How to NEXT after she disrespects you

[joekerr31]

So, has anyone ever called a woman on their shyt and actually said "Don't say you're sorry unless you plan on doing something about it."?

one thing i've kind of come to a conclusive conclusion on lately is that words mean nothing in this world.

people will say anything. sorry means nothing.

i sort of have a three strikes and your out rule.

first time she screws up and says sorry i say ok.
second time she screws up and says sorry and i begrudgingly say ok.
third time she screws up she gets her walking papers, regardless of whether she says sorry or not. she can bawl until the cows come hope, she's still getting punted out the door.

 

[jophil28]

There is a down side to "the suave technique" of just walking away.
It can make you look like you were not man enough to call her on her shyte and speak your mind.
You can look like a whipped puppy who just wimpers off in silence .
The other problem with just walking away is that you may have just validated her behavior and the next poor chump who starts dating her is likely to be receiving some of the same shyt because she thought that she beat you and you just disappeared in the night without putting up a fight.

I like speaking my mind and THEN walking away.
Who cares that she might get some satisfaction from yanking your chain and seeing you angry and pissed - her opinion is irrelevant at this point.

 

[profitASAP]

This is a topic on which there should be no debate.

You're always better off just walking away. There's a number of reasons for this, including:

1) CONTROL--Success with women, like success in many other areas of life, is about control. Control of a situation, control of your emotions and control of your destiny being three of the most significant. Assuming what the chicky baby did is bad enough to justify her getting pink slipped not making a scene allows you to maintain control. If her transgression is of sufficient severity to warrant dismissal, she'll know what she did.

2) SANITY--Namely, your own. Life is much easier and pleasant when you aren't pissed off at someone. You'll feel much better about yourself (and, again, much more "in control") if you don't call her on the carpet before you leave like a middle manager dismissing a secretary for stealing office supplies. Bottom line--there's nothing you can gain for putting chicky baby through the third degree before you vamoose. If her opinion of you truly doesn't matter at this point then ACT like it doesn't matter--browbeating a woman doesn't show what a tough alpha male you are. It only shows that a) her opinion of you really does matter, b) you lack self control and confidence (there's that "control" thing again and c) that your relationships with women--on a micro level with her and a macro level with any woman--are the focal point of your life. None of these are qualities that a real alpha male demonstrates.

3) DRAMA--If I have to generalize here, I'd suggest that a good number of women like drama in their lives. That's why soap operas have been a daytime cash cow for TV networks since there's been TV, and before that were big hits on radio--many women can't get enough drama and if they don't have it in their personal lives will try to experience it vicariously. Alpha males, conversely, have enough control of their minds, bodies, lives and situations to minimize drama. So by giving her drama you're acting in a womanly manner and simultaneously giving her what she wants.

And here's the huge irony of the whole thing--if you just walk away without confrontation, closure or "speaking your mind" almost without fail said chicky baby will come crawling back all repentant at some point in the future. As others here have suggested, you're better off not having any of it at that point but the fact that invariably this is the reaction the "walk away" generates should underscore that it is the action of a in-control, self assured alpha male. Conversely, ending it with a big dramatic scene will really get rid of her for good. Now, maybe that's what you want but certainly not at the expense of compromising your personal integrity. As an in-control alpha male you'll be able to deal with her when she inevitably comes crawling back. The only instance in which a female will come back looking for more after a "messy confrontation" is because she knows that she can push your buttons and is (consciously or subconsciously) looking to manipulate you.

The corollary to all of this involves, as another poster suggested, ease of extrication. If you make the mistake of getting involved with a co-worker, for example, you may be better off having some sort of rational conversation with her. Another situation would be if you're living with someone. That implies a more serious relationship than just "nexting" some woman and, again, a rational conversation would probably also be in order for logistical reasons (eg: shared finances, rent, utilities) than anything else.

Of course both of these situations are ones where you really *can't* make a clean break or just walk away. A serious relationship notwithstanding, that's why you should avoid getting involved with co-workers or others you're going to have to deal with on a daily basis.

In all other cases, the best course of action is to walk away and immerse yourself with the many other things you have going on in your life. If you want to whine about what chicky baby did to you go to a shrink like Tony Soprano, do it over some beers with your friends, but don't compromise your control, dignity and personal integrity by making a scene with the girl.

 

[feelingloved]

some brilliant posts. my friends were criticizing me for letting the girl off the hook easy. After I got over the initial shock & asking her what was going on (days), I have pulled back and not returned calls. I never lost my cool, or criticized, because I thought it would not be heard, and would only justify her actions in her mind. I'm going to leave it with as little closure as possible. Its hard none the less.

 

[Heretolearn]

awesome thread - thanks!

 

[window]

This is a very tricky question and one that has also had me pondering for a long time. I have searched far and wide and I think I found the answer in the Cool Guy Forums. I'm starting to think that to next someone straight away is a mistake ONLY if you haven't established your boundaries of self respect first. The reason is that people (not just women) will cross your boundaries all the time and they will not know where your boundaires lie at first. For e.g a girl might cancel on you at the last minute. Now for 8 out of 10 guys this may be ok with them...they'll be peeved, but they'll call her again (and some may succeed with her) so she assumes that such behaviour is generally not too bad. So is the cancelation a clear sign of disprespect or has she crossed a line that she wasn't aware of or is she testing you for self repsect !! The key is to come from a place that answers all three unknowns. So now I'm thinking that it is good to walk away but only after you have communicated your boundaries to her (i.e you will walk away if a particular behaviour is repeated) and she disrespects you knowing this. So say she cancels on you at the last minute then emails 3 days later to say sorry and can we try again. I'd say "yes but if you cancel on me again with such short notice then I wont be interested in seeing you anymore"...I think if you next a girl without her knowing what your boundaries are she'll probably think you're up tight. Also if the girl has done something that could be considered disrespectful then it must be she who asks for another shot and that is your chance to communicate to her what is unacceptable behaviour before you try again As for your question Jophil I think that if a woman disrespects you after the line has been drawn in the sand then you can simply walk away with a wry smile knowing that she knows.

 

[backbreaker]

if your employer screwed you over and you went out and found another job would you take the time to tell them why you were leaving? would they care?

if they were teh caring type they wouldn't have treated you poorly in the first place.

the best revenge is living well - NOT telling them how you are going to live well.

i believe in addressing bad behavior as its occuring. but once you've done that and it continues on to the point where you are walking away, i dont believe in explaining why you are walking away.

it should be self evident.

Frank Sinatra said it best.. the best revenge is massive success.

there is no need to go back, Remember the 48 laws of power law 10... win though actiions never arguement. Any type of victory you have is short lasting at best when you try to put her in her place. the best response to being Dissed is showing her that you are better off without her in your life.

 

[backbreaker]

There is a down side to "the suave technique" of just walking away.
It can make you look like you were not man enough to call her on her shyte and speak your mind.
You can look like a whipped puppy who just wimpers off in silence .
The other problem with just walking away is that you may have just validated her behavior and the next poor chump who starts dating her is likely to be receiving some of the same shyt because she thought that she beat you and you just disappeared in the night without putting up a fight.

I like speaking my mind and THEN walking away.
Who cares that she might get some satisfaction from yanking your chain and seeing you angry and pissed - her opinion is irrelevant at this point.

you are having the mindset of trying to convince her that you are still the one while you are walking away.

it's like you are holding out hope that she will come back in your life

once you walk away, the emphsis should be on walking away, not giving a damn what she or anyone else thinks about you. that's not really walking away

 

[squirrels]

Dump, and disappear. Anything else is a p!ssing-match style power struggle. Real men don't get into those with women.

 

[Colossus]

I agree with V.U.--it depends on the offense, and whether she is a REPEAT offender.

The 'walk away from any disrespect' mantra is too standardized. Sometimes you CAN put her in her place, and do it nicely. She might be an otherwise good girl who pulled some bullsh1t. But if you have one who is a repeat offender, I feel it is better to walk away and let them figure it out. No explanation is needed OR deserved at that point.

And guys, have YOU ever been put in your place by a woman?? Most of us would lie and say we are above that in some way, but come on, we can be d!cks. Sometimes we are COMPLETELY insensitive and have to get an EAR FULL to realize where we went awry. The difference is women tend to overreact and hash up ALL the wrongs you have ever committed, like they have been saving them up for this day. They remember things you did YEARS ago that you have completely forgot about. If a woman loves you she can be forgiving to a fault, but they also can hold a silent grudge for freaking years, I swear.

I tend to forgive and move on. Grudges eat you up.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Troops!



Whenever a man has REALLY decided that he has had enough of a woman's disrespectful behavior, and that he REALLY does not have any intentions of taking her back into his life-------then the methods that he uses to give HIMSELF closure should be totally bereft of ANY conscious consideration of how HE "appears" to the woman once he uses them.

A man who is REALLY comfortable in his own skin---a man who acts in behalf of his own best interest (AFTER carefully guaging the fairness and integrity of his motivations), a man who has REALLY made a committed decision to eject a woman from his life will have very little concern for how he comes accross when he delivers the deathblow to an unhealthy relationship.

True, he can be disappointed and saddened that it has come to this, but I don't see any reason why he should be emotionally invested in how she and/or the rest of the female population evaluates HIS manliness once he ends it. Why? Because to me, that's the same as subconsciously seeking approval from someone who has already shown you that they disapprove of you by their actions towards you.

Remember----THIS "proven" lack of interest in pleasing YOU that she has shown you is what has caused you to reach the pointing of needing to "NEXT" her in the first place.

To the men in THIS forum----as MATURE men, realize I make the presupposition that we have ALREADY learned to control our tempers, and have mastered the impulse that tempts us to live a life of REACTION, as opposed to a life of decisive ACTION.

Am I correct?

If I am, then this is why I personally feel that "if" a man IS as mature as I have described, THEN it is sometimes WARRANTED for a man to express his verbal disapproval of a woman's actions BEFORE he walks away.

And we can do this from a mindset of "possibly" looking out for the next man, or, we can do it for the even more rare possibility that the woman in question MIGHT one day become a better person for HERSELF sometime in the future.

If we believed that people (and that includes "women", troops) NEVER could change-----NONE of us would even be here on THIS forum. But again, engineering this kind of metamorphasis is NOT our responsibility. But for those of us men who have both the WILL and the ABILITY to think beyond "just" our own self interest, "we" CAN utilize these situations to "perhaps" make an ultimately positive difference in the lives of the people that we encounter as we make our way through this treacherous journey of life.

Lastly, to put it as simply as I possibly can, consider THIS:

To actually give a fukk about what a woman who has grossly or repeatedly disrespected YOU "thinks" of you in regards to HOW you close out the relationship, COULD be a subtle indication that YOU might still be in the emotionally unhealthy state of placing "HER" (and women in general who demonstrate that they have NO respect for you)-----on an unearned PEDESTAL.




March on.

 

[NewMan]

If we believed that people (and that includes "women", troops) NEVER could change-----NONE of us would even be here on THIS forum. But again, engineering this kind of metamorphasis is NOT our responsibility. But for those of us men who have both the WILL and the ABILITY to think beyond "just" our own self interest, "we" CAN utilize these situations to "perhaps" make an ultimately positive difference in the lives of the people that we encounter as we make our way through this treacherous journey of life.

This is really great. Great way to think and conduct oneself.

To actually give a fukk about what a woman who has grossly or repeatedly disrespected YOU "thinks" of you in regards to HOW you close out the relationship, COULD be a subtle indication that YOU might still be in the emotionally unhealthy state of placing "HER" (and women in general who demonstrate that they have NO respect for you)-----on an unearned PEDESTAL.

I think this is situationally dependant. There's nothing wrong with no disrespecting her and more importantly yourself. The way you act and conduct yourself should always be above those of others. Fvck them, As a mature man, we should be beyond pettiness.

 

[broken dreams]

he is right

There is no "Or" - do both, replace "Or" with "And"!!

I have to admit bro.

Some advice here are good but its you to take it and not look back.

I put myself out there and even in self doubt if I was the one to **** up.
but sometime when the biach disrespects and tries to pull out flaws in you to weakend you.
Its a red flag.
Ive taken advice after having a oneitis but dude it all depends that you take it and live with it.

My advice is :

Man up and reckongnize its ****ing over for her.

you gave her your time and she dissrespect it its her rproblem not yours so dont feel bad.

dont call her or respond to her messages or texts. thats the best way to show that you are a Man. and that itself is an indicator that you wisen up to look somewhere else, then she will want to be with you cause you man up.and second her in her head.

act cool and you are the prize , learn to be proud of who you are.

dont accept any disrespect from her dude. its becomes a mess you cant control , like when you train a dog in the house and is ****ting all over the place with out any control.

dont try to change her mind, forget it .

dont show that you are affected!!!

I made mistake of dissing her and that shows her that you were really into it more than her.

what I did is after I did that I said it wasnt a big deal and Im sorry i overreacted cause I have other stuff in my life now.

then I switchd it and I ignored.
change number and cut the line.

she keeps texting and leaving messages ,just curious what Ive been up to, rapport seeking.

I IGNORE THE BIACH! LoL. and know Im the one who switched the tables on her.

I after felt it was best thing she did leaving me to work on what

I wanted in life and prepare for future.

so take your time wisely dude.

I even wrote on my hand in small letters:

Be proud of who you are.

I think that mentality will help you answer all your questions!

peace

 

[slaog]

I hate ending something by just ignoring somebody. Always it's best to get a bit of closure IMO. I think you'll get more respect by telling the person you're not interested anymore. I can think of all the women who just ignored me in the past and the women who told me straight out they weren't interested and I've alot more respect for the women who actually told me straight out.

-By showing no emotions you're saying she didn't mean much to you.

-By showing some emotions and still showing you can walk away you are showing strength of character.

 

[guru1000]

If you have decided to walk away, I have to assume the girl disrespected your overt/covert boundary. If this boundary was never overtly expressed and understood unless it is a capital offense, walking away is not warranted.

Women are potty trained by AFC men and most do not KNOW the proper meaning of respect. They need to be instructed as you would educate a 5 year old. Not for their lack of intelligence or upbringing but simply their habitual paved way of illogical interaction with AFC men.

Some might say a women SHOULD know how to behave respectfully. The question is how COULD they?

Who has given them perspectives of right from wrong? If a child is not scolded for bad behavior, his behavior will continue. With enough application of this ill behavior, it becomes unintentional habit.

We are not speaking of universal capital offenses that are covertly understood such as cheating, etc. This is the everyday unintentional habit of disrespect.

First step MUST be to set boundaries. She MUST know exactly where your character lies. Then and only then, if disrespect occurs, walking away is warranted.

How you CHOOSE to express your take off is individual. There is no right or wrong way to walk away. When walking away is done, the most efficient way is what serves YOU best. At the end of the day, YOU have made a choice not to compromise your character in supplication. The battle is won because you CHOSE yourself first. That in itself is my closure.

 

[mrRuckus]

Just how would you handle cheating?

Walk away sure, but what... that's it? Tell her off? What's the point; she already knows she's wrong.

 

[STR8UP]

Just how would you handle cheating?

Walk away sure, but what... that's it? Tell her off? What's the point; she already knows she's wrong.

I look back on the couple of times I busted a chick cheating, and it's clear to see that I would have been INFINITELY better off walking away without uttering a word.

Hell, ANYTIME you walk away due to outright disrespect, it's better to keep your mouth shut, smile, and hit the road.

The only time words are needed is if you just aren't feeling it and she deserves an explanation. In a case like this you are being a Man for being sensitive to someone's feelings. If she fukks you over there's nothing to gain (actually a lot to lose) through the use of words.

 

[mrRuckus]

I look back on the couple of times I busted a chick cheating, and it's clear to see that I would have been INFINITELY better off walking away without uttering a word.

But, why?

What if even you found out later on after you're broken up that she cheated on you or something like that?

I just can't see the point of revenge being "emotionally immature." I've seen that said around here before but what backs this up? Just cause people say so?

It's just not a good feeling to me knowing someone out there has gotten the best to me and all I've managed to do in response is the silent treatment. Sure "thoughts" don't hurt me, but then you could go on forever with that sort of logic. Oh I "lived well." That's my revenge! What if she lived well too and doesn't give a sh1t? Now if i ground her into the ground through public humiliation or something, then she'll give a sh1t. My own personal satisfaction is met if I exact revenge.

If I have an itch, I scratch it and it feels better.
If I have a pain, I rub it and it feels better
If someone fvcks me over, I revenge it and it feels better.

If someone in the bar slugs you, do you just stand there and be "emotionally mature" and do NOTHING? Now why would I do nothing to some wh0re that fvcked me over?

Isn't a large part of out justice system based on revenge? Isn't suing someone for libel/slander basically revenge? I mean, the damage is already done and money isn't going to repair anything so basically it's a "nya nya i got your money now" revenge.

I have an ex from years ago it STILL bugs me knowing she got away with some sh1t and i didn't do a damn thing. I still have the sex video of her with a guy on my computer [exacted from her computer w/o her knowledge]. I'm over her, don't really give a sh1t about her emotionally... but knowing she got one over on me while I just held my d1ck taking the "high road" is annoying to this day. I mostly just don't want exposed to legalities, but legal revenges, what's the big deal?

I'd really like this explained without karma nonsense being mentioned (since most of the bad people i know prosper pretty well)

 

[broken dreams]

what if doesnt care if she did cheat or not and she tells it to you , that she did sleep while you were togther ?

if you are unreactive **** it if you are reactive and pissed you proved her right to leave you in her female psycology.

either way man she wants the upperhand , once they change setting and start manipulation games it is a losing game for me personally.

Im looking for a GF and not a score *****.

It is something that they like women even if they are emotional creatures, they can try to use you and the come emotionally unaffected.

I dissed her i felt bad looked back apologized looked weak, then took back and changed sides and stopped myself.

 

[jophil28]

I just can't see the point of revenge being "emotionally immature." I've seen that said around here before but what backs this up? Just cause people say so?

It depends on what you regard as "revenge" . Do you mean "justice" perhaps.
Seeking "justice" to right a wrong perpetrated on you is fine.
However seeking "revenge" usually involves an escalation of hostilities which results in one or both paties losing control and lashing out in rage. Not wise.

I agree that just walking away in a silent huff is not effective under some circumstances. AS Guru points out, she needs to KNOW what your limits and boundaries are, OVERTLY. If she has no clue about your guidlines, morals or ethics, then she will inevitably violate them at some point. Then, walking away from her without strongly disclosing your grievance is little imore than a girly pout on your part. THis point is lost on the guys here who promote "just walking away" as a universal response.
She does not KNOW why you are mad because you have never told her what your limits are. SEcondly, most woman have grown up with a belief that it is their entitlement to act in any f**kwit way that they please and some guy ( originally Daddy) will come to their rescue. Women seem to NOT feel accountable to men. IN their minds ,we are their rescuers, not their accusers.
THis is one of the reasons that it is so tiring negotiating with a woman who has disrespected us- they do not feel any intetrnal obligation to act well toward men because we are cast in the role(in her tiny mind) as her provider and her protecter, THanks to dear ole Dad .

Just my thoughts