How much freedom you give to your lady

[pyros]

Hello.

I was wondering how much freedom do you give to your girlfriend? I mean, do you set some boundaries or limits at the begining of the relationship?
something like:
1. I dont want you to have guy "friends".
2. I dont want you to dress like a slvt.
3. I dont want you to travel on your own.
4. I dont want you to go to party with your friends except on special ocassions.
5. etc

Or how do you proceed?
Do you set some ground rules that if she does not agree you do not enter a serious relationshipt with the girl? or what do you do?


Thank you.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I was wondering how much freedom do you give to your girlfriend? I mean, do you set some boundaries or limits at the begining of the relationship?

Please give a definition of what you consider 'the relationship'?

I have three lovers in non-exclusive, non-monogamous relationships. My boundaries/limits are totally different compared to someone in an exclusive monogamous relationship.

 

[pyros]

Forget about open relationships and things like that, not in this case.
I mean when you become boyfriend/girlfriend because she asked you to be her boyfriend.
How much freedom would you give her in order for her to do things you do not approve? like my examples from above.

 

[Gamisch]

Damn, you managed to mention four extremely sensitive and discussion-worthy topics .

Good luck nowadays demanding ALL 4 of those. Even the fourth is a difficult one. I guess its possible if you vet like a pro. Perhaps a woman who is heavy on religion, with married sisters and brothers, two parents household ect.

To actually answer your question: as soon as you meet a woman you'll tell her who you are and what you stand for. You gauge what she stands for by communicating with her and observing her behaviour. If core values align enough, we can proceed step by step by step.

But it's always extremely nuanced. To say it bluntly; if you are the leader you'll constantly be giving her boundaries.

I don't know. If a woman has guy friends for example, you're not just gonna be able to get her to cut contact with them without throwing a fuss. Gotta stand like 5 steps above her to make this work.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Forget about open relationships and things like that, not in this case.
I mean when you become boyfriend/girlfriend because she asked you to be her boyfriend.
How much freedom would you give her in order for her to do things you do not approve? like my examples from above.

Are you sure you want to post this in The Mature Man? This is more high school sweetheart relationship.
Most guys here are players spinning plates and having copious amounts of sex with tons of bimbos.

How old are you?

 

[SW15]

Good luck nowadays demanding ALL 4 of those. Even the fourth is a difficult one. I guess its possible if you vet like a pro.

Trying to get all 4 would be difficult. I don't like my girlfriends having guy friends. Girls Trips are a no go. Partying with female friends doesn't sound like a good idea. Some gatherings with female friends are acceptable but others are dangers to relationships.

 

[parabellum]

OP, what are your worries/fears?

honest question. sometimes I’m almost wishing they go away with their friends so I have some time to focus on my own stuff.

Also, “decent” girls don’t usually go dressing like slvts out of the blue, sure they might occasionally? I’d even say that if a girl dress like a slvt all the time that’s a major red flag right there one should be thankful to spot sooner than earlier.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Women already know what they shouldn't do and what they should do.

Typically their behavior in these areas is directly correlated with their respect level for you.

The more you find yourself having to say regarding this, the lower their respect level is for you and the more likely they are doing it intentionally to fvck with you like a spoiled brat throws a temper tantrum from not getting their way.

 

[plumber]

OP, in other threads you will see lots of discussion about how to get or pick off these women that have boyfriends AND OR spouse. As you know the men (some more than others) are constantly try to get any women without any moral. regardless of if that is good or bad, it happens.

On conservative women's blogs or forums can see women telling each other not to do these things if they want a good relationship and want there man to do well.

Do what you want, and keep the women around you that you want and choose to stay. There is a lot of eye candy that you probably don't want to keep.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

I echo what @BackInTheGame78 said. A woman will treat you well without you making demands because she values the relationship.

And everything I am about to say depends upon a strong foundation of trust. If you are inclined to make demands because you are insecure OR because you don't trust her.....that doesn't work.

I have male friends. I'm not dropping them as they have been steadfast friends for decades through thick & thin. But they all know I'm married, they all know I am loyal to my husband, nearly all of them have met him and understand that my husband is the apex male of my life. Those frendships have receeded for the most part naturally. But I might interact with them once in a while, not regularly.

I travel alone for business or on occassion to see family or ski. He travels alone to his sport events at times. Again back to trust. He cannot dictate that I stop travelling for business and neither of us demands the other only ever travel with each other or else. That would be insecure, unreasonable and controlling behavior and nobody likes that in a partner.

I do have lunch, happy hour, dinner or attend social functions without my husband. Not because I'm seeking another man but rather as a function of his limited desire & capacity for social interaction. He doesn't like feeling obligated to go to parties where he gets social anxiety. So the solution sometimes is he stays home & I go alone. Simple. I don't demand he go. I go without him if he's not in the mood.

Again, trust.

If you dont chose a trustworthy woman with character, you are going to want to control her. Pick the right woman & deal with your own issues (insecurity/baggage/trust issues) to avoid the need to seek control of someone else. Nobody likes controlling behavior in a romantic interest.

 

[Jor-El]

The more rules you make,the less time the relationship will last I think,as the partner following the "rules" gets hacked off with the loss of freedom/choice,and rebels

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

The older I get the more my standards raise with females and Im not sure complete satisfaction is ever in the cards for me, personally I am ever restless as I age. Many things I wanted 5 years ago, aren't necessarily what I want now. Only recently have I come to grips with being a walking contradiction. If you wrote down what might make a woman "ideal" in your eyes, chances are in 1 year you would find yourself making revisions to that list.

The saying goes “be careful what you wish for” and at this point if I ever met my long lost unicorn I'm still not sure if I wouldn't put her through the ringer just to test out her unwavering affection. Reason being; my upbringing has engrained in me a healthy dose of cynicism, with a shot optimism. Along with the red pill school of hard knocks comes the realization that things we find satisfying today may not be suitable tomorrow. Puzzling but true.
Life constantly moves the goal posts.

Trying to salvage any situation with a girl who has constant uncooperative behaviour implies that her respect for you is hollow and that she is valuable to you (no she is not, unless she is your blood) and she will leverage that like crazy. It will also cripple your abundance mentality. Women who respect you and fear losing you toe the line. No need to crack the whip.

On a further note, free-spirit social butterfly women with active male friends get trickled down to recreational use only and I will die on that hill.

 

[Murk]

I found a girl that doesn’t do any of those things and I have not once had to tell her, she just knows. All good women know what’s acceptable. Find a girl that’s truly loves you and you don’t need to set many boundaries, me and my mrs have an unspoken code of respect, our morals are aligned, I **** up way more than she does, her being so respectful makes me want to do right by her.

I don’t even care to police her behaviour, that stuff is all one sided as she knows I was a loose canon and have Machiavellian tendencies and low impulse control. It’s actually me that needs boundaries, I admit I can sometimes be difficult and selfish, I’m working on it.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Hello.

I was wondering how much freedom do you give to your girlfriend? I mean, do you set some boundaries or limits at the begining of the relationship?
something like:
1. I dont want you to have guy "friends".
2. I dont want you to dress like a slvt.
3. I dont want you to travel on your own.
4. I dont want you to go to party with your friends except on special ocassions.
5. etc

Or how do you proceed?
Do you set some ground rules that if she does not agree you do not enter a serious relationshipt with the girl? or what do you do?


Thank you.

I am afraid that you have only limited influence on female behaviour - it is more about her personality than your "house laws" - my wife does only 3. and only when she goes to her parents and I need to work and can't go with her but it's how she is - not how I conditioned her.

The primary rule is to assess whether something may be considered as disrespectful to you - you don't need to think about it, you feel that something is disrespectful - you should always check woman on that - my wife acted disrespectfully towards me (in minor/not that important situations, 1-on1, 3 times). I have made myself quite clear that I will not tolerate any of these w/o unpleasant reaction (entering an unpleasant discussion, yelling, stating my point of view in very direct manner) therefore I sent a signal three times that any kind of release she gets from disrespecting me is not worth what shall come next - and it worked.

If you are afraid of shouting at your wife then I am pretty sure she is not afraid of being bitchy towards you. That's simple equation. The woman that is with you "when you are the worst" us the woman you want to be with. Other types do not matter.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

1. I dont want you to have guy "friends".
2. I dont want you to dress like a slvt.
3. I dont want you to travel on your own.
4. I dont want you to go to party with your friends except on special ocassions.
5. etc

If you want to order a b!tch around, just get a female dog.



Or choose your own sub.

 

[Gamisch]

Trying to get all 4 would be difficult. I don't like my girlfriends having guy friends. Girls Trips are a no go. Partying with female friends doesn't sound like a good idea. Some gatherings with female friends are acceptable but others are dangers to relationships.

But how? How you gonna pull this off?

What woman will drop her guy friends for a new man? I don't say it's impossible, but imo it's akin to applying dark traits. No matter her age by the way. Older= steady relationships taht were build over time. Younger = tons of male friends through social networks ,school ect.

Her guy friends might be toxic (to your relationshipwith her) , so the only way to counter attack this is by employing equally toxic demands. You gonna yell her to delete 40 dudes in insta? Then Facebook, tiktok and whatever new app is out there. Then dudes at work, gym ,neighbors , friends from friends or friends from family members?

And that was one out of 4 demands. No partying, not dressing provocative...again all of this is AFTER you managed to isolate her attraction towards only you..ngl, I can imagine most men choose to avoid that battle all together..

 

[jhonny9546]

And that was one out of 4 demands. No partying, not dressing provocative...again all of this is AFTER you managed to isolate her attraction towards only you..ngl, I can imagine most men choose to avoid that battle all together..

A battle lost at the beginning

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

What woman will drop her guy friends for a new man? I don't say it's impossible, but imo it's akin to applying dark traits. No matter her age by the way. Older= steady relationships taht were build over time. Younger = tons of male friends through social networks ,school ect.

 

[SW15]

What woman will drop her guy friends for a new man?

The better idea is to find women with no male friends. There are women with majority female friends and some male acquaintances.

 

[devilkingx2]

1. I dont want you to have guy "friends".
2. I dont want you to dress like a slvt.
3. I dont want you to travel on your own.
4. I dont want you to go to party with your friends except on special ocassions.
5. etc

in my opinion the two main options are:

1. don’t date the kind of woman who makes you worry about these things. (Don’t date slvtty party girls who will make a habit of those things so you can be lenient once in a while if she wants to do them)

2. don’t get into the kind of relationship where you have to worry about these things. (If you’re going to date a slvtty party girl. Obviously don’t marry her and put your house in her name and half your business ownership)