I could use some advise on female "friend"

[Mr.Positive]

This post is very AFC, I know, and I deserve to get some tough advise.

I have an issue with a female friend of mine, that is, just a friend. I care about her as a friend, and I value my friendship with her and would do anything to help her out.

Recently, her boyfriend, which she was in love with, left her and she's been having a very tough time dealing with it.

So, anyway, about a week ago I was at her place and she was telling me about everything, we were getting drunk together, and then I made a big mistake...I started to kino her. Well, that opened the flood gates for physical contact with her. It amazes me the power of kino sometimes. Now, she can't keep her hands off of me.

I don't know what I was thinking, I guess I wanted to help her feel better about herself. Plus, I am attracted to her...and the alcohol played a part.

Now she's sort of latched on to me as a "surrogate boyfriend". I've played a long because I thought I was helping her get past her previous BF, but now I'm questioning if I'm helping her or not.

I'm questioning this, because she's been spending the night at my place. No sex, but just I can't help escalating things and it gets to the point of her getting all heated up, almost to the point of orgasm, then breaking down saying " I can't do this, my mind is somewhere else"...then getting heated up again, then same thing.

I just know that if it keep going this way, sex will happen, but I don't think that's going to help her...I think it will make things worse for her because she's confused.

So, now I've got a friend that I'm attracted to, but she's a friend I'm trying to help too, sleeping in my bed at night. I've got a naked chick in my bed that I can't help but want to have sex with, but don't, because of the drama involved if I do. It's a frustrating dilemma.

This would be much easier if it was a gal I was gaming, so to speak, but keep in mind, this is a friend that I care about, and want to help. So, I'm not sure what to do at this point.

Any advise on how to desexualize yourself with a woman? How do you "reverse DJ" a woman?

 

[MacAvoy]

Dump her

 

[joekerr31]

hahahaha. i dont get you some of you guys. there was another post not to long ago about a guy with a chic basically naked in his bed, but them not having sex.

i mean WTF. if you dont want to have sex with her, then don't let her in your bed naked. i mean, come on.

as for reverse DJing just get authoritative on her *ss. start telling her that she needs to buck up and stop wallowing in self pity. she'll consider you an insensitive *ss and have next to no desire to sleep with you.

right now what you are witnessing though is what happens to women when they dont have a guy. they get horribly desperate for a source of validation. they need a guy, almost any guy, to tell them they are beautiful or a great person. they fall to pieces when they dont get that on a regular basis.

as for banging her, why not, go ahead. women are not these fragile little creatures that will shatter into a thousand pieces just because you stuck your d*ck in them. so if its her you are concerned for, dont be, she KNOWS what she is doing. right now SHE is creating the situation, not you, despite what you might think regarding kino.

now if you value the friendship more than you do f*cking her - then you need to tell her that things have gone a little off in to left field and that the two of you need to bring them back to center field so that your friendship isn't ruined.

your situation isn't difficult, all you have to decide is which is more important, the friendship or getting laid.

personally i'd probably choose getting laid - the memory of f*cking a hot chic that i was super attracted to will stick with me longer than the friendship memories i might have with her.

 

[KontrollerX]

Explain to her that she is confused now and that you value your friendship with her highly which is why you and she should no longer sleep in the same bed together.

Tell her you and she can go out to public places to help get her mind off the ex boyfriend but the sleeping in the same bed together stuff has got to stop or you'll both end up doing something you'll regret and ruin the friendship.

Truth be told she'll probably take you saying this as an insult and your friendship will be ruined or strained regardless.

I think you've let things get too far out of hand and there's really no going back now so you can either get something out of it (sex) and lose a friend or take the moral high ground (by taking my earlier advice) and losing a friend forever or at least for a while.

Its really a no win situation as even if you proceed with sex and it goes well for a while you then become the dredded rebound guy and when her mind becomes clearer you will then find out whether or not you were ever her type of guy in the first place.

 

[decades]

I would say to her look we are going to have sex or we aren't going to have a relationship. You should know better than this Mr. P. It's the one thing AFCs are warned about more than any other. Women friends. Take charge. Be a man. Tell her what is going to happen. If she resists and says NO then no more cuddling for you (you are getting something from cuddle with her). No more being the cuddle boy and her emotional tampon. Take charge and quit letting her control things. If she is in your bed do Something or get her out! I believe you always had designs on this woman and masqueraded as her "friend" until just such a moment as this came along allowing you to swoop in and "save the day". Take responsibility for your role in creating this situation because You Did.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Thanks for the response guys, I need a swift kick in the a$$ for this one. Because it is my fault.

Actually, I don't want a relationship with this woman, I see her as a friend..yet I'm attracted to her.

The thing though, I know I can have sex with her if I want to. It's just about escalating things until she get's hot enough. She's almost there, and if there's a naked chick in my bed, I go on autopilot and escalate. Except this time, because she's a friend, I've been stopping because she gets too emotional and I start thinking that I'm taking advantage of a friend in need.

I guess, like Kontoller said, it's a no win situation at this point. Either way, I'll hurt her more if I talk to her because I'll be rejecting her, yet if I have sex with her, I'll be taking advantage of her.

 

[Mr.Positive]

right now what you are witnessing though is what happens to women when they dont have a guy. they get horribly desperate for a source of validation. they need a guy, almost any guy, to tell them they are beautiful or a great person. they fall to pieces when they dont get that on a regular basis.

as for banging her, why not, go ahead. women are not these fragile little creatures that will shatter into a thousand pieces just because you stuck your d*ck in them. so if its her you are concerned for, dont be, she KNOWS what she is doing. right now SHE is creating the situation, not you, despite what you might think regarding kino.

Good point Joekerr...but whoever initiates the physical contact, does open the door, regardless of whether you both want to or not.

She is desperate for attention and validation, that's what started all this. I was trying to help her as a friend...as AFC as that sounds.

 

[KontrollerX]

Eh at this point you might as well pound her guts in Mr. Positive.

You're attracted to her after all and if things work out and somehow you build a healthy relationship with her thats great and if not and you suffer from the LJBF rebound guy thing when the fog of her mind clears thats also great since you just wanted her as a friend to begin with.

If you're the type of guy that doesn't build that much of an emotional connection to a woman you're involved with then I can see you coming out of this as a winner if she eventually pulls the LJBF's card on you.

I mean think about it, you would've got to experience her sexually and after thats over get the friendship relationship back with her that you've always wanted and hey if she's chaotic enough of a person and the next guy hurts her you can be there again to be her comforting emotional pillow and pound her guts in once again lol.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Mr. Positive,


WHAT???? You actually posted a thread on the Mature Man Forum about you caring about how a woman FEELS emotionally, as opposed to JUST how her pusssy "might" feel????

What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you know you could be throne in the brig, excommunicated from the church of cootchie worship, and banned from Sosuave because of this? Get a GRIP, soldier!!!!

Just kidding...lol

But seriously, you seem like I guy who has his DJ Head together. I have EVERY confidence in knowing that you have and/or HAD more options for sex than this recently traumatized female "friend". So if you REALLY value her friendship OVER her pusssy, STOP letting her stay overnight IN YOUR BED immediately.

The only real question to ask yourself is:

"Is this particular piece of pusssy worth the potential drama that may come from getting it?

Don't believe the hype, you CAN tell a woman friend "NO" and she will STILL respect you in the morning. If she really throws a hissy-fit because you choose to be there to support her EVERYWHERE "but" your bedroom, then she was never after your friendship during this "crisis" in the first place.

And if so, THEN you can feel free to fukk her like the random piece of pusssy that SHE has chosen to reduce herself to "in your eyes".

Oh, and unfortunately, there's one OTHER thing that could happen in your situation:

It's quite possible that you could fukk her and the sex could be LAME AS HELL.

Then, you two will have memories of each other as one of the most awkward and/or UNSATISFYING sexual encounters that either of you have had. And I wonder what THAT would do for the future of any kind of friendship you two would have left?

And unlike SOME in the community who would tell you to "Go fukk ten other women", I will only suggest THIS advice:

Stop tempting and teasing yourself every night with THIS chick, and Go fukk ANY OTHER woman------as long as it's NOT "her". lol

 

[jophil28]

Women are all about their own 'emotional maintenance'. She is getting from you the NEXT BEST THING to being with her ex B/f..You are her substitute guy at the moment. You are filling a vacancy - much like a temporary 'personal assistant' at the office...She does NOT see you as the real deal and that is why she stops short of Fukking you. She is emotionally "branch swinging " .
She is getting a lot of her emotional needs met from you BUT that is because her B/f is NOT in her life anymore. YOu are her emotional tampon . Imagine this - if she got back with him, would she still be so close to you ? Sleeping in your bed - getting so cosy ? I think not. You would be shot right back to 'platonic friend '.
You are likely to come out of this a tad bruised IF you start imagining that she might be YOUR next G/f...

Save-a -ho is a foolish misuse of your time.

 

[STR8UP]

Women are all about their own 'emotional maintenance'. She is getting from you the NEXT BEST THING to being with her ex B/f..You are her substitute guy at the moment. You are filling a vacancy - much like a temporary 'personal assistant' at the office...She does NOT see you as the real deal and that is why she stops short of Fukking you. She is emotionally "branch swinging "

I affectionately call it being an "intimacy surrogate".

Will she fukk you? Maybe. Probably, since she's naked in your bed. But you gotta ask yourself if you can handle the fallout, cause it will happen.

I have a lot of female friends who I hang out with from time to time. One in particular I flirt with incessantly, but I haven't crossed that line for various reasons.

Most likely I will be taking the plunge soon, since it's at a point where she's grabbing my d!ck when I'm dancing with her in the club. I spanked her ass a couple of times and she said "I need to show you how to do that sometime". Later on in the night I had her show me, I made a face as if she didn't know what she was doing, and she says, "Don't worry, I'll REALLY show you how to do it sometime, but when we are naked".

Now if that isn't an open invitation to fukk, I don't know what is. Things will likely change between us if I do go after the cookie, but oh well, I guess i deal with it when the time comes.

Funny thing is, even with this one (she's 37 btw) she will disappear into a relationship for a couple of months, the flirting cools off between us, then she gets out of a relationship and it starts right back up, each time with more intensity.

She's just like any other woman in that she needs to feel that she's still got it, and that means flaunting her sexuality.

If a chick is naked in your bed (or grabbing your d!ck and kissing you in a club) chances are she wants to fukk. And I agree with Joe that chicks are much more resilient than they would have you believe. If you DO decide to fukk her don't worry about whether or not it's gonna help or hurt her. She's a big girl, she knows what she's doing.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Yo Mr. Positive,


WHAT???? You actually posted a thread on the Mature Man Forum about you caring about how a woman FEELS emotionally, as opposed to JUST how her pusssy "might" feel????

What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you know you could be throne in the brig, excommunicated from the church of cootchie worship, and banned from Sosuave because of this? Get a GRIP, soldier!!!!

/QUOTE]


Mr.Postive front and center!! Explain yourself, this random act of AFCism, you and your blatant disregard for the DJ cause. You are a disgace to the sosuave army!

I uh..friend, trying to help..there is no excuse sir! I will take and learn from this as a mature DJ!! I will go out and spin more plates. I will not show any emotional attachment, and keep learning from our officer of arms!

Mr. Positive you must redeem yourself, stand tall and learn from this. You are dismissed!!

 

[joekerr31]

not to mention that when you play save a ho and then suddenly stop women tend to get really p*ssed off at you.

in this case, you may tell her 'we have to stop and bring our friendship back in to focus' and she may take that as rejection. she may then potentially explode on you - taking out her anger over your rejection AND the ex bf's rejection on you.

but if your friendship is strong, and if she values that more than giving in to her emotions, she'll keep herself in check.

just don't be surprised if she goes from adoring you to hating your guts - its a very common occurance.

 

[Mr.Positive]

I affectionately call it being an "intimacy surrogate".

She's just like any other woman in that she needs to feel that she's still got it, and that means flaunting her sexuality.

I think that's the biggest part, is that she has low self esteem now and needs to feel wanted.

And as a friend, I actually want to help her. Don't you guys have any female friends that you care for, as a friend, and would step up to help when they are having a tough time?

So..it's as if I've volunteered to be this intimacy surrogate. I just don't know if it's going to help..and knowing myself, if she's naked in my bed, I can't help but go for sex.

I'm leaning towards just not having her spend the night anymore. Be there for her as a friend, but tactfully try to pull away physically.

 

[MacAvoy]

If she is naked and in my bed, I would put it in her, I don't care if she said no.

 

[decades]

Sure she is a friend. But, A "true" friend and I mean "JUST" a friend would not be naked in your bed doing stuff just short of fukking. When chicks are naked in your bed they EXPECT something to be inserted into them at any moment. Like str8up said. She knows what she is doing. She is a big girl. You don't have to be so worried about her like she is going to "break". That's the cap'n save a ho mentality in a Nutshell. that without big old strong Mr. Positive around to "help", she would not make it through. Please realize that you like the way your loins feel when she is naked in your bed, and get over this I am doing it to "help her" crap. If you want to help her do it fully clothed outside the bedroom. Know yourself and your true motivations here. Because you don't right now.

 

[joekerr31]

If she is naked and in my bed, I would put it in her, I don't care if she said no.

put what in her? a pillow? :nervous:

 

[Mr.Positive]

Sure she is a friend. But, A "true" friend and I mean "JUST" a friend would not be naked in your bed doing stuff just short of fukking. When chicks are naked in your bed they EXPECT something to be inserted into them at any moment. Like str8up said. She knows what she is doing. She is a big girl. You don't have to be so worried about her like she is going to "break". That's the cap'n save a ho mentality in a Nutshell. that without big old strong Mr. Positive around to "help", she would not make it through. Please realize that you like the way your loins feel when she is naked in your bed, and get over this I am doing it to "help her" crap. If you want to help her do it fully clothed outside the bedroom. Know yourself and your true motivations here. Because you don't right now.

Thanks Persistent, this is what I needed to hear. I think I'm acting like a woman right now, and trying to justify things instead of being honest with myself.

Thanks for the advise guys..

 

[penkitten]

If she is naked and in my bed, I would put it in her, I don't care if she said no.

future rapist?

 

[KontrollerX]

LOL, good call penkitten.

Anyway I thought of another thing you could try Mr. Positive.

The next time you are in bed with her and she is giving the go ahead for sex you could say to her softly and emotionally "You know we could do this and it would be a beautiful thing but are you sure this is what you really want?"

Putting it this way gives her the power of rejection and gives her a chance to get her thoughts in order and takes guilt off of your mind if she gives the go ahead to sex.

This could save your friendship if after thinking about it she says "I'm sorry this was a mistake" etc since it makes her the rejecting party instead of you.

Then after a few awkward days one of you could say some ice breaking joke to the other and resume the friendship as normal lol.