Sadly, what STR8UP poses in his various posts is all too often true. I've witnessed it with female friends, family, even my very own mother. They often try to shift the blame back to you after you confront them with their behavior towards you. As if you made them behave the way they did! Riiight... Lack of accountability to the nth degree. If men do that, women call them manipulative. I say: Women! Look at yourselves too!
Why, for God's sakes why, why are a lot of women like this? Are they a bad invention? An experiment that was left forgotten somewhere? Is it their emotional side? Would men-like women be like this too? Maybe oneitis would be okay if women were more like men.
It kind of makes you think they're the bane of our existence. It kind of makes you dislike them. And they wonder why some of us are mysoginistic.
Fortunately, not all women are like that. But many are. This is why men must be men and depend on no one but themselves first. This is why women are an addition, not a goal. This is why you must not settle for just anything. Who wants to strive or live for something inmature like that?
I'm beginning to "get it" more and more. And the rest of the world "gets" me less and less. Thank God. Thank... SoSuave.
I too believe it is best to just walk away and not to vent, but sometimes this is very difficult. I think mostly when you have invested in a person already. I'm just as guilty of biting the bait when I rather shouldn't have. I'll relate to you an experience of mine.
I once had feelings for a girl. Oneitis, what else? Long story short, when we came to heads about it and certain other issues that had happened, she got really nasty and disrespectful. My first instinct was to rub it in and spell it out to her. Mind you, this was all over e-mail (I know, I know). Fortunately, I had a good samaritan in my life who insisted: Don't do it. The b*tch is crazy, honestly. Cut all contact. Not one word. Let her wonder about it. Let her figure it out. Let it nibble her mind. Don't give her the satisfaction of your anger.
Of course, smitten as I was with my oneitis, I couldn't let it rest. After some months I got back to her to make amends. The first thing she said to my writing I bet you thought you'd never hear from me again was: I have been wondering if I was going to hear from you. I had been wondering if I had hurt you, or upset you, or... Had I just let her be for the rest of her life, she would have continued wondering what she did wrong.
If instead I had not had this good samaritan to counsel me, and had I lashed out at her in rebuke, she would never have gone into that phase. Had I lashed out at her, she would have found her crappy behaviour justified, because she'd think: Look how he's treating me now!
Many women are blind to their own behaviour it seems. It's a sort of Recursive Principle: they will find a justification for their earlier behaviour in the rebuke you give them about it afterwards. Because their ego's get hurt by your reprimand. And many women cannot see past their ego's. It's an emotional thing, after all, not something rational. If a man were to show such behaviour, we call him childish and inmature. Especially women would. But for a woman, it's alright to do this somehow.
They are blind to their own behaviour. Until you point it out in a language they understand. That language is silence. And silent withdrawal of the one thing they thrive on: affection. Was it Jophil who said it once? Silent withdrawal of affection. STR8UP said it too when he spoke of denying them your attention. All that means: Just walk away.
Back to my oneitis. Later on I got into a pissing contest with her after all, the fool that I was. Then, I did rub it in with her. I told her flat out what I thought of her crappy, disrespectful behaviour. It ended then and there of course. By her doing. She had found every justification in cutting contact with me in my accusing her of treating me badly, because to her this wasn't true.
I rest my case.
Some say that just walking away makes women believe you're afraid or too childish to confront the situation. You know what? Confrontation is a female thing! They want you to do that! Because they feel justified in their every behaviour, they want to hear what you think they did wrong so they can defend themselves. If you confront and speak your mind towards significant disrespect, they win. Because in their mind they'll twist it like it's your fault. It's all mere manipulation. Walking away equals staying immune to that.
If you walk away, you deny them the satisfaction. You deny them their tactics. You deny them their (subconscious) game. Trust me, it's far, far better to be the one who just walks away. If you walk away, you show what you think of her and her behaviour without the possibility of reprieve or allowing her to shift the blame to you. Because in your rebuke, they'll always find a reason to justify their sub-par behaviour. In the minds of a lot of women, they're always right.
If you walk away, you're the bigger person. You leave them to their own whining and scheming and devices. Nothing is more frustrating to any person than to be denied a chance to defend and justify themselves. Walking away is the most powerful thing you can do. Yes, it is also the most difficult thing to do, especially if you were hurt and frustrated. Nobody said being a man is an easy job, eh? It is a difficult and demanding role that men are expected to play. Thankfully, not all women are like this. Let's not forget that.
Trust me, walking away will make you feel much better eventually than if you allowed yourself to let loose. With giving a piece of mind, there's the immediate satisfaction of venting frustration. But because doing so provides the opportunity to twist your words into something they weren't, regret follows later. With walking away, regret comes first because you denied yourself something. Satisfaction comes later because you were the bigger person. Your frustration will subside eventually. Such is the lot of men: to bear the heavier burden.
Just walk away. It's the loudest way to say: F*ck you, childish creature, without actually saying it. And because you said nothing, there is nothing to respond to. Nothing to twist or pervert. As for what they would or wouldn't think of you: you shouldn't care less.
