How To Create A Social Circle In 2025!

[zekko]

I totally understand as you get older you value peace and solitude more, I prefer to be focused in winter time but come spring and summer I love being out and about preferably with some friends it doesn't have to be every weekend, but spring and summer go by very fast where I live(May-Sepetmber)

I think this is why I enjoy winter so much. It gives me an excuse to hunker down and get absorbed into my interests. When the warm weather comes, I start feeling guilty about staying in.

 

[Travel memoir21]

Don’t forget to read this book.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Great thread OP. Some good advice all around.

My "problem" is I like solitude and I don't make friends easily. I'm sociable but I like keeping things superficial with most people I meet. When people start asking me to hang out I usually find an excuse not to, unless they are already close friends.

Other thing is I want to network more professionally than socially. I guess industry events are my key then. I know this sounds backwards but I want to find more work and make more money this year, rather than make more friends. But that's just me!

 

[jhonny9546]

In addition to the aspect of a simple social circle, there is also the matter of pairing similar individuals.

For example, if I want to be with intelligent, healthy, compassionate people who focus on their personal growth, authentic and courageous, I must first develop and demonstrate those qualities myself.

Similar attracts, and this is also what leads to deeper relationships.

It’s somewhat similar to what happens in couples: if she is insecure, she seeks a confident man, but after a while, this balance breaks down. This is when opposite attracts.
But, It would be better if she had been confident from the beginning and he had been confident too; then their relationship would have been much stronger.

So we must know who we are, cultivate what we want from others, in ourself first

 

[Solomon]

Great thread OP. Some good advice all around.

My "problem" is I like solitude and I don't make friends easily. I'm sociable but I like keeping things superficial with most people I meet. When people start asking me to hang out I usually find an excuse not to, unless they are already close friends.

Other thing is I want to network more professionally than socially. I guess industry events are my key then. I know this sounds backwards but I want to find more work and make more money this year, rather than make more friends. But that's just me!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, networking and social circle have similarities you still have to meet people (Cold approach) and make contacts, If you want to keep professional it's even easier go to events that focus on your career. There are lot of conventions for all types of jobs/careers/industries.

Personally I think once you hit 30plus and you're not where you wanna be financially this should be your main priority instead of partying and chasing women

In addition to the aspect of a simple social circle, there is also the matter of pairing similar individuals.

For example, if I want to be with intelligent, healthy, compassionate people who focus on their personal growth, authentic and courageous, I must first develop and demonstrate those qualities myself.

Similar attracts, and this is also what leads to deeper relationships.

It’s somewhat similar to what happens in couples: if she is insecure, she seeks a confident man, but after a while, this balance breaks down. This is when opposite attracts.
But, It would be better if she had been confident from the beginning and he had been confident too; then their relationship would have been much stronger.

So we must know who we are, cultivate what we want from others, in ourself first

Totally agree this is why in part2 I'm talking about the lifestyle aspect if you want to be around honorable people, ambitious, people who are positive, motivated and driven to be their best version. You most likely won't meet them at the bar not saying those people don't go there but ambitious people tend to focus more on their endeavors that can help their goals etc.

 

[Gamisch]

This is a common issue. I moved to my current city in my late 20s. I made friends but I never had a social circle capable of providing me introductions.

The primary net benefits that I've gotten out of my friends is my current city are companionship, conversation, and activity partners for some of my hobbies. These things have value and might have helped my overall social skills. They provided little to me in terms of actually getting laid.

When a man finds himself in his late 20s and beyond with needing to improve his social circle, it's going to be difficult. Most men can't get into social circles at that point that would be capable of providing him introductions, even if he can get some male friends/acquaintances/hobby activity partners.

This is why men end up resorting to app swiping (most cases now) and approaching strangers in larger numbers in real life.

In that case you should drastically stir your life up a bit. To be clear: I moved from a big city to a small town so I know this struggle.

If there's one thing we can learn from women it's how to socialize in order to benefit from this as an individual. Women don't need much to "be" BFF with each other. You can see two women at a party or even at vacation and they actually barely know each other ( that's why they can easily go from liking to hating one another). But they will kinda respect and understand the necessity to " go" .

Men are more reserved and will say a REAL friend is rare yadiya. The endgoal is to have a broadened circle AND to find like minded men to hang with. So :

Instead of talking about gym classes for women ( like you often do) take a step back. Go to gym classes to meet like minded men! It just takes one like minded dude to say " yo it's Friday why dint go grab a drink in town" . Much easier, and it takes you out of your isolated situation.

Another thing we can learn from women is their agenda is always full. If a women doesn't get wined and dined she will do it herself.same goes for those fashion events. Men don't go there because...we are not as much into fashion ofcourse but also because we want a immediate ROI. A bar/ club seemingly has a better ROI, but the question is whether that is true..so, keep your agenda full. Be creative. Find events in town for the weekends that you wouldn't do anything. Visit a museum, go watch a jazz band. Think out of the box!

 

[LightIsTaken]

I recently finished reading Rollo's 5th book The Rational Male: Player's Handbook, and this thread nicely dovetails in the concepts that Rollo talked about in this book. The emphasis is on "getting out there and socializing". And I agree with everything that @Solomon has mentioned, but my concern is with this dilemma:

A virgin guy who sits in his room and plays games to spend time, has no hobbies, does a remote job on his laptop, and is "genuinely content" with his situation.
And a guy who goes out to socialize with people, is learning new skills, hitting the gym, traveling etc. But has to force himself in doing all of these things, because he doesn't enjoy or feel "genuinely interested or content" in doing any of them. I know guys who have an "aura" around them, a vibe of "genuine content" in whatever they do. Be it wasting time, or doing something productive. And I find it very difficult to grasp the idea of "contentment" itself. Does it relate with comfort? Such that the more comfortable you are with something, the more content you feel about it?

I represent a lot of 26 years old male virgins when I say this: I lack purpose. I lack passion. I lack hobbies. The thought of going out seems uninteresting, and I hate the fact that I can't bring myself to feel interested in going out, let alone socializing. I delude myself when I think "I have poor financial conditions, I have to take care of my parents, I don't have time to chase women or go out to socialize or try out new things", when I see people who have far more responsibilities, and yet they find the time to go out and experience life.

Here's a very insightful response that I got from Rollo when I asked him about 'finding passion'.

Do a lot of things, always default to action, say yes to every opportunity even if you suck at whatever it is later, be a jack of all trades, a master of some. You have to get past a certain point before some of these experiences start becoming fun.


The problem I'm facing is I can only muster up the strength to go out on my own once or twice. Especially when I don't even know what I'll do after setting a foot outside my apartment. Even if I have a restaurant that I want to go and visit, my mind still keeps wondering "what's the point of going to that restaurant when you can just get the food at home?". Its that "genuine interest", the genuine feeling of comfort that's missing, and unless or until I could bring myself to feel content with going out, I fear I might keep feeling this way even if I go out a thousand times. Especially if I'm going out by myself.

Just the thought of going out itself is uncomfortable, let alone trying new things, socializing or approaching girls.

 

[jhonny9546]

You most likely won't meet them at the bar not saying those people don't go there but ambitious people tend to focus more on their endeavors that can help their goals etc.

This is why so hard and exclusive to meet them, and you'll meet them only in the "lifestyle" places you mentioned.

so, keep your agenda full. Be creative. Find events in town for the weekends that you wouldn't do anything. Visit a museum, go watch a jazz band. Think out of the box!

This should be something to make a single post about it.
It's not easy and We can undestand that people come here to listen this, and have/find tools in their life that could help them make this. (Like having apps that works to help you on this).
It would be awesome to hear what you use as "tools" to help you keep your agenda full.

 

[Solomon]

I recently finished reading Rollo's 5th book The Rational Male: Player's Handbook, and this thread nicely dovetails in the concepts that Rollo talked about in this book. The emphasis is on "getting out there and socializing". And I agree with everything that @Solomon has mentioned, but my concern is with this dilemma:

A virgin guy who sits in his room and plays games to spend time, has no hobbies, does a remote job on his laptop, and is "genuinely content" with his situation.
And a guy who goes out to socialize with people, is learning new skills, hitting the gym, traveling etc. But has to force himself in doing all of these things, because he doesn't enjoy or feel "genuinely interested or content" in doing any of them. I know guys who have an "aura" around them, a vibe of "genuine content" in whatever they do. Be it wasting time, or doing something productive. And I find it very difficult to grasp the idea of "contentment" itself. Does it relate with comfort? Such that the more comfortable you are with something, the more content you feel about it?

I represent a lot of 26 years old male virgins when I say this: I lack purpose. I lack passion. I lack hobbies. The thought of going out seems uninteresting, and I hate the fact that I can't bring myself to feel interested in going out, let alone socializing. I delude myself when I think "I have poor financial conditions, I have to take care of my parents, I don't have time to chase women or go out to socialize or try out new things", when I see people who have far more responsibilities, and yet they find the time to go out and experience life.

Here's a very insightful response that I got from Rollo when I asked him about 'finding passion'.

Do a lot of things, always default to action, say yes to every opportunity even if you suck at whatever it is later, be a jack of all trades, a master of some. You have to get past a certain point before some of these experiences start becoming fun.


The problem I'm facing is I can only muster up the strength to go out on my own once or twice. Especially when I don't even know what I'll do after setting a foot outside my apartment. Even if I have a restaurant that I want to go and visit, my mind still keeps wondering "what's the point of going to that restaurant when you can just get the food at home?". Its that "genuine interest", the genuine feeling of comfort that's missing, and unless or until I could bring myself to feel content with going out, I fear I might keep feeling this way even if I go out a thousand times. Especially if I'm going out by myself.

Just the thought of going out itself is uncomfortable, let alone trying new things, socializing or approaching girls.

It sounds to me you're dealing with other things, that are sapping your energy which in turn are affecting your mindset. I totally understand taking care of elderly or sick parents. No one wants to go out when you're dealing with that stress I totally get it and it makes sense to me why you feel the way you feel/
Are you happy with your social life?
You're 26 years old, which means in terms of social life you're still in your prime. It sounds to me like you're dealing with some depression, do you work out? I highly recommend that you do. If you don't feel like going out there is a deeper issue. That I'm not qualified to help with (and neither is Rollo)

 

[LightIsTaken]

Are you happy with your social life?

I don't feel happy with it. I don't even have a social life. I do have some acquaintances, and since I come from a Muslim country, most of them are already married at 25. They don't share the same mindset as I do, when it comes to approaching women, they're content with their blue pill choices, and I don't blame them. I rarely hang out with them, because I don't even know what to do, or what to talk about.

do you work out?

I'm on and off in workout. I started hitting the gym in 2023 and kept doing it for 3-4 months, but it didn't really bring any happiness or contentment, or improvement in my social skills, and then I had to move to a different country for MBA, and the thought of joining a gym in a foreign country, seemed very discomforting. But I do plan to join a gym once I'm back in my country in a few weeks.

I can try to dig deeper in myself, but I can't really explain how to pinpoint the internal issues that I have. It seems like there's a war going on inside of me, where one part of me clings to the Islamic religious beliefs that I grew up with, and another part of me that became red-pilled, is unsure if any religion is correct or true, considering what I've learned about intergender dynamics. I know about Dalrock's take on red-pill and religion, but I'm a Muslim, from a third world country, so his views are a bit difficult to put into perspective of my unique situation.

I'm pretty certain that only I can find the solution to my mental barriers, but I'm looking for a clue as to how can I even sift through my own mind to see a clearer picture of what's the exact underlying root cause of my depression.

 

[Solomon]

I don't feel happy with it. I don't even have a social life. I do have some acquaintances, and since I come from a Muslim country, most of them are already married at 25. They don't share the same mindset as I do, when it comes to approaching women, they're content with their blue pill choices, and I don't blame them. I rarely hang out with them, because I don't even know what to do, or what to talk about.


I'm on and off in workout. I started hitting the gym in 2023 and kept doing it for 3-4 months, but it didn't really bring any happiness or contentment, or improvement in my social skills, and then I had to move to a different country for MBA, and the thought of joining a gym in a foreign country, seemed very discomforting. But I do plan to join a gym once I'm back in my country in a few weeks.

I can try to dig deeper in myself, but I can't really explain how to pinpoint the internal issues that I have. It seems like there's a war going on inside of me, where one part of me clings to the Islamic religious beliefs that I grew up with, and another part of me that became red-pilled, is unsure if any religion is correct or true, considering what I've learned about intergender dynamics. I know about Dalrock's take on red-pill and religion, but I'm a Muslim, from a third world country, so his views are a bit difficult to put into perspective of my unique situation.

I'm pretty certain that only I can find the solution to my mental barriers, but I'm looking for a clue as to how can I even sift through my own mind to see a clearer picture of what's the exact underlying root cause of my depression.

I'm a Christian and long story short while there is some overlap with RP and Christianity they are not the same, I know people will say RP is just truth blah blah. But I would say the bible is more Red Pill (truth) than Red pill itself as it's written by the creator and straight from the source. This is why I have changed my views on marriage and try to abstain from fornication (easier said than done)

I'm not familiar with the Muslim religion as I have never studied it, but what I would suggest is really look at your beliefs and if they coincide with your views you have to do some soul searching. While I don't consider myself Redpill, never have I understand why it's become popular and why young men gravitate to it. The main you thing you have to ask yourself is

WHy am I not happy?
What can I change and control (don't focus on the things you can't change and control)
what actions can take to be better today or better my situation today then yesterday?

 

[LightIsTaken]

I'm a Christian and long story short while there is some overlap with RP and Christianity they are not the same, I know people will say RP is just truth blah blah. But I would say the bible is more Red Pill (truth) than Red pill itself as it's written by the creator and straight from the source. This is why I have changed my views on marriage and try to abstain from fornication (easier said than done)

I'm not familiar with the Muslim religion as I have never studied it, but what I would suggest is really look at your beliefs and if they coincide with your views you have to do some soul searching. While I don't consider myself Redpill, never have I understand why it's become popular and why young men gravitate to it. The main you thing you have to ask yourself is

WHy am I not happy?
What can I change and control (don't focus on the things you can't change and control)
what actions can take to be better today or better my situation today then yesterday?

Thanks for the insightful response.
In some points Islam and Christianity are same, in a few aspects there's a few differences. Consider watching the movie The Message, it's very informative and insightful. You might like it. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074896/

But like you said, I'll have to do some introspection to find answers to the 3 questions that you've mentioned above. To be honest, I'd rather go to the gym, then sit and try to sort out my thoughts, its hard work to say the least.

As for coming to the redpill, I'm not really sure what to believe or what not to believe anymore. Its simply that the concepts explained by Rollo, Pook and many others, coincide well with what I've experienced and observed in my own life. Doesn't mean any of them are correct or incorrect, it just means that I can relate to them better. And I'm always open to find better explanations, as they come along.

 

[jhonny9546]

The value of a person changes depending on the place with which he relates.

Put a chubby, short, bald guy with a lot of money in the gym and he will receive 0 attention, but put him in his place, that is, a work environment, providing as a provider and starting a family and he will receive the right attention and will be desired (we know that women love conditionally).

Now, take an average guy like you, who does not have a lot of money, but who is above average in terms of attractiveness.
You have to find your places. If you go to places and see that it doesn't work, change.

What are the places that have worked for me?
The gym, work, church, driving lessons, going out with a few friends, groups of a few friends.
In short, do you see a recurring pattern?
So for me, discos, concerts, big events don't work.
Rather, places with few people where I can make real connections.
I have some elements that I need to know that increase my value in these places. I still have to figure it out.
But women are really into me when know me the first, second and third time, rather than getting them to look at me at the disco.
I've also noticed that with men it's different: they like or dislike me at first glance.

Now, who among you has experienced something like this?