I am Alpha

[Justin Time]

So I came here 13 days ago, broken like a three legged puppy that was just abandoned by its owner. Unrelenting pain and anguish after much failure in trying to win her back. Desperation, blood sweat and tears tore me to pieces day after day, night after night. Lost and confused, lost focus and just total hopelessness. Ahead was nothing but a lonely road into never ending darkness. All was lost...



Today, 13 days after I posted here, 30 days after I initiated NC, 9 days after I broke NC, I am a different man. She wants me...and she just can't get enough. Stay tuned.

 

[zinc4]

she just wants you see if she still has power over you..stay no contact...you will get stronger and stronger after time...30 days is nothing....

 

[Justin Time]

I think of no contact as a guideline instead of law. It's very good when applied appropriately and works differently based on application in different situations. That's purely my opinion though.

Well, here's what happened.

After 21 days of NC:

Me: Thinking you were right about us not working. Thanks so much! 4:51 PM
Me: We will never stop growing as individuals and once we get over the past we will be much happier with ourselves and maybe we can be friends again one day
Me: I guess I never really got a chance to say good bye and doing it now. Whatever you do, make sure you are happy. I'll be doing the same.
Me: I'm going to make myself happy as I can't depend on anyone else to do that for me. Its time to move on I guess. Take care.
her: Take care.

A couple days pass by then I texted her asking if she's ok. This is me giving her the "LJBF" card. She was feeling sick and a bit down, so I tell her I'm doing great! I asked her if she wanted to go bowling, but she wasn't feeling bowling. I told her I was working out and how great it was going, all that good stuff. She starts telling me what's going on and why things aren't that great..even though at first she was happy about a couple things that were going good (apparently her cousin was teaching her how to ride a motorcycle and she was taking some courses in tertiary education).

She then asked me why I care to talk to her and why I was being nice. It was at this point that I realize...she was doing this because she doesn't want to be a bother to me...She was glad I was willing to talk to her. Keep in mind, there isn't another guy in the picture, so it's not about anyone else.

I asked her if she wanted to see a show with me that she had enjoyed..let's say this show has a lot of episodes and we've been watching them for a long time. She says no since she just got over her addiction. She expressed her frustration that she hadn't been able to watch it and now she can. (they're only available online/through download etc.). She said she missed talking to me then suggested we could get coffee. I asked if she had any place in mind, then mentioned a coffee place that also had...books (she loves to read!).

I met her the next day at the coffee spot, She had gotten there early and was reading a book when I showed up. I was hungry so I asked if she wanted to have dinner instead. She agreed to dinner and seemed like she really wanted to do that instead anyway.

After dinner, I told her we should hang out for a bit, she said yes and we went back to my place. I used to give her massages before we went NC...I cannot say there was a time that I gave her a massage and we didn't reciprocate...

I proceeded to apply some kino and slowly, but surely I could feel the tension...the atmosphere began to change. She hadn't been with anyone and I know it's taken a toll on her. Before me, this girl didn't really care for sex. She allowed me to read her "journal" just before we made our relationship official...and yes, she compared how sex was with the only other two guys she was with...and apparently I gave her a new outlook..a sexual revolution you could say. Not only is there an emotional connection, but there is a sexual connection where she feels trapped by my knowledge of her body. I conjure up this sexual energy within her and make her want me. I start touching her legs, giving her a massage, being very cautious not to go in too fast. I had to work her up a bit. Eventually I start working my way closer to her more sensitive spots...Once I knew I had her, I started pulling back...THIS caught her off guard...and she was not having it.

 

[SamTheHobit]

I cringed ^^

 

[Justin Time]

Mauser, with all due respect. You don't know this girl the way I do. You think you can write a book and it applies to every person. Well, guess what... it doesn't work that way. There's a lot more involved than what you see on the surface. I'm very psychoanalytical and pay attention to not just what a person says, but their body language, their mode, everything. I know what to expect from this girl when she says the things she says. By the way. Things have gone a lot further than I've written thus far. What you have up there is a week behind. So I'm a week ahead of what I wrote in my last entry. A LOT has happened since then which tells me I've made the right decision up to this point.

I appreciate your pointers, but you've gone off the ice-cold deep end. I wont be as extreme as you are. Every situation needs a bit of personal molding in order for things to work just right. I am in control of the situation at the moment, and this is exactly where I'd like to be.

I will take my time however, and write an update the next chance I get...which even then will still be a few days behind.

 

[AAAgent]

I don't even need to read the rest of this guys post to know he's in over his head. No contact is meant to be just that. It's meant to help you as an individual and make you stronger in the future by controlling your emotions/actions and learning to tough it up and not get sucked into certain mind games. It's not meant to help make your ex or whoever it is you go ghost on jealous or fall back in love with you.

We may not all have gone through your exact situation, but the majority of us have gone through horrible heartbreak and have made a fool of ourselves. Read the DJ Bible and learn from it. Don't make the same mistakes that we all made, that's the point of history.

Learn from other people's mistakes so you don't make them yourself.

 

[TheCWord]

You don't know this girl the way I do.

Stop. Stop. Stop. This is painful.

I'm sure you're a good guy and I'm guessing also pretty young... but you are doing something that most of us do when first coming on here and reforming ourselves into better, stronger men - you have the "this one's different" complex.

I came on here with my oneitis one day and I thought most of the guys on here were just jaded morons who've been burned by women therefore try to fit them into a one-size-fits-all instruction manual... And you know what, that's probably true of most of the guys on here...

However, THEY are not the problem. You're right, they don't know this girl, every situation's different, etc. The real issue, Justin, is that you clearly have this girl on a pedestal. "You don't know this girl the way I do."

I've seen this show before - I know how it ends for you. I saw that long message you wrote to her. I saw her respond with two words. Then I saw you write to her AGAIN, asking her if she's okay. She's not going to take you seriously, dude, and at this point she shouldn't.

It's true that nobody on here knows you, that girl, or your situation... But there is a lot of knowledge on this site that I think you better start devouring stat.

Some girls are different, yes, but not THAT different. Besides, it's like I said, it's not the girl I'm concerned with - it's you, the way you think of this girl, the way you write to her, and the way you think you know everything. It WILL burn you.

Maybe then you'll learn.

Good luck.

 

[cordoncordon]

Justintime everything you have been doing so far? Stop doing it.

You aren't NC. You aren't even half no contact. You aren't getting her back.

You are losing your self respect in her eyes though.

You give her a long soliloquy goodbye, and her only response is 'take care'? And then after this long heartfelt goodbye, you ask her out a few days later? That is just one of a 1000 things you are doing wrong, but that is enough.

STOP contacting her. Stop thinking about her.

Move on. She is not interested.

 

[Justin Time]

Well, we slept together that night. A friend of mine from the city was celebrating his birthday and invited me out so I figured I'd go. I had initially invited another friend of mine, but she canceled on me. I then told my ex she should come with me to the city. Keep in mind that she wants the "friendship" so what's wrong with two friends hanging out in the city? I told her we had to stay at a hotel since my friend doesn't have a place for us, and she was ok with it. I told her I'd like to leave early in the am, and that she should spend the night before at my place. She did and I slept on the couch that night and let her have the bed. She usually gets up late, but she was up early that morning. She woke me up accidentally, but before we set out for the day, we had another session.

We got to the hotel, checked in, spent some time in the room. I made sure to get a single king size instead of two beds like I would have with the other girl. We started fooling around and before you know it, our clothes were off and we were at it again. She didn't have any more rubbers, so we called it a day. We went out later that night with my friend and his girl, had some drinks. We both had a lot to drink but weren't drunk. On the way back, my friend and I got some rubbers at the store before heading back to our respective hotel rooms.

When we got into the room, she went to the shower and that's all I remembered till I woke up. Apparently she saw the rubbers and said she was gonna try to get some from me, but I was out cold as she tried waking me up with no success. On the way home, I had all sorts of fun with her. It was warm in the car and her dress was all the way up. She leaned back and with one hand on the steering wheel, the other was free to play with her in the passenger seat. I did this for about 45 minutes to an hour.

I was hoping for some action when we got home, but she had work in a couple hours...This was last Saturday.


By the way, most of the comments assume that I'm pleading with her to do things with me, do this with me, do that with me when it's not the case. Like I said. I'm in control of the situation. She has already told me how much she loves me. I've already told her I'm not looking to get back with her. If she leaves, will I cry? Nope. I'm past that. My current state of mind is this girl left once and can leave again. I will not put myself in that position again. I'm getting all I can, while I can. If it goes, it goes. I'm fine with whatever outcome. I do NOT have oneitis and definitely talk to a ton of different chicks.

 

[TheCWord]

By the way, most of the comments assume that I'm pleading with her to do things with me, do this with me, do that with me when it's not the case. Like I said. I'm in control of the situation. She has already told me how much she loves me. I've already told her I'm not looking to get back with her. If she leaves, will I cry? Nope. I'm past that. My current state of mind is this girl left once and can leave again. I will not put myself in that position again. I'm getting all I can, while I can. If it goes, it goes. I'm fine with whatever outcome. I do NOT have oneitis and definitely talk to a ton of different chicks.

These are just words. Anyone on here who has been in your shoes can see exactly what you're trying to talk yourself into.

None of us are trying to be rude to you, or bully you. We're trying to help you out. But it's clear in your posts here that you are stubborn. How do we know this? Because you've spent so much time explaining and defending your dynamic with this girl.

What's one of the top ten rules when it comes to women? Judge them by their actions, not their words. We're just doing the same thing with you - we're reading your protestations that you don't have oneitis, but we are also reading the poetic goodbye you wrote her and the endless justifications of why you are trying to keep her in your life.

Now, that's the diagnosis. Do you actually want treatment? I think you do - why else would you be here and why else would you keep trying to tell yourself that you don't have oneitis? To truly be free, you have to cut this girl out. No more of this staying friends bull****, no more analyzing things. You say you have other girls on the go - focus on them, you're done with this girl.

If this girl comes back one day and starts putting in the effort, I'm not going to tell you not to go for it if you're in a good mental space to do so. But don't proceed with that idea in your mind. Improve yourself and become a better man for you, not for the hope of her coming around some day.

P.S. Easy rule of thumb: Guys who don't have oneitis over girls don't usually start threads on SoSuave about them

 

[Justin Time]

These are just words. Anyone on here who has been in your shoes can see exactly what you're trying to talk yourself into.

None of us are trying to be rude to you, or bully you. We're trying to help you out. But it's clear in your posts here that you are stubborn. How do we know this? Because you've spent so much time explaining and defending your dynamic with this girl.

What's one of the top ten rules when it comes to women? Judge them by their actions, not their words. We're just doing the same thing with you - we're reading your protestations that you don't have oneitis, but we are also reading the poetic goodbye you wrote her and the endless justifications of why you are trying to keep her in your life.

Now, that's the diagnosis. Do you actually want treatment? I think you do - why else would you be here and why else would you keep trying to tell yourself that you don't have oneitis? To truly be free, you have to cut this girl out. No more of this staying friends bull****, no more analyzing things. You say you have other girls on the go - focus on them, you're done with this girl.

If this girl comes back one day and starts putting in the effort, I'm not going to tell you not to go for it if you're in a good mental space to do so. But don't proceed with that idea in your mind. Improve yourself and become a better man for you, not for the hope of her coming around some day.

P.S. Easy rule of thumb: Guys who don't have oneitis over girls don't usually start threads on SoSuave about them

There's a very good reason why I started this thread. Actually, there are a few good reasons. They'll play out as time goes. I wont divulge all the information that surrounds the situation, just what's relevant. This isn't a thread seeking advice, so it's not stubbornness. two and a half weeks ago I needed advice. I've read enough and have acquired a new mindset for a different approach to the situation. This is a thread that gives you "live" info with a bit of delay. It allows me to hear your opinions, while having a partial view of the outcome. It's not just about her. It's about what you guys think should be done, what I've already done and what actually happens in the end.

Being a Don Juan isn't about following what a bunch of words say on a piece of paper. You have to feel it. You have to think it. You have to BE it. I like being around her, but if she isn't around, so what? - I just wrote a whole bunch of stuff and deleted it. I'll save it for later when I make another entry. I'm giving you all the precursors I did and the results I got. Call it an experiment if you will. A girl can love a guy online and chat with him till the end of days, but put them in person and they're as incompatible as brown and pink.

Applying what I've learnt here to my situation is what I'm doing. I do appreciate all the comments, so keep them coming. If I find something I can't refute, something I see that breaks away from my current method, something that clicks...then I'll consider it to be applied and how it will affect her, and myself.

By the way, as SoSuave666 says, I'm definitely not in the friend zone. There's more on that later.

 

[jeffreylebowski]

I'm not gonna offer an opinion, but I just want to point out...

You do realize that sosuave666's post was complete sarcasm, right?

 

[AAAgent]

So if this isn't a thread seeking advice in a self help forum then it must be a thread seeking attention?

I guess since everyone in here is posting the same reply, we must all be pretty stupid since we have it all wrong (according to OP). I highly doubt that is the case. Many posters have done exactly what your doing. Break NC, get back with the ex for a very short period only to have her leave them for good. All the while the OP is writing about how he maintains control. But when sh1t hits the fan and the OP realizes the sh1t hole he dug himself, he just disappears from SS.

Don't be that guy.

 

[AAAgent]

I'm not gonna offer an opinion, but I just want to point out...

You do realize that sosuave666's post was complete sarcasm, right?

Lol'ed at that post!

 

[Justin Time]

Notice I didn't quote his entire post? There's a reason for that.


AAAgent - It's a documentation. If you want to read it..read it. If you want to comment, comment. If you have no interest, then don't read. I plan to see this through to the end result. Worse case scenario you have a documentation of a guy who didn't do exactly as the DJ bible says.

A pet peeve of mine is blanket statements. A "bible" is a blanket book. We each individually have the ability to think, analyze and resort to the best solution based on our experiences. I came with not much, but I'm a pretty fast learner. My next post will be an update later tonight..maybe tomorrow if I'm out of posts.

 

[jeffreylebowski]

What everyone else has said notwithstanding, it sounds like you really don't like this girl that much...so why go through all the emotional turmoil and warfare?

 

[LorenzoVonM]

No advice from me since that's not what you want, I'm just grabbing my popcorn. You certainly have a gift for dramatic speak. Just curious, how old are you OP?

Edit: I see you are 27.

 

[Justin Time]

I have the next entry written...This will get you guys caught up to Tuesday of this week: I'll post it later. I might wanna add more, but I'm sure it's enough as is.

 

[devilkingx2]

you know what this thread is exactly like?

this one: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=204402

same problem, same advice, same ignoring of that advice, same resignation and popcorn grabbing from advice givers

you're like this guy's future self

from all of the OP it sounds like you're deep in the friendzone and eating out of her hand and then in the rest of the thread you're in deep denial

the only jewel of hope is when you said that you're atleast getting some action from her and I'm proud of you

most AFCs/beta's give up their self-respect and fight a losing battle for free, atleast you're getting laid

 

[BigSmooth]

Although I admire the OP's dedication...holy sh1t I cringed bad when I read the entire post.



Here is what I view of this situation...

1. Low self-esteem girl breaks up with low self-esteem guy.
2. Low self-esteem guy then acts extremely beta and tries to get her back.
3. Low self-esteem girl denies him.
4. Low self-esteem guy then tries to turn into a "real man" but also still trying to act "sensitive" and "caring".
5. Low self-esteem girl on the other hand, is getting no attention from higher value guys and deems the low self-esteem guy as "convenient", and convinces herself that the guy has "changed" and become more valuable.
6. Low self-esteem girl convinces herself take the guy back.
7. Low self-esteem guy thinks he's master of the universe now, falsely giving him self-confidence that will shatter in a second.


How I see this ending? The OP will revert back to his former self because all this "new side of him" is just a weak facade because no one can just change into a better, more wholly confident self in just "13" days.

Then the girl will break it up with him again and this will be a neverending cycle until she meets a real man who will sweep her off her feet and the OP will be completely forgotten.


~BSmooth