How Many of You Still Fear the Approach?

[JT47319]

How many of you "DJs" (aka AFCs aka KJs) still FEAR APPROACHING WOMEN?

But more than that, how many of you who STILL fear approaching women have DONE something about it? Like TOTALLY throwing yourself into approaching 12 sets (mixed and same sex sets) in one night EVERY NIGHT for several weeks?

I mean chatting up on the order of a couple hundred women so that you lose that nervousness and treat EVERY APPROACH like you treat approaching a FRIEND you already know. I'm not talking lame shyt like getting EC or BOOTCAMP, but TOTALLY THROWING YOURSELF into the approach at all the best possible venues.

Totally obliterate your phobia!

 

[ryanvalmont]

I act like a DJ,walk talk and even make ec like a DJ....look like a diamond and still i can't approach.

It's more to do with my surroundings because the clubs i goto are full of hbs with there borefriends.

But then again that's just an afc line... and now i request somebody kick my ass for sounding like a ****ing idiot!....lol

 

[JT47319]

bump

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

i dont cold approch, i hook up with freinds of freinds that i just met.

 

[Dirtheart]

I don't cold approach either. I'm not a fan of them myself and it's not really the done thing in the UK (outside of clubs). I much prefer getting to know someone and gauging their interest in me before asking them out.

Out of curiosity, has anyone in the UK ever had success from a cold approach? Not just a number close, but a successful date/relationship with a girl?

 

[squirrels]

Some of you "DJs" could stand to read this:

http://www.sosuave.com/rondavid/succeed22.htm

 

[wolfie]

Originally posted by squirrels
Some of you "DJs" could stand to read this:

http://www.sosuave.com/rondavid/succeed22.htm

That article is to be blunt - full of crap. It has a self limiting point suggesting that it's impossible and pointless to cold approach on the street and that you should only concentrate on social circle meets and the standard, 'socially acceptable' meetings.
In other words, it's an article written by guys who are totally socially conditioned and unable to break through this conditioning in their mental paradigm. Speaking as someone who HAS gotten results, met women and made female friends through cold approach on the street, and witnessed top PUAs do street approach and make it seem totally natural, I can tell you that this kind of thinking is small minded and limiting. If you want to be held back by this kind of limiting belief then fine, go ahead, but I can tell you that it is NOT necessary to develop a full social life in "socially acceptable" areas of meeting women before you start cold approaching. All you have to do is break through that fear of approach - and articles like this are what scared AFCs use to lie to themselves and pretend that they aren't scared AFCs.

Unless you are willing to have balls of absolute, inhuman steel (which you aren't) and unless you are willing to develop a set of scams and routines (which you also probably aren't), then stop thinking the answer is to learn to approach a supermodel who is running for a cab! It's not!

Gee people, can anyone say small minded lack of vision? Maybe these clowns just aren't good enough to cold approach and they're making excuses for it! Someone needs to tell them what OVERCOMPENSATING for weakness means. "Ditch all these ideas of getting an education and getting a high paying job - it's all BS. A high paying job isn't really fulfilling, that's why I'm perfectly happy being a janitor. You may earn 500k a year, but you don't have my janitorial inner fulfilment!"

 

[Dirtheart]

I personally agreed with a lot of what the article had to say. I've read a lot of what Ross Jeffries and David DeAngelo say about cold approaches, but to me it sounds like a naive and idealistic daydream.

It also seems to be a very easy way to get rejected and disheartened. I mean, a RAFC can do 10 of these approaches and get rejected every time either because the girl finds him suspicious, she's busy and caught up with other things, she has a boyfriend or she's just not looking. The poor RAFC who is new to this is likely to take it very personally for the wrong reasons. Whereas if he met a girl, found out a bit about her and picked up a few signals and made his move, he stands a much greater chance of success and a boost to his confidence.

My issue with cold approaches is that not many people talk about their failures and make it look like every time they approach they score. Not only that, but every time they score it's with a HB8, 9 or 10. I think 95% of that is bullsh*t or the girl has given them a false number just to get rid of them.

You see, confronting a fear is a good way of conquering it, but only if it goes well. If you try confronting arachnophobia by holding a spider, for example, and you get bitten, you'll probably end up amplifying your fear 100x over. I think this applies to pick ups too, so I have to say I'm not a big believer in bootcamp or high pressure motivation strategies.

Maybe it works better in American culture, but as I've said before, English people get very suspicious when they're approached by strangers and are especially guarded against people who try to charm them as it instantly suggests they're after something. I also think that it promotes an air of desperation.

I have seen guys try cold approaches, but unless they're very good looking, women repel them or sometimes seem frightened by them.

 

[MysteryWoman]

I have to agree with the article, stay away from cold approaches they will not get you laid, and even if you come across a confident, the woman will perceieve you to be a desperate, sexual pervate, and if you are lucky she will be polite enough to give you the wrong number.

Even if an Ethan Hawk lookalike approached me on the street I would turn him down, as far as I'm concerned he could be dangerous psychopath.

 

[squirrels]

The idea behind the article is that lots of people complain about "cold approaches" not working when they don't even have the basic social skills necessary to talk to girls. The guys saying how they wish the could do all these cold approaches are the same ones that can't even say hi to the cute girl at work who's smiling at them all the time...how can they expect to "DJ" a 9.5 on the street out of nowhere?

They say the best way to learn to swim is to jump in the water, but admit it, if the first time you tried to swim you had just jumped unassisted into 12 feet of water, you probably wouldn't be here today.

You most likely had a parent or teacher instructing you, a lifeguard on standby, and you were in the kiddie end so you could put your feet down if you felt liek you were in over your head.

Same thing applies here. You learn with the girls you interact with naturally. As you learn to apply social skills, you hook up with more girls and feel more confident and you also learn the basics of engaging in conversation, flirting, reading body language, etc...things that don't come from just throwing yourself into the ring.

And you missed this part of the article:

Oh, and here's a bonus: When you have a life that puts lots of women in front of you, and gives you reason to talk to them, approaching women in public becomes significantly easier.

When you have a connected, active social life, you will find yourself becoming the kind of person who naturally talks to strangers, and to whom strangers naturally talk. You won't have to work on it happening--you'll simply find that it happens, when you have a life with women that juices you up.

Put another way, the ability to "approach any woman" is a result of having developed a life that is rich in social opportunities that put you in front of women already. Once you have that, approaching women in public will just be part of what you naturally do.

This whole article may not apply to you if you consider yourself a "pick-up artist", but for people who just want to hook up with attractive women once in a while, it's spot-on.

 

[Don_Marko]

Uhm for you Brits up here... cold approach doesn't mean that you stop random people on street and ask them out. It's more like sparking up conversations with hotties in gym, library, office building where you work, coffee shops and such... And if you display either warmth, friendliness or humour the person will not be suspicious and if it all goes well you can leave with their digits

 

[Dan Hunter]

well being form the U.K ( the best country in the world ) i can say that most of us brits do approach wheather it's abroad or in our own country..

don't where u got your info about not approaching HB's but it aint true

 

[Diggs]

The truth is a lot of women will take a cold approach as kinda creepy IF you do not do it right. Just be cool and casual introduce yourself and dont get too into it. Take her signs and run with them. CA's are kinda weird, the pickup on the street is a tuff thing to do, i personally dont do them cause I am not that good at approaching strangers, but I am trying to learn.

 

[JT47319]

A cold approach can be done either at night (at clubs, bars, etc) and during the day.

The key is BODY LANGUAGE and ACTIVE DISINTEREST. The BadBoy Method is much more direct and it works, but not something I suggest for newbies because its REALLY a balls out approach.

The first 200 sets are sweat inducing nightmares because you STILL FEAR THAT APPROACHING CAUSES CONSEQUENCES. I'm here to tell you, it doesn't.

Before the Magic 200, your tonality, your facial expressions, and body language WILL CREEP OUT A GIRL. That's because you aren't CONGRUENT with the approach. In other words, you don't appear or act confident like a Natural would when approaching.

But as you RACK OF FIELD EXPERIENCE, you become more socially aware, more socially in tune with people. You pick up subcommunication like other people's body language (and yours).

You can't become a football player over night, you've got to spend time out on the practice field. Yes that means you're going to get bruised up and you're going to make mistakes. Lots of them. But it'll start reaching a certain point where you don't even remember the bad experiences (other than a lessons learned) and only the good.

A lot of girls comment that when I approached them, I treat them like I would treat an old friend. Very familiar, comfortable, and without any awkwardness. I didn't master the approach overnight, I had to put some serious GAME TIME and I made a TON of newbie mistakes. But guess what? Nothing bad happened and I barely remember the crash n burns (and there were a lot of them).

As to English peeps not being aggressive or approachers, maybe that's true in certain parts of London. But I know some chaps who visited there to game up some hottie Brits and found out that the blokes there are fycking GRADE A NATURALS. Like some of the most smoothest, most aggressive approach machines ever.

These Brits have unconsciously mastered everything from wing tactics, to AMOG, to phase shifting, to isolation, and to the extraction. And these were top notch American PUAs competing against these Natural Brits and they were loving the advanced competition. It's like the fycking SuperBowl.


P.S. I NEVER introduce myself unless I'm already coming off as too high value in relation to her and I need to bring myself down to her value level. When she asks me MY name, I know that on a certain level, I've attracted her and she wants to know more about me. It's the most basic of all IOIs.

 

[Dirtheart]

Before the Magic 200, your tonality, your facial expressions, and body language WILL CREEP OUT A GIRL.

So you have to creep out 200 girls before you reach success?

I think I'm missing the point a bit here. If it's just ONS you're after, then as long as you look ok and dress well, go to a club, give a few slappers the eye and a smile or wink, and they're all over you. Maybe this is a British thing too, but hooking up with loose women in clubs is easier than clicking your fingers.

 

[JT47319]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
So you have to creep out 200 girls before you reach success?

I think I'm missing the point a bit here. If it's just ONS you're after, then as long as you look ok and dress well, go to a club, give a few slappers the eye and a smile or wink, and they're all over you. Maybe this is a British thing too, but hooking up with loose women in clubs is easier than clicking your fingers.

Actually, I'm talking about SETS which are GROUPS of people, mixed or same sex. Which means that's 400 people minimum you've talked to.

This is going from absolutely ZERO COLD APPROACH EXPERIENCE where your body language is off and giving a weird vibe to one where women and men are naturally comfortable because you're giving a really friendly vibe.

As to just snapping your fingers, well, please post a field experiment doing so. Because even an ONS inclined woman needs to be gamed. She knows she's gonna get laid, she just wants to the best possible guy there and not some loser who acts weird and awkward around girls.

OR

Let's look at it another way. Let's say that the your 100% PERFECT WOMAN was at a club, bar or party for a birthday bash. Do you have good enough game to ATTRACT her much less the balls to APPROACH her when she's in a huge group of friends? Or do you have that Hallmark-stamped belief that love will just "happen", that somehow, magically, she'll be attracted to your inner self?

 

[wolfie]

double post

 

[wolfie]

Originally posted by Don_Marko
Uhm for you Brits up here... cold approach doesn't mean that you stop random people on street and ask them out. It's more like sparking up conversations with hotties in gym, library, office building where you work, coffee shops and such... And if you display either warmth, friendliness or humour the person will not be suspicious and if it all goes well you can leave with their digits

Exactly. Cold approach means talking to them on a social level and building interest, rapport, comfort, trust etc before you start asking them for a contact. It doesn't mean going up to them and expressing interest straight away.
Some people assume that the game involved in cold approach is merely to go up, ask them out, and hope to god that they are naturally attracted enough to your balls and your looks that they will say yes. Well that's not the case - the whole challenge in cold approaching is not the approach, but the social and verbal skills necessary to build enough rapport with a stranger that they would want to see you again.
To UK people - do people in public seriously look at you like a rapist if you merely ask them the time, or directions, or their opinion on something? Because that's how a cold approach generally starts.

 

[MysteryWoman]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
So you have to creep out 200 girls before you reach success?

I think I'm missing the point a bit here. If it's just ONS you're after, then as long as you look ok and dress well, go to a club, give a few slappers the eye and a smile or wink, and they're all over you. Maybe this is a British thing too, but hooking up with loose women in clubs is easier than clicking your fingers.

Don't practice double standards, I'm sure your pretty loose yourself

 

[Dirtheart]

To UK people - do people in public seriously look at you like a rapist if you merely ask them the time, or directions, or their opinion on something?

Not a rapist, they look at me more like I'm a sales person.

As to just snapping your fingers, well, please post a field experiment doing so.

Well, I don't go to clubs a lot as I'm not into ONS, so there's not much to report, but I'm approached most times in clubs.

New Years Eve I went to a really rough club with some friends and had women constantly hitting on me throughout the night. Two different women offered to buy me a drink, some just came over to chat, then one woman actually started groping me and tried to kiss me. They were all 5s or less and I got one of my friends to pretend she was my girlfriend.

A few months ago I was in another club with a few friends and two women (HB7 + HB8) came to me, asked if I was American (?!) and started talking and flirting with me. I left early, but before I did HB8 told me she lived locally and asked me back to her place "to save me the journey home". I didn't take her up on that.

Another time I was in a club I spotted a HB9. I didn't know much about making eye contact then, but she kept walking past and looking my way so I gave her a few furtive glances. Later she came over to me and offered me a vodka jelly, but I don't drink, I was also shy and AFC. She flirted with me and complimented me. During the conversation I asked where she lived, she told me and invited me back. Maybe if I wasn't so shy and insecure, I'd have made an exception for this one, but I totally bottled it.

Not long after splitting with my ex- I went to a club and a HB7 came upto me, complimented my jacket (a lot of people do) and asked to try it on. We chatted for a while and she seemed quite cool. I was about to leave and she gave me her number. I did actually call her a few days later, only because I was on the rebound. We went out a few times and had a brief fling, but it was a big mistake - (http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?threadid=49382)

But these are just a few examples. I'm not Brad Pitt, but most times I go to a club, there are women that come over to chat or flirt with me. I'll admit they're rarely above hb7 and most of these clubs aren't the most classy of places, but even when I was an AFC I could have had plenty of ONS just by going along with them. But personally I'm a LTR sort of person and I find promiscuous and shallow women a major turn off.

(just edited the url for those of you confused by that)