How to deal with this girl??

chunders1

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I've been trolling for past few weeks and now I need help..

Back in Feb I met this girl online and we emailed back and forth for a week, then met up and had a good time. A week passes and we setup another date. I go for a trip and tried messaging her and didn't really hear from her. When I return I was going to take her off my list, but reached out, and guess what we end up meeting up again. We probably hung out a total of 6 times. I didn't kiss close until the 3rd date. 2 weeks ago she was sick but it was just strange because she was MIA but this was after she hung out with a 'friend' of hers, so we ended up canceling those plans that week. Last week Sun we hung out, and then Wed went out, had a few drinks and F close. Ended up sleeping over. We had plans to hang out that thur, fri and sun, but then she ended up canceling. Thur she was hungover tired from the night before, fri she had some last minute errands to run and fri she had an event to attend to with a friend. Last night she canceled because she was tired and stressed with school. Every night we would video chat for about an hour. Sat when she was with that guy, I texted her but I didn't even hear from her. When I asked her about that she apologized and said she's a diff girl and doesn't need to talk to that someone every day, where most people have that 'honeymoon' period. I think thats ironic because every other day we at least chatted on the phone.

So last night we had a video chat briefly and asked her what was up with all these cancellations and it's like the same thing she did before. Legitimate excuses ok but it just comes off strange. I asked her when we would hang next and she had a busy week. She enjoys our time, but she things that she thinks she would disappoint me because of just her being busy or whatever, guard up, and maybe I should date others. She thinks the summer will be better in a few weeks but she still has all these trips and things planned that she didn't realize she would have someone for. I told her those trips are irrelevant and shouldn't prevent anything between us from moving forward. She did have a bad few pasts, where a 3 year relationship and a 5 month relationship she was cheated on and lied to. She said maybe the past is holding her back and she's not over it yet and the only thing she knows about a relationship is lies. CLEARLY her guard is up by the way she acts. I feel like I am putting more effort because she also does not have a car and I have to drive the hour to see her. I told her last night I didn't want to date anyone else and wanted to see of we would go. She had another call she had to take, but she never called back. I'm banking she wanted to avoid convo, or she was really that tired.

We have alot of interests together which is great. I don't think she trusts me yet which is why she is holding back, it's been only 3 months. That's fine. I'm just not sure how to handle this one. Sure I will go date others if she insists. In the beginning I did that but then we started seeing each other more so I didn't date others as much. But it is so weird if I end up sleeping with multiple girls and this one would be OK with that. Just strange.

So I am thinking either see if she schedules a meetup this week and talk in person to see what we want to do, just continue casual dating and see what happens or go exclusive. She said she did not want to date anyone else. OK. But what does that mean?
 

pdx1138

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Don't take ANYTHING she says seriously. Believe her actions NOT her words.

VIDEO CHAT?!?!?
You shouldn't be doing that (especially this early).....kills interest....you need to be the new mysterious guy. Video chat is wasting that time she would want to be spending with you....wouldn't you rather hang out in person than video chat? Don't do that anymore....with any chick. (unless your in a LTR/married)

Go ghost on her. No contact at all....until she contacts you....and when/if she does....make her wait a day then return it.
 

chunders1

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pdx1138 said:
Don't take ANYTHING she says seriously. Believe her actions NOT her words.

VIDEO CHAT?!?!?
You shouldn't be doing that (especially this early).....kills interest....you need to be the new mysterious guy. Video chat is wasting that time she would want to be spending with you....wouldn't you rather hang out in person than video chat? Don't do that anymore....with any chick. (unless your in a LTR/married)

Go ghost on her. No contact at all....until she contacts you....and when/if she does....make her wait a day then return it.
VIDEO CHAT!! haha yeah I know sounds so childish but it was better than talking on the phone. Few times it was easy 2-3 hours, so figure video is better than nothing. But I see what you mean, I will stop video chat ever again. I would rather hang in person yes but it just never worked out that way. She couldn't hang because she was tired or whatever, so she would want to video chat. And I joked with her and said if it goes over anhour on phone i am coming over. And twice she said ok it's been an hour come over, but at tha tpoint, 10pm, I'm a busy man and have a crazy work schedule, not about to drive an hour to sleep with her then be dead tired in my day full of meetings. shame on me for being a wuss and not going over there I guess.

But OK good call, will go ghost, will not initiate contact. It's apparent and she made it clear that she doesnt need to talk to that person every day, so I will do the same.
 

pdx1138

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Perfect.

This could re-kindle her interest and drop the other dude if you play it well. (you being a busy guy with other lady options)

Keep us informed as to what happens if you do hear from her.
 

chunders1

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pdx1138 said:
Perfect.

This could re-kindle her interest and drop the other dude if you play it well. (you being a busy guy with other lady options)

Keep us informed as to what happens if you do hear from her.
What drives me nuts is these other guys thing. The first time it was her friend of like 14 years. She sees him as a brother. OK. The past weekend was another good firend of hers.

I mean I have to give the benefit of the doubt, and I have no reason NOT to believe her. especially as she tells me she cannot stand liars, and she had to deal with that in the past.

But yes I will go MIA. Usually we would have spoken by now, but we're going not a single text call since lastnight. What bothers me is not even a sorry i fell asleep last night lingo.

And this was from last week after date the next day she was texting quite a bit. Go figure.
 

lamobatsman

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she doesnt sound like shes interested in you. at least u ****ed her! well done

edit: i think she has lost initial interest. you say she was chattign with u every day now nothing. shes lost interest
 

VladPatton

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She doesn't really care much for the relationship. YOU should be the one acting the way SHE is. Go host, and if you do spark it up again, don't run the relationship based on her past, her time, or her life problems. She either wants a nicer life with you in it, or she stays single. It's not fair to you to swerve around all her problem cones. Give it a rest and see what happens. My guess: she won't make much effort.
 

chunders1

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Yeah chatting I think may have killed interest since we chatted quite a bit.
 
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the_stig

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Don't forget that you met her online, so that means she also has a long queue of other men she's also cycling through. You're way more into this chick than she is into you, and are oozing desperation. If you want to salvage anything, you need to take about four steps back and let her do the work. Even then, don't hold your breath. Start dating other women and forget this one until she pursues you.
 

chunders1

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Now that I had some time to think, I do NOT see this chick as relationship material. Ever. Nor do I want that with her based on her actions.

With that being said, she is a fun girl to hang with, and if it ends up FWB then hey, win win.

So I gave in, texted her and said
me: interested in seeing ironman this weekend?
her: already seen it :)

She responded quite fast.

I didn't say anything after that. From what I am reading here, I don't know if everyone thought I wanted her for more of a relationship. But to be clear I am not. How does that change actions?

Do I just reach out to her if I have something fun to do and throw her an invite? And if she cares to join great? If not I just would obviously ask another chick or asked her as a fallback. No loss on my end :)

Or is it just don't even bother with her, screw her. Those type of girls that don't even respect you to call you back after a serious chat aren't even worth having around as acquaintances..?
 

DragonBlood

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Dont bother, her last reply is a huge flag. Shes not interested at all, but she wont cut you out of the loop altogether because your a great ego booster for her. Its fun and flattering to watch you squirm.

Your being used and its all your doing. Take the hint and realise this girl is just an a$$hole with t!ts.
 

whatwg

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chunders1 said:
Now that I had some time to think, I do NOT see this chick as relationship material. Ever. Nor do I want that with her based on her actions.

With that being said, she is a fun girl to hang with, and if it ends up FWB then hey, win win.

So I gave in, texted her and said
me: interested in seeing ironman this weekend?
her: already seen it :)

She responded quite fast.

I didn't say anything after that. From what I am reading here, I don't know if everyone thought I wanted her for more of a relationship. But to be clear I am not. How does that change actions?

Do I just reach out to her if I have something fun to do and throw her an invite? And if she cares to join great? If not I just would obviously ask another chick or asked her as a fallback. No loss on my end :)

Or is it just don't even bother with her, screw her. Those type of girls that don't even respect you to call you back after a serious chat aren't even worth having around as acquaintances..?
She's rejecting you trying to sound friendly. Move on.
 

chunders1

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So I decided to reach out and invite her to a show, called her no answer. Hours later she called me, and of course I was with another date so I couldn't answer. Texted her later on and she said she was studying. Makes sense, finals these last week and this week. So last night I decided to call her out on the sh1t that has been going on, and why she went MIA and didn't even respectfully return my call after our 'chat.' was interrupted

She said she was stunned that I would even come at her with this as I was dating other people (she brought this up twice a week ago too, maybe it was her sh1t test that I failed) and didn't think it was a big deal and thought the discussion was over. I told her that her guard was so high up that I couldn't tell of her interest, and assumed she was dating others anyways because she said she didn't want anything serious, and she even said maybe I should just continue to date others. So me not trying to be needy and reading forums took the route of OK, date others, until she brings it up, guys should never bring up anything else more. Then she said its up to me to decide, she's not going to tell me who to date, and she's been burned too many times so she's being cautious and being cool about the situation given that I was dating others.

OK fine I partly believe all that, and told her we should talk in person, maybe last night. She agreed but not tonight because of finals, and said it's been hell these last 2 weeks with work, studying finals, and no time to herself. She made it clear that there was no time at the moment to chat about it in person, and not to take it personally because she already ditched out on other friends' plans over the last week because of other priorities and did a crappy job returning calls. She then continued to say she wants to talk in person, but after the overwhelming of finals and when her head is clear. Then she said don't freak out just yet..


What do you guys think? Benefit of the doubt?
 

Pimp-sicle

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Bro you have made A LOT of critical errors here. Your main mistake is:

YOUR PUTTING MORE WEIGHT IN HER WORDS THAN HER ACTIONS.

Her actions are screammmmmmmming LOW INTEREST, but like most women she will never come out and simply say that because she enjoys the attention.

Secondly, you are acting like the female in this whole dynamic, cut that out ASAP! You never ask a girl to give you more of her time than she's currently willing to give you.....NEVER!

Next, "calling her out" on her canceling/flaking etc will get you NO WHERE except further away from her pu$$yyyy. Women don't use logic as their main engine when they communicate, they use feeling & emotion.

You went from someone she was interested in, who made her FEEL warm/fuzzy/excited inside when you would call/hang/etc; to someone who makes her feel like "ohhhh gawwwd not this dude."

Your lying to yourself and all of us when you say you don't want her for a relationship. If she was simply ONE of many options you had, you would simply ignore her when she's being distant and let her come to you.

You are showing her that you are weak. The fact that she is ENCOURAGING you to date other women should tell you that she doesn't give a flying phuvk what you do.

I would give you advice on how to reverse this, but currently your not strong enough to follow the plan since you can't go more than a couple days without contacting her. Just look at the scenario lately:

1) You always call, she ends the call first
2) You asked her where this was going more or less
3) You called her out on flaking/canceling


All that bs about her being busy, hanging with friends, having a bunch of trips planned this summer is exactly that BSSSS! A girl who has high interest in you will want to include you in her plans regardless of where that is... she is filling your brain with smoke and mirrors and your falling for it each time.


Have some respect for yourself bro.







PIMP
 

Harry Wilmington

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I'll make it easy for you: there are tons of signs others have pointed out to you that indicate she's lost interest. However, the main one you should be concerned about is when she said the words:

"Maybe you should date others."

A girl that likes you and legitimately wants you to herself would NEVER say this. She wouldn't even place the idea in your head, unless she was also looking to take on other options.

Let her go, dude. Most women won't come right out and tell you directly they're no longer interested - instead, they say things like "maybe you should date others" in the hopes that you'll go away and they won't have to be the bad guy in the scenario. Take the hint and move on now instead of making yourself go crazy over this chick.
 

chunders1

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So she called last night and wants to meet up today evening. Kind of talk about the situation and where the miscommunication was on I was dating others so she didn't want to get hurt and decided to say maybe I should just continue dating others and if I choose her great if not then move on.

What do you guys think? Waste of time? :cuss:
 

chunders1

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Haha wow I am a sucker.

She texted me yesterday and said i was going to be mad because she has to cancel as her friends were coming in town at night after work, when we were supposed to hang.

So I said whatever call me after work we can will reschedule.

She said OK great thank you for understanding.

Then I said if you flake again i'm done.

She said I doubt it.

And what happened last night, she never called.

What a loser I am.
 
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