How to break up with your girlfriend of 2 years.

[Solarium]

I've been dating this girl since october 2005, and she's very much in love with me (attraction). We have broken up once (by me) last august because I knew I had to move away, but we got back and since been having an awkward friends-with-benefits relationship. However, while I have almost no emotional attachment to this girl, this girl is definately trying her hardest to get me back. I decided that I should be a man and let her go, without giving me any more guilt trips about fooling with other girls, or hurting her feelings more and dragging this longer.

She has a very, very good personality, definately wife material if I were to get married. However, I don't plan to get married any time soon, and would like to life a single life at least for another 5 years. We are now having this long distance relationship that started January when I moved away somewhere very far. I've been trying to give her signals, and appear less interested when we talk on the phone, trying to break it off completely within a month or so (1st time I broke up with her was too blunt, and I regret what I've done).

What is the best to do this? I know both of us will be hurt, but also know that it would be better for us in the long run.

 

[hoOk]

bro, from the heart... dont be selfish and do something you regret. It's TOUGH, but u ultimately do what u have to do. Is there anything you can do to make the relationship stronger? or something you can do to find new love with her? Or is she truly just not the one.... and MAKE SURE BY ALL MEANS she ISNT.

It looks like your going to have to let her go really softly if u do man. your going to have to tell her you love her, and you want the best for her, but you aren't ready yet, and you want to live life more. Convince her you weren't meant to be together like this, tell her in the future if things change we'll always have each other to talk to and stuff like that, and you will always be there for her... Im not good at break-ups but thats the advice i can give bro


sorry to hear

 

[Obsidian]

bah, no one believes in marriage anymore these days...

 

[Randallpink83]

steve martin is the man at breaking up

"I break with the! I break with the! and now I throw dog pooh pooh on your shoe!"

 

[Scorched]

You moved... k... so...
Just tell her you met another girl...

 

[Solarium]

bro, from the heart... dont be selfish and do something you regret. It's TOUGH, but u ultimately do what u have to do. Is there anything you can do to make the relationship stronger? or something you can do to find new love with her? Or is she truly just not the one.... and MAKE SURE BY ALL MEANS she ISNT.

It looks like your going to have to let her go really softly if u do man. your going to have to tell her you love her, and you want the best for her, but you aren't ready yet, and you want to live life more. Convince her you weren't meant to be together like this, tell her in the future if things change we'll always have each other to talk to and stuff like that, and you will always be there for her... Im not good at break-ups but thats the advice i can give bro


sorry to hear

It's impossible to know if she's the one unless I date other people. It's probably best for me to just tell her that we should take a break until I finish school.

It's not selfish of me to break up with her, after all if I don't tell her anything I can still use her for emotional support and sex. But I realize it's not a man's way of doing these things, and I would be a better player and feel less guilty if I were truly single.

Before I moved here, she told me that if I fool around with other girls, she will still love me if I come back to her at the end. She keeps sacrificing herself for me, up to the point it may be too much, but maybe that's why I stayed with her for so long. Come to think of it, my relationship really reminds me of that song "Cupid's Chokehold" by gymclass heroes.

It's difficult to do a soft breakup since that's what we did last time, and we end up being back with each other. Having a hard breakup might be the only way to go, but it's not something she deserves.

You moved... k... so...
Just tell her you met another girl...

Not exactly moved, since I'm somewhere far for very 4 months, only to come back for 2 weeks. I talked to her last night, and she's expecting an answer tonight. It's going to be a tough decision...

 

[CORVETTE06]

DO NOT SAY U MET ANOTHER GIRL, SHE WILL GO CRAZY AND TRY N FIND OUT WHO IT IS.

this happened to me exactly 1 year ago when i broke up wit my gf of 2 years.

tell her the truth, and make sure u let her know theres NO CHANCE of getting back with u. then break away from her.

its gonna hurt u for a while, and ur gonna think u made a mistake, but trust me, it will get ALOTTTT better after 3 or 4 months. i dont regret it AT ALL.

i just found a girl who is everything i want, i thought she didnt exist but i found her (but i think its over cuz she thought a red mark on my neck was a hickey, when it really wasnt - i have a post about it)

 

[Solarium]

3-4 months sound like a long time, hopefully it won't have much impact on my school performance. Did you have trouble concentrating much after the break up? The timing has to be important too, though you can't really push the inevitable.

 

[Solarium]

Just an update.

Talked to her 3 hours on the phone yesterday, and broke it off cleanly. She cried and cried but what can I do. The 2nd breakup seemed less heartbreaking, as she was expecting it. We end up joking around in our past at the end.

She begged for me to be her friend though... and I have no idea what's best for me to do. I told her that we shouldn't contact each other for at least 1 year, but it sounded that she really just want to be a friend to the family (she knows my parents really well). Should I call her within a week to find out how she's doing, then perhaps once every month, or should I not bother with this at all?

Only thing is that if we were to be friends again and see each other, we would be leaving us hope for a new start, since that's how we got back together after the 1st breakup. I want a clean breakup without hurting her too much, and let her go softly instead of cutting all contact immediately.

 

[blueguy]

She begged for me to be her friend though... and I have no idea what's best for me to do. I told her that we shouldn't contact each other for at least 1 year, but it sounded that she really just want to be a friend to the family (she knows my parents really well). Should I call her within a week to find out how she's doing, then perhaps once every month, or should I not bother with this at all?

Only thing is that if we were to be friends again and see each other, we would be leaving us hope for a new start, since that's how we got back together after the 1st breakup. I want a clean breakup without hurting her too much, and let her go softly instead of cutting all contact immediately.

Yeah, but what about when she gets a boyfriend after awhile of you two being friends? Then all she'll talk about is this/that about him. That would suck. It's going to happen eventually, might as well break it off before it does.

 

[Solarium]

Yeah, but what about when she gets a boyfriend after awhile of you two being friends? Then all she'll talk about is this/that about him. That would suck. It's going to happen eventually, might as well break it off before it does.

It's not the problem of her finding a boyfriend that would annoy me, but the fact that I'm giving me an easy way out in case I don't find pu$$y after her. The whole point of me breaking with her was to experiment more girls, and I don't want to look back at the decision I made and start to regret it or even get back with my ex again.

On the other hand, I'm not sure if I should keep in touch with her (only I do the calling, not her). Would it just end up hurting more for both of us, or would it dull the post-breakup pain.

 

[bigjohnson]

Why are you breaking up? I don't see a single good reason to ditch her at all unless you made her promises you don't intend to keep. If not then continue to be honest with her and take whatever she's giving. Jeez.

 

[Solarium]

Why are you breaking up? I don't see a single good reason to ditch her at all unless you made her promises you don't intend to keep. If not then continue to be honest with her and take whatever she's giving. Jeez.

She talks of marriage all the time, and already has plans for us in the future, but I don't plan on marrying her. Part of me broke up with her to strengthen myself, another part broke up with her to stop hurting her because deep down inside we both know that I don't love her anymore. Come to think of it... I've only said "I love you" 3 times in the 2 years of relationship.

I could have kept using her for emotional support and sex, like I did when I 1st started school back in January, but I know that man is better than that. Along the years she became this pillar to hold and support me, and now I need to strenghthen myself so I don't need any pillars in order to be happy.

It could be a wrong decision, but I stand at what I have to do and have no regrets, as it is all a learning experience.

 

[bigjohnson]

Sounds like the relationship was built on a bad foundation to me. If she's talking marriage and plans and you never encouraged or discussed it then she's a psycho. Let me guess - once when she had ahold of your weiner and started talking you nodded your head or something?

Marriage is for raising kids. It's no good for anything else.

 

[muscleman]

Sol, I know what you mean. I've had a few clean breaks in the past and a lot more messy ones. In my experience the clean one is the best. It's hard and I know it sometimes sounds heartless, but believe me it's MUCH better for both people than dragging it out. You'll still end up apart, but would you rather do it now and be done with it or spend the next few months in misery because you don't have the balls to just tell her you two shouldn't talk to each other for a while and that's that.

 

[Solarium]

Sounds like the relationship was built on a bad foundation to me. If she's talking marriage and plans and you never encouraged or discussed it then she's a psycho. Let me guess - once when she had ahold of your weiner and started talking you nodded your head or something?

Marriage is for raising kids. It's no good for anything else.

One of the reasons why I got into this relationship was to gain experience. I got her at the top of my game (back when I first started), and I end up stopping my game because of her. I didn't really care what she had in mind as long as I would learn something from this relationship, so I pretty much gave her hope that we would someday be together and have kids together. It felt good during the relationship, but it didn't feel like I was getting stronger and instead I was beginning to soften up. It was comforting to know that something is always going to wait for you, and that you always have a backup, but it prevented me from trying my best to get what I really want.

She was by no means psycho, in fact she would be a perfect wife to have. But it's too early for me to settle down and there's too much to do out there.

Sol, I know what you mean. I've had a few clean breaks in the past and a lot more messy ones. In my experience the clean one is the best. It's hard and I know it sometimes sounds heartless, but believe me it's MUCH better for both people than dragging it out. You'll still end up apart, but would you rather do it now and be done with it or spend the next few months in misery because you don't have the balls to just tell her you two shouldn't talk to each other for a while and that's that.

Sometimes I scare myself how cruel and cold I sound. I didn't choke once when I calmly told her the situation and said I want a clean break. It's an awkward situation right now since she is living at my parent's house (for 2 more weeks until she moves in with her new roommates) and she's a good friend of my parents. I trust her enough though, to know that she wouldn't do anything funny while she's inside the house by herself.

 

[CORVETTE06]

No, It Did Not Effect My Performance In College. I Waited Till After Finals So I Had The Whole Summer To Get Over It. I Still Got My 3.8 Gpa

She Cried & Cried Too And Wanted To Be My Friend, But I Said No. She Kept Tryin To Hang Out Wit Me And Imed On Aim Non Stop, And Said She Misses My Mom. Dont Let Her Fool U. And No, Dont Call Her. End It. U Will Only Give Her False Hope.

And Yeah, It Will Hurt U For A While And U Will Think About It All Day. Just Stick To Waht U Did, And After A Week Or Two Go Out Wit Other Chicks Just For Fun. Dont Get Attached To Them, U Dont Want Some Quick Rebound Girl. Just Chill Wit Ur Friends, And Find Some Hobbies. After A Few Months Ull Feel Better Again And Find A Chick U Really Like.

P/m Me If U Want Any More Help Wit It Cuz I Been Thru It Exactly 11 Months Ago

 

[Solarium]

No, It Did Not Effect My Performance In College. I Waited Till After Finals So I Had The Whole Summer To Get Over It. I Still Got My 3.8 Gpa

She Cried & Cried Too And Wanted To Be My Friend, But I Said No. She Kept Tryin To Hang Out Wit Me And Imed On Aim Non Stop, And Said She Misses My Mom. Dont Let Her Fool U. And No, Dont Call Her. End It. U Will Only Give Her False Hope.

And Yeah, It Will Hurt U For A While And U Will Think About It All Day. Just Stick To Waht U Did, And After A Week Or Two Go Out Wit Other Chicks Just For Fun. Dont Get Attached To Them, U Dont Want Some Quick Rebound Girl. Just Chill Wit Ur Friends, And Find Some Hobbies. After A Few Months Ull Feel Better Again And Find A Chick U Really Like.

P/m Me If U Want Any More Help Wit It Cuz I Been Thru It Exactly 11 Months Ago

Thanks for the support bro. Believe me, I'll keep myself occupied these following 4 months since I'll be studying at least 8 hours every day in med school. It's funny how girls react the same way to get a hold of you huh. We are free birds after all.

 

[Master Bates]

No, It Did Not Effect My Performance In College. I Waited Till After Finals So I Had The Whole Summer To Get Over It. I Still Got My 3.8 Gpa

She Cried & Cried Too And Wanted To Be My Friend, But I Said No. She Kept Tryin To Hang Out Wit Me And Imed On Aim Non Stop, And Said She Misses My Mom. Dont Let Her Fool U. And No, Dont Call Her. End It. U Will Only Give Her False Hope.

And Yeah, It Will Hurt U For A While And U Will Think About It All Day. Just Stick To Waht U Did, And After A Week Or Two Go Out Wit Other Chicks Just For Fun. Dont Get Attached To Them, U Dont Want Some Quick Rebound Girl. Just Chill Wit Ur Friends, And Find Some Hobbies. After A Few Months Ull Feel Better Again And Find A Chick U Really Like.

P/m Me If U Want Any More Help Wit It Cuz I Been Thru It Exactly 11 Months Ago

Dude, what the hell? Can't you write like a normal person?

 

[Solarium]

He typed this on a cell phone