I can't believe she said this...

[thirdtimescharm]

Last night I had my first face to face with a woman I met through a free online dating site. She's near my age, married three times, and the divorce isn't final on #3 yet, with a daughter who is in her 20's. I'm the first guy she met via online dating. In and of itself that isn't a big deal as I seem to have been "the first" for many women's online dating experience. Seems to be a talent of mine

Anyway, She's extremely attractive, a real head turner. I typically don't date women my age because I look very young, and most women my age look way older, but not this one. We had pretty much established that there might be good chemistry -before- we met, and things flowed very easily, both physically and with easy, fun conversation.

In the course of evening, she said she has no plans to ever marry again. I have no problem with this at all, as I've been there and done that -twice. Marriage isn't a goal. Good, positive relationships might be. Meeting people is easy, but meeting quality people I want to spend time with is hard. She's got a Phd from Russia, and appears to be equal parts beautiful, intelligent, sexy, with a really fun dose of "dumb blond" thrown in on top. She turns heads, but is very down to earth and seems grounded. All good, right?

So here's the thing that I'm posting about. She said that in her castle, she is queen. Meaning that when she's out with her guy, if that guy carouses in public, he'd be history. I don't have a problem with that. But then the kicker was when she said that it would be ok for me to sleep with other women, "as long as she didn't know about it."

Anybody ever have a woman tell them that? Is this an indication of something to be worried about? Or celebrated?

 

[Jariel]

Depends what you're looking for. If you're hoping for an exclusive relationship this may not be the woman for you. The only time a woman (or man) would say something like this is if they have the same intentions.

If you're happy being casual with her, then just enjoy yourself, but she's probably sleeping with other guys or her ex.

 

[Wilko]

The short answer is no, unfortunately I've never heard anything like that! I may have seen it implied in some ways though.

Maybe, just maybe, your woman has actually come to terms with some of life's harsher realities after fifty years and three divorces. Realities like the fact that men will inevitably feel the need to stray. Maybe she's realised that the more important thing (for a woman) is not having such indignities and indiscretions flaunted in public. Maybe she's realised that she doesn't need to own a man in order to share his intimacy, and that such ownership was never anything more than a pleasant fiction in her previous marriages. It would be very, very rare to find a woman who admits these things to herself though, I hope she's one of them

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Wilko, I think you're right on. When she said that I did ask her to elaborate, and the way you put things is almost -exactly- as she described them. I had a few drinks in me and had forgotten all that, but you brought it all back.

Jariel, I had considered that also, but something else she said is she was a "serial monogamist." I thought that the statement above and her being a serial monogamist might be mutually exclusive, but just because she expects men to stray does not necessarily mean she will do the same. Still, she did say she needs to feel challenged, and I -know- after spending the evening with her that she's going to have no shortage of "suitors" (she even related to me how this is how things worked in the old Soviet Union for her before she had the kid at 24). She also said that I am "completely her type" while we were cavorting on my bed, so I know I've got a good start. When she asked me if I was her type, I said "you'll do." That got me a petulant little pout.

What will make this all easier is she lives about 45 minutes away, so there won't be the opportunity to "jump" into anything that becomes overwhelming. Other plates can be spun while I spend the time to get to know her, if things continue.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Oh, and she's not sleeping with her ex. She said the lack of sexual chemistry was a big reason why she left the marriage.

 

[Jariel]

A serial monogamist...that does put a different spin on it.

I'm thinking Wilko must be right on this one, or she was just throwing it out there to see if you would reassure her that you aren't/wouldn't be doing that. But maybe by no reassuring her, you offer more challenge.

Either way it sounds like you're onto a good thing there and I wouldn't sweat it. It's good you're teasing her ("you'll do" ) and not indulging her with compliments. Good luck man!

 

[KarmaSutra]

Tread carefully Pops.

She says everything you want to hear but then slipped in this doozie:

"She said that in her castle, she is queen. Meaning that when she's out with her guy, if that guy carouses in public, he'd be history."

She has a history of thinking before she acts. Three failed marriages (and an innumerable amount of flings, boys, and flesh-arrows) speak everything about her. Her psychology is fvcked. Her self-image is fvcked. Her prospects for her relationship future are fvcked.

Number one rule with a woman of this ilk: DO NOT FVCKING DEVELOP ANY EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT TO HER. She'll suck any emotional entanglements out like your load after a couple of extra-dry Martini's.

Have fun with her. Do things to her that are illegal in Thailand, but keep an arm's length from her at all times.

If you pass out after a slam-bang-marathon-fvckfest, sleep with one eye open. She'll slip away to check your cell for who you've been talking to.

You'll wake up with your testicles in her Martini glass.

 

[Atom Smasher]

^^ LOL at the "Pops" ^^

Karma is dead-on correct.

Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!!

 

[Johnnyventana]

China called. They want their red flags back.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

One thing I've always been able to count on from the members in this forum is that people see things from different sides. Gotta love that.

A recent woman I dated for about 18 months said I was one of the most detached people she ever met. So I think I won't have too much difficulty staying detached again.

Not that I don't occasionally suffer from delusions of grandeur. Twice this year, I met women who made me suddenly think they were something special. In the early stages with one of them, I posted here and my potential one-itis case was diagnosed; I quickly corrected and that girl is history. The second one I handled on my own, and the girl displayed her flaw and she's gone as well.

Karma, you're dead on as well, with the "Thinks before she acts" comment. In her profile, there is a comment on how she "never stops thinking." Though interestingly, she doesn't view her marriages as failed; she said they were simply relationships that served a purpose and ran their course. I'm not going to even begin to try to justify anything she says; again, it's behavior over the longer term that needs to be assessed. And at this stage I don't have enough behavior to go on. But my eyes are indeed open.

 

[squirrels]

It's an extremely open-minded stance. I wonder if that would work both ways, though...she would be able to sleep with other MEN without you knowing.

It makes me wonder if after her last three marriages, she has "given up" on the idea of men being sexually faithful. But then I guess the question becomes, why couldn't she keep her past men sexually satisfied??

I dunno what to think of this one. Tread carefully.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

She said in all the marriages, it was her decision to leave. In my marriages, it was mine. I'm gonna take that as a sign that we've got some similarities. Not saying whether that's good or bad ;-)

I don't believe the satisfaction of the man was the issue. It was her own satisfaction that was lacking. And the funny thing is as I was simply kissing her, she said that if I kept that up, she was going to have an orgasm. Seemed pretty easy to please to me.

As for whether she can sleep with other men without me knowing, my feeling is the serial monogamy statement applies.

 

[john siegal]

I concur with Karma on this one (surprising).

Take her down with some dirt road action and maybe a threesome with your best buddy (if you got the Sand)...and don't let up until she complains.

She says the things you want to hear because, Women are Natural Born Actresses.

They are Innate Liars...and will lie, cheat and steal to get their way.

Knowing this...i would proceed with Caution.

 

[MatureDJ]

China called. They want their red flags back.

LOL! :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

 

[speed dawg]

In and of itself that isn't a big deal as I seem to have been "the first" for many women's online dating experience. Seems to be a talent of mine

Apparently so is gullibility.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear 3TCharm,
One interesting Lady.....Can I say from experience that when I give a Woman the nod to have other lovers,it is because 1.That's what I am doing. 2.I know I will lose her if I don't wink a blind eye.
Russian women are great,surprisingly frank and honest! just keep her as a plate,and always wear your armour.

 

[Jitterbug]

"You're the first guy I've met through Internet dating" is just a womanly way to tell you "let's pretend that I'm totally new to Internet dating, I'm not such a loser, honest!"

A cousin of "I've never done this before on a first date".

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Apparently so is gullibility.

Sure dawg, it could be all bull****. But it really doesn't matter what they say, as much as what they do. And if they say I'm the first while their clothes are off and I'm having my way with them, I don't really have a problem with that. Which is exactly what happened last night.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Dear 3TCharm,
One interesting Lady.....Can I say from experience that when I give a Woman the nod to have other lovers,it is because 1.That's what I am doing. 2.I know I will lose her if I don't wink a blind eye.
Russian women are great,surprisingly frank and honest! just keep her as a plate,and always wear your armour.

I will definitely keep a safe distance as I hopefully get to know her better. And I totally agree on Russians and eastern Europeans in general. I've known a few and they can be hard to get to know initially, but worth it when you get through their defenses.

 

[john siegal]

you got it Big Dawg!



as long as your tapping that Arse...and getting it your way...play along.

Well done!

Sure dawg, it could be all bull****. But it really doesn't matter what they say, as much as what they do. And if they say I'm the first while their clothes are off and I'm having my way with them, I don't really have a problem with that. Which is exactly what happened last night.