How To Turn Ex GF Into A FWB?

[soulforge]

Even as fwb the entire reason it's enjoyable is because you let yourself go and dive deeper into the intimacy, really enjoying yourself. But if you're not strong enough to maintain frame through this release then keep your distance until you can. One ex I kept inviting to hookup but I wasn't in my frame at all. I acted like a cuck that wanted her back and she used me for sex for years until she found someone else. It wasn't enjoyable at all looking back. Not because the sex want good, it was. But because I wasn't being honest with myself. There's no shame to saying no to sex. In fact when you're really on your grind sex will be the last thing on your mind, and it'll seem more like a hindrance that keeps you away from your passionate work.

Anyway with a bad girl like what you've described you gotta be stone cold and brutal with yourself. No exceptions. Imagine her screwing someone else, does that bother you? If it does then you're not ready. Only hit her up when the thought of her getting a train ran on her doesn't bother you. Don't be captain save a hoe.

Mate honestly... I wouldn't care if she banged another dude at all...

However I think I need time away, to shake some feelings off... I am already getting there...

I clearly see now, that she is TRASH and me even considering her for LTR was straight up DUMB.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Those guys who would stay in a relationship like that, would have to at some point pay a very heavy price.

How could do you possibly trust a woman who has such a SLEAZY background.

You would have doubts and mistrust in her for the most of the time.. Absolutely no peace of mind.

And the extra added worry of her developing a coke addiction, or going back to the nudity again.

Without trust you don't have a relationship.

Those interactions would degrade you over time.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Mate honestly... I wouldn't care if she banged another dude at all...

However I think I need time away, to shake some feelings off... I am already getting there...

I clearly see now, that she is TRASH and me even considering her for LTR was straight up DUMB.

Then what has you so scared from feeling deeper for her? As long as it's unconditional you have nothing to lose.

I have a stripper that comes by all the time now and I couldn't care less what she does. I don't go out of my way for her at all and she's all over me. I don't care if she walks. If you're like that towards this girl(and aren't BSing yourself) then there's no harm in calling her over. It's always better when you can really enjoy each other though. No point in bending for simple sex, that's a cuck move. You can pick someone random up for that. If you'd rather bang this girl than go explore something random then youve got feelings for her. If you can stay mindful of these feelings and keep them under control you can still fuuck with her. But if you ever feel degraded or demeaned be ready to pull away.

 

[stovepipe]

Then what has you so scared from feeling deeper for her? As long as it's unconditional you have nothing to lose.

I have a stripper that comes by all the time now and I couldn't care less what she does. I don't go out of my way for her at all and she's all over me. I don't care if she walks. If you're like that towards this girl(and aren't BSing yourself) then there's no harm in calling her over. It's always better when you can really enjoy each other though. No point in bending for simple sex, that's a cuck move. You can pick someone up for that easy.

Did you not read before posting that retarded comment?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Did you not read before posting that retarded comment?

I did. There's more than one way to skin a cat. Why don't you enlighten me as to which part you think is retarded.

 

[soulforge]

Did you not read before posting that retarded comment?

I think these toxic chicks have a way of pulling you back into the vortex by LOVE BOMBING you.

Its starts as simply sex... then she starts boosting your ego, love bombing... next thing you know, your back in the fukin mess again.

The only way to bang a chick like this, is to remain STONE COLD.

Bang her, then straight up send her home... very minimum interactions.


For now, i prefer to stay away from her.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

For a dog that returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly

That quote is retarded. A dog regurgitates and eats regurgitate to promote a healthy gut flora. Some dogs eat grass on purpose to make themselves vomit just to eat it again. It's the same reason they eat shiit.

Treating an ex as a FWB is hardly returning to old vomit if a man is being honest with himself. Ideally he doesn't reach out for it at all. Imo reaching out to FWB is weak.

It's easy to dismiss women entirely and next them. It's easy for that to be rooted in fear. When a man is in his masculine he doesn't make threads like this. It's common sense whether to move on or keep messing with a girl. OP clearly caught feels and it's messing with his judgement. Its within his power to use her for sex when he's able minded. It doesn't have to interfere with his personal growth. Any insinuating of that being false is delusional. It can be hard depending on circumstance, but it is definitely possible.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

This is why you are in no frame of mind to even attempt this.

You're not going to get high sexual mileage out of a woman that you have to keep very minimum interactions with.

The more mileage you desire, the more time will need to spent with her to get it, the more you expose yourself to these toxic situations and the more you subject yourself to falling prey to your own weaknesses.

The less time you spend with her, the less sexual mileage you will get and the more you will try to rationalize spending more time with her to get that sexual mileage you want so much from her.

Catching feelings for her has absolutely ZERO to do with this.

It's the sex itself that is the trap sabotaging your logic and your frame.

Snap out of it. Go get some elsewhere.

This is good. Your desire for sex is not for sex, but for attention from her in particular. LJC what would you call toxic in this context?

 

[soulforge]

This is good. Your desire for sex is not for sex, but for attention from her in particular. LJC what would you call toxic in this context?

No the only thing I would want from her is sex... I recognise this isn't someone you LTR with...

However I actually feel better being away from such a damaged person for now... My mind is much clearer than what it was a week ago.

There are things this chick is willing to do sexually, that other woman would not lol... believe me she was up for ANYTHING under my guidance.

For now.. I intend to just keep my distance and bring in some new plates.


One question? Who should be reaching out to whom? For FWB

 

[Atom Smasher]

@soulforge , I didn't have time to read this entire thread, but I just want to mention that you need to work on standing by your decisions with more certainty. You constantly second guess your decisions, and this is evidenced by your frequently posting numbered lists as to why she is not qualified to be in your life. You seem to be trying to convince yourself by making these ordered lists.

One posting of the list is enough, and furthermore, only one item on that list is enough to disqualify her.

It's time to make your stand on your decision and move on (and that means away from any possibility of being with her again).

She is seriously damaged goods. This is one reason why I am against casual sex. You are right that you can't help but catch the feelz for someone you're sleeping with. Sex is a bonding process and it unites two people physically, mentally, and spiritually. This is why it hurts so much when you part ways. You are ripping a piece of you away. This is why women in particular become seriously damaged each time she engages in it with a new partner. It erodes her.

But the separation must be done. I think it would be a good idea to remember that she was a drug to you and that there is an abundance of more healthy women out there. This one has the capability of draining you, and she is doing that right now in her absence. Remove all reminders of her, and move on.

Reassurance has already been given to you multiple times that you made the right and only decision, so for your own sake it's time to slam the lid on this and move forward. Take the pain (it's only a few weeks) and get out there and start anew. You've done it before.

 

[soulforge]

@soulforge , I didn't have time to read this entire thread, but I just want to mention that you need to work on standing by your decisions with more certainty. You constantly second guess your decisions, and this is evidenced by your frequently posting numbered lists as to why she is not qualified to be in your life. You seem to be trying to convince yourself by making these ordered lists.

One posting of the list is enough, and furthermore, only one item on that list is enough to disqualify her.

It's time to make your stand on your decision and move on (and that means away from any possibility of being with her again).

She is seriously damaged goods. This is one reason why I am against casual sex. You are right that you can't help but catch the feelz for someone you're sleeping with. Sex is a bonding process and it unites two people physically, mentally, and spiritually. This is why it hurts so much when you part ways. You are ripping a piece of you away. This is why women in particular become seriously damaged each time she engages in it with a new partner. It erodes her.

But the separation must be done. I think it would be a good idea to remember that she was a drug to you and that there is an abundance of more healthy women out there. This one has the capability of draining you, and she is doing that right now in her absence. Remove all reminders of her, and move on.

Reassurance has already been given to you multiple times that you made the right and only decision, so for your own sake it's time to slam the lid on this and move forward. Take the pain (it's only a few weeks) and get out there and start anew. You've done it before.

Atom you are right... I should just be great full that I had the strength to remove this sloot from my life.

Where as some men would have stuck around till, ireversable damage had been done.

I will totally leave the idea of banging her alone... Its bound to get messy.

Bullet dodged, time to move onto bigger and better things.

 

[sazc]

@soulforge I am of the mind that, if you experience behavior that compells you to post here to seek advice, that should be enough to give you great pause in regards to the woman, esp if there is monogamy involved

 

[touma.akagi]

As you know I dumped a chick recently after 4 months of dating.

The idea of giving exclusivity and a LTR to this woman was really dumb of me in the first place.

She has LOTS of red flags, and should never had been anything more than a plate or at best FWB.

I realise that now... However she was HOT and the sex was amazing.

If she's still super into you still and wants sex, FWB will work. Just don't act needy and if need be, make it clear you're not exclusive. Just don't get too upset should she decide to ghost you.

 

[soulforge]

If she's still super into you still and wants sex, FWB will work. Just don't act needy and if need be, make it clear you're not exclusive. Just don't get too upset should she decide to ghost you.

Well chicks like this don't hang around long, would be NO surprise if she has jumped ship to another dude already.

I think its easier to move on to the next chick, than get re involved with this damaged one.