I called her and she didn't pick up the phone

[-HPNOTQ-]

coin, in short...you made yourself too available, less of a challange, and a lil bit clingy. it's like put yourself in her shoes...

would YOU date a girl who's always calling you?
would YOU date a girl who's always IM'ing you?
would YOU date a girl that got your number from someone else without your knowledge?

read this thread by grey fox on first dates:
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=31426

really good insite on how to approach the dating game and the reason why DJ's do the things they DO.

MD - you got some sneekiness in you bro. I like your idea that coin should use this girl as testing ground. It's gonna be a nice way to put the iggy on a girl, and when she comes back..neg hit, KINO, C/F...maybe when she comes back round, coin will have his DJism down and can flip the script on the girl.

-HQ

 

[One on One]

What you do in these situations is exactly what you've done...forget her, forget her phone number. She knows where to find you. Sometimes they come back begging.

 

[coin]

If it was the first lunch date that things went wrong, why did she go out with me a second time? ...I am not an expert, but based on what her emails looked like, she was interested until that second date.

Her email response to me asking her out the 2nd time was something like, "I think I can but I am not sure. We are pretty busy up here. If I can go 12:30 would be better for me."

And the day of the date she had sent me an email (which I didn't get) asking if 12:15 was ok.

......and I just realized another place I may have messed up. AFTER the 2nd date was over, I responded to her 12:15 email with some kind of inane smiley. Argh, to piss away a perfectly good thing!

Now I really know what AFC means

MD - actually she is not a b*tch at all. She's very sweet. She may have displayed bad judgement in turning me down, but she's not a bad person.

MD can you explain what I messed up about flirting with her when she was across from me? I admit I have no insight as to why this might be the case. And to tell the truth, *I* never thought I was flirting with her. I was just being friendly. The other guys just assumed that I was flirting with her.

 

[Quick]

No one on this board has any idea why she lost interest, or how much interest she had in the first place. There might be something you did. You might not fit the profile of what she's looking for. There might be other things in her life that have nothing to do with you. The truth is, it's not worth worrying about. All that should concern you is whether she's still a possibility or not. Read the bible, work on your overall skills, and move on.

One thing I can tell you is that a girl with high interest doesn't lose it because of a smiley email.

 

[coin]

HP - thanks for the advice.

As for that link, actually I already read it before I called her earlier this evening. Apparently I didn't learn anything from it

btw, I asked for her number directly. I didn't get it from someone else.

As for the clingy business, I figured after 2 dates I didn't need to worry anymore. All this being on guard all the time contributes to a life of high tension.

As an aside, yall are awesome - I know a time when this sort of realization would have put me in a significantly worse mood. I've never posted on this forum before but I already get the feeling that we are all brothers in arms. I really appreciate you trying to help me.

 

[coin]

Is she still a possibility Quick? If I see her what should I do?

(I'm on week 1, day 3)

 

[MDgood]

MD - actually she is not a b*tch at all. She's very sweet.

Dude, she can be Mother Theresa, but if she turns you down, then she's a bytch. Not that she isn't in reality a nice girl, it's more of a tool for you to undo the emotional connection you made with her. Plus, unless you're Charles Manson, if you're in reality a nice guy, why should she be turning you down in the first place??? DJ skills begin with attitude and CONFIDENCE!

As concerns the flirting, read HPNOTQ's post above yours and try to remember a time in your life - anytime in your life - when a girl was interested in you and you were not interested in her.

Plus, you may honestly have been trying to "just be nice", and there's three possible reasons she still blew you off:

1. You simply took up too much of her time when she needed to be doing other things, and you began to annoy her.
2. You may have been denying to yourself that you were interested in her, and unwittingly projected flirtation to her.
3. Was she a total hottie???? Attractive women always have men come on to them, and these women must be treated differently.

Dude, i gotta get to bed, so this is probably my last post for the night. Keep your head up, visit the board often, ask questions, pay careful attention, and you'll learn.

 

[coin]

This from challenge guy's post in the bible...


" Friday night? I’m afraid I can’t because blah blah blah blah. But call me next week. "

Translation : " You turn me off. But call me next week, because I don’t have the guts to tell you that I’d rather sleep with a road apple. Besides, I can still tell my friend that this loser is after me. Oh… you boost my ego! Ohhhhhh yeah! Yeeeessssss! Ohhhhhhhhhh! But this is the only pleasure you can give me, so back off.”

 

[-HPNOTQ-]

Originally posted by coin

As an aside, yall are awesome - I know a time when this sort of realization would have put me in a significantly worse mood. I've never posted on this forum before but I already get the feeling that we are all brothers in arms. I really appreciate you trying to help me.

we've all been there bro..but the good news..we've all bounced back and are better for it...yea..i like comming on here, the DJ's that i respect and have answered many of my questions, i think like brothers of an extended MEN's Club.

read the thread to this link..it'll bring up your mood...it's from one of this site's most respected DJ's, Pook:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16976&highlight=translation

-HQ

 

[bludb0i]

i would just wait for her to call back and if she doesn't wait 3-5 days to call back then spit your game and get a date.

 

[coin]

I didn't give her my phone number, how is she going to call back?

 

[syemour]

i could of sworn i posted the exact same thing last night.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Good thread...

Nice posting Coin. Good back-n-forth going, too, which covered most of what jumped out at me. What didn't get underlined I wish to note:
____________
She had legitimate excuses for the next 4 weeks. Coin objectively assessed what these excuses were and tried to weigh what they likely meant and proceeded to the next step to test these out, roughly, as follows:

Ask her out---excuses come in---sounds legit---interest level still undetermined, perhaps promising---no need to chuck it yet, too many possibilities and unanswered Q's here---vague sense of not on track here---not sure why---keep doors open and go to DJ Center for input....

Women do this sort of intense analysis. We do, too, but we're not as good at it and it's really doing their job for them. They look to us to make up our mind, make a decision, and move. Which is why the advise above from the others comes from standing back a bit (the "15,000 foot" view, as I think of it) and assessing from a distance while avoiding the up close and intense analysis. You have to do the analysis, I guess---learning, right?---but the quicker you get out of that stage the better.

She gave excuses. At this point, legit or not is immaterial. It's what she does immediately after that will show you if she's interested or not.

What I go by:

There is no confusion. If you feel confusion, it is intended by her. If her IL was high, she would not use confusion. If her IL is anything else, you will encounter confusion.

If she counter-offers, it's good (---Ok, not quite, it remains open and in play...)

If she does not counter-offer, or her counter-offer is vague, it's probably not good.

----notice anything about "legitimacy" here?

Nope.

Legitimacy can be used to put you off (the case here, btw...) or as a fact for why what you suggested can't work. Or, again, it can't work, but this other night, it could...

"Legitimacy" (of excuse or reason for not getting with you) doesn't make or break her expressing interest in being with you. Her IL does make or break it, and she will use "legitimate" excuses or reasons as a tool for evading you or not.
_________________
Calling back issue:

She has Caller ID. If you called her earlier, she has your number. Even if she doesn't have Caller ID, she has so many other ways...

Meaning: if she wants to reach you, she will--you can't easily prevent it.

She got e-mails from you, so she already has your address. She knows where you work, she knows how to work the 411 lines. She probably knows where you live and how much you paid for your house (within 20K or so...)

Remember, women all pass Social Life 101 by 3rd grade and are not allowed to get their ears pierced and wear makeup until they do. A woman recently confessed to me that they keep rigorous track of who called them and when they returned the call and what it means---we look like children by comparison. Believe me, if she wanted to reach you, she would.

 

[coin]

Ok, I deleted her phone number last night, and deleted her AIM this morning as soon as I got to work. BUT, I just got this AIM from her about 5 minutes ago!

"hey, i got your message last night. I can't do anything tonight. I already made plans in (another city 1 hour away) so I'm heading there right after work. Sorry."

It's obvious to me that she isn't interested, but how should I respond? I haven't sent her any kind of response yet.

...on the other hand, this is the first time she's taken the initiative to contact me in any way. Even to reject an offer.

Help me figure out what to say.

 

[bp1974]

DON'T

SAY

ANYTHING

She's given you her answer many times now. There's nothing you need to say to her and nothing that she's expecting from you.

MOVE ON

bp1974

 

[Quick]

Originally posted by coin
[B

...on the other hand, this is the first time she's taken the initiative to contact me in any way. Even to reject an offer.

[/B]

Sounds like you're even letting her rejection get your hopes up. You are way too focused on her. You need to stop pursuing her altogether. She's pulling back, and pursuing her will make her just pull back faster.

Your plan of action. Don't ask her out on any more dates. Don't bring up dating her again. When you see her, be a really fun guy. Be funny, teasing, and then leave. Act as if you like her as a friend, but you're no longer interested in dating her. This'll show her that you're a cool guy, but that she may have lost her chance with you, and if she wants you she'll have to come after you. And please, GO OUT AND FIND OTHER GIRLS AND GO OUT ON DATES. This is the only solution that you really need. You'll stop worrying about what she's thinking and have more confident interactions with her, and you'll see how things work when a girl really wants you.

Edit: Don't send any response to her message. There's nothing left or required to say. She's made it clear she's not about to date you right now.

 

[coin]

Not even a "ok have fun" ?

 

[coin]

Actually there is a girl that is very interested in me, but I have zero interest in her. (I think she talks too much and I find her pretty annoying)

It is very obvious that this other girl likes me - she has even enlisted her office coworkers in her efforts, every time I see one of them they tell me how much I brighten her day when I come by. Just yesterday she came by to give me some raisins because she thought I was working too hard.

Any way I can spin this?

 

[bp1974]

Not even a "ok have fun" ?

NO.


Ok, I'll quit the caps now. Can you admit to yourself that you don't actually care whether she has fun or not, and the only reason you want to say it to her is because you're a nice guy, and nice guys can't bear the idea that a girl might not think they're nice. If you can, then there's hope for you yet.

bp1974

 

[Quick]

Originally posted by coin
Actually there is a girl that is very interested in me, but I have zero interest in her. (I think she talks too much and I find her pretty annoying)

It is very obvious that this other girl likes me - she has even enlisted her office coworkers in her efforts, every time I see one of them they tell me how much I brighten her day when I come by. Just yesterday she came by to give me some raisins because she thought I was working too hard.

Any way I can spin this?

No, not even a "have fun".

Are you asking if there's a way you can use the girl you're not interested in to make the other girl interested? There may be, but it would be immoral and may serve no purpose other than hurting people. Girls are jealous and competitive, but you'd have to lead on the girl that you have no interest in, in order to use her in any way. There's no reason to use people, you'd hate a girl that did so to you. You'd be better served to go out and meet other girls you're really interested in than to lead on a girl you're not interested in to impress a girl with low interest in you.