I dont agree to this.. What do you guys think?

[Climax]

Originally posted by A Turtle Name Adrian
CONVERSATION:
3. never, ever, ever, ever, ever analyse her problem's. when she start's bytching or complaining about something, dont tell her how to solve it. just listen & sympathize with her. agree with her.

I was reading over some of the old threads and i came across this one and found the above piece of information in it....

Now i do not really agree with this... In the past and at the mmoment when girls tell me their problems, and i help them out with it, they seem to kinda "fall in love with me" and text me saying things like "thanx for being there for me, you are my gardian angel" etc etc... and when i just listen & sympathize with them, they normally end up saying something like "ok, i'll change the subject now, it doesnt seem that you are interested in my problems" ... So IMO if you DO help them out with their problems etc its a very good and helpfull thing to do...

Obviously you dont want to become her emotional punching bag, so you DO need to keep it under controll, and if she DOES do b!tch and moan at you too muvh, point it out to her that all she seems to do is use u as her emotional punching bag, and that if she needs someone to be that, then she should see a pshycologist.. tell her that u are more than happy to help her out here and there, but everything has a limit.

So overall, i disagree with A Turtle Name Adrian on his 3rd point... what u guys think?


Laterz...

 

[BLUEox117]

Originally posted by ~ªêQµïTª$~
I was reading over some of the old threads and i came across this one and found the above piece of information in it....

Now i do not really agree with this... In the past and at the mmoment when girls tell me their problems, and i help them out with it, they seem to kinda "fall in love with me" and text me saying things like "thanx for being there for me, you are my gardian angel" etc etc... and when i just listen & sympathize with them, they normally end up saying something like "ok, i'll change the subject now, it doesnt seem that you are interested in my problems" ... So IMO if you DO help them out with their problems etc its a very good and helpfull thing to do...

Obviously you dont want to become her emotional punching bag, so you DO need to keep it under controll, and if she DOES do b!tch and moan at you too muvh, point it out to her that all she seems to do is use u as her emotional punching bag, and that if she needs someone to be that, then she should see a pshycologist.. tell her that u are more than happy to help her out here and there, but everything has a limit.

So overall, i disagree with A Turtle Name Adrian on his 3rd point... what u guys think?


Laterz...

i think i dont really care about peoples problems and im glad you do.

 

[Climax]

You are missing my point BLUEox117...

Originally posted by BLUEox117
i think i dont really care about peoples problems and im glad you do.

it has nothing to do with CARING about their problems.. it has to do with you being in the position where u are with a girl and she is telling you of her problems... and i am saying that instead of just listen & sympathize with them, one should rather also HELP them out if possible because women see this as something really kind and nice, and for them, it means ALOT, so thats an easy way to "score BIG points" with women.


Laterz...

 

[Dapper Swindler]

We have been told repeatedly not to be an emotional tampon for women. Sure, if you can help her with her problems then that's great, but if she's just using you as an outlet to whine to then you're ruining the relationship. One reason is that if someone tells someone else about bad experiences all the time then they will forever associate that person with bad feelings from those bad experiences. That's simple. AFCs think that if they are supportive of a girl's problems and try to comfort her then somehow they will think they're a great guy and reward them with a relationship and sex. And they will be frustrated when they start dating some other guy. In fact, if the problems that she wants you to listen to her whine about actually involve her problems with other guys she likes that aren't you; then you KNOW she has no interest in you. They might think you're a "nice guy" but that is the last thing you want to be to her. If a girl tries to pour her painful experiences onto me I just tell her "I can't do anything about your bad experiences from the past; I just want to create awesome new memories to replace them." And that logic usually shuts them up. Seriously, this is all in the Bible and most of you know this. But every once in a while people post about doing this exact thing.

 

[wind20mph]

Yes go ahead and be her friend for life *smiles*. If you were to subscribe on David DeAngelo's mailbag you will find out why.

Good luck!

 

[Climax]

Yes... but....

Dapper Swindler: You are right... thats why you need to take control and like i said, if it gets too much, tell her (read my previous post).... and you also NEED a balance of being a nice guy AND being a don juan/jerk/C&F etc... everything needs to be divided equaly, and yes, a Don Juan NEEDS to be a "nice guy" at times... its all about balance.


Laterz...

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Yeah, there are times to be a nice guy. And trying to cheer someone up by creating positive memories instead of allowing them to whine about a problem that can't be solved isn't a mean thing to do.

Actually, this occurred tonight with me:

Girl: I'm kind of down tonight. My Grandma is in the hospital.
(Problem I cannot solve, I'm not a miracle worker. How can I help the situation?)
Me: That sucks, I hope she gets better.
Girl: Yeah, me too.
Me: I bet I can cheer you on our date Friday. I know a fantastic Thai restaurant.
Girl: I love Thai food!

Acknowledge the problem, say something supportive and then change to a happier subject. Here is an example of handling it poorly by being too supportive.

Girl: I'm kind of down tonight. My Grandma is in the hospital.
Me: I'm so sorry. I know how painful that can be. My grandma died last month.
Girl: I hate knowing that she is suffering.
Me: I don't want you to feel bad. Tell me about how you feel.
Girl: Sad sad blah blah blah sad
Me: I agree, that's sad. Want to get some Thai food?
Girl: No, I want to die.

EDIT: Okay, it's late and I think I'm joking around more than offering any good points. Don't flame me.

 

[Climax]

errr... lol... ok? .. hmmm.....

Originally posted by Dapper Swindler
Here is an example of handling it poorly by being too supportive.

Girl: I'm kind of down tonight. My Grandma is in the hospital.
Me: I'm so sorry. I know how painful that can be. My grandma died last month.
Girl: I hate knowing that she is suffering.
Me: I don't want you to feel bad. Tell me about how you feel.
Girl: Sad sad blah blah blah sad
Me: I agree, that's sad. Want to get some Thai food?
Girl: No, I want to die.

LOL!!!!

Thats not being anything BUT an idiot that will end up making the girl feel even WORSE... that has nothing to do with being supportive, and deffinatelly has NOTHING to do with "helping her" seeing as that its leading to her WANTING TO DIE! *G*

your 1st scenario of what you would do is pretty much what i mean by "helping her out... u are sympathising with her pain and problem, u are showing that u care because u say that u hope thay her gran gets better, AND you are helping her up by getting her mind off her dying gran and rather cheering her up... maybe what i would of added there is that if she feels down untill she see's me on Friday, that she should feel free to call me and talk about it, and if she needs someone to be there for her, i'll be a call away. <-- That small detail does alot for her, and also means alot to her, eventhough it might not in YOUR eye's... woemn are different to men, they are alot more emotional, and they pay more attention to the small detail, such as something like u saying that "U'll be there for her if she needs someone"... blah... I think you get what i am trying to say


Laterz...

 

[Don_Joffe]

Aequitas: I disagree with you, yeah you may have helped your chicks but what happens is you become their friend that they can convide in and run to you when their boyfriend breaks up with them. Go read an article their are many that I have come across about letting them deal with their issues and their is even a point made to STAY AWAY from them when their mood is bad/sad.

 

[Climax]

errrrr.........

Originally posted by Don_Joffe
Aequitas: I disagree with you, yeah you may have helped your chicks but what happens is you become their friend that they can convide in and run to you when their boyfriend breaks up with them. Go read an article their are many that I have come across about letting them deal with their issues and their is even a point made to STAY AWAY from them when their mood is bad/sad.

1) Just because its wtitten in an article, doesnt mean its true or correct.

2) Like i have mentioned several times before, its about BALANCE!, You become their emotional tampon TOO much, or should i say, LET yourself become their emotional tampon, and yes, THAT will be making a mistake... thats why you need to do it the precaution and CONTROL the situation and make sure that it doesnt get out og hand.

3) I still stand by my opinion, because i know its correct. If i see a girl that i know and she is feeling down/sad, i'll see that as an opportunity, rather than something to "keep away from".


Laterz...

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Re: errrrr.........

Originally posted by ~ªêQµïTª$~
1) Just because its wtitten in an article, doesnt mean its true or correct.

2) Like i have mentioned several times before, its about BALANCE!, You become their emotional tampon TOO much, or should i say, LET yourself become their emotional tampon, and yes, THAT will be making a mistake... thats why you need to do it the precaution and CONTROL the situation and make sure that it doesnt get out og hand.

3) I still stand by my opinion, because i know its correct. If i see a girl that i know and she is feeling down/sad, i'll see that as an opportunity, rather than something to "keep away from".


Laterz...

If you're sure you are correct, then why did you bother starting this as a topic of discussion? I don't think either side is "correct", they just have different results. And it depends on what you want the results to be. Also your technique always needs to be modified based on the girl, so sometimes being more supportive does help I guess. Maybe you could find the articles in the DJ Bible that explain this better than we can. I am in the same school of thought as Don Joffe.

 

[christz]

all i say to any girl that tells me her problems is sigh first off.. and then follow up my sigh with.. damn that sucks but you know things always get better and there is always people worse off than you.

haha that's my signature pitty line

 

[Climax]

ok.. fair enough...

Originally posted by Dapper Swindler
If you're sure you are correct, then why did you bother starting this as a topic of discussion? I don't think either side is "correct", they just have different results. And it depends on what you want the results to be. Also your technique always needs to be modified based on the girl, so sometimes being more supportive does help I guess. Maybe you could find the articles in the DJ Bible that explain this better than we can. I am in the same school of thought as Don Joffe.

Well... i guess we all have our different ways or "working" but untill now my way has proven to work like a charm for me, so i'll stick with it... goodluck doing it YOUR way


Laterz..

 

[MrHarris]

I have a lady friend named Robin. Robin is 33 years of age. Her god daughters ex boyfriend Jeremy is 21 or so. Robin uses Jeremy to air all of her problems out. Jeremy is waiting for his chance to bed her like a desperate dog.

Robin uses him like a tool on the dance floor and constantly hugs up on him and does a ton of wild and crazy things just to keep his attention.

She recently told me that he will do anything for her and that he listens to her problems with other men.

I think the key determinante is are you getting laid by these women that you help or listen to their problems.

Don't be a Jeremy. Waiting around hoping that she will lay you one day.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

Is this post a joke?

Girls don't want their problems fixed, generally, they just want someone to listen to them. Unless they're desperately pleading with you...."HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME" MAYBE you do it. However, if she doesn't learn to do it on her own, and she's not your girl, then you've just put yourself in the friends zone. She'll always view you as 'that person' to go to with her problems. Do you want to be THAT guy?

I'm not suggesting against it, but men want their problems solved, women don't. By and large, unless she's asking, don't offer. And if she's asking, consider the status of your relationship before you take on burdens of another person over and above your own.

Truly and really, the only womens' problems you should solve are those of:

*Your immediate family.
*Your sister or cousins.
*Any female friends.
*And your girlfriend.

It's a catch-22. Whilst society doesn't help people out very much. we've blurred the lines on relationships so badly that wussily guys offer 'help' and advice and shoudlers to cry on and can go elsewhere for good ass. If guys began WITHDRAWING such support and didn't give it so freely, she'd be more apt to look for a COMPLETE package NOW, rather than when she wants to settle down.


In youth, many girls have symps pandering around their arses, willing to do whatever for them. As you age, you wake up and learn your probs are your probs and only you can fix them. Moreover, guys get GF's, and they don't want you fixing another chicks problems, so the "free ride" of support ends. Hence, women will still seek it out, but find no one offering. Some will wake up and deal and find a guy who encompasses all they used to have, and some will just wallow in their problems, banging whoever, hoping prince charming will save them, without ever saving themselves.


It's 1 thing to fix her comp if you know how, but don't be wasting 2 hours on the phone with her over a lost love, her dog dying, or otherwise. Pay your regards and move on. If she's a dear friend, fine. If you've been dating, use your judgement.




A-Unit

 

[Climax]

hmm...

Originally posted by MrHarris
I have a lady friend named Robin. Robin is 33 years of age. Her god daughters ex boyfriend Jeremy is 21 or so. Robin uses Jeremy to air all of her problems out. Jeremy is waiting for his chance to bed her like a desperate dog.

Robin uses him like a tool on the dance floor and constantly hugs up on him and does a ton of wild and crazy things just to keep his attention.

She recently told me that he will do anything for her and that he listens to her problems with other men.

I think the key determinante is are you getting laid by these women that you help or listen to their problems.

Don't be a Jeremy. Waiting around hoping that she will lay you one day.

Jeremy LET himself become an emotional tampon.... and that was dumb, and NOT what i am saying that should happen. (read my above posts if you are still unclear of what i am trying to say)


Laterz...

 

[Climax]

ok.. fair enough...

A-Unit... u are right... but like i said... one must not LET himself become an emotional tampon, one must rather do it just enough so that he gets those "bonus points" with the girl (the girl IS a girl that is a really good friend, gf, family etc) and must NOT let himself fall into the "emotional tampon" box.... its about "control" and "balance" and setting limits to how much is enough etc... and if/when she seems to see u as an emotional tampon, CUT it right there and then, and tell her that u are NOT her emotional tampon etc (read my abovce posts to see what i have to say about this further) but yes, you get the idea more or lees of what i mean


Laterz...

 

[Albion4]

There's a fine line between knowing when a woman just wants to feel better and when she truely needs help with something. Remember, women are feeling, not logical creatures. When a guy announces a problem 99% of the time he's looking for a solution. When a woman announces a problem 80% of the time she's just looking to feel better. If she's looking for a solution she'll let you know that. Otherwise it's your job to support her.

Example...

A few years back I was dating this girl who was always bumed about how much of a b<beep>h her boss was. I mean this woman (her boss) was a total trout; always putting my g/f down, taking credit for everything my g/f did, etc... One day she (my g/f) came home really upset about the whole deal. I could have sat her down and explained to her that she needs to start looking for a new job, etc... But what did I do? I told her, "You're by far prettier, smarter, and more fun then that trout could ever be. She probably goes home every night and cries herself to sleep because she hasn't had a date in 5 years." Or something like that. and what happened? The tears went away, a smile appeared on her face, and everything was better.

-Al

 

[Climax]

YES!!

Albion4: I like your way of dealing with things and thinking... nice THATS practically what i would of done too.


Laterz...

 

[Don_Joffe]

Do you honestly think that by helping a girl through her problems will score you "brownie" points with her? No, chances are points will be LOST- image of a nice guy is given off, image of being put into the friend category.
Do you think that staying away from her will score you points? No.

Its a LOSE-LOSE situation however one option is better than the other. Why bother helping them? Let them deal with it, if u busy talking 2 her and she is sad, say you will speak to her when she is feeling better she wil probably say DONT GO, therefore you are scoring points, by offering your help, you are LOSING ground.