HUGE case of flirting with guy right in front of me

[Tazman]

I would have definitely remained quite and pretended like it didn't bother me, but I would have a different view of her and the relationship after that.

If we were exclusive, it would be no more. I'd simply start shopping around myself. It's the disrespect that I can't tolerate, I wouldn't even mind her staring and pointing at guys, but actively engaging and flirting in front of me is too much. My ego doesn't like it.

 

[speed dawg]

It's the disrespect that I can't tolerate, I wouldn't even mind her staring and pointing at guys, but actively engaging and flirting in front of me is too much. My ego doesn't like it.

Amen. And it's not ego, it's just basic self-respect.

 

[NewMan]

It's hard to judge an isolated incident like this - purely because, we don't know what has transpired during the relationship. I think it's very odd, that anyone would act completely out of character like this - which would lead me to believe:

1) She's always been this way - OP just feel's more threatened because he perceives the guy as more of a threat. In this case, this is the OP fault for not establishing the 'rules' of the relationship. You can't change the rules of the game half way through - and this could very well have been going on for a while

2) Perhaps this is how OP acts towards women in front of her - openly flirting with the waitress or any of his lady friends.


This whole thing just smells funny - all of a sudden this woman just acts like this???? I have a hard time buying that.

 

[Nutz]

This whole thing just smells funny - all of a sudden this woman just acts like this???? I have a hard time buying that.

Nope, seen this stuff before. Usually it's a precursor to her sleeping with the other guy. First she gushes about some guy she knows, then she's going out with "friends" after work or to a club or something, and next thing you know she's coming home late at night heading straight to the bathroom to brush her teeth (get the taste of jizz out of her mouth). And when you try to sex her up you find she's already taken care of down there and does NOT want you going down on her all of the sudden.




(I think that tied together most of the cheating threads of late)

 

[speed dawg]

LOL, that's some funny sh1t, Nutz.....

 

[STR8UP]

And when you try to sex her up you find she's already taken care of down there and does NOT want you going down on her all of the sudden.

One of the surest signs of cheating is when a woman who normally LOVES oral sex pulls your head back up from her cooch before you reach the gold.

The ironic thing is that it's actually pretty considerate of her if you think about it.

 

[NewMan]

The ironic thing is that it's actually pretty considerate of her if you think about it.

NEWMAN cleans his oatmeal off of his monitor.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Predictably, Dash has no responses to the guys who took the time to try to help him.

Dash, update please. Or are you waiting until yo dump her to come report.

Or are you a troll and come just start up threads like this?

 

[WhtRbt]

Next time you are out with her, chat up some hotties.

 

[Hemingway]

Exactly.

How about some helpful advice where Dash Riprock can try and save the relationship?

When things get tough you shouldn't just quit.

The odd thing is, the advice is the same either way. Ironically, the only way to SAVE a relationship is to cold turkey go live your own life, become unaffected. Being unavailable is not disrespectful to her, women find this behavior alluring.

 

[jonwon]

IMO, she was already hitting it or on a non-stop flight on her way to hitting it.

I don't want to hijack this thread and will search, but I would like to hear more thoughts on what you would do at onset.

Wayyyy back, I was trying to work a decent look. The situation was going nowhere because I didn't manage things well, and our IL was imbalanced. I was as foolish then as I probably am today and was still trying to grind it out. Well... we were at a party and she wasn't really vibing on me. She is super social so I didn't think much as she was mixing with everyone and then started hanging with a couple guys. What caught my attention is that one of the guys did a couple things via body language that were completely stand offish and she was eating it up. When she got up I approached her to say good night because I wanted to roll elsewhere - it was still early. As we were in the midst of parting with an intimate good bye, I looked over her shoulder and saw one of those guys give me the most AFC jealous look I have ever seen from a guy, ever. It was so classic. Right then and there I knew that they were hitting it or on their way. I wanted to nudge her aside and get right in his face and start talking sh1t to the first degree to the point of entrapping him into a fight. Because at the time my ego could not believe that she would have the audacity to start macking on this guy right in front of me... But I walked away so that is why I would like to hear what you all would do right when something like this starts happening.

I would also like to hear more general comments - I think that girls are a lot more prone to pull this kind of stunt in the open vs. guys. SHADY

Best thing to do?

You watch, you observe. You fight the impulse to go all cave man and you watch what that girl your dating is like, that’s what you do.

You can only know what your chick is like, by the way she ACTS and not by how she SPEAKS - Remember that and next time, watch her - watch her, do not join in, do not act all jealous and controlling, just watch her (And I don't mean like some hawk on her case, give her the freedom), let her do her thing and if and when she does something you do not find comfortable, you do not react, you keep watching and you let her keep doing what she is doing and if she goes too far - you still do nothing - until finally she blows it for 'herself' then you leave her, get on with your life and replace her with the millions upon millions of other women out there.

Do not try to control your women, your asking for trouble, instead meet a women who does not make you feel uncomfortable every time your out - now this is if you don’t have jealousy issues, but it seems you where correct in being cautious, but your mistake was going Cave-Man. Now this is about situations that your girl is showing a clear lack of respect for who you are - if she is being stupid, then you can call her out -

But in this situation - even though i've gone Cave Man in the past (which was the biggest mistake I could have done) - now i watch them, i observe and if she crosses that line - MY interest level is lowered and in that it becomes much easier to let them go - if you keep going cave-man you will keep holding onto chicks like this, but you can't be there all the time -

You want chicks who you can trust in a room full of naked studs, maybe they dont exist, but this is what you want to be thinking about your girl - not having your women make you question her loyalty to you by her interactions with the opposite sex.

Now women talking to other men is fine - but there is a line that can be crossed, you has a man need to observe and give her long leash, see what she does and then make a judgement call if this girl is the one for you.

Give them a long rope, let them hang-themselves, this is called dodging a bullet – don’t worry about, don't fight it, let them do there thing - that way you make the right decision instead of jumping in and trying to stop someone ****ting on you. What you going to do when your not there? Follow her around and be ready to ‘jump’ in when she chats some guy up? Get real, hence why you observe there ‘actions’.

 

[Mr. Me]

How about some helpful advice where Dash Riprock can try and save the relationship?

Because it takes TWO willing participants to do that, and the catch is: if BOTH were willing, Dash wouldn't be in the sitch he's in.

I normally wouldn't give this advice, but throw that Doc Love book away. It's setting you up for failure here

I wouldn't say that; he needs to really read it and apply it. I'd say Dash isn't applying the teachings correctly. For example, Doc says you don't commit to a girl that keeps her exes lurking around, but Dash has gone right ahead and made her his GF anyway. Another example is Doc saying that if you see a chick's a major flirt, that either signals low integrity or a need for male attention, either way, she's not good GF material, but that hasn't stopped Dash. Doc's advice would be to throw away her number, not throw his book away!

Hey, I have a rabid dog but I'm sure if I just put in the time and act cool my dog will become normal. That's what Dash is doing.

Anyway, about the other guy, the Pierce Brosnan type dude, you have to consider: why do you think he's taking yoga classes? To stretch his spine? Of course he's there to hit on chicks - and she's eating it up obviously.

 

[5string]

She disrespected you. BAD. Dealbreaker bro. Pass her off to Pierce Brosnan and find another gal to go shopping with. I was in a Yoga class once. Amazing how many girls fart when they get into those contorted positions. Spent more time laughing than I did exercising!

 

[Kailex]

This thread was from April, 2009. (Good job, 5string )
Dash probably hasn't been around in months.

But, it does serve as a perfect example for others, given the situation.

 

[zekko]

I honestly don't see this one incident as being THAT bad, basically all she was doing was talking to an acquaintance from yoga class. Not saying it wouldn't piss me off, mind you. The problem is that if this is a PATTERN of behavior with her, and there are other red flags as discussed in other threads, then I would be concerned about it. Depending on the extent of it, I might call her on it or just drop her.

Fully 100% agree. This is why getting married is so bad for men--they no longer have the upper hand or power to tell a woman to GTFO.

I hate to say it, but I agree. You can't tell your wife to GTFO these days without signing over a huge amount of cash to her. Look at Tiger Woods' divorce settlement.

I cohabitate with my girlfriend in my house. I think having the option of throwing all her stuff out on the lawn at any time goes a long way toward keeping the frame. Not that I see myself doing this, but I'm just saying. In today's culture, marriage can be a big risk for a man.

 

[mikeymic]

okay allow me to take the floor a similar situation happened to me, I left her ass in there and got in the truck. I didnt say nothing when she got in or when we got home. finally she was practically begging for me to speak to her and tell her whats wrong....I went to bed didnt give her goodnight d!ck either (even though I wanted sex). the next day we rode to a store where this hot chick friend of mine worked. I went in and let her see me and got pounced on and acted super happy to see her. when we got back in the truck i didnt talk to her she wasn't talking either.
Me: whats wrong with you
Her: You want someone else
Me: Not even on my mind
Her: Well why was you all over that girl

then i let her know the girl was in fact the one all over me and I was merely there as a hugging post and then I explained the image in reverse by the previous night so she knew how it felt and I went home and started cutting grass only to find her apologizing and back to her old self being crazy for me and trying to be a great gf so i'd be the one to marry her one day

 

[Nutz]

okay allow me to take the floor a similar situation happened to me, I left her ass in there and got in the truck. I didnt say nothing when she got in or when we got home. finally she was practically begging for me to speak to her and tell her whats wrong....I went to bed didnt give her goodnight d!ck either (even though I wanted sex). the next day we rode to a store where this hot chick friend of mine worked. I went in and let her see me and got pounced on and acted super happy to see her. when we got back in the truck i didnt talk to her she wasn't talking either.
Me: whats wrong with you
Her: You want someone else
Me: Not even on my mind
Her: Well why was you all over that girl

then i let her know the girl was in fact the one all over me and I was merely there as a hugging post and then I explained the image in reverse by the previous night so she knew how it felt and I went home and started cutting grass only to find her apologizing and back to her old self being crazy for me and trying to be a great gf so i'd be the one to marry her one day

This is a good example of what I've always said about how to win arguments: Make them see things from your perspective by making them feel how you did in a given situation. You don't have to do the whole thing the way he did, you just need to make her FEEL the way you did, which can simple be done with words in most cases using the following line:

"How would you feel if....?"

In the case of the OP,
Guy: How would you feel if I walked up to a hot girls and started flirting with her, seriously, right in front of you? Disrespected? Maybe a bit jealous?
Girl: Yeah, I guess.
Guy: No, close your eyes and imagine yourself in that situation. You're there at a part, she's got her hands all over me, I'm flirting back and you're standing there just being ignored like you don't even exist. Get that image in your head. How do you feel?
Girl: When you put it that way, I guess you're right. I see what you mean. I never really thought of it that way.

That's a common response "I never thought of it that way." Key thing to remember gentlemen is women feel before they think. This is why guys often hear crap like "one thing led to another" as though it's an acceptable excuse for cheating.

 

[jophil28]

That's a common response "I never thought of it that way." Key thing to remember gentlemen is women feel before they think. This is why guys often hear crap like "one thing led to another" as though it's an acceptable excuse for cheating.

A couple of points -
Just because they "feel before they think" does not grant them license to act on their feelings and be excused from the impact their poor behavior has on you.
Women act like the femme in this tread partly because men have been willing to button their lip and "overlook" their disrespectful actions. Endless free passes lead to more of the same behavaior.

I don't buy their common explanation," I never thought about it like that.." That, to me, is a flimsy attempt to fall back on their beloved convenient contrivance that women are a little air-headed - no, they are not.
They know exactly what they are doing when they flirt - the real issue is that they are willing to risk your irritation in their pursuit of the massive ego boost that a big flirt brings them. Selfish emotional indulgence is all.

IF a grown adult agrees to be in a committed relationship with another, it follows that each will exercise restraint and act decently in public .

 

[zekko]

Just because they "feel before they think" does not grant them license to act on their feelings and be excused from the impact their poor behavior has on you.
Women act like the femme in this tread partly because men have been willing to button their lip and "overlook" their disrespectful actions. Endless free passes lead to more of the same behavaior.

Many guys on this forum will tell you not to respond to this disrespectful behavior because it makes you look insecure. They will tell you to laugh it off and know that you are the one they are sleeping with.

So guys are getting this from both sides: other guys telling them not to be insecure, and of course the women want to be able to flirt and run around with any of their "guy friends" that they want. I'm with you though, if the behavior is unacceptable they should be called on it, or just nexted.

 

[jophil28]

Or, better yet, say, "Well, I'll leave you two alone to flirt with one another." Then you tell her, "He'll be happy to drive you home, I'm sure."

That is one big gold nugget ^^ . Can you imagine the stunned looks between them as you walk out.

And that is how you effectively "call her out" - no rant, no hissy fit ...just walk away and hope that you can get in your truck and drive away before she realizes that you really are leaving and she starts running , panic-stricken, across the carpark towards you.

One last thing... if you are going to pull this kind of brassball response to poor female behavior, you have to follow through and actually drive away.
IF you sit in the truck and just kind of 'wait' until she catches up and gets in, you have lost most of the intended impact.