How to gain awareness of my level of attractiveness

[e.l.s]

Hello, this is my first post here.

I am curious if anyone can give some advice on gaining some awareness of my attractiveness level to the opposite sex. Recently, I've been struggling to understand whether it is my introversion/anti social behavior/mediocre game that is creating my lack of real success with women or if it is just that I might not be aware of my level/league so to speak. Maybe I am going for girls I can't get or girls who are out of my league?

Currently, I have no problem approaching women. However, I seem to struggle to get into social momentum and get back the mojo and level or confidence that I used to have. I've had some successes here and there in the past, but in the past several years I haven't been trying to date much and was focusing on making more money and handling personal/psychological issues and was alone and single.

I used to get attention from random girls here and there, but I do not see it anymore. I am not sure if I have just gotten older and less good looking or if it is something about my behavior. All men get rejected, but in the past couple of months that I've been getting back into socializing with females and going out I've had some pretty harsh ghostings and rejections. I can get attention from women I am not really attracted to and it seems that maybe I need to lower my standards, but is this really the correct way to go? I find myself in a position where I am questioning if I am still able to get girls in my 30s that I could get in my 20s.

How can I gauge my level of attractiveness to women? Am I delusional about being good/ok looking and I am an ugly beast in reality or is it an internal issue such as low self esteem or body image issues. I've asked some people about this and no one told me I am ugly, but I am not sure if people just don't want to hurt my feelings or something. I want to be able to truly gain self awareness in this aspect. I am not going to post my picture here BTW.

How can I test how attractive I am to women? I can get attention from average looking girls and I do not have supermodels drooling over me so that is an indicator. Highly attractive women often just reject me right away and when they don't, I am kind of surprised. I am not a chad but I used to get a fair amount of attention from females in school/uni, more than an average guy. My lifestyle is such now that I am not around women I am attracted to on my day to day and I have to go out and actively try to meet them to be around them. I also haven't done Tinder/OLD, but I do plan to get into it at some point, though online dating scares me a little.

I also don't have perfect symmetry that scientific studies talk about. I've been called cute by girls before. Also, I am not some incel claiming that looks are all that matters. I just haven't been very social in the past several years so I am not sure where I stand tbh.

 

[Bandolero]

Post a picture

 

[e.l.s]

Post a picture

I'd rather not. Random people can mess with me and I want to remain anonymous on here. I am just wondering if anyone can recommend a way to test women's general physical attraction towards me.

 

[kavi]

Bro it doest work like that. Attraction is just 50% looks the rest is how you carry yourself. Rejection is more to do with approach/timing/game and less to do with attractiveness.

If you wanna test how attractive you are (looks+body language) go to a mall or anywhere theres lots of girls and just see how many look at you. All the girls walking around alone all love to be looked at and admired, be interesting to men, they want to be looked at just like you want girls looking at you for validation. So you can just show some mild interest from afar, walking past, just a small inquisitive look nothing more than that and see how much is reciprocated. Now you can change up your walk, body language, facial expression, vibe etc and see if it changes their reaction to you.

Attraction - To attract ie to bring closer ie this is as much about personality and behaviour as well looks.

 

[Plinco]

Your attractiveness is the women that agree to go out with you on at least a semi-regular basis.

I was going to say something like that.

" Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you."
- Thomas Jefferson

 

[Hamurabimbi]

If you are good looking. You already will know. People, unsolicited, will straight up tell you. And I mean women & men (straight men & gay). And they will often be people you just met. Girls will push through whatever social hangups/inadaquecies you have to get with you. Non-drunk, attractive women will approach you. You can be sexual with women at work/clients & you won’t get a phone call from HR. Girls will ask you out.
Tinder is probably the acid test. Put up some ok pics. Write enough of a normal bio to show you aren’t a psycho & let it ride. If you do well, you are good looking.
There really is a ‘Pretty Privlidge’. Even for men.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

The confusion comes in when some of those apply but not all or most of them. Probably a good chunk of this forum.

I don’t know how I would apply a #/10 to this. I think it’s more binary (trinary?). One is either attractive, average or unattractive. And ultimately. Women decide that. I think those that straddle the Average/Attractive or Average/Unattractive border would have
the most confusion. The attractive or unattractive already know. I suppose the pure average guys would too.

 

[2Rocky]

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This is a start.

 

[Mike32ct]

Not the most rigorous test, but look at the caliber of women that attractive female friends try to fix you up with, suggest to you, or a chick they know that secretly likes you.

Your attractive female friend will suggest someone attainable and roughly in your league.

 

[e.l.s]

Thank you for your replies. This question was mostly sparked by my night out this weekend. I went out to a club and got four numbers, all of which were duds (no reply/fake), even though the females seemed down to meet up later. I haven't been out to do loud nightclub game in a while so maybe I am just "rusty" or something. It just made me feel like I am delusional about how women feel about me. Last Monday I also got a number from a chick who seemed excited to meet up but ended up just ghosting me after a brief text interaction. I've been feeling down about my dating situation because I just haven't been proactive, and after taking some action, these rejections made me think.

I think I just gotta build up some momentum of going out and just putting up numbers until something sticks. That's what worked for me in the past.

As far as attractiveness, I am not banging IG models so I am unlikely to be a Chad, but I haven't been socializing actively with women lately so I can't say that I cannot get a 6/7 or something because I just haven't really tried. If I was surrounded by hot women on a consistent basis and they were all rejecting me and treating me like trash maybe I would be correct to think I am ugly, but this is not the case rn. I also think that I've been giving off a "f*ck off" type of vibe to people or something similar that maybe women are just not throwing signals at me. When I approach some seem to be OK, I just gotta get back to doing it consistently. I can probably get a fat chick to stick with me so I guess I am on that level , at least for now, and maybe just mentally..

 

[e.l.s]

Not the most rigorous test, but look at the caliber of women that attractive female friends try to fix you up with, suggest to you, or a chick they know that secretly likes you.

Your attractive female friend will suggest someone attainable and roughly in your league.

I don't have female friends who try to fix me up with someone. I guess I had chicks do this when I was a student but that was like 10 years ago..

 

[e.l.s]

If you are good looking. You already will know. People, unsolicited, will straight up tell you. And I mean women & men (straight men & gay). And they will often be people you just met. Girls will push through whatever social hangups/inadaquecies you have to get with you. Non-drunk, attractive women will approach you. You can be sexual with women at work/clients & you won’t get a phone call from HR. Girls will ask you out.
Tinder is probably the acid test. Put up some ok pics. Write enough of a normal bio to show you aren’t a psycho & let it ride. If you do well, you are good looking.
There really is a ‘Pretty Privlidge’. Even for men.

This is why I've been wanting to set up Tinder, but I was thinking I should get pro photos to get a chance. Do you think putting up some selfies will be fine?

 

[DonJuanjr]

I agree with 2rocky. Although it's not something that will tell you how attractive you are. It's something that will tell you how unattractive you are. I used it, and got 25% not attractive(out of 100 votes). So this tells me, that I have a 75% chance of any random female thinking that I'm not ugly.

 

[e.l.s]

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Improve your online presence with real feedback on your business, social, and dating photos. Photofeeler provides trusted human insights to help you choose the best profile pictures for more success in professional, personal, and romantic settings.

www.photofeeler.com

This is a start.

I will try this, thank you.

 

[2Rocky]

I will try this, thank you.

Two different photos and their results....

 

[Kotaix]

Attraction is so subjective that it's hard to get a good feel for it. I've had some super hot women be attracted to me, and most super hot women won't give me the time of day, but a lot of female attraction has to do with how you act and the energy you project.

Something very interesting happened to me about 3 years ago. My mom and my sister had always told me I was attractive, other people had too, but of course coming from your family it means nothing and I never really believed it. Then one time my sister made a specific comment to me about how one of her highschool friends (who was VERY cute back then) was actually really into me when we were in school. At the time she said that I was in the best physical shape since I was in my late teens, and something just snapped when she said it. I actually allowed myself to believe that I was attractive instead of doubting my looks, and my success with women changed almost immediately for the better: They started acting different around me and I started getting looks from women who had ignored me up until that point.

You aren't attractive to women because you're not projecting confidence. But the key is that confidence is not earned, it's expressed: it comes from within you, not from others' approval of you. This is why dumb, unemployed guys get women and smart, insecure men are alone. It's the Dunning-Kreuger effect in action.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

This is why I've been wanting to set up Tinder, but I was thinking I should get pro photos to get a chance. Do you think putting up some selfies will be fine?

I don’t know. I did (selfies) and it was fine. But then, others make a compelling case to get pro photos as you can put your best foot forward. While others say it looks ‘try hard’.

 

[e.l.s]

Update -- I ended up making a tinder and bumble profiles and got a little bit of likes. (like 1-3 per day, which are low numbers I guess). I am not even sure if even half of them were real. I had several real conversations with girls and even had some opportunites to meet up with maybe 3 females, but they were not really attractive (like 5's or a little overweight). I would say, it is possible that my profile and pics needed more work, but I can clearly see where the black pill comes from. This was about 1-2 months of experimintation. I was also banned from Tinder for reporting prostitutes and only fan hoes.

Overall, my OLD experiment showed me that it is possible to get a date with an average girl, but I am not sure how to get attention from hot females on there. I swiped so many time but got very little return. Perhaps, I should look into OLD coaches and text game info. My text game is horrible. But Judging from the results I got, I am probably your average bloke. I am assuming guys who are ripped, tall, tattooed, and have great hair are the ones who get the largest market share on Tinder. I am not that... Well, not right now - I should get back to the gym and maybe get a neck tattoo.. or a face tat, a face tattoo would probably kill on Tinder, lol.

 

[lost_blackbird]

Well, not right now - I should get back to the gym and maybe get a neck tattoo.. or a face tat, a face tattoo would probably kill on Tinder, lol.

My tattooist has a very inked face and does so well on OLD. He also used to be a she but is only
into women. He's doing absolutely great. Stands about 5 foot 4 and is as shred as F tho.

In contrast, I have a couple of neck tattoos, got the 2nd one done back in February by the person mentioned
above. Hasn't made a jot of difference to my 'success' with the ladies, on OLD or otherwise.

Conclusion - If you're gonna tat up to appeal to chicks, then a face tattoo is the only way.
Good luck. It's gonna sting a bit.

This is why dumb, unemployed guys get women and smart, insecure men are alone. It's the Dunning-Kreuger effect in action.

Can confirm.

 

[FinallyAlpha]

Hi OP

I'm not a MDJ. I'm on the journey. And it is for that very reason that I am so heated by this thread.

You're coming at this from completely the wrong angle. Fvck your attractiveness to women. You are using it as a stick to beat yourself with.

You're experiencing some sort of rut / depression / confidence crisis related to your age that is resulting in you comparing your present day self to your past self and to other men who you deem to be superior. Stop.

Step 1: forget about your immutable traits. I.e. the structure of your face ; your height etc.

Step 2: on everything else. Grind. Work hard. Work smart.

Focus on what you can improve and fvck everything else. How do you dress? How do you smell? Are you currently wearing your hair in the best way that it can be worn (even if you're bald)? How is your demeanor? Your personality, your conversation, your career, your hobbies, your physique...

"I should get back to the gym." get the fvck into the gym and stay there. (Effort)

"My text game is horrible." learn good text game. (Effort)

"How can I test how attractive I am to women?" get the fvck out the door, off tinder for christ's sake, and approach them, all the time, non fvcking stop. Ask them all out. Learn from the feedback you're getting to improve and go again.

Everybody posts in these forums and elsewhere criticizing how the (1) current culture and (2) Instagram have made all women twisted h0es with warped expectations. (A criticism that is often justified.) However, let's take a look in the fvcking mirror for a moment. the culture and social media has also thoroughly fvcked up men by the looks of it: wen lambo (wah) ; when harem of booty models (wah) ; when x, y & fvcking z.

Your new best friend is fvcking patience. Anything worth having takes work. Anything worth building takes time. And enough failures, disappointments and rejections to give an AFC nightmares.

You up for that? You down to dedicated the entire next decade of your life to re-building yourself and realizing your potential? Because if not then, yeah, go 'black pill' (smgdh) and shack up with that fat fvck from tinder and let her ruin your life.

gl my friend.