Hey I'm new to this forum. I will say I've lurked this forum and many others over the last few years and have improved myself a lot thanks to it. Would like some advice. I honestly think any fellow former Foreveraloners will nod their head in agreement and smile the whole way through this post. Give it a try.
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Met girl in 08. I had 0 experience and I hadn't learned about girls. I basically used to think if I liked a girl and was that pathetic guy yearning for her, that we would eventually get together, just like in the movies. How we learn!
We got on really well, I thought I was in there. I wasn't. Once I started reading about this stuff later in 2010, I was able to learn and see how friendzoned I was from the start: I gave off bad eye contact, no physical contact at all, dressed bad, was skinny. We also texted and fb messaged essays to one another each day which I now know is a huge no-no, it killed any mystery/attraction.
After the initial few times seeing her in 08, I grew more beta. I got really nervous whenever I saw her out, and made it awkward. I asked her out about 5 times in the span of 3 months. Just cringing now. I would fb message her something else irrelevant with all manner of cringey 'in-jokes' and nicknames for her and then at the end vaguely ask her out and 'dance around the subject', rather than being direct. I would literally write chit like "okey dokey pokey! we could even do (insert activity here) haha
".
Obviously none of that worked.. I sunk into oneitis, I was in scarcity. I was frustrated, I really wanted this ONE girl. It was as if she was the owner of the worlds only vagina. Classic oneitis.
We remained 'text buddies' with me sending a few pathetic, covert attempts to see her texts, and then in early 2010 I cracked and sent her a fb message declaring love for her. Of course she turned me down. We stopped speaking for a year or so. I find this forum and others and the wealth of knowledge about this stuff online. I learned about friendzone/oneitis and couldn't believe it. When I read articles from others on these topics I fit every description there was. It's astonishing how similar we all are. I began to improve myself. I deleted her from my life. I'd see her about about 1/2 times a year in 2011/2012 and I was already improving then. I'd be cooler with her, no longer trying to impress her when I did see her, more relaxed. But of course, she was no longer my focus! I saw other girls, went on dates, even if some I met online. I finally got some action. I was doing a lot better. These girls I went on dates with I never liked that much, but it was all good practice. With the old oneitis, I realized we had had little in common.
So 2013. I've been on a number of dates. Doing some work in a field I enjoy. Got a better car. Got a better haircut. I lift/run regularly. I'm thus far ageing fine. I've been playing in a band. I'm doing good. A few weeks back, I saw her at her birthday night at a bar. I'm a different guy now. I'm in decent shape. I dress better. I say hello, give her a hug and kiss her on the cheek, brief conversation, then move on to talk to other people. I don't focus on her. Remember back in the day that I could not even touch her. She would be my only focus. Those days are gone.
She comes up to me a lot during the night. I chat amicably with her. I'm still attracted to her, but I'm not falling over myself anymore. She's very flirty and touchy feely. I maintain eye contact as does she, strong as fuk, I touch her, she touches me a lot. I'm fine. I ask her how she is. She says "I'm still single!" in a jokey exasperated manner. She talks about wishing she had been a vet so I was able to briefly say how I went on a date with a vet a few weeks prior (true). She smiled but quickly changed the subject back to her. She asks about my band and keeps saying she want's to come to a gig, I didn't bring it up or invite her. it was all her. Now none of my other good friends want to come to any of my band's gigs. I mean, if one of my friends was in a local band, it's cool and all, but I wouldn't make any real effort to go to a gig, it's just a crap local band after all. But she keeps mentioning it.
All night she's very flirty, tries to get me to try her drink, rubs my arm a lot. Keeps walking through the other people in the group to talk to me. Anyway I had to go home sober that night as I was driving, but obviously nothing happened with her. As I left I hugged and kissed her cheek and she tells me to remind her about the gig. Her actual birthday is a few days later so I text her a simple 'happy birthday' on that day. I don't want to bring the gig up myself so I think she might bring it up and save me the bother. She does. She thanks me for texting her happy birthday and then says "I was serious about wanting to come to a gig!". I say cool then change the subject, we text a once or twice more then I say goodbye and we stop texting. I also refer to her as 'my friend' in the last text. I guess my strategy there was I was friendzoning her back.. I'm not faking 'alphaness' in the texts either. I'm not taking hours to reply. I just reply and am fairly disengaged from the outcome. It's not life and death. The desperation I used to reek of has gone.
I've learnt a lot from online, from real life, I'm not an idiot. She's a risky girl. She flirts with other guys too. She almost certainly doesn't 'want me'. I also realize that *currently* I am kind of in scarcity so I can't let myself get oneitis again. The fact is though, in 2013 I KNOW these things, I KNOW this, and it is hugely beneficial knowledge to have.
The gig is this weekend. I would like her to go (it's the first time she's initiated trying to see me at something ever), but to be honest I'm not sure if I should bring it up again and invite her. She mentioned the gig twice: at the bar and then again through text. It would be good to see her there, but I don't know if it's a good idea. I really don't even want a relationship with her, but if I could sleep with her then I would. Basically if there was a chance, I would. Not ruling anything out though. So basically should I bother with her?
It's just a shot in the dark and I'm wondering if I should text her. She'll never have a hold over me again. To be honest its been quite therapeutic writing this all out. Thanks for reading.
--
Met girl in 08. I had 0 experience and I hadn't learned about girls. I basically used to think if I liked a girl and was that pathetic guy yearning for her, that we would eventually get together, just like in the movies. How we learn!
We got on really well, I thought I was in there. I wasn't. Once I started reading about this stuff later in 2010, I was able to learn and see how friendzoned I was from the start: I gave off bad eye contact, no physical contact at all, dressed bad, was skinny. We also texted and fb messaged essays to one another each day which I now know is a huge no-no, it killed any mystery/attraction.
After the initial few times seeing her in 08, I grew more beta. I got really nervous whenever I saw her out, and made it awkward. I asked her out about 5 times in the span of 3 months. Just cringing now. I would fb message her something else irrelevant with all manner of cringey 'in-jokes' and nicknames for her and then at the end vaguely ask her out and 'dance around the subject', rather than being direct. I would literally write chit like "okey dokey pokey! we could even do (insert activity here) haha
". Obviously none of that worked.. I sunk into oneitis, I was in scarcity. I was frustrated, I really wanted this ONE girl. It was as if she was the owner of the worlds only vagina. Classic oneitis.
We remained 'text buddies' with me sending a few pathetic, covert attempts to see her texts, and then in early 2010 I cracked and sent her a fb message declaring love for her. Of course she turned me down. We stopped speaking for a year or so. I find this forum and others and the wealth of knowledge about this stuff online. I learned about friendzone/oneitis and couldn't believe it. When I read articles from others on these topics I fit every description there was. It's astonishing how similar we all are. I began to improve myself. I deleted her from my life. I'd see her about about 1/2 times a year in 2011/2012 and I was already improving then. I'd be cooler with her, no longer trying to impress her when I did see her, more relaxed. But of course, she was no longer my focus! I saw other girls, went on dates, even if some I met online. I finally got some action. I was doing a lot better. These girls I went on dates with I never liked that much, but it was all good practice. With the old oneitis, I realized we had had little in common.
So 2013. I've been on a number of dates. Doing some work in a field I enjoy. Got a better car. Got a better haircut. I lift/run regularly. I'm thus far ageing fine. I've been playing in a band. I'm doing good. A few weeks back, I saw her at her birthday night at a bar. I'm a different guy now. I'm in decent shape. I dress better. I say hello, give her a hug and kiss her on the cheek, brief conversation, then move on to talk to other people. I don't focus on her. Remember back in the day that I could not even touch her. She would be my only focus. Those days are gone.
She comes up to me a lot during the night. I chat amicably with her. I'm still attracted to her, but I'm not falling over myself anymore. She's very flirty and touchy feely. I maintain eye contact as does she, strong as fuk, I touch her, she touches me a lot. I'm fine. I ask her how she is. She says "I'm still single!" in a jokey exasperated manner. She talks about wishing she had been a vet so I was able to briefly say how I went on a date with a vet a few weeks prior (true). She smiled but quickly changed the subject back to her. She asks about my band and keeps saying she want's to come to a gig, I didn't bring it up or invite her. it was all her. Now none of my other good friends want to come to any of my band's gigs. I mean, if one of my friends was in a local band, it's cool and all, but I wouldn't make any real effort to go to a gig, it's just a crap local band after all. But she keeps mentioning it.
All night she's very flirty, tries to get me to try her drink, rubs my arm a lot. Keeps walking through the other people in the group to talk to me. Anyway I had to go home sober that night as I was driving, but obviously nothing happened with her. As I left I hugged and kissed her cheek and she tells me to remind her about the gig. Her actual birthday is a few days later so I text her a simple 'happy birthday' on that day. I don't want to bring the gig up myself so I think she might bring it up and save me the bother. She does. She thanks me for texting her happy birthday and then says "I was serious about wanting to come to a gig!". I say cool then change the subject, we text a once or twice more then I say goodbye and we stop texting. I also refer to her as 'my friend' in the last text. I guess my strategy there was I was friendzoning her back.. I'm not faking 'alphaness' in the texts either. I'm not taking hours to reply. I just reply and am fairly disengaged from the outcome. It's not life and death. The desperation I used to reek of has gone.
I've learnt a lot from online, from real life, I'm not an idiot. She's a risky girl. She flirts with other guys too. She almost certainly doesn't 'want me'. I also realize that *currently* I am kind of in scarcity so I can't let myself get oneitis again. The fact is though, in 2013 I KNOW these things, I KNOW this, and it is hugely beneficial knowledge to have.
The gig is this weekend. I would like her to go (it's the first time she's initiated trying to see me at something ever), but to be honest I'm not sure if I should bring it up again and invite her. She mentioned the gig twice: at the bar and then again through text. It would be good to see her there, but I don't know if it's a good idea. I really don't even want a relationship with her, but if I could sleep with her then I would. Basically if there was a chance, I would. Not ruling anything out though. So basically should I bother with her?
It's just a shot in the dark and I'm wondering if I should text her. She'll never have a hold over me again. To be honest its been quite therapeutic writing this all out. Thanks for reading.
