How to Spot a DJ

[OTB]

In anycase I still feel like there are two warring factions on Sosuave and the answer to end the war for good I still believe is to clearly define the two different types of mindsets here and then as Humanist said work to find a common ground where both groups can be right and respected in their own way.

And what exactly are the two warring factions and two different mindsets on this site?

 

[KontrollerX]

Read my replies on pages 2 and 3 and then you won't need to ask me this question on page 4. :crazy:

 

[STR8UP]

A DJ mentality would save you from unnecessary "fights". If you go in afraid that you might lose (in a fight, someone wins, someone loses), then you are going in with fear, and without the ability to just have fun and enjoy the RIDE.

It is a RIDE, not a fight. A DANCE, not a battle.

It is not a "ride". A ride is something that implies external control. Dance? that's a little bit better term, although it doesn't adequately account for the adversarial component to this type of relationship.

It isn't a fight, LITERALLY, in the sense that people are at each other's throats. It is a fight in the sense that both people are put on this earth to survive, and although romantic relationships are a cooperative effort to some extent (otherwise they wouldn't be able to exist), on the other side of the coin there are a lot of factors at play that create a conflict between the interests of the two people.

I know you're gonna cry foul when I say that at the very heart of things we are still animals and we are still controlled in large part by our biological need to replicate our genes, but it's a fact, and it is what creates this constant tension in relationships.

 

[STR8UP]

From Str8up's response it seems I got it half right but still he may not of been the best example to use for it and besides it probably wasn't as well constructed as it should've been by me so apologies Str8up.

In anycase I still feel like there are two warring factions on Sosuave and the answer to end the war for good I still believe is to clearly define the two different types of mindsets here and then as Humanist said work to find a common ground where both groups can be right and respected in their own way.

No apologies needed. I see exactly where you are coming from.

There are two main schools of thought, but as with everything it's impossible to place most people into one or the other, since it's a sliding scale as with most other things having to do with human behavior.

 

[STR8UP]

Personally, I'm over the 'DJ' and 'man' thing. I am myself, and dynamic. Screw the limitations of defining yourself.

Yes, and it's just like the alpha/beta male debate. There is NO man on earth who is all alpha, and no man who is 100% beta. We all have BOTH qualities in us. Some obviously lean more toward one direction than the other, but it is situational and fluid.

 

[iqqi]

It is not a "ride". A ride is something that implies external control. Dance? that's a little bit better term, although it doesn't adequately account for the adversarial component to this type of relationship.

Really quick...

External control is exactly what's up.

We can't control everything. There is a lot that is out of our control when it comes to relationships. Hence, "enjoy the ride". You never know what exit you're going to have to take, you'll only know it when you start to see the signs.

Til then, enjoy the scenery.

Even in dancing, it isn't about what you can control. You have to know how to lead, when to follow, how to read the rhythm of your current partner.

Internal control only applies to yourself, and is what makes you a good dancer, and a good passenger.

You seem hung up on relationships being adversial. The only opponent you should be worried about is yourself, and your views.

 

[iqqi]

I apolgize for replying to the flame baits on the earlier pages of this thread.

I was drunk, and I couldn't resist. However, when I reread what I wrote, it made me laugh... I got in some zingers. If it made anyone else laugh, then great. I am a regular comedian. And I did keep it to a minimum. However this is a great thread, and so I apologize.

 

[comic_relief]

Interesting. There is no place for goal setting for a person? What do you mean goals for now? Trusting life? Do you mean you let life take you? Or do you mean something else? For me, goal setting is part of the central thinking to reaching dreams. Perhaps you are defining goals as a different thing (we'll find out when you respond), but to me, goals are setting an aim to reach dreams (which are the ultimate goals). I remember a speaker a long time ago who advocated goal setting to a weekend retreat of Rotarians and that have became one of my standards to how I want to live. Hard to imagine following an ambition or achieving a dream without setting it as a goal to reach. Can you elaborate on this zen?

exactly, please elaborate Mystic.

Perhaps we are going under a different idea of goals.

Personally, I like having an internal locus of control. The idea that I have control of my own life and nothing and nobody else has control of me. It leads to high self-esteem because of the freeing aspect that we are where we are because of the decisions that we made. I'm also a follower of soft determinism as well. Call me a control freak if you will, I don't really care because I know where I want to be going.

It seems that you are advocating an internal locus of control, which means that a persons life is controlled by external things such as fate or other people. I dislike that idea.

comic_relief

P.S. so not to bring this out of control, I will copy and repaste the posts over to the other post that senor made. This will insure that we will not hijack this thread with a different idea.

 

[Mistic]

Interesting. There is no place for goal setting for a person? What do you mean goals for now? Trusting life? Do you mean you let life take you? Or do you mean something else? For me, goal setting is part of the central thinking to reaching dreams. Perhaps you are defining goals as a different thing (we'll find out when you respond), but to me, goals are setting an aim to reach dreams (which are the ultimate goals). I remember a speaker a long time ago who advocated goal setting to a weekend retreat of Rotarians and that have became one of my standards to how I want to live. Hard to imagine following an ambition or achieving a dream without setting it as a goal to reach. Can you elaborate on this zen?

I look at it this way. To set a goal is to say that you are not content with your current situation or your current self. Rather than setting goals to get you where your ego wants to be, why not spend some time investigating what it is about yourself that thinks you need to be any different than you are right now.

 

[The Bat]

Bump.

I think new people (and old farts) need to read this thread carefully. There was great discussion about two schools of thought (no moral DJ vs. moralistic Man) and how they differ.

My personal opinion is that learn to discern shaming tactics from real guilt feelings and figure out how to make the most of any situation...and yes, this includes using PUA tips and techniques. Those tricks should be just thought of as a tool in your arsenal toolbox of pvssy hunting but too many times newbies completely rely on them as a crutch and fail to develop inner game.

 

[Solomon]

Its a decent list by fingz that we can all learn a great deal from.

My only real criticism is the originality section.

For the DJ part of it...though I am by no means a religious man I think the book of Ecclessiastes from the Bible has it right at least concerning ideas and what it said that I agree with is "There is nothing new under the sun" so pretty much every seemingly new and great idea is merely re-packaged by someone else and embraced heartily by people who have never heard the idea expressed before because its original inventor has likely been dead for quite a while. For example Pook stole a lot of his material that posters loved him so much for from Nietchze, the Bible and Shakespeare.

The non DJ part well hey a guy could also do this because he suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder so "growing the fvck up" isn't really going to help him much. Therapy will however.

mmh interesting....

 

[Al Moh.]

Good Thread.

Seems to me you guys are arguing a lot about the DJ's intentions. So the "real" Don Juan intents to get as many women as possible and the "moralistic man" intents to get a quality woman.

But isn't a Don Juan mostly about SKILL? Or wasn't it? Wasn't the idea of the Don Juan to be good with women, no matter what you wanted, quality or quantity?

Ever since pook said "The Don Juan is a mindset", people have argued that a Don Juan has to think a certain way, has to have certain morals.

You see, I see myself as a young man playing with fire. Sometimes I wind up burned, sometimes I even burn other people. Yet, the fire fascinates me, it warms my heart and makes me happier, it provides light so I might see things I've never seen before.

Do we really need a closed definition of a Don Juan? Are we about putting up a new one hundred pages long definiton? Are we going to tell the newbie: "Assimilate now!" ?

There is a difference between showing someone a direction (Free you mind, put the focus on yourself, treat women playfully etc.) and giving them an exact roadmap (first you do this and then that and say this, you have to have these morals/no morals at all and your oppinion on growing potatos in your own garden should be this because it's the DJ's oppinion)

Of course, people love someone who tells them exactly what to do. Most people are followers, it's comfortable, and if they can keep following and still be a Don Juan then they are going to say: Yeah, nice, tell me what to do!

Is no moral vs. moralistic man really a contradiction in the sense of being a Don Juan? Both can be good with women. Both are free, since the moralistic man has his own morals that work in his favor. Both can be happy. What is more important than being happy?

I once wrote this article about not limiting yourself. I could care less what the historical Don Juan did. We aren't followers, we make our own path. Moralistic man vs. Don Juan is like black vs. white. We are all grey in a sense.

Everyone here is allowed to present his ideas and insights, so everyone might read and decide what to try out and integrate into his personal style. Stop fighting. Walk your own path. Try to help other people but don't take it personally if they disagree with you. No matter how experienced you are, no matter how inexperienced the person you want to help is, you never know his EXACT circumstances, you can give him advice but not a solution. The solution will be a mix of advice the person got from different people, his own experiences etc.

If we really had two factions on this site with each side holding up their image of a Don Juan it would become pretty boring and uninteresting here. Look for the wind of change and set your sail. No matter where you wind up, it'll be new and insightful.