Ok - this is my last post. I have moved on - took some time, but I am back on the way up. Don't get me wrong - there is still some pain, but I know that I am on the road to a new life.
Some tips for those still in the process:
1. Cut off all contact with your ex (most of the advice on this thread refers to this issue time and time again):
Take everything that she has left in your house, place it in a box and throw it away (if you want, put it by her doorway or mail it to her - but NO CONTACTING HER).
Shred pictures, remove cell phone #, delete all emails, remove Myspace links delete contact name from messenger, block on Facebook - make sure there is not a trace left that can remind you of her. Today I found her business card (with her picture) while cleaning up my desk - right to the shredder (I think that the act of shredding is better than just throwing it away...). Here is a system that will help you stop looking her up on social networking sites:
Print the numbers 1-30 on a sheet and cross off a number everyday that passes and you haven't contacted her / checked her site etc. Every time you break the rules start from scratch. The goal is to get through 30 days of no contact (some might need longer timeframes). It will be painful, but you have to cut off everything that reminds you of her.
This is an extremely important step - when you remove all of her stuff from your life, you are telling your subconscious that it's over and there is no way that you are taking her back. Don't leave anything in your house - EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!
If you get a call from her - don't pick up. If she emails you - don't even read the emails - just trash them (you can create a filter in outlook that deletes them automatically). You are too vulnerable now to read her crap - these blocks can only be removed once you are 100% over her, and that will probably happen when you have another girl which you love more than her.
A good thing to do is to move to a new apartment - that will give you a feeling of a 'fresh start' and is recommended if your lease is up.
2. Come to terms with the breakup:
This is a very important step that many forget to mention. The first day that my ex told me that she wants to break up I told her to get the fvck out of my home. I felt that I was 'The Man' and no problem - I can just move on. That was a mistake since it backfired a couple of months later. I didn't take the time to realize that there was a loss, accept the situation and move on. There was an emotional buildup that had to be released. It's very similar to mourning someone who just died, you need to let go. That's also the point where you follow instructions in # 1 above.
3. Move on:
I think that once you have achieved # 2 you can now move on and start making your life better. Focus on your passions / hobbies, start hitting the gym, go out with friends. There is no need to force yourself to date other women for now - focus on yourself. Talk to people, women etc - if the right girl comes your way go on a date. During this period I have had plenty of women - they didn't change my situation. In my case I think I managed to move on when I just stopped dating / seeing fvck buddies for a few days.
My passion is the #1 thing that helped me move on. I started investing time and $ in my art and it paid off. I also realized that part of the reason I was in this mess in the first place was due to working too much and not paying attention to my passion. If you don't have something that you are excited about - find it! (There are plenty of posts on this board about finding your true passion - I have 3, with art being in the #1 spot).
Once you are over her and fully invested in yourself, you will realize that she wasn't the one for you and that there are plenty of hotter / smarter / nicer girls out there.
That's about it. I want to thank everybody for following this thread / commenting etc. and I wish everybody luck in moving on.
~Zulu
