how picky and how much time and effort did it take you to be able to say "I'm spinning plates" ?

[blas12345]

I've been following dating advice for a while now, being ultra-conscious about AFC behavior and improving myself to avoid it as much as I could but I keep having trouble with the expression "spinning plates"

Reason being, I've been dating several women with varying results, and I can't never seem to find myself comfortably saying "I'm spinning plates".

9 months after my LTR and I decided to move over monogamy to open relationship, here's my dating experience so far:

• Dated 9 different women in total
  
  
• 1 started out weirdly as she had a boyfriend, kissed several times before deciding it was a terrible idea, but surprisingly enough it turned out to be to this day, an excellent friendship (no LJBF BS here, it was all mutual agreement)
  
  
• 1 was a one-time great-sex hookup that I wished could have continued, but she showed no interest thereafter, despite spending an entire weekend. tried twice, stopped pursuing.
  
  
• 4 of them did not get a second date by own decision. Same thing in common: BORING AS HELL, TERRIBLES AT CONVERSATION. they were not the hottest either.
  
  
• 1 super hot one, lasted about a dozen dates, spread across 4 months... sex only twice, and wasn't that good. Always super busy, or "have to get up early" to stay over. I was too hung up on her looks on this one, not paying attention to her cold and frigid personality. she was an ex model and beauty contest winner, so cut me some slack on this one
  
  
• 1 super cool girl, not that hot, started out too much on a friendly vibe. no idea what her attraction is at this point, we're going on a second date in two days but I sense having trouble escalating with this one as I am not sure either I want to pursue this sexually myself.
  
  
• 1 super cute, super cool girl with whom I had great conversations, a great first date, and a hookup on the second date, but just LBJF'ed me after ghosting me for 2 weeks; during our hookup she brought up "maybe" not being fully ready and there was this other guy she was seeing from much longer also being an issue... so kinda seen it coming

This last one was a true disappointment, as I thought it was the result of this much experience gathered over these 9 months, and I thought everything was going great till she brought all the "Its nothing you said or did", "I'm not ready", "I can't really explain why", "I've been busy" BS

She was hot, super cute, sweet and fun, and really seemed into me. For which I couldn't help develop oneitis, which brings me back to spinning plates:

The best way to avoid oneitis is to keep spinning plates right ? Well, the problem is that after 9 months I really didn't have any more plates to spin, except for my ex-monogamy-girlfriend with whom I have an open relationship now. While I enjoy this kind of relationship much more than what we had before, being the only one is far from being my ideal.

Which brings me to my final points:

1. I had no trouble getting dates, but it's been impossible to keep a balance between getting enough dates, work, social life and personal hobbies (see next point)
   
   
2. The dating experience with all these women over these 9 months has been incredibly TIME CONSUMING and just EXHAUSTING.
   
   
3. I've been quite picky in the process, in an effort to avoid wasting my precious time, yet 4 out of the 9 women I dated, I did not want to see again. Which in turn made me even pickier.
   
   
4. The rest I dated are either in the past, or are far from anything sexual at this point

So in short after 9 months no real new plates to spin, so I have the following questions regarding each of the points above:

1. How the hell do you guys "spin plates" yet succeed at having a life and not have it affect your work AND hobbies of your own ?
   
   
2. How do manage not getting demotivated after having spent so much time in being rejected and/or not finding it easy to get any quality women?
   
   
3. How picky are you, really? Do you date everything that has a vagina? if not, how the hell can some of you claim to have 10 different dates in a month? It just seems mathematically impossible to me.
   
   
4. After failed attempts with those you liked, how long did it take you to comfortably be able to say "I'm spinning plates"?

Thanks for the input.

 

[cola]

• How the hell do you guys "spinplates" yet succeed at having a life and not have it affect yourwork AND hobbies of your own ?

Its not the amount of time you spend with a girl it's the quality. If you are the best date and best in bed she ever had, you can go weeks-months without contacting her and when you do she will jump for joy.

• How do manage not getting demotivated after havingspent so much time in being rejected and/or not finding it easy to get any quality women?

It's 4 billion women. If 100,000 tell you no that's not even 0.1%.

• How picky are you, really? Do you date everything that has a vagina? if not, how the hell can some of you claim to have 10 different dates in a month? It just seems mathematically impossible to me.
  I definitely ain't as picky as some of the guys on this forum. I date a lot of 6s and 7s. Some guys here can't even keep their room clean but think they should only be with 10s.

• After failed attempts with those you liked, how long did it take you to comfortably be able to say "I'm spinning plates"?

You'll get numb after a while and "those you like" will come along about once every 3 years..

 

[skinnyguy]

It's easy to spin plates. Just date whales.

The guys I know who are dating 4-5 women have no standards. They try to talk to anything that has a pvssy. I go 3 months without sex cause I won't lower my standards. Would rather date my right hand than a fatty.

Spinning plates is good but don't feel the need to keep them around if they misbehave. The main reason men keep them around is because they think they might lose options for sex. That's weak.

 

[blas12345]

• How the hell do you guys "spinplates" yet succeed at having a life and not have it affect yourwork AND hobbies of your own ?

Its not the amount of time you spend with a girl it's the quality. If you are the best date and best in bed she ever had, you can go weeks-months without contacting her and when you do she will jump for joy.

I disagree, if she'd jump for joy when you call means she had a strong attachment so she will be very pissed if you go for weeks or months without contacting her. They day you do, she will probably won't give you the time of the day.

• How do manage not getting demotivated after havingspent so much time in being rejected and/or not finding it easy to get any quality women?

It's 4 billion women. If 100,000 tell you no that's not even 0.1%.

Classic answer, yet so innacurate. You can't meet all the women, not even those in your city. And if you have some standards, you won't even want to meet the 90% of those in your city. Problem here is spending so much time with those you liked AND be rejected PLUS the time it took you to find one who met certain criteria. It's exhausting.

• How picky are you, really? Do you date everything that has a vagina? if not, how the hell can some of you claim to have 10 different dates in a month? It just seems mathematically impossible to me.
  I definitely ain't as picky as some of the guys on this forum. I date a lot of 6s and 7s. Some guys here can't even keep their room clean but think they should only be with 10s.

How many of those 6s or 7s turn out to be quality women?

• After failed attempts with those you liked, how long did it take you to comfortably be able to say "I'm spinning plates"?

You'll get numb after a while and "those you like" will come along about once every 3 years..

So from what I understand, you have such high standards, that you lower them so much in order to date anything at all, otherwise you'll be waiting 3 years. Not seeing much benefit in your approach.

 

[bigneil]

Only the lonely can play.

Men can only "spin plates" when they don't love any of them. Once he falls in love, it's in his nature to be loyal. He seeks self improvement so he maintains the ability to replace her, but unlike his woman, he is a vine swinger, not a branch swinger. Men don't keep backups they can run to and sleep with else as soon as there is a fight. Men stay with the one they like best and if she leaves him, then men take their time to find another girl worthy of his love.

I had a date (defined as a time and place where a girl who is attracted to you meets) Tuesday and a different girl tonight. I haven't developed any feelings for either yet so it's not that exciting. I have two other girls, one chasing me who I no longer like, and one who seemed to disappear. I can't handle more than 3 or 4 at once.

 

[blas12345]

It's easy to spin plates. Just date whales.

The guys I know who are dating 4-5 women have no standards. They try to talk to anything that has a pvssy. I go 3 months without sex cause I won't lower my standards. Would rather date my right hand than a fatty.

Spinning plates is good but don't feel the need to keep them around if they misbehave. The main reason men keep them around is because they think they might lose options for sex. That's weak.

That's the problem. Everytime someone on here repeats the "keep spinning plates" phrase like a parrot would, seems to give everyone an impression it's piece of cake to have at least 3 quality women in rotation and what everyone should be aiming for, when in practice is just plain exhausting if you have some standards not to mention the time it takes to even find a decent one you want to keep a as a plate.

Therefore, I find that the "keep spinning plates" is a highly innacurate and underestimated phrase that many just misuse because:

1. Like you said, they have no standards and probably date whales
   
   
2. They can comfortably say it, but forget it probably took them a lifetime to be in that position
   
   
3. They are Brad Pitt

 

[blas12345]

I had a date (defined as a time and place where a girl who is attracted to you meets) Tuesday and a different girl tonight. I haven't developed any feelings for either yet so it's not that exciting. I have two other girls, one chasing me who I no longer like, and one who seemed to disappear. I can't handle more than 3 or 4 at once.

How's that "spinning plates" ? From what you mention, all 4 currently within your dating context you are either not excited about, you don't like, and one disappeared (to me this last one doesn't even count anymore)

How's that having any standards ? Going on a date takes my precious time and hard earned money, so I'd rather be filtering out those I wouldn't be excited about, with a slight possibility of it not going well, rather than just blindly going out already expecting to have a high chance of being bored as hell unless some miracle happens and turns out to be a super fun, cute and cool gal

 

[Konada]

Why do you need to spin plates?

 

[bigneil]

How's that "spinning plates" ? From what you mention, all 4 currently within your dating context you are either not excited about, you don't like, and one disappeared (to me this last one doesn't even count anymore)

How's that having any standards ? Going on a date takes my precious time and hard earned money, so I'd rather be filtering out those I wouldn't be excited about, with a slight possibility of it not going well, rather than just blindly going out already expecting to have a high chance of being bored as hell unless some miracle happens and turns out to be a super fun, cute and cool gal

How many dates this week did you have? None of the girls I take out have a 1% chance of making me bored as hell.

Spinning plates means dating more than one woman. You're asking how is my having one date last night with an HB9 (age 21.9) and another date tomorrow night with an HB8 (age 21.9), with 2 other girls (HB7's) I dated spinning plates? One month after ending a 9 month relationship with an HB9 (age 21.5)? How is my having 8 girls texting me not spinning plates?

I love how members here make attempt after attempt to discount my women with things like:

• My girls aren't hot enough for them
• She's only like a 5
• They don't really love me for me
• They are using me
• They only care about the money
• I'm not really dating them
• They are not really my girlfriend
• She might not stay forever
• She's looking for something better
• I'm not really spinning plates
• They have higher standards
• She's a stripper
• She's too young to really be interested

None of these are valid arguments. All of these are sour grapes (whining) and nothing more - nothing listed here can be substantiated so it's just their opinion.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

When someone tells me that they're "spinning plates," I always question the amount that any of the girls are actually invested in them.

Not that people brag or exaggerate or anything...

 

[bigneil]

Here is what my text list looks like for the past month:

1) HB7 26yo girl I had 3 dates with who is asking me out.
2) HB9 22yo girI I met last week and went on first date with last night and who asked me out again.
3) HB7 34yo former girlfriend I used to live with in NY telling me she still loves me and misses me.
4) HB8 22yo girl I met 7/15 who said she is 'excited' we are going out tomorrow night.
5) HB7 20yo girl I met 6/27 and had 3 dates with who disappeared last week. NOTE: OP says this shouldn't count because has high standards for girls who don't stay with him anyway.
6) HB9 22yo girl whose number in June I got but is MIA.
7) HB8 22yo girl whose number I got in June but I have too many other women right now.
8) HB9 21yo former girlfriend who I walked away from but who asked me out in her last text.

Average age: 23+. Average rating: HB8+. Number of LTR's: 2. Number who are strippers currently 3: formerly: 6.

Being age 23 and rated HB8, these are not whales or low quality women - they are half my age on average and better looking than I am.

OP needs to figure out why he can't seem to get any girls to last longer than a few dates.

 

[blas12345]

I guess someone needs to better define what spinning plates really mean.

To my understanding, a plate is not spinning until you are having sex regularly with her and you have a decent amount of genuine interest in.

Which is why I end up asking how long did it take you to comfortably say "I'm spinning plates".

 

[RichardTheFrog]

I guess someone needs to better define what spinning plates really mean.

To my understanding, a plate is not spinning until you are having sex regularly with her and you have a decent amount of genuine interest in.

Which is why I end up asking how long did it take you to comfortably say "I'm spinning plates".

I think the term "spinning plates" is just one of those catch-all phrases that people on this forum use that doesn't actually mean very much. They use it as an answer to questions, when they are actually not answering the question at all.

Kind of like when people tell you to "maintain frame" as if those two magical words are the answer to all of life's problems.

I wouldn't read too much into any lingo that you hear only on this website.

 

[Urbanyst]

These are my answers:

How the hell do you guys "spin plates" yet succeed at having a life and not have it affect your work AND hobbies of your own ?

You always have full control over your time. Don't make your plates top priority. Unavailability is a turn on to most women.

As long as you're not some "yes dear" p*ssy I don't see why this would be an issue for anyone.


How do manage not getting demotivated after having spent so much time in being rejected and/or not finding it easy to get any quality women?

Quality women? LOL I've given up on that.


How picky are you, really? Do you date everything that has a vagina? if not, how the hell can some of you claim to have 10 different dates in a month? It just seems mathematically impossible to me.

Not mathematically impossible at all. I date any woman who gives me a hard penis. As far as meeting new women goes, I utlize:

*Dating apps
*Cold approach
*Social circle
*Events in the city
*Friends

On the Tinder and Bumble dating apps, I average one new match a day. Sometimes more with a new profile. I got a new match literally 5 minutes ago (how convenient right? But its true). HB8. No lie.

If you are HIGH VALUE you will pull new women with very little effort. Make sure you're in shape, live in a large Metro area or big city with lots of options and you make decent MONEY. I live in my own downtown apartment.

After failed attempts with those you liked, how long did it take you to comfortably be able to say "I'm spinning plates"?

I'm always spinning plates because meeting women is very easy. Some girls are booty calls (HB6's) who stay into me no matter how l treat them. Then I get regular matches on dating apps. On top of that, I cold approach when I go out and see hot women (subway stations, happy hours, coffee shops, parties, events, etc.)

Do I find most of these women high quality? F*ck no. I can count the number of high quality women I've met in my lifetime on one hand. High quality these days is almost a myth. I just focus on finding girls I'm sexually attracted to and go from there. My relationships never last that long because I don't have time for female bullsh*t.

 

[bigneil]

Spinning plates does NOT mean having sex with them all IMO. Having sex with 3-4 people regularly would be gross. Even hookers have a limit. Spinning plates means maintaining a romance though. She must NOT have ruled you out as a romantic partner. It does mean having had sex with SOME of them.

The term plate spinning is like the magic act - it means if you don't periodically apply energy to it, it will fall and break up.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

How the hell do you guys "spin plates" yet succeed at having a life and not have it affect your work AND hobbies of your own ?

You make time. If you don't have time/energy to do anything else except spend time with women, you're spending too much time/energy with women.

How do manage not getting demotivated after having spent so much time in being rejected and/or not finding it easy to get any quality women?

Spending time with and pursuing women is an extra-curricular activity to me. This pertains to the first point above, about not allowing your whole existence revolve around women.
Also, taking the emotional investment out of the equation will make everything in your life infinitely more straightforward.

How picky are you, really? Do you date everything that has a vagina? if not, how the hell can some of you claim to have 10 different dates in a month? It just seems mathematically impossible to me.

It's perfectly possible. I have (two different) dates planned for Friday and Saturday night, though the one for Saturday is getting twitchy because I refused to spend the WHOLE day with her I'll be honest and say these are both 7/10, but probably 8/10 if you factor personality and quality of company in.

Two points about quality, such as is TMKs way....
-The thing about 'quality' is, like everything in life, success ebbs and flows. Like the coming and going of night and day, the high and the low tides. This time last year, all my women were 8's and 9's, but they were somewhat unreliable, plus I fcked the one good one up fairly royally myself. I'm in the final stages of mojo regrowth and having these reliable 7's around is really stabilising self-confidence. Plus you can always call on them, and probably will forever.

-When you're starving late at night, insomuch as you're having trouble sleeping, all you have in the fridge is bread and butter, do you make toast? Or stubbornly refuse the rations because you want something more appetising and all the shops are shut until morning? Please let me know if if anything is unclear about this metaphor.

After failed attempts with those you liked, how long did it take you to comfortably be able to say "I'm spinning plates"?

I've been here for about three/three and a half years. There have been catastrophic failures in that time, but none on the scale of what went before. I'm about to hit a purple patch, I can feel it. So, let's say three years.

 

[wifehunter]

 

[Glassguy]

@blas12345 I may be talking to as many as 10-15 women at one time.

Out of those, I may actually be physically doing things with 5-6 of them. Of the 5-6 I may only be fvcking 2 or 3.

The ones that I am not physically seeing rotate in and out. If I feel enough attraction to them, we go out. If we go out and I want to fvck them, I escalate.

The ones that fizzle out get replaced because I am always looking for replacements.

You may start with a HB6, then add a 7, another 6, another 7......within several months you should be increasing your standards as your abundance grows. You keep the higher value ones (looks, intelligence, LTR qualities) and you replace the ones that dont make the cut.

A plate you are fvcking could start acting crazy and she gets demoted to someone that you only keep around as a backup.

It sounds like you may be too clingy or giving them too much attention and you are scaring them off or making them lose interest.

Give them slightly less attention than they give you, remain sort of mysterious, be busy and if they have genuine interest they will chase you and not the other way around.

 

[Red Legg]

You may start with a HB6, then add a 7, another 6, another 7......within several months you should be increasing your standards as your abundance grows. You keep the higher value ones (looks, intelligence, LTR qualities) and you replace the ones that dont make the cut.

I've been with some 6.5's that I would rather fvck than an hb8 or hb9...because they are much better in bed.

 

[Glassguy]

I've been with some 6.5's that I would rather fvck than an hb8 or hb9...because they are much better in bed.

Its all about the woman's attributes and characteristics that I enjoy.

Some 7's give the best bj's I have ever had. Some 9's dont want to get *** in their mouth, but their fake t!ts look great while riding you and they can move their body well.

As I have said many times, to me the rating system is- 1.) Fvckable 2.) Non fvckable. Period.