I dont agree to this.. What do you guys think?

[Climax]

Let me try break this down for you...

Originally posted by Don_Joffe
Do you honestly think that by helping a girl through her problems will score you "brownie" points with her? No, chances are points will be LOST- image of a nice guy is given off, image of being put into the friend category.
Do you think that staying away from her will score you points? No.

Its a LOSE-LOSE situation however one option is better than the other. Why bother helping them? Let them deal with it, if u busy talking 2 her and she is sad, say you will speak to her when she is feeling better she wil probably say DONT GO, therefore you are scoring points, by offering your help, you are LOSING ground.

think about it this way Don Joffe... a few days later, AFTER she got over the "crisis" that she was in... when she looks back at it, what would you think will look better for YOU:

Option 1:
You telling her that you will spk to her when she is feeling better, and not caring about her problems and NOT being there for her in her time of need, in her time when she NEEDED someone to be there for her

or

Option 2:
If you talked to her about it, gave ur sympathy, gave your advice on what you think should be done etc, and just say "ya i know what u mean" and/or " shame man, i hope it gets better" etc... all they need is for you to listen to them, and show that u CARE about them.

If it gets too much and she goes on and on and keeps on coming to you with LAL or MOST of her problems, THEN you should step up and say to her that you are NOT her emotional tampon, and point out to her that you are her friend, and u will be there for her when she needs someone, but there is a limit to everything... she will get the hint, and she will stop doing it so often.

Now... after loking back and thinks of option 1 she wont feel anything for you, maybe she will even say "xxx was there for me, while you never seemed to give a ****, and yes BEING THERE FOR HER is something that a girl looks at carefully, and appreciates greatly, and it means ALOT to them too.

now if she looks back and u did option 2 , then she will think to herself" he was there for me when i needed someone, he helped me, omg, he is such an amazing guy for being there for me like that and making me feel better" etc.. ( I spk from experiance on this subject )

You do the math


Laterz...

 

[Don_Joffe]

You do your way(Nice guy). Ill do mine.(Juan)

 

[Climax]

Ok...

Originally posted by Don_Joffe
You do your way(Nice guy). Ill do mine.(Juan)

My way is a mixture between "nice guy" and a "juan"... its a balance.


Laterz...

 

[Don_Joffe]

Finding balance is good, but what would you classify yourself as if you are in the middle of a nice guy and the juan? Why be in the middle when you can adopt the JUAN way?

 

[Climax]

+_~+_~+_~+_~~+_~+_~+_+~_+~_+~_+~_+~_+~_+~_+~_+~_+~_+~_+_~+_~+_~+~_+~_+~_+~_+~_+~_+~_

Originally posted by Don_Joffe
Finding balance is good, but what would you classify yourself as if you are in the middle of a nice guy and the juan? Why be in the middle when you can adopt the JUAN way?

I use all the parts of being a Don Juan that i find are correct and true... and i do the same with the "nice guy" ways.... its as simple as that


Laterz...

 

[RedKnight04]

Wow you can't possibly think that actually works. I guarantee the ratio into the friend zone is huge when you do this constantly. If a girl doesn't LJBF you after you do this then she is either ugly or can't get a real man so she'll take your AFC ways.

Hate to be harsh but your blind right now, you probably tried this with one girl and she reacted possitive. So you think that is the way of the world. Try this on several girls and you will see what I'm talking about.

Not that its bad to help a girl out with her probs but your her emotional tampon, her shoulder to cry on. That sweet friend who she can talk to and justify her slutty ways of ****ing other jerks.

 

[Don_Joffe]

Heed Redknight's advice.

 

[Climax]

errrrr.........

RedKnight04: I will only become her emotional tampon if i LET myself become it, which if u are carefull enough, u will be able to control, and if she gets out of hand, u cut it right there, right then. I do it with precaution and with care, to make sure that i am NOT seen as an emotional tampon. If you do not want to agree with me, then so be it, but like i said, i WILL keep on doing what i do, because untill now, its been working well, with MANY women, not just 1 or 2.


Laterz...

 

[tmpgstx]

Aequitas has a good point - which Albion also supported - as do i. You WILL score 'brownie' points' with her by being there for her when she REALLY IS feeling bad and not just *****ing for the sake of complaining. A real man listens to problems and is supportive, it is not being an AFC.

If she *****es endlessly and talks about other men - well then - hell yeah - cut her ass loose!

Imagine now if she has a boyfriend and you are there for her in her time of need and he isn't - guess who she starts thinking more about? You!

 

[Disturbed]

My take on the issue: you gotta be shrewd enough to identify a legitimate problem from one that is not. You should base your actions on how much you feel that her problems are reasonable.

It is common nature of women to ramble on and on about petty things that do not even matter. If you feel that way about her problems, then declare it. Tell her that what she is whining about is nonsense and she should get a grip on herself. Don't fool yourself into offering support and sympathy if you feel that her problem is silly. If she is sane, she will appreciate your remarks and respect you for telling things as you feel they are instead of trying to appease her. If she is loony, she will resent you and that is a good thing because you really don't want to get into the likes of her.

About 40 % of the problems women talk about are legitimate. These require your attention. You may be able to offer advice or not. If you can offer reasonable support, then by all means do it because she will honour you for it.

Now we talk about the case where there is a legitimate problem and you are unable to offer good support for it. This case poses a dilemma for me as I cannot think up of the best approach for it. You can either try your best and come accross as ineffective or you can dismiss her problem and come across as insensitive. It's basically a Catch-22 situation, but I lean more towards option 2.

Identifying a legitimate problem from one that is not is a more complicated matter to discuss. It is dependent on the culture, values and experiences that you have been exposed to during your lifetime. So everyone is entitled to have a different opinion on that.