I cheated

[Credos]

So yesterday we had the biggest frat party EVER. I was bartender so you can probebly already guess I had alot of female attention. Anyhow, my gf told me she would stop by at the party so that I could see her but she was going to crash with her best girlfriend cause they haden't seen each other in ages.

Her friends all had a hangover from the day before so they suddenly change plans and decide not to come, while I got her on the VIP list... Anyhow, during my barshift I accidently cut myself with some broken glass and get a fleshwound, but we were able to mend the wound so I just decided to party. I get to know this chick and from one thing comes the other, especially with me being MAJORLY drunk and suddenly I'm walking home with her. I'm at her place and there divine intervention happens, cause my wound opens again and I start bleeding like a pig.

I go to the hospital and get stitches. I was sedated and lost alot of blood so I was totally gone... My friends take me back to the party where ANOTHER girl starts hitting on me... We party all night long till 11 o'clock in the morning... She asks me to crash at her GFs place with her and that nothing will happen. So me with my drunk/sedated boots go with them.

I really fvcked her hard and she gave the best head ever... Anyhow, the bad part is... I don't want to hurt my GFs feelings, especially because I took her virginity and we aren't really that long togheter. So I decided to just lie about it, I know it's lame but from previous experience I just know it's the best thing to do. It's not really a moral issue that I cheated, it's just annoying that friends of mine know it happened and that I have to trust those girls to sh*t their pieholes even though they promised to sh*t em...

Any input from you guys?

 

[loveshogun]

I'm not judging, but I still think you're moralizing it.

If you want to be pragmatic/practical about it, just tell her what you did, and don't try to get back together with her.

I think you're more worried about your reputation, but to her, what you do is who you are - it will always catch up to you. So don't lie to keep up pretenses, or you will find yourself much more unhappy than if you just bite the bullet and tell the truth.

Now, AFTER you tell the truth, let her leave, and leave yourself. Don't listen if she says she wants to work it out, because she's not the "problem," (if we view lack of desire for monogamy as a problem - I'm sure she would) and she's not gonna change you. Only you can change you.

You can't, and don't want to preserve the relationship, so end it.

I don't think you'll be too broken up about it. If you were really concerned about her feelings, you wouldn't have almost cheated the first time, and you wouldn't have ACTUALLY cheated the second time - all in one night.

I know this, because I've been in your situation MANY times.

I learned to stop judging myself and just tell the truth. Most importantly, I don't let a girl call me her boyfriend and have expectations of fidelity from me unless I want to, and know that it'd be worth it to me to actually remain faithful.

The skillful part of this is explaining my animal nature to a girl (or remaining silent about it) in such a way that she doesn't blow her top. Even the most balanced out women, because of cultural conditioning, would view a guy like me as a sociopath because I refuse to settle for whatever options are in front of me without looking out for my own interests.

 

[5string]

What's done is done. Can't take it back.

Choices?
1)Maintain radio silence
2)Spill the beans and take your lumps

My advice?
If you want to stay with this girl, keep your mouth shut and hope everyone else does as well. You know if she finds out it will damage or end the relationship. If you can't handle the guilt, let her go and move on.

Let us know what happens. Good luck.

 

[loveshogun]

My advice?
If you want to stay with this girl, keep your mouth shut and hope everyone else does as well.

Note that I agree that this is effective, assuming that the OP wants to stay with his girl.

Key points, though, were that he said he didn't want to hurt her feelings, rather than saying he wanted to stay with her.

I think he should tell the truth and get on with life. She'll move on, too, in spite of the d*ck move (once again, I'm not judging. I've made plenty of d*ck moves myself).

 

[5string]

Note that I agree that this is effective, assuming that the OP wants to stay with his girl.

Key points, though, were that he said he didn't want to hurt her feelings, rather than saying he wanted to stay with her.

I think he should tell the truth and get on with life. She'll move on, too, in spite of the d*ck move (once again, I'm not judging. I've made plenty of d*ck moves myself).

shogun....absolutely agree. Truth is always best even if it is painful. +1 rep

 

[Iceberg]

I think he should tell the truth and get on with life. She'll move on, too, in spite of the d*ck move (once again, I'm not judging. I've made plenty of d*ck moves myself).

I agree with a solid 90% of what you've said since joining the board. But I just don't see the benefit of this one.

If he wants to break up, then just tell her it isn't working. Telling her that he cheated once is just gonna make her feel like a fool. "I cheated on you...and uhh, now I also don't want to date you. Welcome to Losersville."

It would be like a girl telling her bf that she's leaving him because his d**k is too small. Maybe it's the truth. But he doesn't need to walk around knowing that.

 

[pinhas]

Deny till you die!!

 

[☜╬☞]

Look at it the other way. If she cheated on you, would you like her to deny it or confess, assuming you weren't aware.

Also this is my advice:

If you feel what you did was a mistake, then don't tell her and hope your relationship continues without a hitch. Just try to not do it again.

If you didn't think it was a mistake, then you obviously don't want to stay committed, and that's perfectly fine; bang all the girls you want.

 

[1337]

your only enemy will be guilt, and remember you were raised to feel guilty if you do a certain x action by society. If I were you I would keep my mouth shut your young, probably not gonna be the woman you settle down later with. If you do tell her and she keeps you she probably still won't trust you and use your mistake against you in future arguments. Trust is a big key in relationships if you lose that its not worth being in one. That being said keeping a secret from her is also untrustworthy and guilt will probably overcome you. Choice is yours.

 

[Credos]

Thanks for the input so far guys,

I do want to stay with my girl and the guilt is not that much of an issue cause we aren't that long in the relationship yet...

I'll keep it as my secret and don't cheat on her again...

Stupid that I couldn't hold it in my pants but that's just life I guess... Sometimes you gotta make mistakes to learn from them...

 

[5string]

Thanks for the input so far guys,

I do want to stay with my girl and the guilt is not that much of an issue cause we aren't that long in the relationship yet...

I'll keep it as my secret and don't cheat on her again...

Stupid that I couldn't hold it in my pants but that's just life I guess... Sometimes you gotta make mistakes to learn from them...

That's the ticket. You F'd up and are willing to learn from the mistake and remain faithful in the future.

It's always the same with these situations. It will be in your head forever. Then you'll think to yourself, "she has a right to know about it, I would". "If she cheated only once, what would I do if I found out"? Give her another chance, end it or what?

Try not to mindfvck yourself.

 

[semperfkemall]

Shlt happens. But own it. Not wanting your girl to be hurt as a reason for not telling her is a cop-out. If that was such a big concern you wouldnt have done it. And breaking up for some other reason is just gonna torture her because your reasons for leaving wont make sense in her gut, and she'll feel responsible for the relationship failure. this will hurt her more. The least hurtful thing you, if you want to make this about whats good for her and not you, is just be honest and move on.

Your dont sound ready for a monogamous relationship at this point in your life. Aside from your primary concern seeming to be you saving face versus her emotional welfare, your in the frat-land party phase in life. Enjoy it, slay some pvssy since that seems to be what your want to do deep down. but its not serious relationship time.

 

[JLW]

Break up with her you selfish d*ck. You obviously don't like her enough to be in a monogamous relationship, so why put her through the BS? You're just going to break up with her later on anyway. And even if you don't break up ever (i.e., get married) you will always have that stain on your relationship. Forever.

Break up with her. You owe it to her.

I don't really think it matters whether or not you tell her you cheated or not, however.

 

[rushing dude 123]

Hey credos, long time no see. I thought i would just put my input in this situation and try and rationalise it for you. So firstly tell me what's the point in being a relationship that has already been destroyed?

When you get in a relationship it is usually to get to know the person and maybe see if there is a future with you and her. However seeing you have already cheated on her the foundations is already broken, it's like building a house on sand, it's bound to fall. So lets say you to get on really well and mircalously you end up getting married, can you really walk down that aisle knowing what u did?

I think you should cut losses and do both of you a favour and meet new people, because from the looks of it you have no real interest in her and not to much guilt either "I really fvcked her hard and she gave the best head ever... " < that dosn't sound like a man that feels to bad about what he did. So whats the point in being in a realtionship with someone who you don't have enough interest with anyway, it's just a waste of time. If you wanna sleep with other women dude, just stay single and do whatever you want, no need to drag this girl along.

You don't have to tell her you cheated even, just say it is not working, because it obviouslly hasn't. People make mistakes bro, just make sure to learn from this one.

Well thats my advice anyway.

Ps: Btw to all the guys who are supporting the lying and sticking around point. If a girl cheated on you, what would you do, how much would you trust her. So why do you think your so different. If you want to **** other girls so badly, get out of your relationship because your not suppose to be there.

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

Don't let these guys hen peck you into doing what they want to do...

Do what's best for you. I suggest you keep the girl you just f*cked around because your gf will find out and when she does find out, you want to have other options.

Otherwise, you're in for a lot of pain.

 

[backbreaker]

i don't see what the big deal is. just stfu and don't' do it again and deny it if she finds out. you guys aren't getting married, the only thing it's going to do is deny you poon tang for no reason whatsoever. stop going so carl thomas over this, she's probably done it anyway herself.

in fact i'd call that girl you boned back if i were you next time your girl has plans

 

[Ease]

Cant believe that we have some guys saying that you should 'confess and end the relationship' and do the 'right thing'.

That kind of thing belongs in a different forum guys. Lets keep it real here, you will be fine. There's nothing wrong with a little mischief now and again. Lie and keep it on the low, keep a side girl. Its all good.

A liar is better than a beta.

Ps: Btw to all the guys who are supporting the lying and sticking around point. If a girl cheated on you, what would you do, how much would you trust her. So why do you think your so different. If you want to **** other girls so badly, get out of your relationship because your not suppose to be there.

This is fools talk. A girl cheating is not the same as a man cheating. This is basic knowledge, and for all he knows, she has been kissing guys behind his back the whole time. It's not as shocking when you see this **** happen in real life, it puts things into perspective.

 

[Levex]

A girl cheating is not the same as a man cheating.

Enlighten us what the difference is, and don't start that bs about nature and spreading the seed blah blah.

He ****ed up, if he's willing to lie about something like this then what's the point of even staying in a ltr. Be a man, tell her the truth, whatever happens happens.
If she breaks up with you, go run thru some hoes and get it out of your system until you feel like youre ready to try a ltr again.

 

[semperfkemall]

"

"A liar is better than a beta."

Sounds like a pretty insecure state of mind. Im tempted to throw the term napolean complex in there. If so much of what you think is based around how you think it affects your perception of being alpha, then its because underneath you really dont feel alpha at all. Its a constant fight with yourself to feel alpha, and therefor superficial.

Its gotta come from somewhere else than someone else's expense. An alpha state has to come from in you, not through manipulating others, and lying is manipulation. Its trying to artificially control someone elses perception. People always can feel this. Eventually, they see it. and then your not an alpha, your just a tool.


Some things i read here sound like the male's equivalent of feminism, I.E. being automatically under the assumption that a female is gonna bring you down or do something bad to you. and that they are this threat just by existing.

Be a leader. That word means people want to follow you, not coerced or manipulated into it. The word for the latter is commander

off the orignal topic, but relating to what i call attempted fake alpha, versus the true thing:
(ever wonder why soviet and former soviet military systems refer to their leadership positions exclusively as "commanders"? in the U.S. and other countries we often use the word "leader" for these positions. This reflects a value held in the U.S. and other places: implying you are a leader and that your subordinates would follow you under their own unmolested free will.)

And if you have achieved becoming the real thing, your mindset isnt dominated by actively trying to control and maintain your "Alphaness", and controlling people. Its free of that burden.

 

[rushing dude 123]

Cant believe that we have some guys saying that you should 'confess and end the relationship' and do the 'right thing'.

That kind of thing belongs in a different forum guys. Lets keep it real here, you will be fine. There's nothing wrong with a little mischief now and again. Lie and keep it on the low, keep a side girl. Its all good.

A liar is better than a beta.



This is fools talk. A girl cheating is not the same as a man cheating. This is basic knowledge, and for all he knows, she has been kissing guys behind his back the whole time. It's not as shocking when you see this **** happen in real life, it puts things into perspective.

Fools talk huh, not really just common sense. The only point i am disputing is being in a relationship that is already broken....it is just pointless and a waste of time for both partys, as it is inevitable that it will end. This site is about becoming a man and being able to make your own destiny and getting all the things you want.

So saying that...name one reason why you should stay in a relationship where you don't have no real interest in the woman? And please do not put the sex card on the table. Because to be honest if you followed the site, getting layers of booty call numbers on your phone isn't exactlly hard. It's not really a factor unless your some kind of AFC and sex is a rarity to you, so you have to force yourself in a relationship with someone you don't even care about because your lonely.....

Knowing credos, i am sure he is not the latter and can have his pick of the pile has he demonstrated on that night as well. So my point is just if you are a real man, it dosn't really matter and theres no need to cling on to something that you don't need.