how to deal with this girl - sms enclosed

[seano99]

she's 26 im 28. she's HB9 - 2 years ago came out of a 7 year relationship with a jealous possessive guy.

met her back start of sep, slept with her start of oct, been exclusive since start of nov - now we hadnt caught up for 6 days, and since i gave her space for 2 weeks to study for an important final college exam - we had only caught up 3-4 times in the last month since we became exclusive. she had been under a LOT of stress, but that stress should be gone now. ive been playing it cool but felt like she is puttnig distance between us.


this is the sms dialogue tonight.....

her 530pm: "hey seano99 i just finished work and realised ive got training at 730 can we catch up another night its a busy one "

now please bear in mind i we set up tonight (wed pm) catch up back on sunday, and i'd suggested tues or wed, and she chose and said "wed after training is best " when she accepted to catch up. so it was going to be 6 days since we caught up. and she DID know she was training.

i tried to call her, no answer. so i sms her....

me: "hey <her name> i hope your day was good. you know that would be totally fine if we'd been seeing heaps of each other but we haven't. i was low maintenance and accomodative when you needed your focus and time to study. now study is finished. if you really wanted to see me you'd find the time regardless of your schedule. i dont think you have time for me in your life. i dont feel appreciated by you like i used to, we had such a spark. i know i said i wouldnt lose interest after 2 weeks but i am losing interest. if you dont want to pursue something with me just say, dont keep putting space between us because that's just game playing. i'm giving you your out back.. i'm basically ready to walk away"

her: "im genuinely interested in you, not playing games tonight ive got training then have paperwork for meetings friday (day off for wedding stuff) so i can get tax done & get thru xmas with enough cash, wedding has cost me a fortune! understand u want to hang out with me but ur text made me feel suffocated and like u were on defence maybe i expect less from you im doing all i can do but cant give much more at the moment maybe u walk and find ur equal? i understand im very independent"

what the ****? i mean i we are meant to be a couple and i gave her 2 weeks of time to get her exam sorted (she had called me sexy and said she missed me during this time on sms more than once), being totally cool about it and laid back. i would have thought after this time, she'd be appreciative and ready to hang out more often - say 2-3 times a week.

now i read her last sms as basically, "i'm happy to hang out with you if you're prepared to be a lap dog and hang with me when it suits me. up to u."

well sheesh, how cold. i would not say i was being suffocating, just calling her on her bull**** and telling her im prepared to walk if she doesnt lift her game and availability. AS PER OTHER ADVICE READ ON THESE BOARDS.

so what next? just walk? how to word a text to her?

i thought about the reply, but ive got nothing. her sms is not rational to me. ive played it really cool and laid back, but she has pulled back a bit, and now im calling her on it. so how can we move forward?

im super low maintenance, but wont be walked all over like i feel she is doing. i would expect to catch up with my girl 2 or 3 times/nights a week. hardly suffocating!

thoughts? appreciated, thank you.

 

[seano99]

edit

 

[(JJ)]

i dont like your aggressive nature, especially given her previous involvement with someone you've described as "jealous and controlling."

uh.. YES walk. or at the very least, set her aside as a plate. it looks like you're new here, look up plate theory. its all about having a few options at any given time, thus ridding yourself of any possessive or controlling behaviors... like you expressed in your text.

you reek of desparation... because you have no other options. you shouldn't be "exclusive" with someone that has this low of an interest level in you.

as far as corresponding with her, my advice is to completely cut contact. if she's interested and not fvcking around with other guys TOO much, she'll initiate contact within a fairly short amount of time. During that time, however, you need to be out exploring your options and talking to other beautiful women.

 

[seano99]

thanks for the input, didnt realise my nature was aggressive? i guess it could be taken that way by a girl... but in real life im not threatening or anything, im good looking.

i read all about plate theory last night, really like it man. im going to put it to use. thanks.

did my sms reek of desperation? or just the post here?

i think i've fscked this one up, and it's a shame because this girl was the only girl ive met in years who i thought was "worthy" of me. but her lack of interest in catching up really threw me and pissed me off. hence the response i gave her tonight, which might i add - was given the all clear by a high quality female friend - to send. i run all important sms thru her first... she's a lot like me, not into games, etc. she's married. i thought she wasa failsafe, but maybe she failed me this time?

when she initiates contact how to play it then? we agreed no games at the start, but will this require games to get it going again should she initiate contact once i cut her?

thanks for your time

 

[vitor]

I think you said just a bit too much, but at this point who cares. You said how you felt, she kind of back peddeled a bit more and said I will see you when I see you. Don't call her let her call you and move on.. She might come back but the bottom line is she has to come back to you not vice versa.

I do not care what anyone says, i have one of the most demanding jobs and if I want to hang out with a beautiful woman I make time to do so. She can do the same she is just messing with you..

 

[seano99]

also, she was HIGH interest when we became exclusive. she said she'd give me an out if i wanted it, and she didnt want hers. 2 weeks later, i told her i didnt want the out.

it was this EXACT moment she went all distant on me. the next time i saw her was the night before my birthday and she came over with a present and we had tea, but she left that night at 1030 due to her wanting to get a good night's sleep (didnt stay the night like she said she would for the morning birthday). then after this she was all fscked up and distant. i asked her once about this and that pissed her off. so asking gets me nowhere.

i think she is low confidence tho, because after i did agree to be with her, she said "you wont get bored of me in 2 weeks will you?". after this is was all downhill.... so to go from high interest level to low interest level i must have fscked up somewhere... but cant figure out where, except maybe she's freaking out that we became exclusive?

ugh

 

[seano99]

I think you said just a bit too much, but at this point who cares. You said how you felt, she kind of back peddeled a bit more and said I will see you when I see you. Don't call her let her call you and move on.. She might come back but the bottom line is she has to come back to you not vice versa.

I do not care what anyone says, i have one of the most demanding jobs and if I want to hang out with a beautiful woman I make time to do so. She can do the same she is just messing with you..

thanks vitor, i agree that someone will find time for someone else they are highly interested in.

interesting u observe she's backed away more now.

like u all said her interest level has gone down, hence catching up less. i did intend for my sms tonight to deliver the reality to her, is that im not waiting around for her to hang out on her terms, and she WILL lose me because i will walk away if i am not appreciated. i was just sick of never seeing her and being cancelled on..

and yes she works 50 hours a week, studies, trains with PT/netball/etc 5-6 nights a week. she is busy. but thats no excuse..

happy to cut her and not reply to her sms. wondering what to do when/if she wants to catch up in 1-2 weeks time?

 

[Proselytiser]

First of all - have a look at the two strikes rule

Second of all - that girl doesn't sound worthy of anything

Third of all - Never take advice from females

Fourth - listen to vitor

 

[Igetit!]

Wow dude,that's a lot to have to deal with. I have a question or two,if you don't mind. Just do me one favor....

Answer these questions DIRECTLY,and as ACCURATELY as you can.

she's 26 im 28. she's HB9 - 2 years ago came out of a 7 year relationship with a jealous possessive guy.

met her back start of sep, slept with her start of oct, been exclusive since start of nov - now we hadnt caught up for 6 days, and since i gave her space for 2 weeks to study for an important final college exam - we had only caught up 3-4 times in the last month since we became exclusive. she had been under a LOT of stress, but that stress should be gone now.

This "2 weeks of space" you gave her,whose idea was this? Because if it was hers,then your assumption was right:She is distancing herself from you.


And if she's distancing herself from you,then she either found someone else she's interested in,or YOU acted and behaved AFC somewhere along the line and turned her off. I don't know which,but I'm leaning towards the second because some of the things in your sms come off as somewhat clingy/needy.

ive been playing it cool but felt like she is puttnig distance between us.

True.

this is the sms dialogue tonight.....

her 530pm: "hey seano99 i just finished work and realised ive got training at 730 can we catch up another night its a busy one "

now please bear in mind i we set up tonight (wed pm) catch up back on sunday, and i'd suggested tues or wed, and she chose and said "wed after training is best " when she accepted to catch up. so it was going to be 6 days since we caught up. and she DID know she was training.

Yeah,something's up. When a girl comes up with excuse after excuse NOT to be around you,you got a problem my friend.

i tried to call her, no answer. so i sms her....

me: "hey <her name> i hope your day was good. you know that would be totally fine if we'd been seeing heaps of each other but we haven't. i was low maintenance and accomodative when you needed your focus and time to study. now study is finished. if you really wanted to see me you'd find the time regardless of your schedule. i dont think you have time for me in your life. i dont feel appreciated by you like i used to, we had such a spark. i know i said i wouldnt lose interest after 2 weeks but i am losing interest. if you dont want to pursue something with me just say, dont keep putting space between us because that's just game playing. i'm giving you your out back.. i'm basically ready to walk away"

Wow....that little speech of yours was way littered with AFC behaviors.

I'll list them off....

1)Neediness. (Remember,we're taking in consideration how this looks from HER point of view.)

2)Whining: Did you see what you said here? You said,"I don't feel appreciated by you..." You're complaining about how YOU feel and the amount of time you to spend together.


That's what women do.

3)You gave an ultimatum:That was bad,dude. I've never heard of an ultimatum causing a woman to suddenly whole-heartedly,enthusiastically,give in to a guy and happily give in to what he wanted.

her: "im genuinely interested in you, not playing games tonight ive got training then have paperwork for meetings friday (day off for wedding stuff) so i can get tax done & get thru xmas with enough cash, wedding has cost me a fortune! understand u want to hang out with me but ur text made me feel suffocated and like u were on defence maybe i expect less from you im doing all i can do but cant give much more at the moment maybe u walk and find ur equal? i understand im very independent"

Th first part of her reply to you was a lie. She told you that she's genuinely interested in you,then two minutes later told you maybe you should "walk" and go find your equal.


This girl plays hardball,she ain't no joke.


However,if you have the strength and the "cajones" to do it,we just might have a suggestion or two that'll put you back in control,while flipping her on her a**.

what the ****? i mean i we are meant to be a couple and i gave her 2 weeks of time to get her exam sorted (she had called me sexy and said she missed me during this time on sms more than once), being totally cool about it and laid back. i would have thought after this time, she'd be appreciative and ready to hang out more often - say 2-3 times a week.

Look man,this is simple. We've done seen this a thousand times before on here.



Her interest in you is low...period. Whether it's because of another guy,or because of you behaving is ways that turned her off,the remedy is the same...Get her back interested in you again.



You're also making a classic common mistake. You tried to get her back interested in you using LOGIC.



You don't get it. Her decision to distance herself from you is an EMOTIONAL one. To get her back,you'd have to influence her EMOTIONALLY.



You went at her with facts and information.


You were like,"I gave you two weeks,that should be enough time".

You can't be like,"Alright,that's two weeks. Time's up. Let's start back seeing each other again".



Sorry,but emotions and feeling can't be put on a timetable,they can't be told when to return.



You should want her to spend time with you because SHE WANTS TO,not because of some schedule.

so what next? just walk? how to word a text to her?

Well,if you want to walk,you can walk.

In fact,it might be a good idea in this situation. The funny part is if you do walk,then **MAGICALLY**,suddenly,she'll probably find time to spend with you,LOL.


My thing is this:if it's another guy,then WALK...period.



If it's just low interest,that can be taken care of. It's NOT EASY to do,and you'll have to follow advice that'll go against how you "feel",but it can work.



But whatever you decide,the forum has your back.

 

[seano99]

Wow dude,that's a lot to have to deal with. I have a question or two,if you don't mind. Just do me one favor....

Answer these questions DIRECTLY,and as ACCURATELY as you can.




This "2 weeks of space" you gave her,whose idea was this? Because if it was hers,then your assumption was right:She is distancing herself from you.


And if she's distancing herself from you,then she either found someone else she's interested in,or YOU acted and behaved AFC somewhere along the line and turned her off. I don't know which,but I'm leaning towards the second because some of the things in your sms come off as somewhat clingy/needy.


True.




Yeah,something's up. When a girl comes up with excuse after excuse NOT to be around you,you got a problem my friend.

Wow....that little speech of yours was way littered with AFC behaviors.

I'll list them off....

1)Neediness. (Remember,we're taking in consideration how this looks from HER point of view.)

2)Whining: Did you see what you said here? You said,"I don't feel appreciated by you..." You're complaining about how YOU feel and the amount of time you to spend together.


That's what women do.

3)You gave an ultimatum:That was bad,dude. I've never heard of an ultimatum causing a woman to suddenly whole-heartedly,enthusiastically,give in to a guy and happily give in to what he wanted.


Th first part of her reply to you was a lie. She told you that she's genuinely interested in you,then two minutes later told you maybe you should "walk" and go find your equal.


This girl plays hardball,she ain't no joke.


However,if you have the strength and the "cajones" to do it,we just might have a suggestion or two that'll put you back in control,while flipping her on her a**.

Look man,this is simple. We've done seen this a thousand times before on here.



Her interest in you is low...period. Whether it's because of another guy,or because of you behaving is ways that turned her off,the remedy is the same...Get her back interested in you again.



You're also making a classic common mistake. You tried to get her back interested in you using LOGIC.



You don't get it. Her decision to distance herself from you is an EMOTIONAL one. To get her back,you'd have to influence her EMOTIONALLY.



You went at her with facts and information.


You were like,"I gave you two weeks,that should be enough time".

You can't be like,"Alright,that's two weeks. Time's up. Let's start back seeing each other again".



Sorry,but emotions and feeling can't be put on a timetable,they can't be told when to return.



You should want her to spend time with you because SHE WANTS TO,not because of some schedule.




Well,if you want to walk,you can walk.

In fact,it might be a good idea in this situation. The funny part is if you do walk,then **MAGICALLY**,suddenly,she'll probably find time to spend with you,LOL.


My thing is this:if it's another guy,then WALK...period.



If it's just low interest,that can be taken care of. It's NOT EASY to do,and you'll have to follow advice that'll go against how you "feel",but it can work.



But whatever you decide,the forum has your back.

thanks man!

i've read heaps of your other posts, your advice is awesome to other guys.

yeah i ****ed up sending the sms. should have said, "yep, no worries, talk soon". mannnnn it's so clear in hindsight.

appreciate your time, and everyone else who has given their time and assistance.

the 2 weeks of space, was my idea. she said she needed space and time to focus on exam - which was a result of a sms asking her what was up because she'd been distant.

so to take back the power, i suggested no catch up for the 2 weeks.

no other guy here, definitely AFC behaviour from me man with this text, and the one before the 2 week break.

yeah man she plays hardball.... not wrong! she plays everything so cool.


what suggestions do you have man? i'm guessing 5 days of no contact (ive read a lot of your other posts) which is almost equivalent to walk? im prepared to walk because there is nothing left to gain here by being her doormat when it suits her. and i cant get her high interest level back by hanging around.. thats AFC

yeah man im very logical (used to be an accountant), and that is a downfall in these situations i know. i cant use reason with her, or logic.

what ways can we influence the emotional side of her to get us back to a good place?

i totally slaughtered myself here.

surely my sms wasnt THAT bad?

ive got strength man. i can do anything. prepared to have a crack, if it isnt broken already! haha.

funny thing - i used to date her sister 5 years ago (her younger sister, 4 years younger). she is acting a lot like her sister did, i was AFC then, didnt think i was anymore.... - they dont communicate well, which i put down to their parents, nice people, but that's what they created. so i at least know what to expect because ive had a trial run a long time ago, which i ****ed up haha

let me know ur thoughts man

 

[seano99]

just to update, i didn't reply to her sms, and wont unless there is a consensus on it here, but all the advice reads DONT SMS HER!

also i sent the text because i almost wanted to walk, i wasnt trying to being a don juan. i just put my thoughts on sms, because i'd had enough.

if that makes any difference to how this story/myself is perceived here

 

[Igetit!]

hey man! i've read heaps of your other posts, you're advice is awesome to other guys.

Wow,my reputation proceeds me,lol.

Cool.

the 2 weeks of space, was my idea. she said she needed space and time to focus on exam - which was a result of a sms asking her what was up because she'd been distant.

Another lie from her.

She said the "space" she needed was because of her exams.

I understand needing some time to yourself to when you have an important project or some deadline that you have to meet. That's legit,but tell me this...


Are you the only one she needs distance from? Is she taking time out from her family and friends because of these exams as well,or does she still continue as normal with everyone else except for you?



I'd find it weird if she still hung out with her friends from time to time while having these exams,but shut you out supposedly because of them.

no other guy here, definitely AFC behaviour from me man with this text, and the one before the 2 week break.

Well,at least your man enough to admit your mistakes.


Well this explains it then. It was your AFCness that caused her to grow distant. Her exams were just a convient excuse that happened to be nearby while you were being AFC.

LOL,talk about perfect timing.

yeah man she plays hardball.... not wrong! she plays everything so cool.

She must be hot then. BUT....she's still female,which means she's emotional.


That's her weakness,like us being logical can be ours at times.

what suggestions do you have man? i'm guessing 5 days of no contact (ive read a lot of your other posts) which is almost equivalent to walk? im prepared to walk because there is nothing left to gain here by being her doormat when it suits her. and i cant get her high interest level back by hanging around.. thats AFC

Well,if you're SERIOUS about being ready to walk,if you really,really mean it,then before you ride off into the sunset,you may want to try a "HAIL MARY" pass.


I don't know when was the last time you contacted her,but let a day or two pass. I assume that since she's been distant,she doesn't really call you that much unless you contact her first.



So let a day or two pass from THE LAST TIME you tried to contact her.



Then,after 2 days have passed,send her a sms and tell her something like this...


Hey (her name),

I had some time to think about what you said the other day,you know,about how busy you are with your exams,work,training,etc,and what you said makes sense. I understand what you were saying. I wasn't try to come off as pressuring you,I just hadn't seen you in a while,that's all.

With the end of the year exams here and the holidays rolling around,it's going to be kind of hectic for ALL OF US,but it won't be busy like this forever.

Go ahead and take some time to yourself. You got enough on your plate as it is,you don't need me breathing down your neck.

I'll talk to you later...


P.S. I didn't get a chance to tell you the other day,but I know what I want for Christmas--- Trash the mistletoe,I want to have you all alone to myself,and I WANT to see you in one of those black and white french maids' uniforms. I don't see any other gift I get topping that. "


Send her something like that.

There's too many componants build into it to pick each one out to explain them to you,but if you're about to just walk away from her anyway,one last attempt won't hurt.


Once you send this to her,then go no contact for like a week/week and a half. If you don't hear anything from her,then drop her and move on,but I think a message like this will stir up some type of emotion.




Now let's assume you do this,and she does contact you before a week is up.



you can go ahead and talk to her...BUT...



DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SEEING HER OR GOING OUT ON A DATE.


DON'T TRY TO SEE HER.



Just talk to her,see how she's doing,ask about the exams,then try to end the call as SOON as you can. If she ask you about the french maid comment,tell her you MEANT IT.




Now,if she calls you,you two talk for a little while,then she suggest you two meeting up,DON'T AGREE TO IT.



That wasn't a type-o. I said,"DON'T AGREE TO IT".




What you do is you say something like,"Uh...well...well I'm going to be doing (whatever at the time she suggest). Man,and I know you probably had to fight just to find that little bit of time away from school and work.

Oh well,maybe the next time you have a break in your schedule we can work something out".


Then try to get off the phone. If she suggest another time AFTER YOU DECLINED HER FIRST OFFER,then you can except.



You think you're up for this? You said you can do anything,but this isn't easy to do.


Like i said,it's just a last ditch effort to see if the relationship can be salvaged. If it doesn't work,it'll only be a few days you invested into it,no biggie.


But good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[seano99]

Wow,my reputation proceeds me,lol.

Cool.


Another lie from her.

She said the "space" she needed was because of her exams.

I understand needing some time to yourself to when you have an important project or some deadline that you have to meet. That's legit,but tell me this...


Are you the only one she needs distance from? Is she taking time out from her family and friends because of these exams as well,or does she still continue as normal with everyone else except for you?



I'd find it weird if she still hung out with her friends from time to time while having these exams,but shut you out supposedly because of them.


Well,at least your man enough to admit your mistakes.


Well this explains it then. It was your AFCness that caused her to grow distant. Her exams were just a convient excuse that happened to be nearby while you were being AFC.

LOL,talk about perfect timing.



She must be hot then. BUT....she's still female,which means she's emotional.


That's her weakness,like us being logical can be ours at times.



Well,if you're SERIOUS about being ready to walk,if you really,really mean it,then before you ride off into the sunset,you may want to try a "HAIL MARY" pass.


I don't know when was the last time you contacted her,but let a day or two pass. I assume that since she's been distant,she doesn't really call you that much unless you contact her first.



So let a day or two pass from THE LAST TIME you tried to contact her.



Then,after 2 days have passed,send her a sms and tell her something like this...


Hey (her name),

I had some time to think about what you said the other day,you know,about how busy you are with your exams,work,training,etc,and what you said makes sense. I understand what you were saying. I wasn't try to come off as pressuring you,I just hadn't seen you in a while,that's all.

With the end of the year exams here and the holidays rolling around,it's going to be kind of hectic for ALL OF US,but it won't be busy like this forever.

Go ahead and take some time to yourself. You got enough on your plate as it is,you don't need me breathing down your neck.

I'll talk to you later...


P.S. I didn't get a chance to tell you the other day,but I know what I want for Christmas--- Trash the mistletoe,I want to have you all alone to myself,and I WANT to see you in one of those black and white french maids' uniforms. I don't see any other gift I get topping that. "


Send her something like that.

There's too many componants build into it to pick each one out to explain them to you,but if you're about to just walk away from her anyway,one last attempt won't hurt.


Once you send this to her,then go no contact for like a week/week and a half. If you don't hear anything from her,then drop her and move on,but I think a message like this will stir up some type of emotion.




Now let's assume you do this,and she does contact you before a week is up.



you can go ahead and talk to her...BUT...



DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SEEING HER OR GOING OUT ON A DATE.


DON'T TRY TO SEE HER.



Just talk to her,see how she's doing,ask about the exams,then try to end the call as SOON as you can. If she ask you about the french maid comment,tell her you MEANT IT.




Now,if she calls you,you two talk for a little while,then she suggest you two meeting up,DON'T AGREE TO IT.



That wasn't a type-o. I said,"DON'T AGREE TO IT".




What you do is you say something like,"Uh...well...well I'm going to be doing (whatever at the time she suggest). Man,and I know you probably had to fight just to find that little bit of time away from school and work.

Oh well,maybe the next time you have a break in your schedule we can work something out".


Then try to get off the phone. If she suggest another time AFTER YOU DECLINED HER FIRST OFFER,then you can except.



You think you're up for this? You said you can do anything,but this isn't easy to do.


Like i said,it's just a last ditch effort to see if the relationship can be salvaged. If it doesn't work,it'll only be a few days you invested into it,no biggie.


But good luck with whatever you decide.

hey man, thanks for the long post.

firstly yes she is very hot. and fit.

can i ask, is your advice just to try to get me laid again with this chick? or can it (along with my actions going forward) potentially salvage the "relationship"?

now just being practical here, that message is great, but too long to text on the mobile phone (cell for USA?). so i could write the suggested letter on paper, envelope it, and leave in her letterbox (she lives 15 mins from me), but is that still ok? or just stalkerish/weird? ive stayed at her house heaps of times tho.

the only downfall i see in your plan is that we dont talk on the phone (maybe only called each other once), we only send sms to arrange a catch up. so she'll probably send me an sms about my letter (if that's the path we take)? however that's the catch, SHE HATES MESSAGING. she told me that from day 1, so how to deal with that, reply on sms or call her briefly?

she will 100% contact me if she got a letter, i know that. she will definitely ask about the maid's uniform, she's curious like that.

and provided we move forward 1-2 weeks we catch up, how not to slip back into AFC around her? is that where i need to plate theory? and tell her we're not exclusive anymore?

i got all that about not trying to see her, no worries man.

i guess the thing is dude, to only see her 3 times in a month is pointless, so need to get her back arranging dates every 2nd day like she was at the start before we became exclusive. otherwise i hardly see the point in investing (sorry to say it on this forum) emotions in her. it could take quite a lot of self control because she's demanding quite a lot of space right now. is plate theory the only answer to this?

and my final question, devil's advocate if you will, why shouldnt i hold my ground regarding what i told her in sms? that im losing interest and ready to walk. the letter is almost like admitting i am wrong? is that really the best course of action?

now im going to look up that thread PHAT rabbit mentioned....

appreciate your time again Igetit!, sorry for all the questions, just trying to get this sorted in my head.

thank you

 

[seano99]

squirrels has a post called the one shlt test everyone fails. I don't have time to track it down but you may want to read it in order to avoid repeating this mistake.

thank you for this. that post is AMAZING. it's exactly this scenario.

the only deviance, is that whist i sent the 2x AFC type whining, complaining sms that caused "her TRUST in who i am to be compromised"...

...ive been my natural self all along navigating her tests, and sending that sms was my natural self because i felt i had been taken for granted... and i mean that was likely a test to see how'd i'd respond to being cancelled on... DEFINITELY even.

maybe that part of me needs to be subdued to get HB9's?

i only felt like that because of the uncertainty she'd created for me in the past 3 weeks... i now see (and always knew) anxiety = leads to turning me into an AFC.

if she would communicate her care for me like she used to, i wouldnt have sent that sms, or even cared. or is that ACTUALLY the point of her game? to try to break me..

i was pissed because she didnt suggest an alternate time, and because she lied about forgetting training. she's building up reasons to next me here, and they've compounded from 1 error 3 weeks back, to now a 2nd slip up. maybe not? terminal, but not cool.

 

[tafakna]

seano99,

I think you're missing some very important points.

Life just doesn't work like: "we agreed no games at the start"... What people call 'Games' are actually very embedded psychological forces that no one can avoid.

They are not good, they are not bad. They can be used for your advantage or for your disadvantage, just take your pick.

We grow up exposed to very dangerous ideas. It should be hard for you to understand some countless mistakes:

1) By openly stating you're giving her a 2 week break, you forfeited all the benefits in going NC. Not contacting has the purpose of shaking the girl's confidence, to make her afraid of losing you. You transformed that into 'he's a nice guy and he's giving me some time to do whatever I want'.

2) You should've never stated if you wanted your out or not... You should have never fallen for the 'Are you going to get tired in 2 weeks?'... She was fishing for feedback, to know how deeply involved you were... Girls do that naturally (and it's also not games, we do the same but we just less subtle). If that ever happens again to you, laugh say 'I probably will (get tired)' and keep seeing her...

I'm going out with a girl right now, and we joke everytime that it will be our last time... It started by she constantly making this type of tricky questions, and I'm not falling for any... You need to be aware and call on this type of bluffs...

3) Same thing from now on. There's no "5 day NC rule" for you to get another chance. If you walk you walk. Without keeping your expectations high.

I know those are some painful times... so take care...

 

[seano99]

hey Igetit!

im going to bed now. but first i wrote your letter out and looked at it, it was 1x A4 page. i feel it contradicts heavily my sms... i strongly felt what i wrote in the sms, and i know it didn't get a good outcome, but i do stand by it.

if i send your letter, and we rekindle, im likely in for more of her distance and more sh1t tests.. because as we know, once you fail one, then two, they keep coming faster. i dont think the letter can diffuse many new tests from coming.

im thinking this one is ripe for the too hard basket? her saving grace is that most girls in this city are either feral, party girls, taken, or just stupid.. that is the reason im 28 and still single.

i'm thinking sending that sms i stayed true to myself (not AFC, but expecting respect from a female, knowing i deserve to be treated well, i am the prize, etc etc).

is there a flaw in my logic to stand by my true self here? even tho it likely wont win her back.. i just not sure i can be fscked with her games you know.

night all

 

[giorgio]

Lets ask a real simple question.
Heres a scenario:
Girl youve been talkin to doesn return your call and says she was busy and didnt see that you called but still doesnt call you back, as she sent this response in form of a text. So you reluctantly respond to the text, you go back and forth for a bit and then no responses. Done.
How do you guys handle women like this? This doesnt pertain to me as Im NOT a texter but Ive seen this in the forums before

 

[seano99]

hey all - update...

i didn't reply and she sms me today about 10am saying:

"hey im at work but did u get my message last night? what were ur thoughts?"

i replied "hey im helping my sister and her bf move house today but will talk later ok"

pretty happy that was a good reply.

now wondering what move to make now?

thanks veryyy much for input in advance! (reached my 10 post limit per 1440 minutes last night haha)

 

[seano99]

i SENT!

"<her name> i had a REALLY bad day yesterday. i've had some time to think about my message and it was completely unreasonable (partly <my friend> wound me up about u cancelling which im embarrassed to admit). what u said makes sense. i understand and LIKE that we are both independent people. i never want to suffocate you, just we had only seen each other once in three weeks, that's all. go ahead and take some time to yourself. you've got enough on your plate as it is, you dont need me breathing down your neck i'll talk to you later... <my name>"

will keep the board updated...

 

[Proselytiser]

You really should have run that through the board before sending it. It just sounds like "I really wanna please you. I am sorry for displeasing you before. Please let me please you. Can I please you? Pleeeeeassseee???"

That is very different from the message igetit suggested.