How to text to maintain rather than to be needy

[SargeMaximus]

So as I mentioned a while ago a girl went off me because I didn’t text her. Problem is, I fear texting girls to “keep them spinning”
Is needy. Like what is there to say? Suggestions?

 

[RobbyDog]

So as I mentioned a while ago a girl went off me because I didn’t text her. Problem is, I fear texting girls to “keep them spinning”
Is needy. Like what is there to say? Suggestions?

Great question. If she was that bothered by it, that’s a good sign she’s into you. Women are communication FREAKS and it drives them nuts when you don’t text them enough. Which often has a positive effect. I’ve had some women who were bothered by it ask me “are you just not much of a texter?”
Some of them will drive you crazy with all their damn texting every time some random little thought pops into their heads lol

I try to mirror her text behaviour, but I don’t go out of my way when I’m busy or tired. I aim to text less than she does, both in qty and length of message. If you were to look at my text exchange with a woman it would be like looking at an ocean (her) vs a stream (me). When in doubt I’m a believer that less is more. Your women’s hamsters will spin more when they don’t hear from you. Really it comes down to them wanting your attention all the time. Not giving it to them makes them crave it more.

 

[startstrongtoday22]

Tell them you are too busy to text back and forth, and then get them on the phone or video call. Say it's easier for you and it's more efficient. If they disagree, then go no contact, and if they get back to you, then say "let's set up a call for xxxx time... and xx day.." If they do not get back to you, you already know it's a lost cause, because the person is unwilling to respect your time.

Honestly, texting is a mindless exercise and kind of bs. It's just good for sending addresses, and then just asking for "what's your ETA", or asking them if you are still on. I am genuinely so busy that I hate text.

If someone respect you regardless of how busy you are, be it a man or woman, when they know you prefer phone over text, they will call you. Whenever a woman does not respect that I like the phone more, then I just cut them off. They end up coming back and texting, then I go no contact, then if they continue to text me, I just tell them you are using a phone so use it to call me you have my number.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Great question. If she was that bothered by it, that’s a good sign she’s into you. Women are communication FREAKS and it drives them nuts when you don’t text them enough. Which often has a positive effect. I’ve had some women who were bothered by it ask me “are you just not much of a texter?”
Some of them will drive you crazy with all their damn texting every time some random little thought pops into their heads lol

I try to mirror her text behaviour, but I don’t go out of my way when I’m busy or tired. I aim to text less than she does, both in qty and length of message. If you were to look at my text exchange with a woman it would be like looking at an ocean (her) vs a stream (me). When in doubt I’m a believer that less is more. Your women’s hamsters will spin more when they don’t hear from you. Really it comes down to them wanting your attention all the time. Not giving it to them makes them crave it more.

Yeah but that’s what I did. She didn’t text me so I didn’t text her. And then suddenly she’s not into me. And you guys said it’s because I didn’t text her. Can’t win it seems

Tell them you are too busy to text back and forth, and then get them on the phone or video call. Say it's easier for you and it's more efficient. If they disagree, then go no contact, and if they get back to you, then say "let's set up a call for xxxx time... and xx day.." If they do not get back to you, you already know it's a lost cause, because the person is unwilling to respect your time.

Honestly, texting is a mindless exercise and kind of bs. It's just good for sending addresses, and then just asking for "what's your ETA", or asking them if you are still on. I am genuinely so busy that I hate text.

If someone respect you regardless of how busy you are, be it a man or woman, when they know you prefer phone over text, they will call you. Whenever a woman does not respect that I like the phone more, then I just cut them off. They end up coming back and texting, then I go no contact, then if they continue to text me, I just tell them you are using a phone so use it to call me you have my number.

Yeah but I prefer text. Talking is for face to face

 

[SargeMaximus]

This is actually a very good post and spot on, special attention to bolded.

Don't expect most women to admit it tho, they will tell you they love all the texting and attention, but as soon as they get it, suddenly they're bored and it becomes a totally different scene, so don't buy it.

And I'm a woman saying this!

But it wasn't until recent years when I became more self-aware and realized what actually intrigues me, inspires me and maintains my interest and attraction.

I'm a member of two other forums, mostly female, and can't tell you the number of threads from women absolutely obsessed with their boyfriends who keep them a bit on edge and uncertain.

One woman complained and when her boyfriend began giving her what she claimed to want, she suddenly lost interest and dumped him, 100% truth.

Even my own husband has me on edge sometimes. He's a busy entrepreneur and not always available and attentive which I hate but love.

Re attention, women are largely insecure and need reassurance. That's what drives our need for constant texting and attention.

It's a double-edged sword cause once they have your full and complete attention, you make them your no. 1 priority and place us on that pedestal, your value drops along with their interest and attraction.

Ok so why do women lose interest when I ghost them?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Ok so why do women lose interest when I ghost them?

Sarge, you know better than this.

It's the same reason Cats rambles when she responds. Women like attention. It makes them feel warm and fuzzy and makes your plates, tingly.

 

[CollegeMan22]

Heartiste says the golden rule of communication with women is to emote 2 times for every 3 she does. Text 2 times for every 3 of hers. Laugh 2 times for every 3 of hers.

My strategy after I have banged a woman is to wait for her to text me. Generally, if interested, she will. Then I respond with short and ****y messages. It's best if you're not logical at all, but keep alluding to the bedroom in a light way. Then just do that until the next meetup, but never more than 3-5 texts of mine a day.

If she hasn't texted in a few days, I just send something into the void. No questions, no obligations on her part. Just a picture or an event that happened in my life. If she hooks on and keeps the conversation going, then there's some interest. If not, no big deal.

 

[RobbyDog]

Ok so why do women lose interest when I ghost them?

Thing is you need to give them at least a little bit of attention. It’s kind of like giving a child a treat now and then instead of tossing the whole bag of candy at them. She’ll think you’re not interested if you don’t text now and then.

It’s like if you keep hitting on a woman but she doesn’t show any interest then of course you’re going to move on.

 

[SargeMaximus]

I need more context. Why did you ghost and what were things like before you ghosted?

If she displayed high interest before you ghosted but then appeared to lose interest after you ghosted, she didn't actually lose interest.

She simply realized her value and decided to move on to a man who displayed interest in her and who doesn't ghost.

That's a guess based on limited info.

I don't recommend ghosting a woman you're interested in.

It's a balance.

Not too much attention but not too little either.

Keep her on edge once in awhile with intermittent attention and reassurance. No need to be a total douchebag, that will backfire.

A bit of push/pull if you will.

The exact opposite of what you just said. Got it

Thing is you need to give them at least a little bit of. It’s kind of like giving a child a treat now and then instead of tossing the whole bag of candy at them. She’ll think you’re not interested if you don’t text now and then.

It’s like if you keep hitting on a woman but she doesn’t show any interest then of course you’re going to move on.

I know that but how to do it without becoming needy? I’ve tried the 1 for 3 thing and it just doesn’t seem to work. It’s like these women want me obsessed with them or they aren’t interested at all.

 

[jaymbrs]

My take on this is to be random with your texts. Don't send the ones they expect you to send like "good morning" texts or "how's your day" texts. Those are for her to send. Send her something out of the blue about something you experienced or something that you think will make a great date for you both.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So as I mentioned a while ago a girl went off me because I didn’t text her. Problem is, I fear texting girls to “keep them spinning”
Is needy. Like what is there to say? Suggestions?

Here is what people don't understand.

If you are needy, it doesn't matter what you do, you will eventually come off as needy.

If you aren't needy then anything you do will not come off as needy.

I text plates and women I date more than most. It's never been an issue for me. We carry on fun and interesting side bar convos that sometimes carry over to in person. Think of it as using it to fill in more about you that they don't get in person.

Don't text lame stuff like WYD. That's needy. It provides no value whatsoever.

One of the most powerful things if done with genuine interest and not just to say it, is asking how their day has been and letting them know what's going on...they love that sh!t and I have women tell me all the time how they really like that and it makes it feel like I am genuinely interested in them. And that's because I actually am.

 

[RobbyDog]

The exact opposite of what you just said. Got it


I know that but how to do it without becoming needy? I’ve tried the 1 for 3 thing and it just doesn’t seem to work. It’s like these women want me obsessed with them or they aren’t interested at all.

Thing is, it’s not needy if she’s responding within a reasonable time frame and putting in more effort than you are. If it’s taking her hours/days to give one word replies and she never initiates, THEN you’re being needy. Worrying about being needy is kind of needy in itself.

I’m learning this lately as I’m dating a woman who LOVES to text, good morning and good night and everything in between. She’s in Cuba right now and still barraging me lol. I was concerned at first that I was over doing it by responding all the time, but I’ve learned everything I posted on this thread. I think I was a little TOO aloof with the last woman I dated and that caused her to pull back and find a guy she felt more connection with.

Remember, us guys fall in love through our eyes, whereas the ladies fall in love through their ears. You need to give her SOME. It’s like if a woman always wore long baggy clothes we’d lose interest pretty quick lol

 

[SargeMaximus]

Thing is, it’s not needy if she’s responding within a reasonable time frame and putting in more effort than you are. If it’s taking her hours/days to give one word replies and she never initiates, THEN you’re being needy.

I’m learning this lately as I’m dating a woman who LOVES to text, good morning and good night and everything in between. I was concerned at first that I was over doing it, but I’ve learned everything I posted on this thread. I think I was a little TOO aloof with the last woman I dated and that caused her to pull back and find a guy she felt more connection with. Remember us guys fall in love through our eyes, whereas the ladies fall in love through their ears. It’s like if a woman always wore long baggy clothes we’d lose interest pretty quick lol

Yea I get the sense that I’m too aloof as well but it honestly takes effort to stay in contact unless I want to fvck

 

[RobbyDog]

Yea I get the sense that I’m too aloof as well but it honestly takes effort to stay in contact unless I want to fvck

I get it, constant texting is exhausting to many of us guys.

 

[RobbyDog]

One of the most powerful things if done with genuine interest and not just to say it, is asking how their day has been and letting them know what's going on...they love that sh!t and I have women tell me all the time how they really like that and it makes it feel like I am genuinely interested in them. And that's because I actually am.

I agree with this. Us guys are so afraid to show TOO MUCH interest that we often don’t show ENOUGH.

Women are turned on by a guy who isn’t afraid to go after what he wants, who will risk rejection.

 

[SargeMaximus]

I agree with this. Us guys are so afraid to show TOO MUCH interest that we often don’t show ENOUGH.

Women are turned on by a guy who isn’t afraid to go after what he wants, who will risk rejection.

I don’t wanna end up in the friend zone tho. Talking is for friends and therapists

 

[DonJuanjr]

I don’t wanna end up in the friend zone tho. Talking is for friends and therapists

Who cares if you end up in the friend zone with a couple of women. There's more out there. Experiment.

 

[Stanley]

Push and pull.

Texting sucks major a** it is boring and annoying. By keeping yourself busy you don't prioritize texting and naturally will be more sporadic in your responses. Keep the girl walking the tight rope, but I don't think it is something you should do with a devout intention. Your natural state should put her in that state of uncertainty all on its own. I didn't see the context of you not responding, but if she is upset she is literally saying "I want your attention and I didn't get it"! It is arguably a good thing!

Most women nowadays (and men) are insecure. We live in an era where people expect instant gratification and immediate responses. It is absurd to prioritize a blip on a phone when you actually have a life to live and things to do, but people still get upset because they feel entitled to a response. Every girl is different and only you can make a judgment call. I abhor anyone who promotes formulas or rules with texting, you need to play it by ear and understand nuance. Trust your gut above all else. Some girls want you to text them, just don't overdo it. Some like when you leave them on read and more or less ignore them. Each girl is different just as each Man is different.

Example: I was talking with a girl over the summer who was ungodly shy and anxious. She would take hours to respond and always had a forced unnatural response over text to who she was in person. I thought she had low interest. Eventually I jokingly let her now she left ME on read and suddenly she dropped the façade. I gave her an inkling of attention and things flowed naturally. She had high interest, but her own self doubt portrayed something else, this is an outlier but it does happen. She told me later on she was so intimidated and scared that she didn't want to mess things up so she did something unnatural.

Most women at large are glued to their phones, that is true... but so many guys here forget that women play the same stupid games that we do! Delaying responses to seem 'cool' and 'busy' intentionally? Girls do it too. Leaving you on read to get your head spinning? Girls do it too. Withholding their genuine feelings to not seem needy? Girls do it too. This is why texting is hot garbage and is best used to get the girl to see you in person without the limitations. Texting provides no infliction or tone and things are constantly misinterpreted. You have to do your best to navigate the situation on a per person basis. If you keep trying to avoid being needy you will manifest being needy indirectly, you won't be genuine and women see through that better then men. If you're being too aloof and that isn't who you are then cut it out.

Ok so why do women lose interest when I ghost them?

Don't ghost. Ghosters are weak immature people who lack confrontation skills. At the very least state your done or incompatible or whatever and then proceed to cut off contact, often times the girls comes running back when you do. They want what they can't have. Suddenly going dark is rude as hell and if the girl is of 'some' degree of value she will think less of you, even if she's a plate... Ghosting a girl you're genuinely into is not a good idea.

They move on either because:
-you're ghosting genuinely hurt them
-They found it disrespectful (it is),
-your action says 'you're done' whether or not that is your intention so they move on.
-you are no longer providing the currency of attention
-they had low interest to being with
-They found someone better
-They want to spite you and play the same game as you

 

[SargeMaximus]

Who cares if you end up in the friend zone with a couple of women. There's more out there. Experiment.

I care, obviously

 

[RobbyDog]

I don’t wanna end up in the friend zone tho. Talking is for friends and therapists

You won’t if you do it right.