How to stop my girlfriend's flirtatious behavior?

[Slash Dolo]

Been dating this girl for almost a year now. We have a great relationship, she's more into me than ever and I'm into her. There's one problem, however, and I could use your guys' advice on how to solve it.

Several months ago, she becomes friends with this guy. Very beta, kind of obsessed with her, not a threat at all. I don't care, because I am not the controlling type and I also have girl friends that I hang with, so I let it go. They hang out sparingly, talk often, but it seems she's just using him for the attention either way. There are a few things about this that are off-putting and honestly make me want to either distance myself from her (if it gets more extreme, then just break it off with her altogether), or tell her how her behavior isn't cool.

They take pictures together and put them Facebook when they do hang out. The majority of their text conversations end with little text hearts. She has no issue talking to him on Facebook a lot even when she's over at my place. In general, things seem fairly flirty. These things aren't a big deal on their own, but together they are a little iffy when you've been in a relationship for almost a year.

I have ignored the situation and haven't brought it up but it's getting to the point where it's becoming an annoyance now. I don't feel her flirtatious behavior is okay, and I'd like to know what to do in order to tone this down. I could talk to her about it and tell her her behavior isn't cool (which seems like a beta move to me, but I'd like your guys' opinion), distance myself from her and do the same thing with other women, or just keep ignoring it until eventually I decide enough is enough if it keeps progressing and I just abruptly end it. I don't have trouble getting women, so it isn't a big deal for me.

Let me know your opinions on this guys, even if I'm over-reacting about these telltale signs.

 

[TheException]

Women are going to monopolize attention...especially when it is so easily given.

You have to come to terms with this when you are in a LTR or else you will begin to let FEAR manifest into insecurity. What really do you find inappropriate about this? Be specific.....I guarantee any answer comes from the base of the fear of her cheating. Even though you know hes a chump and doesnt have a shot....your hard wired subconscious may not be so easily quelled.

You can attack this two ways.

1.) What I would prefer is to get over this fear and handle it covertly. Start hitting up the gym big time, focus on your career, hang out with other women(non sexual and bonus points if done in front of gf). All the while still loving and appreciating her. You cant come off as if you are trying to "punish her" on purpose. I think its a big opportunity for growth and relish the chance to eradicate any source of insecurity...as it is often based in undicovered fear and mostly irrelevant.

2.) I am also a big believer in sticking to your principles. Its up for debate as to what would constitute "appropriate principles" as having ones based in fear is definitely something you dont want. If you really find yourself unable to overcome this situation...simply say it the next time it bothers you. The key is something off the cuff and laid back as opposed to coming off as if it was rehearsed and that its been bothering you for an extended period of time. Something like:

*GF receives text with hearts

You: Whats up with this guy anyways? He does know you have a boyfriend right....dude seems desperate (as you stare off at the tv and never make eye contact)

GF: blah blah blah about they are just friends.

You: Well I dont like it. I think its disrespectful to our relationship.

But you notice the problem with this right? Shes most likely will not admit fault. Id be rare for her to say "your right baby, I understand. I will stop talking to him". I just dont think the results will outweigh you coming off as insecure and thinking a guy as big of a chump as this guy, can steal away your woman.

And final note....if she ever were to cheat somehow on some chump....its good riddance and you should thank the guy for exposing her. A high quality woman who is attracted to her boyfriend would never cheat unless 1.) Lack of attraction(beta backsliding) 2.) Lack of rapport(you never giving her attention + care) 3.) Dude is lightyears beyond you in game and he wishes to be with her for more than a fling.

 

[Atom Smasher]

It's up to you as a man to set boundaries and enforce them. Any decent woman actually craves this. Many times in my life I've had girlfriends say out of the blue, "Atom, I love the way you set boundaries for us." That has always surprised it, and I have actually heard it several times from different girls.

The best case scenario is setting boundaries early, but absent that, the best thing to do is to address things head-on. I absolutely don't agree with the common mindset of it being "beta" to call a girl out on her behavior.

In cases like this, I do the hand-hold, and "Come here and sit with me... we need to talk". This has the added benefit of introducing mild dread, a useful thing. God knows they pull this "Can we talk" thing on us all the time. Turn-about is fair play and something we should ALWAYS be doing (giving them their own medicine).

I would then tell her what's on my mind and that It's NOT ok with me, and that there should be boundaries that we both adhere to in a healthy relationship.

Many times, even if she has an initial hissy-fit, she will come around and be VERY thankful that you manned up and set boundaries for her. If she doesn't, then she was NOT long-term material.

 

[Bokanovsky]

First of all, the title of your post is wrong. It should be: "How to stop my girlfriend's disrespectful behaviour"? Make no mistake, she's doing precisely that - openly disrespecting you. You need to ask yourself what it is about your own behaviour that makes her think that you are a chump who can be disrespected with no consequences. Once you figure that out, adjust your behaviour.

Second, you need to spin more plates. Start talking to other girls. Text them in front of your GF. When she starts asking you about it, give her a vague "oh, they are just friends". Then watch her insecurities spiral out of control and use that opportunity to re-capture the frame.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Still debating on the right course of action here as this is a repeated topic. I'm to the point where flirting is ok in moderation which results in distancing and a level head from me. But blatantly, repeatedly, or deliberately deserves a quick nip in the bud.

Having a girl stolen away is one thing - letting disrespect happen is another.

In your situation I would of put an end to that or nexted her awhile ago. Women will take advantage of the fact that you're too scared to come off as "needy" or "insecure" because of your pride. If you don't like something, voice your displeasure firmly and calmly, let her know you feel its disrespectful, and if she choses to do it again than you know what to do. It's going make you resent her until it blows up if you don't say anything. Respect for sticking to your guns is all.

Your chick would have a sh*t fit if you were constantly texting and posting couples picks of chicks.

 

[papawapa]

I see two ways to handle it. Directly or passively aggressive.

Despite what you have said, for me the reason you have let this go on is that you are afraid of losing her. It is time for the rubber to hit the road so to speak.

The direct method is doing what Atom Smasher said. His advice is great. Sit her down and spell it our for her. In my opinion this method is the best way to handle it. If something is upsetting a man he lets it be known without fear of repercussion.

The passive aggressive way is more risky in that it is going to piss her off for sure. But it will put her in your shoes and definitely drive the point home. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Find a chick you can start talking to a lot. Go out and take some pictures with said chick. Let your GF know what you are up to. She will definitely confront you when her feelings are hurt and her insecurities rise to the surface.

Which brings this full circle. You see how it works? If you were the one doing what your girl is doing she would bust your balls over it. She is in control and wearing the pants in your relationship, all because you are afraid to confront her over something that is bothering you, something that she would definitely not tolerate. Be a man and stand up for yourself already.

 

[abe0]

I would look at this sooooo differently. First, it sounds that he is not a threat. Great....you got some betta guy to pick up the slack on her emotionally needs and crap we men do not want to deal with while you still bang her and have good times. Keep this guy around....or would you want her to be needy and bugging you all the time to meet her emotional needs?
That is why the kings in the middle east have it so great....50 wives...all he does is bang them ....and then the wives talk to each other about our their emotional garbage. Look at this guy as your second wife taking care of your gf emotional garbage.
Abe

 

[jacketman]

I'm with the "she's disrespecting you" crowd. To me that's not acceptable behavior...now on what to do about it, I don't know. I personally would talk to her about it, but I don't know if that would be the "right" move.

 

[JoeMarron]

Normally I'd say that calling a chick out is pointless but since this is a relationship I think it's warranted. When you decided to make her your girlfriend she stepped into your kingdom. Don't be concerned about looking insecure, the fact is that she's disrespecting you in your kingdom and that's unacceptable. When a child is acting up the parent doesn't just ignore the kid or any other passive aggressive bullsh!t, he addresses the misbehavior and makes it clear that it's unacceptable. Treat your girl the same way. I'd tell her once and if she continues then you know how much she respects you and the relationship. Immediately start spinning other plates.

What really do you find inappropriate about this? Be specific.....I guarantee any answer comes from the base of the fear of her cheating. Even though you know hes a chump and doesnt have a shot....your hard wired subconscious may not be so easily quelled.

It's not about fear it's about blatant disrespect. If I saw one of my friends gf's on facebook posting picks with another dude I'd know damn well that she was in possession of his balls in the relationship. This is beyond just the two of them. If he lets this continue he's sending a message to everyone that he'll allow a woman to disrespect him and is essentially pvssy whipped.

 

[djthiago1]

Women are always going to talk to other men, that's inevitable, just be VERY watchful of her, total focus. And you said it yourself, dude's not a threat.

 

[Slash Dolo]

Normally I'd say that calling a chick out is pointless but since this is a relationship I think it's warranted. When you decided to make her your girlfriend she stepped into your kingdom. Don't be concerned about looking insecure, the fact is that she's disrespecting you in your kingdom and that's unacceptable. When a child is acting up the parent doesn't just ignore the kid or any other passive aggressive bullsh!t, he addresses the misbehavior and makes it clear that it's unacceptable. Treat your girl the same way. I'd tell her once and if she continues then you know how much she respects you and the relationship. Immediately start spinning other plates.



It's not about fear it's about blatant disrespect. If I saw one of my friends gf's on facebook posting picks with another dude I'd know damn well that she was in possession of his balls in the relationship. This is beyond just the two of them. If he lets this continue he's sending a message to everyone that he'll allow a woman to disrespect him and is essentially pvssy whipped.

Exactly. We have no real problems which is great in a relationship, but this has seriously become a problem and I feel it's a problem made just so there IS some sort of conflict. It's disrespectful and honestly makes me want to end it right now. Like, I shouldn't have to even bring up that this isn't cool this far in.

I will talk to her about it and keep you guys posted. If for some reason that doesn't work, I'm going to end it. I have asked close friends, and they too agree that I'm not in the wrong.

 

[Epimanes]

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Maybe remind her of that golden rule? Thankfully my wife said to me when she did this. She said to me "I'm sorry. Your right hunny, I shouldn't be talking to this guy if you feel its disrespectful. I wouldn't want you to to do that to me".

*shrugs*

Epi

 

[pdx1138]

Good man, SLASH

NO WAY that is acceptable behavior PERIOD.
If my gf did that I'd dump her ass fast.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Little note to qualify myself: I'd estimate that I've been with 25 taken women. (That's all i slept with for a period) None in a long time; but I used to cause quite a stir around here posting about me being a POS and getting great satisfaction out of sleeping with taken women... Like I said though; it's been a while... 3-4 years of so... So even though I've turned a new leaf - I have a lot of insight into these things.


The point I knew I was going to sleep with the woman in question almost always occured when I heard something like this: "My boyfriend is asking me all these questions about you" or "telling me I can't hang out with you anymore." or "Telling me I can't talk to you anymore." or "Sat me down and wanted to know what was going on with you and me."

As the corrupter in the situation - 100% of the time - I was easily able to turn that into the lay. I waited for signs like that and then boom! Fireworks fireworks fireworks!



So.... I think if it gets to the point where you feel the need to have a conversation like this - from a power point of view - it's far better to just breakup with her.

You don't want to make this guy forbidden fruit.


Now, if you don't care about maintaining the power and just want to give her a chance first. Go ahead and do what you intend to do. However, good chance this is just pushed underground instead of out in the open. Which only causes more of a rush...

 

[Slash Dolo]

Little note to qualify myself: I'd estimate that I've been with 25 taken women. None in a long time; but I used to cause quite a stir around here posting about me being a POS and getting great satisfaction out of sleeping with taken women... Like I said though; it's been a while... 3-4 years of so... So even though I've turned a new leaf - I have a lot of insight into these things.


The point I knew I was going to sleep with the woman in question almost always occured when I heard something like this: "My boyfriend is asking me all these questions about you" or "telling me I can't hang out with you anymore." or "Telling me I can't talk to you anymore." or "Sat me down and wanted to know what was going on with you and me."

As the corrupter in the situation - 100% of the time - I was easily able to turn that into the lay. I waited for signs like that and then boom! Fireworks fireworks fireworks!



So.... I think if it gets to the point where you feel the need to have a conversation like this - from a power point of view - it's far better to just breakup with her.

You don't want to make this guy forbidden fruit.


Now, if you don't care about maintaining the power and just want to give her a chance first. Go ahead and do what you intend to do. However, good chance this is just pushed underground instead of out in the open. Which only causes more of a rush...

I have no fear that would happen, lol. She's crazy about me, this just seems like a thing where "this guy is obsessed with me and I'm going to eat up the free attention."

This isn't a control thing, I'm not forbidding her to do anything. This guy is a friend, and that's okay, he can stay a friend. But the fact that he is obsessed and she is receptive to the attention isn't cool. Stop disrespecting me or I leave is going to be the focal point of this conversation. If she says okay and keeps doing it anyway, I will end it regardless.

 

[JoeMarron]

So.... I think if it gets to the point where you feel the need to have a conversation like this - from a power point of view - it's far better to just breakup with her.

You don't want to make this guy forbidden fruit.

Good point. I think the fact that she's even doing this in the first place says that she's not worthy of a relationship. However, if she doesn't have the self restraint to not eat the forbidden fruit then that's an even greater indicator that she's worth nothing more than a fvck buddy. I wouldn't want to stay with a chick who only sticks around because she doesn't have any better options. Since he's already invested almost a year in her, it makes sense to at least give her one chance to redeem herself. Perhaps she's one of the few women who can see the error of her ways and change for the better.

 

[Epimanes]

Dating is an interview for marriage/ltr so to speak. Don't date women that do shyt you wouldn't want them to do if you were to marry her. Respectfully tell her how you feel about it but don't get butt hurt over it. Just tell her how it is and leave the ball in her court. If she persists ... Next her. Everyone should be given a chance to be let known how you feel when it comes to relationships. Otherwise she may think your ok with it. Obviously you are not or you wouldn't be here typing to us about it.

Epi

 

[Lotus Effect]

From personnal experience mate.

She is just setting up the table. Eventually, when one of you dumps the other, and it will most likely be her, she will have this jackass ready to fulfill her imediate needs!

I know it may sound jaded, but I've seen it happening. Twice!

Do not be fooled. There is never FRIENDSHIP between male and female!

 

[the_stig]

Don't have much to add as much excellent advise has already been given, but I wanted to say this is the best thread I've seen on this forum in a long time. Very reminiscent of how things were when I found this forum in 2010 and what made me stick around.

 

[rascal99v]

Dude, you can't stop a chick from doing anything. She will do whatever she wants if she wants to. You are already losing in this relationship. You're putting in way more work than she is. The more work you put in, the more she controls the outcome.

Let this be a lesson to you guys. Don't ignore or let disrespectful behavior slide. The longer you let it go, the less control and dominance you will have. You ignored the situation and look where this got you. Being annoyed with her disrespectful behavior. It does no good to talk about it now. She has already invested time and developed feelings for this guy. She isn't going to listen to you when you tell her how you feel. Always nip this stuff in the bud when it starts. Too much time has passed and she doesn't respect you enough to care what you say anyway.

This chick shouldn't be taken seriously as a girlfriend. She's invited another man into her life to become her friend. If this was a friend from before, you still should be aware. But when chicks befriend new dudes as their friend, then you should be concerned. That means they are keeping other options as a back up in case she decides to jump ship.

Also, take note to what this guy is doing. He is texting this chick. It isn't killing a relationship. She is very responsive to his texts. He is trying to steal your girlfriend through text to get into her pants. And for a lot of guys it does work with stealing taken women.

I wouldn't waste any time with her. There's no reason trying to figure out ways preventing her from talking with this dude. What she's doing is disrespectful and your dumb to put up with any more of it. Hitting the gym and doing other stuff should be done for yourself. Not done just because you're trying to save a relationship. There's no reason to be in a competition with some other guy. That is lame. This chick should respect you and like you for what you already bring to the table. If not, then find another chick who respects you and likes what you can offer. You say you can get other chicks right? Then why not get another chick so you won't have to deal with this? It's just a matter of time before she is fvcking this guy.

Bottom line. Any chick who gives her time (or more of her time) to another dude is not worthy of being your girlfriend. Pure and simple.

We have a great relationship, she's more into me than ever and I'm into her.

It doesn't sound that great to me. Then why is she giving her time to another dude?

Very beta, kind of obsessed with her, not a threat at all. I don't care,

You might think that, but she might not see it that way. I've known dudes who thought the same thing as you. Their girlfriends still cheated on them and fvcked the other dude who they thought was a beta. It's easy to downgrade another dude that you are jealous of. So, he might not be the beta you think he is. All it takes is some words through text to get her going. You might get in a fight or maybe she will have a bad day. That dude will be there for her. Her feelings will grow and if the dude know what he's doing he can get into her pants rather fast. You should care because she is giving her time to another dude. Obviously, you do care because you admitted you are annoyed and you asked for help.

They take pictures together and put them Facebook when they do hang out.

And you're allowing this to go on to be made a fool out of? What do you think her friends say when they see her with another dude? Probably stuff like she should be with him instead. Any chick posting pictures with a dude on facebook is more than just a friend. This dude has some meaning to her. Otherwise she wouldn't care enough to take pictures with some random friend. She should be taking pictures with you and not some other dude.

I have ignored the situation and haven't brought it up but it's getting to the point where it's becoming an annoyance now.

That's what happen when you ignore the situation. It get worse. It doesn't get better. Like someone who feels sick. They let it go and ignore it until it gets out of control. Then they get the bad news from the doctor. Never ignore anything and nip it in the bud right when it starts. It's stupid to put with this sh1t.

I could talk to her about it and tell her her behavior isn't cool

Dude, she isn't going to listen to you now. She's spent too much time investing into a relationship with this guy. That was your fault for allowing it go on as long as you did.

You have two options here

1. Dump her and bang other chicks

2. Stick around with her hoping for a rosy scenario. Watching her text another dude and hang out with him. Banging him and then dumping you.