how should i have handled this better? facebook immediate date aruging at the start

pete101

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i messaged a hb off facebook today and found out she lives near me so suggested a quick meet for coffee tonight spontaneous thing, i did initially suggest a drink date as a figure of speech.

she kept asking me all these questions like how tall i am and i made a passing joke that when we're horizontal height doesnt matter anymore. she took exception to this and said that if any more jokes with a sexual reference and she might change her mind about meeting tonight, i counter aacted this by saying i couldnt make it at 7 as originally agreed to make her panic as she was tryna frame grab, i commented that she sounds bossy she said that she could be whatever she wanted to be.. i said bossy females arent attractive.

anyway we agreed to meet at 7, she texts me 45mins before hand that her battery is about to die so she might call me from a different number if necessary i said ok. originally i suggested to meet at 8pm she said that was too late (she must have had plans later) anyway 10 mins go by and i call her and it goes straight to voicemail, so im thinking great im getting stood up and i decide to leave in 10 mins.. at 7.14pm she texts me she'll be there in few mins. i felt this was a test ie her coming late to see if i'll still be around, i just said i got there 5 mins ago. anyway she comes in im upstairs and see her from above she calls me asking where i am i say im upstairs in the bathroom and i'll be down in a sec. i go down and she's not there so i call her an she tells me to come upstairs for a drink, i tell her to come downstairs for coffee (out of principle and cost - i thought she was tryna hustle me free drinks) she said she doesnt drink coffee at night and wants a drink, so ensued n argument her refusing to come back down and me refusing to go up the stairs.. i say to her on the phone while on escalator she's really bossy. when i greet her i said to her 'i can tell you're going to be a pain in the ass' she then defends herself about not being bossy and that it's the womans role to decide what to do and for the man to follow whatever she wants.. i said no it isn't it's the man's role to decide what to do and for you to agree/disgree or offer something else, she agreed coffee i said and is now changing the terms.. (going for a drink is better but i just didn't like how she did it bossing her way round dictacting what we do) this ensued for a few mins both of us refusing to back down i tell her that it's disrespectful changing the terms (although i forgot i did offer drinks in the beginning in my message on facebook) she said 'you said coffee so i thought you meant a drink' i said that's fine if we go for a drink it's how you gone about it changing the terms to get your way. i.e. wants to be in control.. i just felt at this point should i be bothering with her.. she was physically attracted to me i think but i just didn't appreciate being bossed about.. how should i have handled this better?

i felt i gave away too much power and even though i stuck up for myself it seemed futile as in it's just turning her off arguing over something petty but at same time if i dont stand up for myself i look a pushover.

what makes matters funny is that her best friend i was messaging on facebook also a month ago.. she's much hotter her best friend but she's complete attention wh0re. she's clearly ina relationship yet says she's not.. all her pics suggest it.. she says she's serious about coming on a date with me and she'll 'think' about it and let me know.. i told her she isn't serious as otherwsi she'd have left me her number and we'd gone out by now.. called her out being an attention seeker which she refutes.. is there literally no point dealing with a woman like this?

i'm bound to get caught they're best friends/close friends from same country lol i used same pick up line on both. wonder how long it'll take them to suss it out.
 

LuckyStrike88

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You boss, indeed you stood up for yourself. But i think it should come from a place of confidence with good emotions instead of preventing from being perceied as a pushover. They can pick out the difference pretty quickly
 

LuckyStrike88

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Tictac said:
Catastrophic over-gaming.

This ain't rocket science - they're just women.
"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Tictac again."

Cant even remember what i gave you the last reputation for i rarely do, boss. :up:
 

pete101

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Tictac said:
Catastrophic over-gaming.

This ain't rocket science - they're just women.
I wasn't really overgaming as much as I was p1ssed off that she was late and then was trying other controlling sh1t, it was more me just thinking f it I'm not letting her get away with this sh1t so kicked up a fuss too. All this game stuff was an afterthought, how SHOULD I have handled it is the question I'm wondering now?
 

The Duke

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You should have just went up and had a drink and stopped the power games right there.

However, a girl that is really into you won't be this difficult to get along with. she won't be a pain in the azz to meet up with either. She has low interest. I've had them do this same thing and in the end I got nothing but mad and wasted my time.

If you had 3 other girls on board, you wouldn't be wasting time with this one would you!?!?! ;-) none of us would. You wouldn't be here telling us about it either. lol,,,,,spin more plates! Thats why they say that.
 

Yewki

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This was hilarious to read. The excessive gaming and posturing had me cracking up. You're both in the same place but she's upstairs, you're downstairs, both arguing over who is going to go where... oh my god.

OP you did a good job by standing up to her, but I think you overdid it and chose too many battles to fight. You also should never stoop to the level of bickering (i.e. arguing about who is right/wrong). If you both disagree on something, and it's not a deal breaker, just mess with her or change the subject to try to keep it fun and light spirited instead of duking it out. For example when deciding whether to go up or down, you could have switched it up and said, "Tell you what, screw the drinks for now I want to see you face to face... meet you half way at the stairwell. Deal?" then after meeting pick any BS reason to go up or down. The "date" sounded more like a pissing contest than actual fun. Still, what you did was much better than letting her walk over you.
 

Trump

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pete101 said:
i messaged a hb off facebook today and found out she lives near me so suggested a quick meet for coffee tonight spontaneous thing, i did initially suggest a drink date as a figure of speech.

she kept asking me all these questions like how tall i am and i made a passing joke that when we're horizontal height doesnt matter anymore. she took exception to this and said that if any more jokes with a sexual reference and she might change her mind about meeting tonight, i counter aacted this by saying i couldnt make it at 7 as originally agreed to make her panic as she was tryna frame grab, i commented that she sounds bossy she said that she could be whatever she wanted to be.. i said bossy females arent attractive.

anyway we agreed to meet at 7, she texts me 45mins before hand that her battery is about to die so she might call me from a different number if necessary i said ok. originally i suggested to meet at 8pm she said that was too late (she must have had plans later) anyway 10 mins go by and i call her and it goes straight to voicemail, so im thinking great im getting stood up and i decide to leave in 10 mins.. at 7.14pm she texts me she'll be there in few mins. i felt this was a test ie her coming late to see if i'll still be around, i just said i got there 5 mins ago. anyway she comes in im upstairs and see her from above she calls me asking where i am i say im upstairs in the bathroom and i'll be down in a sec. i go down and she's not there so i call her an she tells me to come upstairs for a drink, i tell her to come downstairs for coffee (out of principle and cost - i thought she was tryna hustle me free drinks) she said she doesnt drink coffee at night and wants a drink, so ensued n argument her refusing to come back down and me refusing to go up the stairs.. i say to her on the phone while on escalator she's really bossy. when i greet her i said to her 'i can tell you're going to be a pain in the ass' she then defends herself about not being bossy and that it's the womans role to decide what to do and for the man to follow whatever she wants.. i said no it isn't it's the man's role to decide what to do and for you to agree/disgree or offer something else, she agreed coffee i said and is now changing the terms.. (going for a drink is better but i just didn't like how she did it bossing her way round dictacting what we do) this ensued for a few mins both of us refusing to back down i tell her that it's disrespectful changing the terms (although i forgot i did offer drinks in the beginning in my message on facebook) she said 'you said coffee so i thought you meant a drink' i said that's fine if we go for a drink it's how you gone about it changing the terms to get your way. i.e. wants to be in control.. i just felt at this point should i be bothering with her.. she was physically attracted to me i think but i just didn't appreciate being bossed about.. how should i have handled this better?

i felt i gave away too much power and even though i stuck up for myself it seemed futile as in it's just turning her off arguing over something petty but at same time if i dont stand up for myself i look a pushover.
Bro you can't say "drink date" and then say it was a figure of speech. If she said "I get one drink in me I will rip your clothes off and sex you right here." Then it wouldn't be a figure of speech, you would go for the drink date.

Next time, if you want coffee, say "Starbucks", you want alcohol to get her drunk, say "nightclub." Simple.
 

pete101

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Trump said:
Bro you can't say "drink date" and then say it was a figure of speech. If she said "I get one drink in me I will rip your clothes off and sex you right here." Then it wouldn't be a figure of speech, you would go for the drink date.

Next time, if you want coffee, say "Starbucks", you want alcohol to get her drunk, say "nightclub." Simple.
Yeah I should have just gone for the drink, I completely forgot I said drink date as I just cut paste the same messages to all the HBs even after they reply I just use the word prediction above my keyboard as I say the same thing every time I forget what I suggested but still it was the principle of her wanting her own way and me not wanting to give it to her without a fight, she was already late and not complying. It was disrespectful and I told her that, she prob thinks why is he fussing about going for a drink when he originally offered.

At that point I was thinking do I really want to go through with this and waste my money? I felt it was a waste of time after getting off to a bad start and I felt more annoyed if I wasted it which I've done, I think she's semi attracted but the bad start tells me it was a waste of cash, maybe I should have refused to gone upstairs and just left on principle. Stubborn but if we're bickering already before even meeting I'm prob not gona get anything from her.

She had the audacity to ask me for my network of contacts in business to 'help" her I was like I can't help you (which made me think is this why she met me) she was asking me all these questions on facebook and when I did the same thing on the date she said she felt like it was an interview question after question, I said well u did the exact same thing on facebook so how is this any different.

I don't sense any attraction given how she acted afterwards so maybe I should have just left or said 'you were late so you come downstairs' so bossy she wants her own way. And if she didn't I'd just leave.
 

Tictac

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pete101 said:
I wasn't really overgaming as much as I was p1ssed off that she was late and then was trying other controlling sh1t, it was more me just thinking f it I'm not letting her get away with this sh1t so kicked up a fuss too. All this game stuff was an afterthought, how SHOULD I have handled it is the question I'm wondering now?
__________

Yes, it was. "It was more me just thinking..."

You invited her for a drink. You should have met her for a drink and not acted like an ass.
 

You essentially upped your VALUE in her eyes by showing her that, if she wants you, she has to at times do things that you like to do. You are SOMETHING after all. You are NOT FREE. If she wants to hang with you, it's going to cost her something — time, effort, money.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

sph21

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I admire your audacity to admit that you want to be a better man by writing that post. It's a noble act.

Here are my thoughts about what had happened to you.

You should learn how to handle people better. You argued too much with her which translated as blaming her for the things that happened. No one likes to be blamed at something they do.

If you don't like something about her, you can just keep it to yourself and end it quickly or make a ****y & funny comment about it that will make her knows your intentions indirectly.

I suggest you to read Dale Carnegie's book "How to win friends and influence people". I learnt a lot from it about how to handle people and to become more likeable. I'm guessing that you don't want to be her friend but this book tells some fundamentals of building a good relationship.

You need to build trust when you're trying to connect to people (especially girls). By arguing, you ruined an opportunity to create a bond with her.

Dating is about having a fun time together. Before you do anything, start with a mind set of creating a fun experience with others. When you meet an unexpected things, you'll find a fun way to act towards it.
 

pete101

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Well unsurprisingly she isn't interested I knew I should have just refused to go upstairs and left and see how she reacted, I should have said 'you're late you come downstairs' if she refused hang up and then just leave. Let her hang about and wait.

I just felt after an initial argument it's better to just leave the damage is done and I've thrown money down the drain. That's what it feels like no matter how much it was.
 

LMFAO

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sph21 said:
I admire your audacity to admit that you want to be a better man by writing that post. It's a noble act.

Here are my thoughts about what had happened to you.

You should learn how to handle people better. You argued too much with her which translated as blaming her for the things that happened. No one likes to be blamed at something they do.

If you don't like something about her, you can just keep it to yourself and end it quickly or make a ****y & funny comment about it that will make her knows your intentions indirectly.

I suggest you to read Dale Carnegie's book "How to win friends and influence people". I learnt a lot from it about how to handle people and to become more likeable. I'm guessing that you don't want to be her friend but this book tells some fundamentals of building a good relationship.

You need to build trust when you're trying to connect to people (especially girls). By arguing, you ruined an opportunity to create a bond with her.

Dating is about having a fun time together. Before you do anything, start with a mind set of creating a fun experience with others. When you meet an unexpected things, you'll find a fun way to act towards it.
Agree. The audio book is available on Youtube. Can be well worth the 7 hours.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4R2p9WnzAo
 

pyros

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OP... you really need to format your 'dj knowledge' and start from scratch...

You have a mess of DJ information in your head...and this is why you act the way you act, and why you keep posting here without learning/implementing the correct knowledge.

Just for the record, if you meet X girl and you get that vibe this one gave you (not agreeing with you on petty stuff...) you call it a day, and forget about this crazy chick.

Besides, you should 'filter' (kind of) which type of woman they are before going on a date with them.

Anyway, the main problem is you. LOL.
This post was hilarious.
 

TarantulaHawk

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pete101 said:
i messaged a hb off facebook today and found out she lives near me so suggested a quick meet for coffee tonight spontaneous thing, i did initially suggest a drink date as a figure of speech..
Ok. Good.

pete101 said:
she kept asking me all these questions like how tall i am and i made a passing joke that when we're horizontal height doesnt matter anymore. she took exception to this and said that if any more jokes with a sexual reference and she might change her mind about meeting tonight,..
So you got upset over her asking height questions and decided to "flip it" on her by going sexual.

pete101 said:
i counter aacted this by saying i couldnt make it at 7 as originally agreed to make her panic as she was tryna frame grab, i commented that she sounds bossy she said that she could be whatever she wanted to be.. i said bossy females arent attractive.,
So now you got even more upset over a person you haven't even met yet and have your head so filled with "game" nonsense like a zombified cult member that you have to have the "epic" comeback to "keep the frame". LMAO.

pete101 said:
anyway we agreed to meet at 7, she texts me 45mins before hand that her battery is about to die so she might call me from a different number if necessary i said ok. originally i suggested to meet at 8pm she said that was too late (she must have had plans later) anyway 10 mins go by and i call her and it goes straight to voicemail, so im thinking great im getting stood up and i decide to leave in 10 mins.. at 7.14pm she texts me she'll be there in few mins. i felt this was a test ie her coming late to see if i'll still be around, i just said i got there 5 mins ago.
So now in typical "alpha frame game" mode you start getting even more upset worrying about "tests" from a person you still haven't even met yet...


pete101 said:
anyway she comes in im upstairs and see her from above she calls me asking where i am i say im upstairs in the bathroom and i'll be down in a sec. i go down and she's not there so i call her an she tells me to come upstairs for a drink, i tell her to come downstairs for coffee (out of principle and cost - i thought she was tryna hustle me free drinks) she said she doesnt drink coffee at night and wants a drink, so ensued n argument her refusing to come back down and me refusing to go up the stairs.. i say to her on the phone while on escalator she's really bossy. when i greet her i said to her 'i can tell you're going to be a pain in the ass' she then defends herself about not being bossy and that it's the womans role to decide what to do and for the man to follow whatever she wants.. i said no it isn't it's the man's role to decide what to do and for you to agree/disgree or offer something else, she agreed coffee i said and is now changing the terms.. (going for a drink is better but i just didn't like how she did it bossing her way round dictacting what we do) this ensued for a few mins both of us refusing to back down i tell her that it's disrespectful changing the terms (although i forgot i did offer drinks in the beginning in my message on facebook) she said 'you said coffee so i thought you meant a drink' i said that's fine if we go for a drink it's how you gone about it changing the terms to get your way. i.e. wants to be in control.. i just felt at this point should i be bothering with her.. she was physically attracted to me i think but i just didn't appreciate being bossed about.. how should i have handled this better?.
You should forget about "game" and all the retarded nonsense put in your head like some zombified cult member and just be cool, FUN, relaxed and meet people. Not worry about every friggin minute interaction as if it's some "test" or a "war" to be won because you have no true self-confidence but false "confidence" that makes you defensive and paranoid like a weirdo.

pete101 said:
i felt i gave away too much power and even though i stuck up for myself it seemed futile as in it's just turning her off arguing over something petty but at same time if i dont stand up for myself i look a pushover.
You are paranoid. You have too many "steps to success" built in your head instead of just being cool, FUN, not sweating anything, just going out and meeting people then if they are true aholes just walking away.


pete101 said:
what makes matters funny is that her best friend i was messaging on facebook also a month ago.. she's much hotter her best friend but she's complete attention wh0re. she's clearly ina relationship yet says she's not.. all her pics suggest it.. she says she's serious about coming on a date with me and she'll 'think' about it and let me know.. i told her she isn't serious as otherwsi she'd have left me her number and we'd gone out by now.. called her out being an attention seeker which she refutes.. is there literally no point dealing with a woman like this?.
So now you're not only worried about the first chick but her best friend whom you think is in a relationship no less and you decide to "call her out" on being an AW! LMAO :crackup: As if she's going to admit either to you or you "got her" in which she could care less. And you go even further by telling her she should have left her number! LMAO. If someone lies to you and you know it there's no point "calling them out" it's a complete waste of your time that could be spent elsewhere and just leaving them be.

pete101 said:
i'm bound to get caught they're best friends/close friends from same country lol i used same pick up line on both. wonder how long it'll take them to suss it out.
What's bound to happen is they're BOTH going to look at you like a complete tool when you could have simply been cool, FUN, NON-COMBATIVE, relaxed and just met up and had a good time with the original chick and got good reviews for being a great guy. But you're so insecure you take every minute human interaction with chicks as some paranoid "war" you must win.

Do your self a favor and use some much needed self reflection and next time stop being paranoid as if your whole existence relies on some chicks approval or "mind manipulation game" tactics. Just go out. Be cool. Be FUN. and have fun. It's worked countless times for countless "gameless" dudes.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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As many will tell you here, you cannot argue with a woman. Why? Once you start winning, they will go completely off topic and say the most fvcked up, twisted, convoluted insults ever and even cross the line by talking about personal sh!t just so that they can see you get mad so that way they have control over you. And if you retaliate, then you are always in the wrong so they win.
 

Skyline

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A lot of pointless arguing. You knew what you were getting into when she started getting bossy over messages, you should have walked away bro.
 

Julian

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oh well lesson learned
 
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