How to put her past out of your mind?

[DJNiceGuy]

^^^^^

The root of the problem here is, are you of the opinion that this woman is the best you can do? Why not get a younger one with less baggage?

To be perfectly honest, she's the best I've been able to do. I realize that this is my fault because I don't have better game enough to secure an equal or hotter chick with less baggage. I've managed to have a one night stand with a hotter girl (educated, good family, fun, interesting) once, but haven't gotten one as hot as her with her qualities to commit to me.

It will be a very big gamble to let her go in hopes of finding one with less of a past that has the qualities she has. Again, self limiting belief, but I've studied every pickup known to man, and taken an RSD bootcamp. I've done online dating, tons of approaches, speed dating, etc. I was at a point where I was going on 4 dates a week, every week. I've probably gone on hundreds of first dates. I've had two relationships in the past but there were problems- one had severe learning disabilities, the other was 7 years older than me. I found both extremely attractive, but the issues were there.

This is the best I was able to produce. I enjoy looking at her, talking to her, spending time with her. She cooks for me, takes care of me, and really supports me. I know she's doing all these things to secure me as a provider, but it still means a lot to me. She's just fun to be around, and I haven't encountered many like her. My parents even like her (though they don't know about her past). I have such a hard time securing the basics: right age, right education, family-oriented, attractive. There is usually something missing, or the girls that have everything do not bite with me. When I'm with her I don't feel like looking for other girls. In my past relationships I still looked around and I knew it wasn't right.

If I dropped her and she was with another guy and I saw them out and about and I still failed to secure a girl that has her qualities I would be extremely depressed... putting it out there guys. Not trying to be a downer, just being honest.

That's why I'm really trying to come to terms with this rather than just dropping her.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

HOLY ****!! YES IT'S A BIG RED FLAG WAVING IN FRONT OF YOU LIKE NASCAR! Once she finds you boring, you are out just like that. Ding! Don't be surprised if you come back here with a story how she's been cheating on you.

I honestly don't believe she'll cheat. She's told me that she would never do that to me. It was only because those guys cheated first. She has this annoying habit of being friends with her -exes, and she knew it bothered me. She went into her facebook and removed every -ex, all of their friends, and any other random guy on there that she wasn't good friends with. My experience has been that when a girl loves me, she loves me and has never cheated on me. I know I satisfy every girl I'm with in bed. Why would she cheat on me when I can not only provide for her but give her 2-4 orgasms every time we have sex (3-5 times a week)? She claims that she has never orgasmed from intercourse before meeting me. Believe me, I was skeptical, but she appears to be telling the truth. I think it's too far-fetched to be a lie. She tells me that she finds me extremely attractive and she talks about how lucky she is to have me every day. I've always taken care of the needs of my girlfriends and haven't given them any reason to seek attention elsewhere. I know I could be wrong, but this has been my experience...

 

[Down Low]

To be perfectly honest, she's the best I've been able to do.

It's clear that you haven't read the DJ Bible. If you did, you read it half-assed like it was some sort of class assignment for school. Go back and read it again. Take it to heart this time.

 

[CostaDeSol]

Then every time she says certain things, it again makes me angry:

"Why can't you get off when I give you *******s? I give good *******s!"
The implication is that she's given a lot of *******s- bothers me

...

She tells me she wants to get married and have kids with me everyday, and that she feels like she disrespected me even though she did these things in the past. She tells me that she would never purposely disrespect or hurt me. On the one hand I don't want her to keep telling me these things, but isn't it good if I see just how far the rabbit hole goes?

it sounds like she's fighting a losing battle to keep you happy. She sounds desperate, as if she definitely needs to anchor you down to her.

but her slutty past is getting the best of her, since she can't shut up about it. She hasn't let it go

 

[Kailex]

Holy crap, EJECT.

I read half of the original post and that was enough for me. Any woman willing to tell me that she has banged the hell out of two men in one day is a HUGE red flag. Granted, I have banged the hell out of two women in one day, but I didn't brag about it to anyone of the opposite sex.

There's a HUGE difference between doing something like that and doing something like that and openly talking about it.

I'd get out of this relationship, and avoid any of the "advice" any of the women in this thread are handing out.

 

[the_untold_history]

I am not so worried about her past. most girls these days have been sluts at one point in their history. I am concerned that she brings it up. that she talks about her history with other men. that she compares you. Are you engaging her and asking her or does it come out the blue? If you are in any way enabling this stuff to come out I would stop it. I've seen girls do stuff like this to make you jealous. It's called jealousy making. Other than that she sounds fine. She is doing all the right things. Every girl has a past. You have a past. I would not be annoyed by it unless she purposely throws it in your face and won't stop after you asking her to. And as for you, realize that she is human, has a sexual history, and begin to focus on the present.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

I am not so worried about her past. most girls these days have been sluts at one point in their history. I am concerned that she brings it up. that she talks about her history with other men. that she compares you. Are you engaging her and asking her or does it come out the blue? If you are in any way enabling this stuff to come out I would stop it. I've seen girls do stuff like this to make you jealous. It's called jealousy making. Other than that she sounds fine. She is doing all the right things. Every girl has a past. You have a past. I would not be annoyed by it unless she purposely throws it in your face and won't stop after you asking her to. And as for you, realize that she is human, has a sexual history, and begin to focus on the present.

She claims there is no comparison, I blow them all out of the water. The thing is I'm not purposely doing anything to make her insecure, so I don't believe she has to engage in jealousy making. It kinda comes up out of the blue when she feels guilty it seems. One thing I forgot to mention is that she also feels pretty jealous and insecure over my past it seems. She wants me to throw out my couches and get new ones because she's concerned about how I've potentially hooked with other girls on them. Or shirts my exes gave me, she wants me to throw out. Not sure if this matters in this context, but figured I'd mention it.

 

[LongLostFriend]

In this thread, DJNiceGuy asks for input. He then gives every indication that he is going to disregard the overwhelming recommendation that he not commit himself to this slut.

Why bother?

 

[C-quenced]

Agreed, I am dumbfounded that she told me this stuff. Then every time she says certain things, it again makes me angry:

"Why can't you get off when I give you *******s? I give good *******s!"
The implication is that she's given a lot of *******s- bothers me

"Don't worry, my vagina is not sore from the pounding you gave me yesterday. My vagina recovers pretty quickly because of all it goes through."
She might be trying to say that I put her vagina through a lot, but the implication is that it's been pounded a lot- bothers me

I realize that I might just be misconstruing everything...

Also she's admitted to making out with 5-10 girl friends when she's drunk. And she made out with a girlfriend and a gay guy once at the same time?? She told me this two days ago. Honestly I don't know why she keeps sharing these things. She tells me she wants to get married and have kids with me everyday, and that she feels like she disrespected me even though she did these things in the past. She tells me that she would never purposely disrespect or hurt me. On the one hand I don't want her to keep telling me these things, but isn't it good if I see just how far the rabbit hole goes?

You willingly allowed this woman to anchor herself to the very core of your life and that is where the main issue begins. It seems like she genuinely likes you however you fail to miss the point that women are solipsistic and not cognizant like men are. Women operate on feelings and when the fleeting emotions you are currently giving to her are no longer there anymore she will not hesitate to nuke the relationship even at your own expense. I noticed that a higher partner count only seems to worsen the situation. Once she gets past this phase of emotions (could be weeks months or several years) rest assured that her true colors will show. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but 99% of male/female relationships are about as fake as they get. Yours is no exception to the rule.

As far as those quotes you shared your implications are right on the mark. You're rationale and emotions are conflicting and it is important that you do not just ignore it. I would keep her around until I could find someone hotter, younger and just overall better. All these things about marriage and how she can't live without you (or whatever else she may be saying) is nothing more than static. She may even believe it herself at the moment but you're the man here. Be more logical and take this woman for what she is instead of building your life around this sinking ship. Go find other women right now!

It's much more comforting to believe that things really cannot get any worse than they are now and things will just work itself out. This is a mistake and if you continue on this path you WILL come to regret it later. To answer your question on how to put her past out of your mind you must first begin by having the desire and making the willing effort to move past her altogether.

 

[Zarky]

Chick's a loony, 'nuff said.

 

[Big Nuts]

3 letters.....ATM!

 

[Jeremyabolade23]

Let it go. She's 30 y/o. Not worth the stress. To be honest, I've always been the type of guy to let stuff go- If you feel you are doing to much, then you probably are!

 

[goundra]

as long as you are not stupid enough to get her pregnant, I'd say wtf diff does it make?

 

[DJNiceGuy]

You willingly allowed this woman to anchor herself to the very core of your life and that is where the main issue begins. It seems like she genuinely likes you however you fail to miss the point that women are solipsistic and not cognizant like men are. Women operate on feelings and when the fleeting emotions you are currently giving to her are no longer there anymore she will not hesitate to nuke the relationship even at your own expense. I noticed that a higher partner count only seems to worsen the situation. Once she gets past this phase of emotions (could be weeks months or several years) rest assured that her true colors will show. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but 99% of male/female relationships are about as fake as they get. Yours is no exception to the rule.

As far as those quotes you shared your implications are right on the mark. You're rationale and emotions are conflicting and it is important that you do not just ignore it. I would keep her around until I could find someone hotter, younger and just overall better. All these things about marriage and how she can't live without you (or whatever else she may be saying) is nothing more than static. She may even believe it herself at the moment but you're the man here. Be more logical and take this woman for what she is instead of building your life around this sinking ship. Go find other women right now!

It's much more comforting to believe that things really cannot get any worse than they are now and things will just work itself out. This is a mistake and if you continue on this path you WILL come to regret it later. To answer your question on how to put her past out of your mind you must first begin by having the desire and making the willing effort to move past her altogether.

C-quenced, thanks for the well thought out reply. Much appreciated. You're right that I've let her anchor herself to me. I see what everyone is saying here, and I will try to start looking for other plates again. However, I do believe that she would not cheat on me and that her slutty days are behind her.

I don't quite know how I feel about being the provider guy she settled for, but I do believe she is genuinely attracted to me and has real feelings. I suppose I've had a decent number of adventures with other girls, so I don't have to feel like the beta schlep she settled for after ****ing alphas. I still believe myself to be pretty alpha.

I purposely dropped my other plates for her because I felt so good about us. For now, unless she stops giving me good feelings I will continue seeing her and filtering for further red flags. However, if something new and better does fall into my lap, I will definitely try to capitalize. Everyone's words were not unheard... It feels a little painful having to go back to the pickup drawing board and feel the failures of cold approach etc, but if I did if before I can do it again. I must remember that.

 

[49au]

30 year olds aren't worth sh!t to a 30 year old guy.

I have never dated a woman my age, or older than me. And never will.

That said - I've been where you are - emotionally compromised by a dangerous woman - but I came out of it after much pain, and she was a big part of me establishing my inner game.

You are not seeing things clearly, she has you under a spell. And it's not always easy to get out, depending on how beautiful they are, and how good the sex is.

I really encourage you to heed the advice of the people that are telling you to next this girl. She's trouble, she's worn (30), and she's obviously got no impulse control.

You keep talking about how she feels "terrible" about what she did, as if that's some comfort to you. I assure you my friend, women will do first, and think later. They want to live "in the moment" and they will rationalize anything away.

If you are going to stay with this girl (which is insane fwiw), I think at the least you need to clearly tell her that that type of behavior bothers you, and you are not sure you want to be with a woman like that.

There is a reason she brought this up, remember that. She's either insanely short sighted and lacking in impulse control (which means she's a bad mate), or, she truly does love you and in her heart of hearts, wants you to tell her that you find that behavior absolutely disgusting and she should be ashamed of it.

Seems more like Option A to me though.

Just some random thoughts. Good luck.

 

[Blusher]

What's the problem with a 30 years old woman liking sex?

How does that make her a 'town *****'?

Enlighten me...

 

[Blusher]

5 months with a girl and thinking of marriage... Aren't you getting carried away?

 

[goundra]

90+% here are betas, same as anywhere else.