Hurting a girl feels like a sh1t, even with abundance

[xuzaki]

Like many guys here, I discovered the red pill after a traumatic break up where I learned "hypergamy doesn't care". I won't repeat my life story, but it's relevant to say that the terms Beta Game, Scarcity Mentality, and Oneitis all applied to my life up until then. I'm 28.

I quickly went from going five years without sex to spinning plates. I believe I have an abundance mentality now, banging over 10% of my daygame direct approaches on the first or second date. Two plates have been really sweet to me all along, and have become attached. I feel attachment to one, which scares me because it makes me vulnerable. I spend a lot of time these days on self-improvement (gym, reading, comfort-zone challenges, languages, etc) and felt the urge to "drop everyone" and have a month alone, even though I don't see any girl more than once per week. After a few weeks of consideration, today I broke up with the girl I felt attached to. Somehow I thought it would "kill my inner Beta", but I feel like a piece of sh1t. She cared a lot for me, did absolutely nothing wrong, bought me gifts, considered me her boyfriend even though I never reciprocated, and I just dumped her with "you're really great but I need time to be alone".

I set out on this journey to become a better man, and to not get hurt again by Hypergamy, but I never set out to hurt anyone.

- Why do I feel like sh1t? It's not scarcity mentality, so maybe it's the "pain of causing someone else pain"?

- This girl is from Asia. I'm not sure if she understands the whole "covertly communicated non-exclusivity". American girls "get it", but what about possibly hurting foreign girls who seem to assume exclusivity?

- I broke up as nicely/politely as I could imagine, and I think she'd get back together. Anyone here with experience with this? Good/bad idea? My concerns are: (1) the frame wouldn't be the same, and (2) I'd feel hesitant to leave/hurt her a second time.

- How do you guys feel about hurting girls emotionally? I don't mind pumping-&-dumping arrogant Prima Donnas with overinflated egos, but hurting a sweet girl makes me feel like a horrible human being.

My newly unplugged friend told me I should have just made the time/space I needed, and she would have either stuck around or dropped. I now see this would have been a better choice.

 

[Spaz]

Breaking off is never easy and it always hurts the other party regardless of what or how you say it.

However breaking off due to fear of attachment would suggest that you need to work on your fears 1st before being in any committed relationship.

The ability to take emotional hits or hurts is what separates the men from the boys.

 

[marmel75]

Why do you feel the need to "be alone"? I've never understood why people get in this all or nothing mentality with women.

 

[bario]

In my opinion, bad move. Nice girl to you, you seemed attached, not a reason to breakup.

 

[lamath]

I wonder if hypergamy make women feel bad for dumping guys as much as we do when we dump them.

 

[17 shots]

Women don't give a damn about you when they ghost you for no reason, so I could care less about ditching one of them. Life goes on

 

[xuzaki]

Why do you feel the need to "be alone"? I've never understood why people get in this all or nothing mentality with women.

I felt the need to be alone because of my own mental state which, as @Spaz rightly suggests, I need to work on. I've never been good at time management or at keeping focused on myself while in a relationship. In my past blue-pill relationships I felt trapped and unable to follow my goals/dreams. I foresaw my own SMV and happiness declining due to not taking the necessary time for myself. I agree it doesn't make sense since I was only giving this girl a few hours per week.

For the (even) newer guys reading this: just because you're spinning five plates doesn't mean you won't develop the feelings for them.

 

[xuzaki]

I wonder if hypergamy make women feel bad for dumping guys as much as we do when we dump them.

Here's a relevant post by Rollo Tomassi called "War Brides" that suggests women can move on more easily than men:

https://therationalmale.com/2011/10/03/war-brides/

 

[Spaz]

I felt the need to be alone because of my own mental state which, as @Spaz rightly suggests, I need to work on. I've never been good at time management or at keeping focused on myself while in a relationship. In my past blue-pill relationships I felt trapped and unable to follow my goals/dreams. I foresaw my own SMV and happiness declining due to not taking the necessary time for myself. I agree it doesn't make sense since I was only giving this girl a few hours per week.

For the (even) newer guys reading this: just because you're spinning five plates doesn't mean you won't develop the feelings for them.

We recently had a thread that addresses this issue and how to overcome it.

I'm just too lazy to rehash everything.

@BeExcellent since you benefited from that thread why don't you benefit someone else in return ?

I know I know I'm such a d1ck...

 

[Julian]

Treat people the way you want to be treated and dont wrong those who are good to you.

 

[Trump]

How do you guys feel about hurting girls emotionally? I don't mind pumping-&-dumping arrogant Prima Donnas with overinflated egos, but hurting a sweet girl makes me feel like a horrible human being.

All you to do with girls is make your terms known, they will either

a) submit or
b) come up with emotional, irrational, topic avoidance, fact avoidance, and shaming excuses.

Doesn’t mean you have to hurt them.