Advice from the old lady:
As a female business owner or executive there’s a funny double standard. It is stupid but it’s there, and the more attractive a woman is the more that double standard applies.
The double standard is that socially and culturally women historically were “supposed” to be meek & unassuming and submissive. You can’t be that in business, you’ll get run over. So where a man is appreciated for assertiveness a woman is a b itch. Much research and many articles on this. It really has more to do with societal programming. The way you overcome this cultural bias is first to realize it exists and that’s the landscape, next you have be that much MORE socially well calibrated. Not everyone is capable of realizing the landscape and calibrating accordingly.
I have plenty of men who work for me. They know I’m direct and I’m fair. They know I’ll call them out too if something isn’t up to par but I do not do it in a ball busting sort of way. Men are still men & frankly many men have fragile egos. I’m aware of that & factor that in. And some men are resentful of being subordinate to a woman. That’s an attitude problem or bias that is the dude’s to own. Needless to say those guys don’t last long with me, lol.
Madam Curie is a famous historical example of this, and further back so was Joan of Arc. Margaret Thatcher is a more modern example. The Iron Lady always made it known that at home Mr. Thatcher wore the pants.
Last evening a prominent physician I collaborate with called me back after a long day in clinic. He’s a brash New Yorker, no nonsense and has a cheeky and what many people would consider a very un PC sense of humor that would have most in the #Metoo crowd running with their hair on fire, as they’d find him inappropriate. The guy is sharp as hell & hilarious. He told me an off color joke during the conversation and in turn I told him a funny, off color story that made him bust out laughing. Like really? I’m not going to have a stick up my ass and go running. I like people being comfortable enough to be unfiltered and real. But you also always have to be paying attention. I can tell the doctor also thinks I’m attractive (so is he, which he’s well aware of) and so there’s a banter there that’s organic but has to be managed. I’m married after all & so he’s just as off limits as the next guy.
But lots of people do not know how to calibrate and manage through the nuances of such interactions. So they offend people. Men do it too, it’s not just a female thing.
The importance of social calibration can never be overstated.
