I am at a loss

[Fenderules]

I dunno wut the hell is going on. Im am royally screwing up somehow and i dont even know. I mean there is something i am fundamentally doing wrong.

Another girl just automatically went cold on me. And i thought this one was actually gonna work. I cant even get a ****ing first date. Its driving me nuts. I cant even get a first date even if my life depended on it. I mean i am getting massive rejections here. I dont really fear rejections anymore cause i'v got so many of them. I think now the problem is i assume a rejection. This one girl was really into me and we flirted and stuff and she ended up calling me to set up a date. Next thing i know she cant even look at me. She used to always give me this warm smile, and i caught here thousands of times out of the corner of my eye looking at me. Now she has just gone freaking cold. I mean this would not be a big deal, i'v never made a big deal out of before except for the fact that................



its every girl i freaking know does it to me. I have it happen thousands of times. At first when im just meeting them im all warm and i can joke around but then once they start doing this i dont know wut the hell to do. I'v tried being indiffernt......nothing

i'v tried pushing harder (afcness) obviously nothing. And i'v tried pulling away..... they never talk to me again.
i mean they are chasing me and then all of a sudden they just go cold. And its not like im not making a move. After getting some rapport and stuff i get their number and then i "tell" them (i dont ask) and then they ALWAYS BLOW ME OFF a few days later or ingore their phone or wutever. I'v really had it. Its weird cause they dont even put me in the friends zone. Its like i just stop existing to them.

Its really driving me nuts cause this is sadly the story of my life. I mean im a easy going guy, i like to joke around a bit. Im fairly smart going to university, i help whoever i can if they need help. Im always there for my close friends and yet my whole life i just constantly get zoned out. Its not just with girls im trying to date either. Its with friends and ppl i meet all the time. I mean how big of a cuss is it when you get ingored by the band geeks in freaking highschool. I mean the football kids made fun of me, and many used to be my friends so i tried getting others. I tried hanging out with the "cooler" crowd but that was not me, i did not fit in and im actually happy that i did not sell myself out to fit in with there "wiggerness"

Finally now im much better at making friends but this chick thing is just over the top. I feel like im doing something fundamentally wrong. I'v changed drastically 2. Im not afriad to do some teasing and so on and i sure as hell dont seel myself out anymore. If somebody is pissing me off, i get in their face. I'v improved my style. I'v overheard girls saying im a snappy dresser. yet nothing happens. I mean i feel like im not even human sometimes cause i try and connect and it never seems to happen. its like im not human enough to be even considered a "friend" by girls.

i just dont get it. arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh!

sorry for the long post but do any of you have a similar problem?

how did you deal with the problem, because i am so sick of girls turning cold on me. Its like as they get to know a little more about me they see a monster within me or something and avoid me like the plauge. The thing is i dont even spill much about myself. Its like some unkown energy or soemthing i dunno.
ps i also work out a lot and im getting into better shape

 

[Lost In Translation]

how is your social proof ?

do you have many friends ?

do you hang out with your friends much ?

how do girls react to you when you are YOURSELF around your friends ?

do you have a wingman ? what does he think the problem is ?

do you have other things in your life to cheer you up until this problem is resolved ?


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[Fenderules]

i'v been doing other things to cheer me up such ass

-working out (to the max)
-chilling with friends
-playing guitar
-working on becoming a realtor




I just dont know. I see some of my friends who are ugly and afc to hell and they are getting better luck then me. I mean i would never stoop to their level cause i'd rather have my dignity then give into some controlly ***** but none the less the point is they are still getting more then me. Its ****ing annoying. I dont really talk to my friends about it either, maby i should i dunno. One of my friends used to whine about it all the time so i found it annoyin gas hell so i dont talk about it much. The one friend i know who is in the same boat is me and he doesnt talk about it much but i know its for a compltely differnt reason......hes to comfortable in any situation and act like Tom Green. Funny as hell and he has lots of friends that are girls but he is such an idiot, but thats wut i like about him. He should be a comedian.

but anyway back to me, i believe my problem lies whithin this acward feeling i have that exists within me. Its been theer my whole life. Its just this ackward feeling. I dont know if this feeling came from me feeling left out, or because i was left out due to this feeling. Either way its a feeling of uneasyness like never quite fit in. I mean i do think differently then most ppl. I mean i cant even think of a cuss if my life depended on it. Im not really much of a witty talker. I feel at times im 2 old for my age since everyone is into foot ball and im into for meaningful things like learning about physics or the cosmos or wutever. I'v always been that way, having my head up int he clouds.

i guess im just ranting now but this feeling exists within me and it really comes up when im on the phone with anybody. I suck ass at the phone and try to avoid it like the plauge. I just end up talking like a weird ass moron or somethng. I sometimes say **** backwards or wrong cause im off in another world thinking about this stupid ackwardness that only exists cause i make it exist.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

It has to do with your persona and the vibe you are giving off - are you trying to be someone you are not? If so, this could look awkward!!

You said you felt this way all of your life so it may something inherent in your personality!! You should get feedback from those who interact with you - I'm sure they see it but maybe they don't want to offend you!!!

If you have everything else in order than it is your verbal and non-verbal communication that is the culprit!!

How ironic, you are at a loss and a guy named "Lost In Translation" is coming to your aid!

 

[Lost In Translation]

h0 h0 PR_L !

this coming from a man who confessed to wearing pink shirts !

and i posted on your congratulations on 4000 posts thread on anything else


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[gmm567]

you're delaing with a f*cked culture.

Women who don't respect or appreciate decent men.


It's 70% of them, and there isn't enough ot the decent ones to go around.


Get decent guy freinds and **** these *****es without concern for their feelings.


Geoff

 

[Fenderules]

yeah i used 2 try and pretend something or not, i tried to fit in witht he cool kids. The thinkg is now i except wut i like is differnt, and even though im out of highschool, im actually hanging around with these "cool kids" and its not a big deal cause i realize that most are not so "cool" so i could care less anymore. Im glad im not like them cause many were so superficial and their humor was so boring cause a lot of them were stupid and could not come up with anything witty.

but now im trying to change attidute and self-esteem and outgoing ness. Im trying to changing myself into a person that is more happier all the time and is a total go getter. So its not so much personality as it is attitude. I wanna be able to just have fun all the time no matter wut. tahts why im looking into Tony Robbins stuff and man does he have a great attiute. you just get a warm feeling when he talks.

My problem is I give a dam 2 much. I just need to let go. Let go of wut society says wut i should be and not be. I mean im going through a big style change. I used to dress pretty reatarded. I mean clothes that didnt fit and kinda wearing out. Now i wear a lot more classier stuff so i feel a lot better. Personally im a rocker to heart but im not really into the clothing style. 2 many of my buddies are like that and 2 me they just look like ugly ****s.

 

[Fenderules]

and i just wanna thank all of you who took the time to read my posts. You dont know how much this means 2 me since i myself usually skip over most posts, especially the long ones like this one.





I feel im in a very fragile state. As i got blown off once again today i started freak'n out a bit cause im sooooo sick and tired of it and i feel no matter how much effort i put in to improve my self esteem, attitude and outlook on life i just get dragged back down

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Rocker dude, you are only 18 - you have a long road ahead...enjoy the journey!!

You are going to have to prequalify the girls you meet - check for their interest level first before you approach!

 

[MindOverMatter]

Another girl just automatically went cold on me. And i thought this one was actually gonna work. I cant even get a ****ing first date. Its driving me nuts. I cant even get a first date even if my life depended on it. I mean i am getting massive rejections here. I dont really fear rejections anymore cause i'v got so many of them. I think now the problem is i assume a rejection. This one girl was really into me and we flirted and stuff and she ended up calling me to set up a date. Next thing i know she cant even look at me. She used to always give me this warm smile, and i caught here thousands of times out of the corner of my eye looking at me. Now she has just gone freaking cold. I mean this would not be a big deal, i'v never made a big deal out of before except for the fact that................

Hey, it's a bit late so I can't respond to the whole post, but I can help you with this. In this case, the right thing to do would have been to decline her invite, but mention that you'd like to do something another time.

When it comes to girls, they feel better about earning something, then having it given to them on a silver platter. Have you ever asked a girl out, and she said she was busy, but that she'd like to do it another time? If you have, I am sure that you called her again and tried to set things up. The same logic applies here. Don't let her lead, that is your job. Knowing that she could get you this easily just by putting herself on the line a little bit made her lose interest.

Also, are you in high school? Cause if you are, high school relationships are ALL about status. You are in a small competitive pick up environment. How you look, what you wear, what you drive, who you hang out with are more important in attracting girls then any actual game.

Anyway, good night

 

[rockitck]

Originally posted by Fenderules
Im not really much of a witty talker.

I suck ass at the phone and try to avoid it like the plauge. I just end up talking like a weird ass moron or somethng.

These are limiting beliefs. Remove them now. How could you reframe the above thought.

One example...

Old belief:
I suck ass on the phone and try to avoid it like the plauge.

New belief:
I am absolutely a wonderful person to talk on the phone with.

All affirmations begin with "I am", look at your f***in examples. It is no mystery to me why you are zero out.

Now, here is where all change is recognized and internalized.
Thoughts start out in this secquence...1.,2., words

1. Imprint-something that happened in my past
2. Intent-what I am thinking now
3. Reality-what I speak, I manifest

Change the words you speak, you change your beliefs. Get rid of words like, don't, can't, hard, difficult, get it?

The boundary between you and the world is a belief, an illusion that allows for autonomy of your sense of self.

Girls...Act aggressive with them, but not too aggressive. On your first date do a kiss close or just say "you want to kiss", if she says no, back off, if she says anything else move in, if she backs off a little, you back off then fluff some, then move in again 3 minutes later. Learn how to get into Sexual State even if you haven't been intimate before, soon as you feel the blood rushing towards your penis you know it is her getting you to that state and move in, slowly, confidently. like hey we are going to kiss now.

Follow my posts here and at arizonapua.com screen name thehindu, you will learn a lot about girls, I have a lot of experience with them.

 

[Fenderules]

no i finished highschool already i'v been out for a year going to university.

I like what you have to say rockitck. Those are limiting beliefs i put on myself.



and Mindovermatter, yeah she did say "another time" when she talked to me. I just said "im busy so why dont you give me a call later on during the week", I waited a week but yeah i think i made myself perhaps a little to easy in the end. I mean at first i was all C&F making fun of her. I guess i gotta learn to be more of a challenge., i jUst dont really get it since You have to be aggressive but yet she has to chase you?

so with this one i just phoned her up again one day and said "no if ands or but we are going out friday", well im not even gonna bother calling her after yesterday. I mean i could tell she actually went far out of her way to avoid me.

 

[Caldus]

but anyway back to me, i believe my problem lies whithin this acward feeling i have that exists within me. Its been theer my whole life. Its just this ackward feeling. I dont know if this feeling came from me feeling left out, or because i was left out due to this feeling. Either way its a feeling of uneasyness like never quite fit in. I mean i do think differently then most ppl. I mean i cant even think of a cuss if my life depended on it. Im not really much of a witty talker. I feel at times im 2 old for my age since everyone is into foot ball and im into for meaningful things like learning about physics or the cosmos or wutever. I'v always been that way, having my head up int he clouds.

Dude you sound too much like me. I've never heard anyone say something like that but that's really how I am too. I just had to say that real quick.

Anyway, yeah I hate talking to girls on the phone too. Ackward stuff. You just have to stop worrying about it because the girl is most likely not even evaluating how dumb you sound anyway.

 

[Q-Pid]

Originally posted by Fenderules
I mean i could tell she actually went far out of her way to avoid me.

You don't know that though do you? It's just what you assume she did. You assume it because you're overthinking about the situation.

Incidently the "awkward" feeling is likely just a lack of confidence. You've never settled into a social group so your social proof is likely quite low.

 

[Fenderules]

yeah i might be perhaps over analyzing. But i am 100000% sure she was avoiding me, maby that is a little 2 far i guess. But she is a weird girl anyway. Thats prolly why i got attracted to her, most girls i cant stand cause they whine or ***** about something superficial. This one was quiet and shye and easy to get a long with. I prolly let it get to my head.

 

[rockitck]

Originally posted by Fenderules
i jUst dont really get it since You have to be aggressive but yet she has to chase you?

Another suggestion would be to start your own bootcamp and post like a Muther Fuc*er. Since I started two weeks ago my game has changed a bunch. Feedback will challenge you to change. There is also something about being in the field and knowing you have to do 3 openers a day or maybe 5 and work on quality closes.

Post your bootcamp at arizonapua.com, there are about 5 guys there that will give feedback, have trained with each other, have a cool mentor, J-dog who has taken a lot of senimars and leads mini workshops for their lair all the time. I surged with him two years ago when he was an AFC and now he is a force to be reckoned with.

Another difference is at this site I get feedback, there are a lot of guys here and they do a great job. At the AZ site it is small and they have taken my post apart piece by piece and showed me exactly where my sticking points need to be worked on.

Once you practice enough you will feel the Matrix and know what to do. You just have to practice, practice and practice some more in the field. That is where the skills are developed.

 

[Fenderules]

yeah this has helped a lot. i just need to do more field work

 

[tmpgstx]

It sounds like you're doing everything that needs to be done to get dates. You showed interest, and when she called you said 'I'm busy give me a call later in the week'. She sounds like a 'nice' girl and like you blew her off. By her avoiding you is telling you that she was swept under the carpet (by you).

If you're dealing with a flake, then yes .. treat her like you did, but this girl is shy and reserved. It probably took her alot to call you in the first place.

You have to treat a girl with self-respect with respect, and a girl with no self-respect with no respect. Make sense? It should. The only reason your AFC friends are having more luck is because they're treating girls they are dating with respect, and these girls have enough self-worth to feel comfortable with it.

I'm guessing many of your other rejections were because you didn't even guage their interest beforehand and just went for it regardless. Am i hitting the mark here?

And the guy who said 70% of the women in today's culture don't appreciate decent guys - would have to agree. He also stated the ones who are decent are mostly taken. Yeahp.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Fenderules
I dont really fear rejections anymore

i am so sick of girls turning cold on me.

Which is it? It can't be both.

You've "tried being indifferent", you've "tried pushing harder", you've "tried pulling back"...what's the common thread here? The fact is you keep TRYING ON MASKS to see which one the girl likes better, when all she cares about is your NATURAL FACE.

And she sees by the way you try on these masks that you have no confidence in the real you underneath them.

Before you consider women, first consider yourself. You can't expect women to come to you when you're not even sure yourself who "YOU" really is.

Stop trying to find the right combination of appearance and behavior to attract women. YOU are the MAN. You don't HAVE to impress her. All you have to do is KNOW YOURSELF and be the greatest "YOU" that you can possibly be. Then challenge HER to meet YOUR standard.

Men were never meant to adhere to a woman's standard...they were meant to SET it.

If you set a standard of being uncomfortable with yourself, women will be uncomfortable with you too.

If you set a standard of trying different things to try to impress women, women will give up on you and try different men to try to impress themselves.

If you set a standard of being COMFORTABLE and SECURE in yourself, women will be COMFORTABLE and SECURE with you as well.

Man up, brotha.

 

[Fenderules]

yeah i think now all i wanna do is just have fun.

as for her pulling away because i rejected her....... i used tot hink that but now that i anaylize it i dont think so. I first woulda said taht with my emotions but i think i turned her off. I did give her some attention like one day she was having a really bad day so i gave her a hug and said, "before you leave tonight im gonna put a smile on your face" she just kinda went...."yeah sure'.
the most i got was a half assed smile.