I can't think of a clever title... - Journal?

[TheMusic]

My life's a mess.
Love sucks, and at the moment I'm pretty close to giving up and just scoring a random fatass.

Small background; I kissed with 17 girls in my life. Seems rather nice, eh? Nah. Only 4 of them were really pretty, and 5 were pretty ugly. When I noticed girls could like me, I grabbed almost every oppertunity.
Terrible.

Did I mention I also fail in love? I've been in love last year. Twice. Two beautiful blonde girls. I met number 1 on vacation, but after a hot night I got a little scared next day and when we arrived at home she barely answered my text and it was over.
Number 2 happened last month. We met, she added me on facebook, we talked, had a date and things seemed to work out. Until she started to stop answering to my texts and messages. After confronting her she seemed barely interested again, so I gave up.
Of course, I know where I went wrong. First nights we talked all night long, and I focussed my life around her.
Fool.

I hate myself for acknowledging this, but truth is; my life is centered around girls. I have my hobbies, but im not sure if I really love them, or just do them to impress ladies.
This must stop.
That's why I made goals:
1. Improve appearance

Go shopping more, sport 6 times a week, eat less candy, quit drinking​

2. Improve musical skills

Practice on instruments daily, perform at least once a month​

3. Improve school

Use a planning, pay attention in class, organize notes, do my homework​

4. Improve acting

Do a fotoshoot, play in at least 1 play a year, audition monthyl​

5. Improve social skills

Meet friends at least once a week, treat everyone the same, delete facebook, make new friends, meet ladies, quit masturbating​

Struggles:
- I'm a quitter
- I really need affirmation
- I have a huge network, but not much real friends

To do:
- Read the DJBible
- Become a beast in cold approaches (how the hell am I going to do this...)

I would love some (preferably a lot of) feedback, tips, tricks.

 

[LearningSlowly]

These daily requirements to exercise and practice your instrument wont come easy. One day will go by where you forget, and youre off the wagon. Make it easier on yourself by creating a schedule, setting alarms, and making a daily to-do list. Keep track of your goals and progress to avoid quitting.

BE EXCITED about the next thing you're practicing. "Oh man here's a great song to learn!" "I really want to learn this trick with a soccer ball or hit this weight with my bench press." When you are excited about your next short term goal, the long term goals will seem more possible and interesting.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Welcome back

 

[TheMusic]

Entry 1: The Ex-Hookups

Since I'm home alone this week, I thought I should profit. Problem: I don't know any new cute girls to invite, so I decided to text some old hookups.
Monday.
Her name was BR[7,5]. I met her at a party last year, saved her from her crazy boyfriend and she ended up giving me the best bj I've ever had. Decided to ask her to come over.
It sucked.
She was dating some loser so didn't want to make out while watching the movie, but was cuddling and touching the whole time. When the movie was over I was so tired of her **** that I said "It's better if you leave now". She said she wanted to make up for her behaviour by making out with me, but I was tired of her **** and kinda threw her out.

Tuesday
Met this girl SO[6,8] at a schoolparty, long time ago. Had some spicy texts, got a lot of hot pictures, went babysitting with her, made out. Fun. She came over, gave me a lapdance, striptease, and a bj (I believe it was the first time she did something like this, fairly talented girl). She was on her period though, so that was it. I'm exhausted atm, from just making out.

To Do (short term):
- Stop hooking up with ex-hookups. It's just stupid. AARHFHBJ.
- Make a planning (gonna do that after I finish this post).

Good things I've done today:
- Practiced my mouth to mouth skills
- Read day 1 of the DJbible.

Questions:
- What do you guys think of hooking up with exes?

 

[AlexLefty]

I shall make various comments below.

My life's a mess.
Love sucks, and at the moment I'm pretty close to giving up and just scoring a random fatass.

Small background; I kissed with 17 girls in my life. Seems rather nice, eh? Nah. Only 4 of them were really pretty, and 5 were pretty ugly. When I noticed girls could like me, I grabbed almost every oppertunity.
Terrible.

Did I mention I also fail in love? I've been in love last year. Twice. Two beautiful blonde girls. I met number 1 on vacation, but after a hot night I got a little scared next day and when we arrived at home she barely answered my text and it was over.
Number 2 happened last month. We met, she added me on facebook, we talked, had a date and things seemed to work out. Until she started to stop answering to my texts and messages. After confronting her she seemed barely interested again, so I gave up.
Of course, I know where I went wrong. First nights we talked all night long, and I focussed my life around her.
Fool.
You're on the right track. But something is broken inside you. WHY did you just focus your life around her? You have some deep insecurities. Flush them out...you are broken.

I hate myself for acknowledging this, but truth is; my life is centered around girls. Nothing wrong with that. At the most basic level our lives are centered around girls and surviving. good that u acknowledge that tho. I have my hobbies, but im not sure if I really love them, or just do them to impress ladies. Yeah who cares. If studying makeup is your hobby then do it. Just do it with pride
This must stop.
That's why I made goals:
1. Improve appearance

Go shopping more, sport 6 times a week, eat less candy, quit drinking​

2. Improve musical skills

Practice on instruments daily, perform at least once a month​

3. Improve school

Use a planning, pay attention in class, organize notes, do my homework​

4. Improve acting

Do a fotoshoot, play in at least 1 play a year, audition monthyl​

5. Improve social skills

Meet friends at least once a week, treat everyone the same, delete facebook, make new friends, meet ladies, quit masturbating​

All good stuff, but like ls said you need to get a concrete system to organize your ****. ALWAYS WRITE THINGS DOWN. I've found that i do best when I have a broad organizational structure, and i've been using/keeping this organizational chart thing that I made for 4 months now. I can show u if u want - might help u to find what system works for you.

Struggles:
- I'm a quitter
- I really need affirmation
- I have a huge network, but not much real friends I used to be the same. Seriously cut down on this. You waste SO MUCH TIME with those peeps who aren't real friends. stick with your real bros who can help u improve in life..and do this asap.

To do:
- Read the DJBible This is helpful but seriously over-used and less-effective than many other **** out there. It's a good starting point but i'd skip it alll together and go to the good stuff.
- Become a beast in cold approaches (how the hell am I going to do this...)
#1. Just do it. OR #2. Become more self-aware....this will help with #1. Check my journal in my sig. I'm going to start this up again once school is out in like a week.

I would love some (preferably a lot of) feedback, tips, tricks.

Overall you have a good start. But you still need to think bigger. Go deeper. Really become self-aware.


There's nothing wrong with hooking up with exs if you're horny. As a matter of fact, why did you even ask this question? Who the **** cares? Why are you feeling insecure about hooking up with exes? Is it that deep down you want to hook up with hotter/newer girls to fullfill your ego/pride/need to show-off? See what i mean about the broken thing.... Idk...just brainstorming.

 

[TheMusic]

Entry 2: The day I almost approached 3 girls but then didn't.

I felt pretty attractive today. I don't know why, but now that it's spring and I can wear shorts again I feel like another guy.

I didn't sleep tonight. It's quite a sad story; that girl SO[6,8] went home, without her phone. I was stupid, tired, didn't bring her home. Then she forgot to text if she had made it safely. Hadn't been on Whatsapp since the afternoon, all her girlfriends were scared something happened to her, I was worried, couldn't sleep, stayed up till 8:30, when a friend of hers confirmed she was safely in class.

Slept till 12, made myself some good food, finished the movie I watched while I couldn't sleep and left for school. Last monday I noticed there's a girl in class who's suddenly interested in me. Don't know what I'm about to do with it yet, right now I use it to practice on having conversations (big struggle).

On the way back home I walked through the train station and saw this beautiful girl. When she passed me I thought "Damn, I should run back and talk... but my train is leaving, so I can't". Went to the platform, saw another cutie. Stood close to her, hoped to sit next to her in the train. Didn't happen, some guy was there first. Walked the other way in the train, seated next to a blonde, legs touching the whole trip. She reacted with a big smile and apologized when I wanted to open the garbagebin but couldn't 'cause her bag was in front of it, and I stumbled something back. I said to myself "This girl is interested... but nobody's talking in the train, everybody's quiet, they will notice me). She got off the train the next stop, thanked me for moving with that lovely smile again, and yet, all I could do was stumble. On my stop I stood next to the cutie from the platform. I looked at her, had eyecontact, smiled, she smiled back and all of a sudden I freaked out and looked away. "This one seems interested too... but after you looked away it will be weird to talk to her.

Having a party this friday. Gonna be fun.

To Do:
- Find a way to organize my life and set goals
- Finish all overdue homework
- Work out (get healthy first, on the edge of being sick atm, short nights etc.)
- Get over my AA by improving confidence (long term one)

Good things:
- Read the pieces from the DJbible
- Made a lot of music
- Improved my cooking in the last few days

Question:
- How do you guys meet new male friends?

 

[TheMusic]

Entry 3: I'm really motivated - NOT.

Today I had no school, so I had all the time to finish my overdue homework and work out.
I watched two movies instead. Got up late, cooked, then my internet wasn't working so I wrote like 2000 words of reflection material for school (part of homework).
And now I've been procrastinating my workout since 20:00.
I'll start at 22:15. Promise.

Tomorrow evening I have a party. This guy's name is the same as a food brand, so we bought a can of that stuff and put some money in it. Happy Birthday. Going out with my class, let's see if I can practice approaching and having good conversations.

To Do:
- Finish more overdue work
- Get over AA
- Find a way to organize my life and set goals

Good Things I've done today:
- Read pieces from the DJbible
- Worked out (I will be doing this in 7 minutes)
- Been a good listener (on text) for a friend who lost someone. Feels good to be serious sometimes, instead of joking around all the time.

Question:
- How do you guys meet new male friends?

 

[TheMusic]

Entry 4: Partytime!

Friday
It was the birthday of a friend of mine, from school. Halve our class was there and the rest of the people were guys and a few girls he knew from highschool.
I was really tired, because I had practice earlier that evening. I was tired, and didn't wear my special hot v-neck shirt with buttons which I love and puts me in a good mood. I wore a shirt with some dumb text on it. My hair was messed up, and there were a lot of people with the same specialty as I had; music. Usually I sit behind the piano, play some songs everybody knows and they all like me for it. Now I was one of the 10 guys who could play, and we all know guitarplayers are far more interesting. Really. Nah. But still, I didn't feel comfortable.
Hanged around my classmates, introduced myself to some of the strangers but not to all, danced with a few of them for a while, and then we went to a bar.

In the bar I said to the cutest girl at the party (Ca[6,5]) that I was sorry, but that I forgot her name. Then I told her she never introduced herself, so it was kinda her fault. She laughed (had an amazing smile) and introduced herself. Messed with her for a while, then she had to go to the bathroom. She was all like "How am I ever gonna get there, it's so crowded". So there I was, being a Matofato Gentleman, pushing people away. She grabbed my hand to make sure she could follow, and it was cool. I asked "should I wait till you come back?" {FOOL! If she wasn't that into you, you would have seemed so damn desperate. Argh.} She said that would be great. Waited for her and a friend to come back, then walked behind them and let them lead. Danced around her, around my other friends, and all the time I was just having fun. Not the "Hey, I'm mister awesome"-kinda fun, more like going out with loser friends fun.
Tried out some little tricks on the cute girl (closing the ear to talk in loud clubs, when she accidentally hit me in the face I pointed at my cheek to get a kiss, holding hands while pretending to do a coin trick- ridiculous thing I saw in one of the funniest videos of Simple Pickup, but kinda effective), and then said it was hot, and that I was going out. "If i would go out, I'd better be leaving. I have to learn tomorrow", was her reply. I stayed in, waited for 20 minutes, then said I was going to get some fresh air. She grabbed her coat, joined me. We walked side to side, in the wrong direction. Laughed, turned around, she grabbed my hand, walked to her bike.
I teased her, she said
Ca[6,5]: "That's not a good way to make a move on a girl.".
Me: "I don't need to make a move."
Ca: "You don't?"
Me: "Na". Then I kissed her.

It was bad. She tried to eat my mouth I think. It was like she had no lips at all, and kissed with her teeth. Breath wasn't amazing. Too bad.
Also, I didn't approach one single lady (mostly because I was insecure about my looks). It wasn't the best night of my life.

Good things:
- At least I scored a new girl
- Still up to date with reading the DJbible
- Workouts are going pretty well

To do:
- Go shopping
- Grow some balls.

 

[TheMusic]

Interlude: My balls won't grow.
Figuratively speaking. Like I mentioned in Entry 4, I still have little confidence and I'm way too scared to approach girls.
I'm always whining, like a little *****.
That does not matter.

I need challenges! Some things to motivate me to go out and start expanding the size of my.. well, you know what I mean.
So please, sosuave, help me out!

 

[LearningSlowly]

Have you practiced music daily? Worked out? Do you feel yourself falling short somewhere?

Once your confidence is up through consistent pursuit of your goals, it's easier to go out to the mall to buy clothes and have the energy to force yourself to talk to a girl.

If you need a challenge, ask one girl for her number. I don't care if you have a good chance of getting it or are just looking to be rejected, just say the words to someone you have never met before.

 

[TheMusic]

I didn't practice enough, and I also skipped workouts to be able to learn for a test.

I'll try to complete your challenge before the end of the week. Have some spare time tomorrow, so we'll see. I think I'm going to try it without talking. Saw a video on that and it looked awesome.

DJ; you're right. I'm a bit of a loser. Today I will reach all my daily goals. Same goes for tomorrow. And friday.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Get your **** together bro. No second chances. Want to improve? You've gotta do things you haven't done before.

 

[TheMusic]

Still postponing your challenge LearningSlowly. I'm very afraid, tbh.

At the moment I'm reading all Bible articles I should have read days ago.
Came across this one:
http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/000344.html
Enormous read, mostly comes down to "If you don't risk, you'll never win. Even when you fail, risk again."

Made a lot of music, and worked out like a madman. It feels so good. Finishing reading all articles now, and making progress on moving out.

 

[Nino-Tk]

All the theory in the world is useless if you don't apply it and get some experience, I'd wager and say that all this reading is another form of avoiding what really matters; Taking action.

 

[TheMusic]

All the theory in the world is useless if you don't apply it and get some experience, I'd wager and say that all this reading is another form of avoiding what really matters; Taking action.

Damn. I can't really hide here, can I? You're right man... I feel really bad.
I can make promises now, that I'll really improve, but I'll have to convince myself first. Hope to do that this tuesday.

 

[DragonBlood]

wisdom teaches softly experience harshly.

Read as much as you want TheMusic, take your time it will pay off.

At some point you will have to put your knowledge into practice with goals.. e.g. get 3 numbers by end of week, say hello to random people etc. But your young and still learning there is no hurry here.

Main point stop feeling really bad/like a loser this is hurting your game.

 

[Blistex]

I can make promises now, that I'll really improve, but I'll have to convince myself first. Hope to do that this tuesday.

TheMusic: You don't need to make promises. You don't need to convince yourself. You need to go out there and start applying what you have learned. Otherwise you'll be 40 years old still making promises about improving, still trying to convince yourself and hoping that eventually something happens.

You are in control of your life. Go out there and make progress. One step at a time brother. :rockon:

 

[Nino-Tk]

Yeah, there really is no point in over loading yourself with all the tips and tricks. You want to act with the ruthlessness and precision of a samurai warrior, its kinda hard to do that when you have a bunch of philosophies floating inside your head. Enjoy the process though, remember, don't make this your identity, its just another part of you so have fun with this mate!

For what its worth, I'm rooting for you!

 

[LearningSlowly]

Step 1: get out in the field.
Step 2: don't let yourself leave without approaching (be prepared to have approach anxiety for a while, but don't quit!)
Step 3: after your first approach, push your limits. Once the first one is done, you will have a burst of adrenaline. Ride that feeling into more action!

 

[TheMusic]

Interlude 2
Just saw a TEDx-video about internet porn. Feels good to know that quitting is healthy too.

Other news:
I had an amazing day yesterday! Although I had been ill since thursday, I had to perform in the final round of a local talent show. It went perfect, and the kick I had afterwards was just amazing! I felt like I could rule the world, just awesome! I'm looking forward to performing more (next one is scheduled next saturday).

I'm looking forward to going to school tuesday. After school I'll have some spare time, and I'm really gonna push myself to get rejected.

Now back to my music.

P.s. We won the talent show