How much I've improved/ question about former oneitis

[happyDJ]

Okay.

Well yes I fancy her, of course. She kind of looks like a B grade version of famous singer Katie Melua.

Yes we get on tremendously well.

Of course I like her, I mean I have to some degree for years. It's just one of those things I accepted would not happen and so I moved on. And then she seemed to change around me when I saw her this year, and as I detailed in the post above to 'user name', and the OP, it made me think I might have a chance.

So yes I'm interested. BUT I know we're probably not compatible as if it was going to happen it would have by now. We do get on well but we don't have much in common, really. I do like her, but I won't be inviting her to the gig. Or to anything. However you asking me to be honest, as I said, yes honestly I do like her, so basically I wouldn't rule it out if something was to happen. However I would never her chase her for it again. I don't think it's worth it. I will focus on other girls.

Fair enough. But you do realize this is closer to AFC than DJ, right?
If I understood your situation well enough, I'd say you still have to go one step further in what you regard relationships: black or white, either LTR or nothing at all... If you are compatible? If you like each other you are compatible enough for whatever time frame it lasts. Telling her about the gig is not chasing her. If you can be with this girl and not fall in love like in the disney movies, and behave like an alpha throughout, this is really a great opportunity to grow. Specially because of your history, you'll take this spine off your foot.
YOU LIKE HER! She's starting to chase you, and you're afraid you'll get hurt.


edit: "we get on tremendously well"!

 

[Albatross953]

Dude, we've all been there. You need to stop this thread though and DO SOMETHING ELSE.

Your next post should be a field report on another woman. I challenge you to do that.

 

[veriv]

Dude, we've all been there. You need to stop this thread though and DO SOMETHING ELSE.

Your next post should be a field report on another woman. I challenge you to do that.

Again, you guys are right. Well I'm going out Friday for the gig (minus former oneitis) and we always end up meeting girls after gigs so should have something to report.

 

[veriv]

Fair enough. But you do realize this is closer to AFC than DJ, right?

Yeah I do. I guess I'm not willing to even bother with this one as even though I'm confident I've improved, I don't want to revert back to being AFC over this girl. She's a flaky, leading guys on type girl and she's not worth any more of my time. The fact I made this thread shows how she must be fairly (too) important to me somehow. I'm glad I made it though as it has helped me rethink.

Telling her about the gig is not chasing her. If you can be with this girl and not fall in love like in the disney movies, and behave like an alpha throughout, this is really a great opportunity to grow. Specially because of your history, you'll take this spine off your foot. YOU LIKE HER! She's starting to chase you, and you're afraid you'll get hurt.

Just because I like her doesn't mean she's worth my time. She made it clear years ago she didn't like me back. Sure I think I've changed now years later and I'm confident I've improved a whole lot, but I don't think she's worth any of my time. She's a hassle. I should build up an abundance of new girls like I had earlier in the year and forget this.

She's hardly chasing me. Yeah, she wanted to see me, she brought it up twice for my to let her know about it. However she hasn't and won't hear from me regarding this. And I'm sure I won't hear from her either.

I would not say I'm afraid of getting hurt, more that I already expect it so would rather not bother with her or giving her the chance.

Btw dude, thanks for all your responses, I appreciate it a whole lot.

 

[happyDJ]

Great! This is actually what usually happens. When going from AFC to DJ after months or years, you don't even care enough about the girl, she's "beneath" you already, or you measure the costs and benefits and realize it's not worth it, unless she's really interested.

(On the other hand I think you're overestimating how much you'd revert back to AFC. Why not keep her as one more plate, why avoid her in case she shows enough interest?)

 

[veriv]

Great! This is actually what usually happens. When going from AFC to DJ after months or years, you don't even care enough about the girl, she's "beneath" you already, or you measure the costs and benefits and realize it's not worth it, unless she's really interested.

(On the other hand I think you're overestimating how much you'd revert back to AFC. Why not keep her as one more plate, why avoid her in case she shows enough interest?)

I don't consider her beneath me, but I know she's not worth the hassle. She's a risky girl. And it's pointless to put in any real effort with her.

I'll keep her in the background as a potential plate. I'm not ruling her out. I'm not avoiding, I just won't engage her or chase her in any way whatsoever. Not to be cool. Simply because she isn't worth my time.

 

[thatfeel]

You're way, way, WAY over thinking this. Honestly, you should try it out with her just to get some practice. And don't forget to wrap your tool.

 

[veriv]

I'll stop over thinking it.

I'll bump this thread with any developments. Thanks all.

 

[veriv]

Just in case anyone who read this at the time wanted to know..

I didn't invite her to the gig. I think it was for the best. Back in the day if she would have shown the slightest interest in seeing me I would have been all over that **** with beta texts trying to get her to come and supplicating to her. I would have been talking and joking about the gig and continually mentioning it in an over-excited manner.

In this case, it's cynical, but I think she would have loved me to bring the gig up again, and invite her, just so she could turn me down again. I didn't give her that shot.

I just forgot about her. I think it's enough to know she may be more attracted to me now than she was in my beta days. I'm never, ever going to chase her in any way ever again.

Haven't spoken since.

Anyway, not had much going on with girls the last 2 months, but have been focusing on myself and have some really, really exciting career possibilities lined up for next year.

As for the gig? It went pretty well. Did speak to some girls afterwards and flirted a little which was good practice but we had to head off soon after we played.

 

[Lotus Effect]

I have not read a single answer any of the guys gave, because I know it is NEXT HER.

I disagree tremendously.

I had a one itis. A really bad one. I had a crush for her from 01 to 05. But I've never forgot about her in the following years, the difference was that I graduated from school and just have not saw her anymore, but as time went, she became past. I got familiarized with game in 09 and got really good at it. Really good indeed.

Then, somewhere around 2010, a friend of mine called me and said. Hey man, I'm at this club, and you won't believe who is here. I said who? and He answered it was her.

I was not doing anything good that day, it was a club that I went on a regular basis, and f*ck, my former crush was there. I was at an excelent level so I said, I'm going there.

When I got there I found her on the dancefloor with a dude. I ignored him, pulled her over, spoke to her for 5 minutes, tops, and made out with her.

I just could not believe it was happening. The girl I dreamed about for years. That I fantasized so many nights, was right there, kissing me. You know what happened next. I took her to my car. F*cked her really good. Sucked her pink nipples. Came all over her. Droped her home and said:

"Yeah. That is it. She is just another one. Meh"

We saw each other 2 or 3 times for the next month, and it ended. Just like that. The difference is that I was over her. I fed my ego, not the beta inside of me.

It took me almost 10 years, but I did it and I don't regret it. In fact, I endorse it. So if you are good, and not needy, go and do it. This was one of the things that opened my eyes that there is really not the ONE. Just the one you want to bang sometime.

I never called her afterwards. She neither. I saw her clubbing in 2011 in another danceclub, and we hooked up again, we got kicked out of the night club because we were being to "explicit", she gave me a BJ in my car, but this time she was with a friend and I just droped them home. Awesome night.

Saw her again, 2 weeks ago in a college bar at 5pm. I have not saw her since 2011. She was with the same friend from 2011. We talked a bit, I sensed I could have hooked up with her, but it was broad day light, and I didn't fell like it, so I didn't. She had to polish her nail in a place nearby and said:
Stay a little bit, we'll be back soon. It's really nice seeing you again.
I had a party to go with 3 chicks I've met a week prior, so I said I couldn't, but I would try. She went to the parlor, and as she turned her back, I told my friend that was with me "see, this is the girl I was "in love" during all my life" he said "damn, she hot"

And then I said "Yeah, isn't she? Now... Let's go"

And we left. My heart is not broken. I don't love her, and I don't care about it. I just had some other sh*t to do.

If you are able to handle your emotions, and don't expect nothing from her, it is a massive ego trip if everything work out, and if you got your **** together, there is no reason for not to!

Good luck