I am a massive failure in bar/clubs

[azanon]

wtf gives...I am thinking to shut it down and go the freaking Walmart or Target and walk around..I don't get it.

See! You're learning! Walmart and Target is a much better place to game than at a bar! I can think of another 100 places that are better than a bar! My personal favorite though is a wealthy church.

Bars are for alcoholics and depressed people with no life. Sorry if i stepped on anyone's toes. My personal stereotype * shrug *.

 

[MotownMack]

I've had my share of fun in bars and clubs hanging out with my friends, but I do agree that true "night clubs" are some of the worst places to meet people, IMO. Every girl's "value" seems to go up about a 100 points, and they have their BS up for half of the approaches.

If you wanna play the percentages, then it's a decent place-take it for what it's worth, it's a venue with a lot of hot and sometimes drunk women in one place. Beyond that, everything else about it kind of works against you.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

I think -nothing- will kill you more than going out with expectations. I have NONE. I just go out, try to make people smile and laugh, and if I come home with nothing, I know there is always tomorrow, and there are always more women.

Beautiful philosophy.

This is how I live life. And I have "fruitful" times, lol, and not so fruitful times. The less expectations you have, the better the fruit tastes when you get it.

successful people have HIGH expectations in everything they do. if you fail, you deal with it, move on, and get 'em next time Tiger, with HIGH expectations once again.

having LOW expectations is weak. people set them low for the very reasons you have mentioned. but behind it is the fact that you cannot deal with disappointment.

this is the LOSER mindset, and is not "beautiful". if you play 'not to lose', you will lose.

WINNERS DO NOT EXPECT TO LOSE! WINNERS EXPECT TO WIN.

the Lakers have HIGH expectations, from top to bottom, from Jerry Buss to the towel boys. the Clippers have low expectations, from top to bottom, from Donald Sterling to the towel boys.

the Lakers EXPECT to win championships. if they don't (which is likely!), you deal with it, regroup, improve, and get it done. the Clippers do not expect to win championships. they are just looking for a decent season, and they don't even get that.

two completely different mindsets of the organization, and thus to very different outcomes over time. the Lakers are WINNERS year in and year out over time. the Clippers are LOSERS year in and year out over time.

 

[ketostix]

See! You're learning! Walmart and Target is a much better place to game than at a bar! I can think of another 100 places that are better than a bar! My personal favorite though is a wealthy church.

Bars are for alcoholics and depressed people with no life. Sorry if i stepped on anyone's toes. My personal stereotype * shrug *.

I agree with you basically except for Walmart tends to be a place full alcoholics and depressed people with no life. Target seems to get a better crowd lol.

 

[Mr. Me]

Walmart tends to be a place full alcoholics and depressed people with no life

Hey! The Greeters have to work somewhere to make their booze money!

successful people have HIGH expectations in everything they do...

the Lakers have HIGH expectations...

the Lakers EXPECT to win championships.

I think concepts are being confused here. To have zero expectations concerning outcomes is not to be confused with not having goals.

Not having "high expectations" really means not tying your hopes or emotions to the outcome of any singular event. It's not "weak" in that it takes discipline to be detached and not be so focused and tied up on the outcome that you lose sight of the play by play, where the game is actually won.

 

[thedeparted]

successful people have HIGH expectations in everything they do. if you fail, you deal with it, move on, and get 'em next time Tiger, with HIGH expectations once again.

having LOW expectations is weak. people set them low for the very reasons you have mentioned. but behind it is the fact that you cannot deal with disappointment.

this is the LOSER mindset, and is not "beautiful". if you play 'not to lose', you will lose.

WINNERS DO NOT EXPECT TO LOSE! WINNERS EXPECT TO WIN.

the Lakers have HIGH expectations, from top to bottom, from Jerry Buss to the towel boys. the Clippers have low expectations, from top to bottom, from Donald Sterling to the towel boys.

the Lakers EXPECT to win championships. if they don't (which is likely!), you deal with it, regroup, improve, and get it done. the Clippers do not expect to win championships. they are just looking for a decent season, and they don't even get that.

two completely different mindsets of the organization, and thus to very different outcomes over time. the Lakers are WINNERS year in and year out over time. the Clippers are LOSERS year in and year out over time.

Actually it's all about skills and motivation. Not expectations. If you have the game -- and you take the game to the court -- you'll do well. But I don't think the best guys go out expecting to win. They go out expecting to play their best. I think it's different. The risk with high expectations is a sense of entitlement, which tends to impede your game.

But all of this is philosophy. If you are simply out there playing the game, you're ahead of 90% who are sitting at home on their azz (note to self: I am sitting at home on my azz typing this)

 

[MotownMack]

Actually it's all about skills and motivation. Not expectations. If you have the game -- and you take the game to the court -- you'll do well. But I don't think the best guys go out expecting to win. They go out expecting to play their best. I think it's different. The risk with high expectations is a sense of entitlement, which tends to impede your game.

I tend to agree with you. Different strokes for different folks, really.

When I played competitive ice hockey, I found it FAR more constructive for me to psych myself down. I couldn't control everything, and it was pointless and frustrating to try. Be enthused enough to go out and give it your best, in the best state possible-but realize that no matter what happens today, there will almost always be a chance for you to try again tomorrow, so don't stress on it.

Focusing on effort is never a bad thing, but focusing on outcomes that are sometimes beyond your control, can be, IMO.

 

[seasonedplayer]

I am a good looking, funny and smooth operator but I sometimes struggle at clubs. It is because many clubs are very dark and there is no value in having a nice looking face or even dressing well

the guys that do well in clubs and the tall and muscular ones that stand out. They can be the ugly and dumbest guys in the world and have no game BUT it is very dark, people are drunk and no-one can tell the difference

I compensate for my natural disadvantages in the club scene by approaching as many women as I physically can (without looking desparate)

 

[Max Power]

Like last night, one woman I was talking to tells me she has four kids at home, going through a divorce because she found out her husband was having an affair for the past five years and had to get an Order of Protection against him because he is stalking her and has gotten himself into the house when she wasn't home. She also mentions, because she has loose lips from drinking I guess, that she sold her wedding ring and got a tummy tuck with the money.

Meanwhile, I'm taking this to mean: "While I was married, I got out of shape from having kids and turned my husband off, big time so he went looking elsewhere. I refused to do anything about getting myself back into shape. Isn't it interesting that only NOW I finally did something about it, because NOW I need to attract men? If you don't mind the scars. I'm such a hypocrite! Hee, hee. Oh, and I blab too much information because I don't even realize how it could turn you off, since most men are putzes and ignore these flags I blab about because they think they have a chance with me, and so I get free drinks. Oh, and my ex is stalking me, in fact, that's him at the other end of the bar... so if we end up in your bed or mine or anywhere else, chances are he'll be outside the window. He's an a$$hole. Be prepared. But hey! You're not buying me any drinks... you're mean! You must be gay! So I'm going to now rudely and abruptly turn to the next guy without even saying 'nice meeting you!' and chat him up instead!"

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Well, many girls go to clubs only to bust their egos. As you can see since a lot of them have BFs.

 

[synergy1]

Well, many girls go to clubs only to bust their egos. As you can see since a lot of them have BFs.

To follow up on this point; of the times I have gone to clubs with girls, I have never heard them once talk about guys before/during clubbing. They usually bring up random "sketchy" dudes who hit on them, but thats about the extent of it. They get hit on plenty too. Their prerogatives is to dance...cliche but true. A good number of them do also have boyfriends too.

 

[MatureDJ]

clubs are a waste of money and time. A lot of the mature gents, in fact all of us, go through that phase. I bet many wish they hadn't. if you brew up a relationship with plenty of alcohol around, bad things are BOUND to happen.

I agree wholeheartedly. I have never been able to do a cold pickup with a sane woman at a bar/club. However, I have re-met and dated some women (i.e., that I had known before, even if only slightly) at the bar/club.

I now only go to the bar/club to meet up with friends.

Something that is really like a bar/club, but that has aspects that are totally different is the church singles dance. A man can use the same techniques that he could use at the bar/club, but it will be on women who do not have the shields up, or in their b!tchpack, etc.; these woman very much want to be picked up. The only drawback is that the quality is typically low, but every once in a while a good one falls through the cracks and would be available.