I called her and she didn't pick up the phone

[coin]

Quick question, what should I do now?

Backstory:

I've already gone out on two lunch dates with her. During the second lunch date I mentioned I wanted to have dinner with her that Friday (so she would know that I wasn't just a friendly colleague, but had more amorous intentions)- she said, "maybe next week" and as she was thinking, gave me very specific excuses as to why she wouldn't be able to go out for the next FOUR weeks. Since she wasn't vague at all about her obligations I think they were legitimate, and therefore I think she's interested.

I got her phone number today (yea, I know I should have asked for it before, but I had just emailed her originally) and gave her a call (I told her I would call her today). The reason I wanted to call today was because I want to go out with her tomorrow for a specific event, as she'll be gone during the weekend and I'll be busy too with friends coming in from out of town. I called her and she did not pick up the phone, so I left a short message, and did not leave my number. (mistake? maybe I shouldn't have left a message at all.. still new at this DJ stuff but I am learning fast.)

What should I do now? Call her again in about an hour, or just forget about it and call next week? (next Friday is her birthday, and she's busy that weekend, but I could ask her out for the day before)

P.S. What do kino and AFC mean?

 

[-HPNOTQ-]

wow bro...read the DJ BIBLE fast before you do anything else with this girl...

you have to understand the basics of the DJ BIBLE before any of the advice people on this thread have will start to make sense.

kino, afc..all those terms are found in the in the DJ BIBLE..after reading it, you'll probably be able to answer your own questions.

oh yea..what is read and learned from the DJ BIBLE stays with you and ONLY YOU, never share, show, or tell anyone (especially women you are courting) the stuff you find there.

remember that saying in FIGHT CLUB?

good luck


-HQ

 

[coin]

I've been reading a lot of the articles on the website, but I only found the DJ bible today. I'll get to work reading it.

I'll have some more specific questions later.

 

[Howie Farkes]

she said, "maybe next week" and as she was thinking, gave me very specific excuses as to why she wouldn't be able to go out for the next FOUR weeks

Sorry to tell you this but that was woman-speak for "Don't bother to ask me out ever again beacuse in four weeks time I'll have another 4 excuses why I can't see you on Friday nights."

 

[violator]

She's not interested. Move on.

 

[-HPNOTQ-]

ya fellas gotta chill with the advice until after he's read the DJ BIBLE..

coin's just gonna get confused and ask more questions that the DJ BIBLE can already answer him...its the path to enlightenment

-HQ

 

[MDgood]

ya fellas gotta chill with the advice until after he's read the DJ BIBLE..

Yeah, but just consider this an internship while he's having classroom instruction. They do it all the time in colleges

That having been said, I can't sit idly by and watch a DJ in training get flamed! We're here to help each other out, guys!!!

Coin, you're being dismissed by this girl! But you can save face and perhaps get her later. She knows you're interested when she's not interested in you, and that's going to hurt you... and calling her is only only only gonna make it worse!!!!

Do this: don't call her anymore, not even once, and begin to ignore her. Like just totally blow her off. If she says something to you, you can talk to her politely, but keep it VERY SHORT, and WALK AWAY!!!

Then she'll come back to you.

Don't ask why this is, just do it!

 

[coin]

I am onto week 2 of the Bible but I have another question -

Her excuses were:

1. It's 4th of July week, and I'm going home. (she goes home a lot)

2. It's the 11th of July, which is my birthday, and I'm going home. (she goes home a lot)

3. I'm going to visit my grandparents in Kansas for their 50th wedding anniversary. She said her whole family is going to be there, and went into more detail about what is going on.

4. She's going to her friend's wedding. (a lot of her friends have been getting married lately... she used to tell me about it before we went out the first time, same with going home a lot. That's why I think it isn't BS... it fits a pattern of behavior.)

These seem legitimate to me. I thought if a girl gives you this much information, her excuses are legitimate.

This was all last week.

This week, I sent her an email (tuesday) asking her to get on AIM. If she had wanted to avoid me, she would have made sure that she stayed off, but she got on that day (tuesday). I didn't IM her then. I IMed her today (wednesday) saying I wanted to talk to her briefly and asked for her phone number, which she gave me (it was a real number). I also saw her very briefly by chance and said hello.

I called her and left a message, saying I wanted to know if she was free tomorrow (thursday). I also said I would call her later (did not specify when, or give her a callback number) or try to catch her at work. (we work in a very large building, and very rarely see each other)

I admit I was infatuated with her briefly after the second lunch date (I wasn't before then... she was actually "practice" material, until we got to know each other better and we seemed very compatible) but I think I am over it now.

If you all think I have no chance with her, and that I've played my cards badly, I will just suck it up and move on.

However, if there is something to be salvaged here, I want to know how to do it. After all, Stockholder said in the DJB, "Most people (not all) talk like it's the end of the world when a mistake is made. There's almost always a way back after a mistake."

 

[coin]

By the way, thanks for all the advice, help and prompt responses.

I don't think I lack confidence, but I do lack patience. I will work on it, and try to learn as fast as I can so I can be a productive member of this community.

 

[MDgood]

Coin, after she gave you all those reasons for the next four weeks, which may indeed be legit, did she tell you "hey, but I'm free on this weekend/night, why don't we do something then?"

 

[coin]

I think she said "maybe after that."

I don't remember 100%, though, it was a while back.

It's also possible I'm making up that she said "maybe after that" because my subconscious mind is grasping at any sign of hope.

...but now I am probably thinking too much, which is not a productive use of time.

 

[MDgood]

No, coin, logic is good in DJing, because chicks' psychology is quantifiable. You use your heart in these matters, you're gonna be AFC for the rest of your life: Average Frustrated Chump, the sort of guy who thinks he can get a girl interested in him if he gives her flowers.

Anyway, that vague "maybe after that" is actually a confirmed no, and she was trying to be polite to you. She knows you're interested, so begin to walk away from her, blow her off, etc.

 

[-HPNOTQ-]

if she didnt give you an opening after giving you a ton of excuses..then its time to NEXT this chica.

she maybe a pretty hot babe, but, dont subject yourself with thinking she's the 'ONE'. every fella on this board has been interested in a super hot babe, that killed us inside because we KNEW we had to next her for whatever reason. we try to logically think that we can salvage a situation that doesnt even exist....better to take her off her pedestal, give her the ignore, delete her buddy name on your AIM/MSN, pretty much cut all contact. don't even give her the pleasure of knowing what she's missing in a guy like you..by telling her, she's got your n*ts in her vice and you'll just look like a whiney lil girl who couldn't get the picture...put your head up high..be a man..and just let it go

its hard, but, she is giving pretty obvious signs that she's not highly interested.

many hot women everywhere bro.

-HQ

 

[coin]

Done. I just erased her phone number from my cell phone.

I still like her, though, and it may take me a while to completely get over this... at the risk of sounding pathetic: is there any chance here, if I play what remaining cards I have correctly?

I admit I am disappointed to read this... but I realize I am AFC and I want to be DJ, and recognizing the problem is the first step to fixing it. What do I do now? (other than reading the Bible, I am going through it now)

Btw, where do you think I went wrong on that second date? The date was pleasant and she was comfortable and talkative. Smiling and looking me in the eyes and all that.

 

[MDgood]

HP, you're right that she's not interested and coin should next her, but I think this is an excellent opportunity for him to get some practice totally blowing off a chick he's attracted to. May be a good lead in for him to eventually use C&F and neg hits on her. Who knows what could happen? He's got nothing to lsoe, she already's not interested.

 

[Quick]

If she's okay with not going out for over a month, she's not interested. Her excuses may be legitimate, but why wasn't it an option to go during the week then? If you liked a girl and were really busy, would you be okay with waiting 4 weeks and then "maybe after that" ?

 

[coin]

One other thing - she actually works in 2 different offices. The way I know her is that she used to work in the office directly across from me, and I'd always stop by to say hello or whatnot. I always smiled at her and she's a little shy by nature. My buddies that worked on our hall always accused me of flirting with her.

Thing is, I did this for about four months. Then she moved to another office, and that's when I asked her out.

WHERE DID I MESS UP????

 

[coin]

Quick - I had always intended to go out during the week after she told me that, but I guess what you are saying is, SHE should have suggested that we go on a different day?

 

[MDgood]

Coin, it wasn't on the second lunch date that things went wrong, it was probably either before the first lunch date when you asked her, or during the first lunch date, that she made up her mind she wasn't interested.

Coin, it's ok, you'll get over her. Best way to get over her: Just remind yourself that only a damned bytch would turn you down, so she wasn't worth your time in the first place! Second best way: after performing the first best way, go out and start flirting with more women.

Editing here....

I just read your thing about flirting with her when her office was across the hall from you. That's where you messed up. Your flirting was probably too obvious.

And just as Quick said, there will be a counteroffer from her if she's interested.

 

[Quick]

Yes, that is exactly what i'm saying. A girl with interest will make a counteroffer if she honestly can't make it on the day that you ask. When she's okay with waiting a month and maybe more without contributing with sooner possibilities, then she's not that interested.