is focused upon behaviour that REFLECT the mindset – but – this is why so many people get into difficulties – you need the mindset FIRST and then your actions flowing from that can deal with different situations. The DJ Mindset is the most overlooked part of sosuave.com. It teaches from a perspective of HAVING the mindset and doing certain things, without really attempting to give an explanation as to how to acquire the right mindset. I think Pook’s posts in particular focus on acquiring the right attitude and attempt to instil a way of improving oneself to acquire this. Those ppl who come here often asking “Now what do I do?” reflect the fact that they are doing things robotically, because they are only following the rules rather than having the mindset.

You are behaving ROBOTICALLY, you are faking it, rather than thinking WHY you ought to be doing something squirrels. In time, you will see flaws in the Bible, as it is written by a multitude of people with different personalities. In time, you will learn to take parts and adapt them to yourself to make you a better person…to personalise it to yourself.

How do you acquire this mindset?

This is a question that goes to the heart of the matter. A million dollar question for those who can answer it correctly.

What are you passionate about in life?
What do you want to achieve?
What direction do you want to take your life towards and what aspirations do you have?

In fact, I have discovered that pursuing such soul-searching questions first and giving MYSELF direction has acted as a catalyst and has enabled me to develop and build a ‘mindset’ quicker (I am still working on it, it is a continuous process) than putting the attention upon women.

I’m 24 too, and I have let go of many, many opportunities. Some ppl will think that you are questioning yourself too much, but I don’t think you are. You are in an invaluable position to change your life, your dreams, your goals and your aspirations - the depth of your posts and your self-analysis reveal this. Such times do not come about too often, you are in a good position now to change yourself and what you want from life…this is an important time for you, make sure you spend it well.

A side note: People are missing it when they say that confidence is the be all and end all. Sure confidence is important, but can you imagine a girl saying: “Ohhhh he’s soooo confident, let me **** him right now?” No! It is a part of the ****tail but not the sole ingredient! Faked confidence is easy to spot. You are acting out something that you are not. It makes a person look ridiculous.

Just, look into yourself, decide what you want, developing a mindset is the fuel you need to develop all other areas and will lead to greater confidence, charm, challenge etc. It is not an easy road to take, it requires thought, time, dedication, effort and persistence. This is an important phase you are in. Use it well.

Anakin