I am a massive failure in bar/clubs

[frivolousz21]

Since the age 18

I have had sex with a couple dozen women.
been on 50+ first dates
flirted with 100+ women more then just passing by.

but...


im Bar/club type places..I am a massive failure...I do not know why...but since 18..I have met a handful of women Ive gone on a date with from these places and Ive spent the majority of my time actively looking for women there.


wtf gives...I am thinking to shut it down and go the freaking Walmart or Target and walk around..I don't get it.


I would also like to add...I have realized women may care bout LOOKS more then men....I am 190 right now...not fat..but not ripped at 170 like I was back before my LTR...back then it seemed like there was always a cute women there for me..now it seems like Im just in the normal category.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

I think -nothing- will kill you more than going out with expectations. I have NONE. I just go out, try to make people smile and laugh, and if I come home with nothing, I know there is always tomorrow, and there are always more women.

 

[DavenJuan]

lets take a look at the differences between bars/clubs vs. day gaming etc..

most of the time women are out they are with other friends and simply trying to have a good time. other venues they are donig normal day activities.

having said that, it would be beneficial if we knew what you were donig when you go out to bars/clubs to where you dont feel you have success.

remember...

when you are out bar/clubs, keep it simple. dont try and become her bf. enjoy yourself and take something from every approach.

like ross jeffries said... confidence isnt going into every oppurtunity believing that I WILL SUCCEED. confidence is going into every oppurtunity knowing that EITHER WAY, you win as long as you take something from it.

 

[MacAvoy]

Friv, for the most part I'm the same way. Where I tend to excel is at parties. Even though I've been around the block a time or two, my club game sucks, so I don't use it as an avenue, if I go out to a club, I just go to have fun, if I get lucky, I get lucky. You can't expect to be good at every aspect. However if you were truly dedicated you could work on it to become better, but I chose to focus on what works for me.

 

[( . )( . )]

I am a massive failure.

I've been telling you that for ages, mind you I have noticed you've kept your old faggoty symp ways to a minimum, what gives?

 

[frivolousz21]

nice.

I havent kept them to a min..they are mostly gone..and I have no idea why

 

[iqqi]

I think -nothing- will kill you more than going out with expectations. I have NONE. I just go out, try to make people smile and laugh, and if I come home with nothing, I know there is always tomorrow, and there are always more women.

Beautiful philosophy.

This is how I live life. And I have "fruitful" times, lol, and not so fruitful times. The less expectations you have, the better the fruit tastes when you get it.

 

[Colossus]

The only time I have evner been a success in bars is when I had ZERO expectations and was there purely to get a few drinks with some friends. Usually times when I had an old hoodie on and some jeans, sort of a last-minute "ok I'll go to the bars" thing.

EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY TIME I have gone out with even the slightest hint of an expectation or agenda, I have came home to miss rosy palm.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

I have never, at last to my memory, have ever picked up a single woman at a bar, or club. For some reason, when women find this out, they think it's very cool. ????? I've picked up women at parties, etc. never at a bar.

I never go to a bar looking to take woman home. *shrugs* I go to bars looking to hang out with friends, and get crunked.

A hot a$$ bartender did take me home one night. ...that's not the same as picking a woman up at a bar. It's more like, she "picked" me up at a bar.

Not to change the subject but... two things that stand out to me about women lately... when they get horny, they get hella horny, and when they get mad, they get freakn evil! ...almost with the same amount of determination, power, and drive. Hmmmmmmm?

 

[Latinoman]

Why would you want to deal with drunk women anyway? If you have been with all those women...without relying on bar scene...then you should be happy.

 

[ketostix]

Bars can be pretty hit or miss, mostly miss. One big reason is because there's so many dudes there trying to PU girls. A lot of competition, and even if they don't succeed they inflate the women's egos making it harder to get anywhere.

I realize the value in acting indifferent and not outcome oriented, but most of all my bar PU's usually come when I actually do several approaches and am scouting for girls. A lot of times they'd come at the last minute even outside the bar on the sidewalk.

 

[lookyoung]

I have been clubbing over 1000 times in my life. I used to club an average of 3-4 times a week from 20-27 and every saturday from the ages of 27-29.5 so I know the clubbing game inside out. The clubbing scene is the most pretentious scene of all the dating scenes combined.

These are the key things you need to do to have success in the club.
1. Never go to a club alone. Most people on sosuave say its cool but anyone who has true experience in the club scene knows that this is a no no. Preferably go out with at least 4 guys who are in the game. Guys who actually conversate with woman. Don't go there with guys that just sit around. Otherwise you will be going home and jerking off to a porno.

2. Workout. The clubbing scene is all about how you look even though Many people here hate to admit it. If your muscular there are certain girls that will flock to you. They will hit on you and when a girl hits on you there is little you could do wrong. Some girls love to fvck a guy with muscles. Sad but true.

3. Have to balls to approach. Talk to girls. Make some fvcking approaches. And while your doing it have fun. Look at it as a video game. Even if you don't close get a few convos going. I personally have been out were I approached over 20 woman had a bad night and on the 21st woman I ended up number closing and making out with her on the spot.

4. Wear stylish clothes. The girls at clubs are between the ages of 21-26 and they are very into fashion. Shop at places like Guess. This is usually a safe bet even for guys over 25. If your over 25 and shop at abercrombie than you will look like a fvcking clown.

5. Pop some bottles. If you and your friends have money and get bottle service this immediately brings social status to the group and social status is king.

6. Take some dance lessons. Every fvcking girl I know loves to dance. I guess that is the way they are wired. If your a good dancer that increases your value in her eyes.

7. Don't be a cheap skate. If your having a good convo with a girl take her to the side. Tell her you would like to have a seat and chat. If she leaves her friends to be with you than buy her a fvcking drink. This shows you have a bit of class.

8. Develop rapport. Talk to her about your career, flirt with her kiss her, kino her. After that call her the next day. Don't listen to the rules of sosuave. If the girl likes you than she will ecstatic that you called.

9. Last but not least don't get discouraged. You will get rejected you will get flaked on, but remember its part of the game.

Most guys on sosuave will disagree with what I have to say but I know the clubbing scene from real life experience. Not from theories and all the other bs.

 

[MikeYikes122]

^^^I agree with lookyoung, make you sure you go to a bar/club with other people, but whatever you do, don't go out with a ton of guys. Only take one or two of your guy friends with you, or otherwise you will look like you're just trolling for ass.

If you're new in town and don't know a lot of people, go out alone, but make you sure you don't stay put in the same place for a long period of time. Stay moving, move from bar to bar, or go to the bathroom line and make some new friends/pick up on chicks there. Whatever you do, don't stand alone along the side of the wall. Everyone has seen that guy who stands against the wall with a Bud light in his hand and never talks to anyone. That guy is alone, and there is good reason for it. Also, you should only sit at the bar alone if it's a sports bar or something and there is a sporting event on television or something like that. If girls want to know why you're alone, just say your friends were supposed to meet you, but they are too drunk to know where they're at. I've also noticed girls are more likely to approach a guy who is alone.

As for the subject of picking up chics in bars, it's not as easy some would make it out to be. This is because girls are expecting to be hit on, so their b!tch shields are often up and on full blast if there are enough d-bags there hitting on them mercilessly. Approaching girls who are alone getting a drink or waiting for friends are your best bet.

To be honest with you, I'm not even all that good at this. A lot of times, girls are in huge packs and I just work on making EC or presenting myself in a manner that will cause them to approach me.

If you're an attractive guy and/or you dress well, a lot of those girls you are interested in will approach you.

 

[Jitterbug]

lookyoung pretty much nails it.

You can go to a bar/club alone (and it won't affect your game) as long as you know a good number of people there - like the staff or some other regulars. If you have that, you don't really need a bunch of friends to go with you. It's still good to have a good crew though. Among my friends, there's only one guy who's decent (he's somewhat of a natural) but the guy is now in a relationship and his girl has his balls in her purse. I have to work on getting to know the staff & regulars at places I want to go to for that reason.

A lot of times, girls are in huge packs and I just work on making EC or presenting myself in a manner that will cause them to approach me.

If you're an attractive guy and/or you dress well, a lot of those girls you are interested in will approach you.

I find that if you catch the eyes of one of those girls who are in a pack, she (or her friends who are trying to hook her up) will make some excuse to make herself easy for you to approach.

 

[decades]

clubs are a waste of money and time. A lot of the mature gents, in fact all of us, go through that phase. I bet many wish they hadn't. if you brew up a relationship with plenty of alcohol around, bad things are BOUND to happen.

 

[Mr. Me]

They're drunk, they've got attitudes, they think they're the prize even when they're damaged goods. There's a place I go to locally, the only trendy place nearby, attracts people from surrounding areas. Too many times I've spoken to women there that, if you evaluate what they're telling you as you converse, it's easy to see that they're bad news. Yet, after I'm done sussing them out, I see them end up with other guys who have hit on them and I have to wonder about these dudes and their lack of common sense, because they're buying drinks and entertaining these wrecks. Just for some lousy p&ssy that they probably won't get anyway.

Like last night, one woman I was talking to tells me she has four kids at home, going through a divorce because she found out her husband was having an affair for the past five years and had to get an Order of Protection against him because he is stalking her and has gotten himself into the house when she wasn't home. She also mentions, because she has loose lips from drinking I guess, that she sold her wedding ring and got a tummy tuck with the money.

Meanwhile, I'm taking this to mean: "While I was married, I got out of shape from having kids and turned my husband off, big time so he went looking elsewhere. I refused to do anything about getting myself back into shape. Isn't it interesting that only NOW I finally did something about it, because NOW I need to attract men? If you don't mind the scars. I'm such a hypocrite! Hee, hee. Oh, and I blab too much information because I don't even realize how it could turn you off, since most men are putzes and ignore these flags I blab about because they think they have a chance with me, and so I get free drinks. Oh, and my ex is stalking me, in fact, that's him at the other end of the bar... so if we end up in your bed or mine or anywhere else, chances are he'll be outside the window. He's an a$$hole. Be prepared. But hey! You're not buying me any drinks... you're mean! You must be gay! So I'm going to now rudely and abruptly turn to the next guy without even saying 'nice meeting you!' and chat him up instead!"

 

[MikeYikes122]

I think -nothing- will kill you more than going out with expectations. I have NONE. I just go out, try to make people smile and laugh, and if I come home with nothing, I know there is always tomorrow, and there are always more women.

The more I think about it, this is not only great advice for when you go out to bars/clubs, but it is also great advice for dealing with women in general. Every date you go on, every plate you spin, every LTR you enter, go in without having any expectations.

I remember when I was still kind of an AFC, I would go out on dates with girls and already have a relationship with them planned out in my head. I was doomed before I ever even met up with those girls. Chances are, when a guy is looking for a relationship from a plate he is spinning or a date he is on, he is just going to over-analyze the situation or turn the girl off by being too available and acting needy. Going out to bars with heightened expectations works the same way. You're just setting yourself up for over thinking, forced behavior and ultimately failure.

I don't mean to take this thread off topic, but this is something I've been thinking about recently.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

I remember when I was still kind of an AFC, I would go out on dates with girls and already have a relationship with them planned out in my head.

This is the key component to AFC wrong-headed thinking.

When guys lose their expectations, they never have to analyze anything that they do, because all their actions are out of an enlightened sense of self-interest. So you carry an "it's all good" attitude with you wherever you go.

 

[insidious]

Sometimes I think guys forget to step back, wayyyyyyyyy back, and look at the big picture.

You have to completely isolate yourself from your 'bad luck' and view your situation as dispassionately as possible.

You are having bad luck in clubs and bars. Why?

I went through the same torment.

I stepped back one day....it was not the clubs, it was NOT the bars. It was me. Viewing my own situation against the backdrop of this ill-fated context, it occured to me...a simple truth which really explained everything to me....I hated clubs. I hated phucking clubs!!!

I hated crowds, I hated loud drunks, I hated all that stupid male and female attention ***** bullshyt....how could I ever expect to pick-up jackshyt in a place I despise by its very nature?

I'm chill, I'm lowkey, I'm cerebral....ie, I stay away from clubs now and I don't expect to pick up there if I find myself in one.

 

[lookyoung]

I was actually at the club last nite with one of my plates. I guess I am growing out of that scene but I must admit there was plenty of hotties there. I wish I was there with the guys just to test my skills. There was about 4-5 girls that were HB10 and I would have definelty made a move on them. I was looking around and the place was filled with pretentious AFC's. I feel I could have done well last nite if I was there as a single guy.