I am taking rejections too personally

[Mr. Delicious]

I know everyone talks about how getting rejected is good and it really wont phase you and you will leave with more confidence etc. It doesnt work that way at all for me.

Recently a girl told me she was going out with me because I was paying for dinner. This hurt and I wasnt really even attracted to her that much. Then the other day I ask a girl to go out and she flat out said she wasnt attracted to me. These hurt and make it very hard for me to approach girls. I still shudder at some of the rejections I got about 8 years ago. How do you guys just brush off rejections? It is the reason why its so difficult for me to approach girls. I have been rejected many other times as well and they all hurt and make me feel ashamed to this day. I know many times its nothing personal to me but I cant help thinking that it is.

 

[Porky]

I don't get rejections, because I've learned to look for positive signs that indicate interest. If girls say they aren't attracted to you, then they weren't giving you any of these signs. Read I think it's chapter 2, 3, or 4 of sr. fingers' weapons of mass seduction. At the bottom he has a link to signs of interest.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

rejection is personal bro - but it is nothing to be ashamed of - would you be obligated to give your number out to every girl that asked you - even if you were not attracted to her. At least these girls are honest. Next time do not take them out to dinner or spend any money and do a fun activity that is a low cost.

Look for signs of some interest and do a little small talk b4 you ask her out -- this will give you a gauge if you should persue further.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

ya the girl that dated me for stuff i have known for a while. We both go to the same Baptist Organization. Thats why i thought she wouldnt do that.

 

[Mav]

There's nothing worse than rejection from a girl you're not even really interested in. So don't do it. Being shot down by an 8+ is about 100 times less painful that a 7 or lower!

It's fine to fail. Everytime I get rejected (close, kiss, whatever), and I've been rejected a lot, I take it to mean my approach or game just wasn't hitting the spot and try to work out why. It could be you were a little nervous, too obvious you were interested too soon or maybe your ****y & funny crossed the border into arrogance a little too much.

Everytime you fail, you're learning, and when you're learning you're moving further along the path to becoming a true DJ.

Read this, it's mint;

http://www.owens-minor.com/hughsviews/youcandoit.asp


Mav

 

[Mr. Delicious]

thanks for the link

 

[selfcontrol]

Me too. These past couple days, I'm becoming very depressed, almost suicidal.

I did over 200 serious approaches over these past winter holidays from school. Out of them, I was blown out or rejected all but two times. One of them thought I was gay and then blew me out at the last minute when she found out I wasn't. The other was an HB7, but she lives out of town and left the next day. (I didn't get to have sex with her.)

My problem is ugliness. A PUA who was teaching me to sarge told me I'm about a 6 out of 10, but I think he was being generous.

The famous Iranian From Hell story at fastseduction.com is innaccurate, from my experience. Confidence doesn't mean sh!t. I've had extremely high self-esteem this past month. I did totally indirect approaches, used C&F, was laid back and leaned back in my body language, conveyed non-neediness and active disinterest, and none of it meant sh!t.

Most guys at this site and at fastseduction.com are good-looking. They post their pics, and they look like freaking male models.

Seriously, is there anyone here who does NOT look good?

 

[mikel]

I dont have problem with rejection because I can usually tell if a girl is interested in me before I actually approach.

Seriously, is there anyone here who does NOT look good?

Hate to be a buzz kill man, but some of these guys could be faking their pictures. We dont have any proof its them or not, just their word.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

But many do actually look good, there is a fair share of average and less fortunate ones around though...

I'm sorry to lay it on you but looks does matter alot yes.... But honestly I VERY often see good looking girls (HB8ishes etc) that are with less attractive boys (and vice verca). This one dude I know gets alot of attention from girls and alot of them would like to date him because he is a good singer, very nice and a good dresser...

 

[Craig Reeves]

Here's where the problem is....and I have preached this and preached this and preached this and preached this MANY TIMES BEFORE....

If you go in with the intention of impressing a girl and getting her in bed, no matter WHAT you do, it will only make things WORSE. They will see that you are doing all of these "DJ tactics" to impress her and get her into bed, thus, making you seem to her as a poser....it's that simple.

What you need to do is first learn how attraction works. If you go in with the mentality of "OK, do this to get laid, do that to get laid" you will surely fail.

This stuff needs to come NATURALLY or it won't work. Period. And the only way that it is going to come naturally is if doing the right things until it all MAKES SENSE to you.

Remember, tricks are for kids.

 

[bob2007]

Suicide ain't the answer. IF you really feel that looks are extremely important and why you aren't getting chicks...
save up for some plastic surgery.

Originally posted by selfcontrol
Me too. These past couple days, I'm becoming very depressed, almost suicidal.

I did over 200 serious approaches over these past winter holidays from school. Out of them, I was blown out or rejected all but two times. One of them thought I was gay and then blew me out at the last minute when she found out I wasn't. The other was an HB7, but she lives out of town and left the next day. (I didn't get to have sex with her.)

My problem is ugliness. A PUA who was teaching me to sarge told me I'm about a 6 out of 10, but I think he was being generous.

The famous Iranian From Hell story at fastseduction.com is innaccurate, from my experience. Confidence doesn't mean sh!t. I've had extremely high self-esteem this past month. I did totally indirect approaches, used C&F, was laid back and leaned back in my body language, conveyed non-neediness and active disinterest, and none of it meant sh!t.

Most guys at this site and at fastseduction.com are good-looking. They post their pics, and they look like freaking male models.

Seriously, is there anyone here who does NOT look good?

 

[FreeStyleZ]

Looking good dont mean SHYT! MEANS NOTHING! I look good and dont think ive been doing ANYTHING WRONG. I never get any bad signals during convo's, nothing but good stuff, but i get FLAKED ON ALL THE TIME. The girl i started a thread about the other day flaked by not calling back like she said to finish giving me the details about the date. Probably like number 30 in a row to do that. Well in all seriousness probably the 15th-18th one to do that. I havent had one date at all.

 

[selfcontrol]

Originally posted by bob2007
Suicide ain't the answer. IF you really feel that looks are extremely important and why you aren't getting chicks...
save up for some plastic surgery.

I 100% agree on your first point.

On your second point, instead of plastic surgery what I may do is stick to 6s and 7s and just game them the way normal PUAs would game 9s and 10s.

Cool. I'm glad to have written my thoughts just now, so now I know what to do.

 

[selfcontrol]

Originally posted by FreeStyleZ
Looking good dont mean SHYT! MEANS NOTHING! I look good and dont think ive been doing ANYTHING WRONG. I never get any bad signals during convo's, nothing but good stuff, but i get FLAKED ON ALL THE TIME. The girl i started a thread about the other day flaked by not calling back like she said to finish giving me the details about the date. Probably like number 30 in a row to do that. Well in all seriousness probably the 15th-18th one to do that. I havent had one date at all.

Well, imagine how bad it would be if you didn't look good. Shyt, I wouldn't even have been able to get the fvcking numbers.

Want to find out what it's like for guys who are ugly? Go out some night doing something that makes you look unattractive. Put on unstylish clothes. Wear an eyepatch. Stuff padding in your shirt so you look fat. Etc.

 

[FreeStyleZ]

Well, couldnt do much worse than going like 0/18.

 

[selfcontrol]

Originally posted by FreeStyleZ
Well, couldnt do much worse than going like 0/18.

Seriously, do my challenge where you make yourself look unattractive and see how much worse it is out there in the field. You'll find massive b1tch shields and be able to time with a stopwatch how quickly you get blown out. Then you won't be so quick to say that looks don't matter.

 

[jseib]

Selfcontrol,

Saying the looks don't matter is BS... Same as saying looks are the be all of dating is BS.. However the fact you have these feelings about yourself HAS to affect your game it's simply not possible to feel like crap about yourself and approach a girl and talk a good natural game... The fact you've done so many cold approaches in such a short time may also be your problem it's about quality not quanity and who knows perhaps cold approaches just aren't your thing... The site and the bible are here to help you but I don't believe you can simply cut and paste the information here into your game it has to be integrated naturally... It's tough to explain and I think it just happens as you practice...

But I do wish you the best but don't give up so quickly even if your not good looking you'll find someone and if not hire an escort or something so your not so desperate to get laid and move on with life... It's a big world with so many adventures... woman are but one of them.. Besides if your chaseing every woman that moves even if they do go out with you you won't be happy or have anything to talk about.. I was in a simular situation with a cute waitress I picked up a month ago but I was lucky to have a good female friend pull me aside and remind me to respect myself.... After all if you can't respect yourself how can you expect a stranger to?

Best of luck dawg!

 

[Tao of Steve]

.

the two biggest macs i knew in high school were really unattractive. one looked like an ardvark, and the other like un overweight frakenstein. im nott kidding, they were not handsome men at all.

but they had a 'sparkle' to them that was contagious. they had MANY friends, were always having a good time, knew how to converse , had high social status etc. girls would often sleep with them just so they could brag about being with these specific guys (it made them feel popular).

there is way more emphasis on womens natural good looks than for men. mens persona, posture, social standing, attitude, voice etc. are more important. work on these things, improve them.

work on your posture, voice, your walk, improve your dress and grooming, make friends, smile etc. study the principles here, especially senor fingers weapons of mass seduction.

and DON'T - DON'T - DON"T EVER tell yourself you are ugly. tell yourself over and over again that you are suave, emotionally intelligent, in control - A MAN, you know what people and women want.

 

[Bloodsport]

Re: .

Originally posted by Tao of Steve
there is way more emphasis on womens natural good looks than for men. mens persona, posture, social standing, attitude, voice etc. are more important. work on these things, improve them.

True, but when you approach a girl at random, it boils down to your looks. As you walk up to her, she's already made up her mind whether she wants anything to do with you. If she isn't into your looks, nothing you say will change her mind.

Social status is more important in high school. There were guys in my high school whose looks weren't anything to brag about, yet managed to pick up the attractive girls because of their social status. In the real world, when you approach a girl, she knows nothing of your social status, and is judging you by what she sees. If she's not into your looks (or has formed a bad opinion based on them), 9 times out of 10 she's not going to hear a word you say. The personality factors (posture, attitude, voice, etc.) become important after you've passed her looks test.

Let's face it, though, cold approaches are necessary because you can't always rely on meeting girls in other situations. Sometimes you're out and you spot a girl you really want to approach, and the reality is, you have to unless you want to think about "what if I did..."

 

[jseib]

Highschool is like living in a small country town everyone knows everyone at least indirectly... Like I said in my above post.. cold approaches aren't for everyone... People make up a first impression of you within 30 seconds of meeting you... in that time frame looks are king... Thats not to say you can't get chicks if your not hot but you generally have to play your game alot tighter... Either way if you don't feel your attractive work on it go out to the gym and kick your butt everyday or take up a martial art for the workout/confidence... telling yourself your the man doesn't do jack it may give you a temporary "alpha" feeling but thats it... As someone else on the site once said "your either alpha or your not" if you pretend your nothing but a sheep in wolves clothing... Have to build yourself up naturally takes time but its worth it!