I can't stop thinking about her (long post)

[Greasy Pig]

No more replies man. Seriously.
You do NOT need to justify yourself to this controlling bytch.
Take her stuff to her Nan's and GTFO.
Instead of sitting around pining for a worthless piece of a$$, hit the gym, go for a run, play golf. Better still, play a team sport.
Hang out with dudes and live life for you for a while.

Remember, she will try to contact you and make you feel guilty. Fvck that. You've done nothing wrong except allow a low quality woman into your life.
And that's very easily fixed....

 

[imtoodeep]

Alright I hear ya, She actually rang me at lunch time and had a massive go at me for being not replying to her ect, I told her she does that to me ALL THE TIME and she went of on one saying how she has all these things to take care of and has been too busy.
So I said fine your too busy for a relationship then. BYE! and hung up.

I've blocked her from facebook and now going to no contact, I don't think she will contact me again tbh so as long as I can resist the urge to contact her all will be good.

Thanks again for the advice

 

[AW1983]

She's BPD, she definitely will.

+1

Here is your mission now man:

No replies, no insulting, no long condemnatory texts or voicemails that you think will "put her in her place". I ascertained quickly back in my Clusterf*ck BPD experience - these broads thrive on ANY attention, positive OR negative. Don't give them any. NONE. If I were you I would get rid of all of her sh*t asap...don't give her a reason (excuse) to come around.

"wow not evening a good morning today guessing were not alright then"

She's trying to play you like a fiddle man, trust me. All the stuff you wrote above is BPD "Game". We use Game to bed women and hopefully find a quality one some day. BPD's use their version of Game to suck you dry in a futile attempt to fill the black hole emotional vacuum that is their soul, or lack thereof. Don't be a host to this parasite.

 

[TonyBaloney]

My friend - all of these bery very wise men who are advising you about this girl - LISTEN TO THEM, I PRAY (and I never pray, unless it comes to something very very serious.....)

I sit here, at 2.47am Greenwich mean time, still recovering (7 MONTHS) after **** ending with a crazy ***** like this one. I allowed her into my mind, my soul..... 3.5 years of agony. I rolled with it, as she represented validation - she was from a wealthy family of distinction, pretty inteligent, but I missed that she was EVIL AND TWISTED.

I am not AFC, i have had many many girls, and have had quite a few sinc her, but I just got seriously f ucked up by the BPD - take all these wise words from all of us, as angels on your shoulder. Seriously listen.

 

[Three]

I'll pile on, too. I'm sitting here awake at 3:18AM Eastern thinking about the bomb my soon to be ex dropped on my earlier tonight: she has a guy that she's been talking to that she fvcked a few days after moving out of my apartment. We were married for more than 3 years.

This woman was a total emotional vampire and had a son who was the same. Two people that managed to suck every last molecule of air out of any room they walked into.

Yet, I still love her and want her, despite myself.

Don't contact her again! Don't even look back. Take it from me and the others here that this type of woman is toxic and eats away at your soul. I've been broken like never before by this one and had a near nervous breakdown. I'm going to a shrink and going back to church to get my head and my life together. I suggest you do the same.

Above all, don't dwell on the past! Just drop it and move on. And be thankful you didn't get sucked in as bad as Three.

 

[Delly2000]

I would have to concur and say that you are better off leaving her alone.

Its almost as if some of these women play out the same script. Being out late with their girls and saying how they almost got raped etc.

Hanging out with guy "friends". Their phone being off when they suppose to meet you etc.

I could discount it as coincidental but when there is so much overlap its like the same script is being played. So it really must be bs from these chicks.

Some chicks are crazy dude.

I been with one. I feel sorry for the guys that have been with some for years. Dont know how one could bear it.

 

[Zarky]

I'm sure OP knows he's better off without her. I think his question is HOW does he go about getting her out of his life? Easy to say "no contact," much harder to DO "no contact."

 

[Three]

True enough, PairPlusRoyalFlush. I definitely DO hate myself. I feel incredibly guilty about the whole thing. I do feel this insane addiction to her, but I have been going no contact.

I am still crushed, but you guys are all correct. I'm a fvcking idiot. I jumped in with this girl way too fast. Actually, she jumped in with me, moving herself and her son into my place a few weeks after we started dating. God, what a tool I am.

And on top of all this, I talked to my kids yesterday and the oldest two admitted to me that she made them feel like sh!t on a regular basis and that they didn't want to come over to my place anymore because of it and because of her special treatment of her little sh!t.

Yes, I do hate myself and if it weren't for my kids, I would probably eat a fvcking bullet. This sucks and I'm trying really hard to work through it.

I did hook up with an old girlfriend the night after she told me about her whoring. It made me feel a lot better, but still not there yet. I'm not much of a player and not interested in club girls or any of that scene. I'm a guy who wants to hang out with kids and mow my lawn in the suburbs.

Sorry for hijacking the thread. I'm in a really sh!tty place at the moment, too.

 

[SecondHalf]

True enough, PairPlusRoyalFlush. I definitely DO hate myself. I feel incredibly guilty about the whole thing. I do feel this insane addiction to her, but I have been going no contact.

I am still crushed, but you guys are all correct. I'm a fvcking idiot. I jumped in with this girl way too fast. Actually, she jumped in with me, moving herself and her son into my place a few weeks after we started dating. God, what a tool I am.

And on top of all this, I talked to my kids yesterday and the oldest two admitted to me that she made them feel like sh!t on a regular basis and that they didn't want to come over to my place anymore because of it and because of her special treatment of her little sh!t.

Yes, I do hate myself and if it weren't for my kids, I would probably eat a fvcking bullet. This sucks and I'm trying really hard to work through it.

I did hook up with an old girlfriend the night after she told me about her whoring. It made me feel a lot better, but still not there yet. I'm not much of a player and not interested in club girls or any of that scene. I'm a guy who wants to hang out with kids and mow my lawn in the suburbs.

Sorry for hijacking the thread. I'm in a really sh!tty place at the moment, too.

Don't hate yourself, but do acknowledge that you neglected your primary responsibility and that was to your children.
Now, concentrate on them with all the will you can muster.

I do not judge as I'm acknowledging how I put the emotional safety of my 14 year old son behind my own ... validation. He loved her, and had I not been blind, I'd have seen she was only hanging around for a while but playing "serious future" while she was in it.
Now we're both recovering.

My forgiveness to myself is to live up to my vow that I'll never never let another idiot into my life until I know that she's stable and fart in her face interested in me and that my kid will always come first.

Chin up, spoil your kids with your time and never stop!

SH

 

[Delly2000]

I don't mean this to be shock therapy. But there is no going back.

Its gonna burn for awhile. But you are human. It will pass. But unfortunately its just gonna take time.

I would suggest stay no contact. This girl dispises you. She doesn't respect you. And she thinks you are beneath her. Please keep this in the back of your mind despite all of the lures she may pull to rope you back in.

Please understand she has someone else. When you text or contact or whatever it just gives her confirmation that she made the right choice. She is gonna be in bed with her new boo and talk about how much of a stalker you are before they go into another session.

But realize this. A girl that does stuff like this does it to the next guy. I doubt she would ever find a healthy relationship. She may settle down eventually. But she is gonna give the next guy hell. And if he is a bad guy he may end up abusing her.


You made the right decision brother. When you meet a good woman (and you will) and realize her worth you will realize this.


Focus on you. Make yourself better. And get back out there. If you need to ease yourself back into it thats cool. But try not to let the lonliness eat at you....use it as fuel.

 

[imtoodeep]

Thought I'd give you guys an update on the situation.

You guys have been great here thank you again, and I'm sorry to tell you that I went there again.
You probably feel like I just totaly ignored you all and I guess thats true, I can't honestly tell you why after knowing all that I know would still go back there... I just sorta did.

Unfortantley (for me) I wasn't able to resist her for long and broke the no contact rule the first attempt she made at contacting me.
I agree'd to still see her on the friday as we had planned, she had previously asked me to book that day off so we could spend the day together, which I had already done.

So I pick her up on thursday from the train station after work, but I wasn't comftable with her,and I wasn't really saying much and I guess I was just a bit 'off' with her, She was constantly asking me what was wrong and if I was o.k and trying to get me to tell her whats bothering me, but I just kept replying with nothing I'm just tired. I wanted to get her back and try and discuss all the things that were bothering me, but for some reason never seemed to find the right time. Anyway a uncomftable evening passed and we both go to bed, we didn't have sex since she was on her period but to be honest the way I was feeling that night I doubt I could have even if she wasn't.

The next morning we wake up late for something she wanted to do, and straight away she starts having a go at me for not checking the time earlier on when I woke up and went back to sleep. I got up out of bed and went into the bathroom, when I got back she said work has just texted her asking her to go in that day, I was pissed off,I went into the kitchen in a huff, she then gets the total ass and starts having a go at me for being in a mood, I said "you asked me to take today off so we could spend the day together and now your going to go into work, and I'm not allowed to be pissed off! where's the logic in that" and walked out of the room again.

Anyway I took her to work at 12 and didn't hear from her again till later that night when she text me saying "I can't be with you anymore, you got really funny about me working and I need to work for kids, I will be in contact with you about my stuff so please dont ring me or text me anymore." by now (and I really mean this) I was DONE with her and replied "yeah fair enough thats how I feel too. Bye hername."

That was friday and Iv'e not heard from her since, I've not tried to contact her either.
Since then I've read LOADS on BPD and all the cluster bombs personalites, even read the book 'stop waling on eggshells', and everything I read was re-living encouters with this girl.

Anyway we were 'off' again now, I still feel like s**t but I do feel more informed and less confused than I have done previously... I guess I'm not looking for the closure that i was looking for the other times we've been 'off'.

Thanks again everyone, even though I didn't follow your advice, I never doubted it either.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Sometimes you just gotta learn from yourself playa. Take care man!! You'll automatically learn.

I remember when I first got her I was simpin hard with my girlfriend. Arguing all the time, fighting, tricking, lieng no sex etc. The vets here told me to drop her and they were all right. I didn't listen to them and consistently made new threads about my problems. People thought I was trolling it go so bad! At the end I didn't listen to anyone else and she ended up dumping me. Greatest thing I ever did was implement no contact. I have not talked to her since. Even when she tryed to contact me I just ignored it man.

Playa you tryed to do things your way and it clearly didn't work. Sometimes you gotta learn from your experience man. Now what you need to do is giver her all her things back and ignore her. Avoid her. It's going to be hard but when your banging better looking girls in the future you will say it was the best decision you have ever made.

Good luck pimpin,

AJ

 

[Greasy Pig]

I guess the best advice is to not make the same mistake again.
You gave in to her, relinquished your manhood and tried to salvage a train wreck.
How did that end? With her being a complete cvnt.....again!

Surely by now you've seen her true colours and can confidently put this unpleasantness well and truly in your past.

Please, please, please learn from this.
Learn to spot the signs early and pull the fvckin rip cord before you're too close to slamming into the ground.

 

[imtoodeep]

I've decided to see my GP for some help, I have had a lot of turmoil in my life, my Dad was a drug addict and commited suicide when I was young, my mother was an alcoholic and I had to watch it kill her (littrally watched her take her last breath in hospital) her husband used to beat me regualy and I was kicked out of the house when I 15, my older brother was a drug addict and died on his 28th birthday I have two sister who I no longer have any contact with, infact I don't have any contact with ANY family, I do have a small circle of great friends but other than that I am alone in life.

I have battled with drugs very nearly went down the same road my brother went down.

I already had a life changing turnaround when my LTR broke down and I lost communication with my two sisters, That made me stop drinking and playing around with drugs.. I do however still have a problem with weed, It stops me from thinking about all the above and I have been smoking it daily for years.

I have never talked to any one about all this and actualy this is the first time I've ever written it all down.
I guess reading up on all these clutch b types and how they are generally started made me realise that I am not immune and that I show a lot the traits I have been reading about.

Right now I can't honestly tell you I could ignore her if she contacts me, But I am looking at myslef in ways that I haven't before.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I'm not trying to be mean or anything but the quality of woman that you attract will be the quality of guy you are. You went through a lot in your life but that should not define you man. Work on becoming a better man so your kids (future kids) will have a much better start in life then you did!

 

[SecondHalf]

I've decided to see my GP for some help, I have had a lot of turmoil in my life, my Dad was a drug addict and commited suicide when I was young, my mother was an alcoholic and I had to watch it kill her (littrally watched her take her last breath in hospital) her husband used to beat me regualy and I was kicked out of the house when I 15, my older brother was a drug addict and died on his 28th birthday I have two sister who I no longer have any contact with, infact I don't have any contact with ANY family, I do have a small circle of great friends but other than that I am alone in life.

I have battled with drugs very nearly went down the same road my brother went down.

I already had a life changing turnaround when my LTR broke down and I lost communication with my two sisters, That made me stop drinking and playing around with drugs.. I do however still have a problem with weed, It stops me from thinking about all the above and I have been smoking it daily for years.

I have never talked to any one about all this and actualy this is the first time I've ever written it all down.
I guess reading up on all these clutch b types and how they are generally started made me realise that I am not immune and that I show a lot the traits I have been reading about.

Right now I can't honestly tell you I could ignore her if she contacts me, But I am looking at myslef in ways that I haven't before.

Man, that's quite a burden you carry around.
I can relate to a couple of your challenges, but certainly not all, no where near in fact.
I will say this though, the first step to recovering and changing your life is making the decision to do so and never never never look back.
I too faced a fork in the road (age 29) where I had two very different looking realities to choose from.
One was easy, familiar, one was difficult, tons of work and quite scary for fear of failing.

I chose the latter and have never looked back.
It was a hard journey, but failure was never an option. I just couldn't allow myself to follow fork 1 in the road.

In the years that followed, I learned to never judge a person by their history but rather celebrate it, for it made them who they are, the person I'm talking to.

Sounds like you've made a similar decision, good for you!
Never look back and work it!

SH

 

[AW1983]

I too faced a fork in the road (age 29) where I had two very different looking realities to choose from.
One was easy, familiar, one was difficult, tons of work and quite scary for fear of failing.

I chose the latter and have never looked back.
It was a hard journey, but failure was never an option. I just couldn't allow myself to follow fork 1 in the road.

Not to hijack the thread, but I'd be very interested to hear this tale, as I feel I'm in somewhat of a similar place but haven't quite committed to a choice yet...

 

[imtoodeep]

Yeah i suppose it is a burden, but untill coming across this place and reading about cluster bombs or more specifically the type of poeple that fall for them; I hadn't realised how much (real life) influence it has on me.

I've been thinking and I don't want to speak to my doctor, he's an ass and will probably try putting me on anti depresants, which is something I will not do, so instead I'm going to cough up and pay for some therapy.

In the mean time I've been thinking a lot about her today, I ended up Google searching her name so I could see her Facebook picture, and sure enough she now has a picture of her arm in arm with some other dude, he's got a massive chin too.
Funny i thought if I knew she had definitely fuxked me off for someone else I would feel better but I don't I feel worse.

It's taking every part of my self control not send her a torrent of abuse or at least just to let her know 'I know'

 

[SecondHalf]

Yeah i suppose it is a burden, but untill coming across this place and reading about cluster bombs or more specifically the type of poeple that fall for them; I hadn't realised how much (real life) influence it has on me.

I've been thinking and I don't want to speak to my doctor, he's an ass and will probably try putting me on anti depresants, which is something I will not do, so instead I'm going to cough up and pay for some therapy.

In the mean time I've been thinking a lot about her today, I ended up Google searching her name so I could see her Facebook picture, and sure enough she now has a picture of her arm in arm with some other dude, he's got a massive chin too.
Funny i thought if I knew she had definitely fuxked me off for someone else I would feel better but I don't I feel worse.

It's taking every part of my self control not send her a torrent of abuse or at least just to let her know 'I know'

When you're in NC, you never, never snoop.
You'll never find what you're hoping for.
I've been so tempted to snoop, dreamt up so many reasons to meet up with her.
i.e. to scold, to apologize, to clear the air for a bad breakup that need not have been.
I've not caved nor will I.

However, if I ever see her 21 year old daughter drunk at a bar and can game her and boink, I'm going for it

OK, probably not, but it's a fun fantasy!

SP

 

[Greasy Pig]

The only way to keep her brain hamster running like fvck on that little wheel is to not acknowledge she exists.
Any abuse or acknowledgement of her means the hamster jumps off the wheel while she laughs at what a douche you are and it is good that the relationship ended.
If you contact her now, she wins and you have no leg to stand on.
Don't give her the satisfaction of you still caring for her. DON'T.
You will eventually find peace.