How Many of You Still Fear the Approach?

[Bonhomme]

None of the above

It depends. Usually I either get some sort of "go ahead" signal or elicit one with a smile or glance.

If I see the 'green light," then I'm usually pretty cool about it. If it's a real cold approach, it can vary, depending upon how good an "opener" the situation provides, how sharp I am on a given day, etc. Some days I'm just at a loss for words, and it's difficult to build rapport, so I tend to just chill and not push it.

The most important thing is to set yourself up for success (duh!). Look your best (whatever that may mean in your scene), and develop (or make the most of) your social skills. Have a good time, and it's contagious.

 

[Vini Vidi Vici]

I agree with what you guys say that when doing cold approaches 99% of the times you will get rejected. I wouldn`t advice it to the fellow DJs because it can be a very bad thing for their fragile self confidence to get rejected so many times.

But personally, I like cold approaches. I won`t say I got many results, `cause I`d be lying. But can`t you guys feel the adrenaline in your blood before talking to a girl. I don`t actually know if it`s adrenaline or something else, but it gives you that, you know, feeling...

Has any of you done bungee jumping or some extreme sport? You know that feeling when you`re up there and you see the river down there and all you can think is you`re gonna die. But then after jumping it gives you that amazing feeling like if you have conquered your fear... without dying.

Cold approaches are pretty similar. You get damned scared before doing them. But after that, regardless of the result, you get that kind of sensation that you made it, you`re the man!

I`ve done many cold approaches but I still can`t get rid of that anxiety before doing it. I guess that`s what makes it so fun: the fact that you were making a big effort not to pee on your pants and you did it anyways.

 

[Dirtheart]

Don't practice double standards, I'm sure your pretty loose yourself

Honestly, I practice what I preach. But in an exceptional case, I could make an exception.

PS. I look like Ethan Hawk.

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

Pu$$y is pu$$y.

And no, I'm not afraid to talk to women I don't know. I love talking to women I don't know. Thats how I meet them!

 

[comic_relief]

You know what I find rather sad...

...is the fact that there is that many keyboard jockies on this site. I seriously hope that the votes for KJ's is just a joke.

Yes, I still fear approaching and I am ACTIVELY approaching in the REAL WORLD

 

[JT47319]

OK, so the VAST MAJORITY OF DJers ARE rAFCs, AFCs, WBAFCs, and KJs.

Just as I expected. "Don Juan" to me pretty much equated to fycking KEYBOARD JOCKEYS. This just PROVES it.

All right you lame ass stupid fycks. Shape up or ship your ass to a female forum where they'll coddle you with platitudes like "Be yourself" and "Be confident" and that "The right one will come to you." I hear The View is taking applications. They're right next to the TAMPOONS that you have to shove up your tender, sensitive ASSES.

All the while realizing that society has no incentive to hook up a hot babe with an Average Joe like you. You have to VIOLATE SOCIETY'S RULES in order to succed if you are an Average Joe.

This is an Extreme Sport you wbDJs. It's a Darwinian Struggle of the Survival of the Fittest collapsed into 24 hours in the day.

You are either stuck in The Matrix with the rest of your fellow DJs and AFCers or outside of the normal rules of society. Remember, Society and your fellow man DO NOT WANT YOUR ASS TO HOOK UP WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

The only way you're going to accomplish that is tackle your own inner weaknesses, take a good look at yourself, and prepare to take the lunge into a REALLY, FYCKING SCARY WORLD.

Get your ass to a man's mans PUA (not to be mistaken for wussy ass DJ) boot camp!
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=54880

HUSTLE YOU MAGGOTS! MOVE YOUR SORRY DJ ASSES! There are approximately 30,000 days in the human lifetime and you just wasted 1/3rd of that time jacking off being a WBAFC and DJ! MOOOOOOOOOOOVE!!!

 

[BrWnSugaMan]

double post

 

[BrWnSugaMan]

What are everyone's thoughts on approaching someone of a different race?

I think it would be more difficult. Has anyone had any success with cold approaching a female of a different race?

 

[Broadband]

I've been doing cold approached for years now and more often then not i'm usually still scared as hell. Mind you my success rate is usually in the 90% to get a number close which makes no sense why i'm not insanely confident and fearless.

Before I let it stop me. Now I equate it to stage fright. You know the show must go on...you know you are going to do one hell of a performance and you learn to embrace this fear and utilize the adrenline rush to your benifit not your defeat.

 

[TyTe`EyEs]

I still get nervous when approaching. I kind of like the butterfly feeling though.

 

[JT47319]

You need 200 approaches before you start to realize that there are no harmful consequences to approaching. The fear of rejection is just in your mind. Not to mention you'll start getting pretty skilled at social interactions by that point and hopefully start getting better.

 

[MysteryWoman]

Guys, it not worth, overall I am reading too much failure rate. I'd say abandon cold approaches, there are always going to be plenty of other environments where you can meet attractive women, who are more likely to have their guards down in this environment. Its not worth all the hassle and stress to prove your confident. However if you have a masochistic streak were you enjoy the buzz of rejection, you will get plenty of rejection doing cold approaches no matter how confidence you seem. Forget about David D'Angelio, I don't believe he is getting as laid as often as he claims. Otherwise wouldn't have time to spend hours composing his free newsletters and flying around the world doing seminars.

 

[Dirtheart]

I agree with Mystery Woman completely here.

I think David DeAngelo gives some excellent advice, but I don't believe he is as successful as he makes out either, especially in terms of cold approaches. Some of the stories he tells just do not convince me at all and when I heard them he lost a lot of credibility in my eyes.

You have to remember that David DeAngelo is a salesman. He doesn't send out newsletters filled with success stories to help out AFCs. He sends them out to entice people to buy his products.

Therefore, he's not going to tell you about his failures and it's very probable that the women he does have success with are desperate, cheap or unattractive. He's obviously lying and exaggerating about a LOT of things in order to sell himself to his audience.

 

[JT47319]

Originally posted by MysteryWoman
Guys, it not worth, overall I am reading too much failure rate. I'd say abandon cold approaches, there are always going to be plenty of other environments where you can meet attractive women, who are more likely to have their guards down in this environment. Its not worth all the hassle and stress to prove your confident. However if you have a masochistic streak were you enjoy the buzz of rejection, you will get plenty of rejection doing cold approaches no matter how confidence you seem. Forget about David D'Angelio, I don't believe he is getting as laid as often as he claims. Otherwise wouldn't have time to spend hours composing his free newsletters and flying around the world doing seminars.

This is a limiting belief.

The fear is that there is some sort of catastrophic consequence associated with talking to a random woman. Nothing could be further from the truth. And more likely, given the general newbieness of the DJs here, a cold approach is going to end more in an eject.

First of all, rarely do cold approaches crash and burn, at least in my experience. Yes there have been harsh ones, but I have long forgotten them.

Not every set I engage do I have my heart set on "SHE IS THE ONE, I MUST CLOSE HER." In a cold approach, you shouldn't go straight for the number. You must calibrate your game while in the set to see how well it's going and instead concentrate on HOW ARE YOU AFFECTING HER?

You must BUILD ATTRACTION and GAIN HER COMFORT/TRUST. This can take anyway from 30 minutes of conversation/interaction to a few hours that same night.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

A man shouldn’t ‘fear’ cold approaches – he should be hesitant, cautious, and use discretion but he shouldn’t be fearful!

For those DJ’s where it is culturally tabooed to approach a strange woman then your options are obviously limited.

Most women I have approached were strangers, in the true sense of the word – the success rate doesn’t matter – if you don’t approach then it is a ‘missed’ opportunity to meet someone who you never would meet through a mutual friend/interest! Why leave your fate to mutual circumstance? Don’t limit yourself – meeting someone I am attracted to is difficult enough without any limitations!

The ‘cold approach’ is difficult and should be left to those with confidence and who do not take rejection personally!!

 

[MysteryWoman]

Originally posted by JT47319
This is a limiting belief.

The fear is that there is some sort of catastrophic consequence associated with talking to a random woman. Nothing could be further from the truth. And more likely, given the general newbieness of the DJs here, a cold approach is going to end more in an eject.

First of all, rarely do cold approaches crash and burn, at least in my experience. Yes there have been harsh ones, but I have long forgotten them.

Not every set I engage do I have my heart set on "SHE IS THE ONE, I MUST CLOSE HER." In a cold approach, you shouldn't go straight for the number. You must calibrate your game while in the set to see how well it's going and instead concentrate on HOW ARE YOU AFFECTING HER?

You must BUILD ATTRACTION and GAIN HER COMFORT/TRUST. This can take anyway from 30 minutes of conversation/interaction to a few hours that same night.

Well its up to you, but why waste all your energy on doing something in an un-natural environment were your chance of rejection is 90% plus, even if you are good looking. Believe me 99% of the time the woman will think your an @sshole, and you are sex pest who predators young, beautiful, women on their own walking down the street.

I've had guys do this to me a few times, I'll try and not be racist but it is alway the Turkish/Arab (not that all guys in this culture are like this) guys that are guility of doing this in England. They just walk up to you in the street, and I have no respect for them (especially the middle age men who do it are the worst, it is usually dirty old men), they are so persistant and they completely ignore my body language when I show them that I am not interested. I don't know where they get the arrogance from, where I find myself literally having to run away from them.

Believe me when women are rushing from A to B the last thing they want to be is hit on whilst walking down the street, they just don't have the time to stop talk and probably don't want to stop and talk.

There so many other environments where you can find an attractive woman, but my advice is stay of the streets. You are only degrading yourself, and the more confident you seem (in this environment) the more sleazy, and threatening you will be perceived to be.

That my final word on this topic, you don't have to agree with me. But I stand by my word. Keep it off the streets!

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
So you have to creep out 200 girls before you reach success?

I think I'm missing the point a bit here. If it's just ONS you're after, then as long as you look ok and dress well, go to a club, give a few slappers the eye and a smile or wink, and they're all over you. Maybe this is a British thing too, but hooking up with loose women in clubs is easier than clicking your fingers.

I know that saying this about the above quote is out of sync with the flow of this discussion, but I agree about London, and probably many areas of Europe. London club girls are EASY! Oh man... If you are aggressive enough (sometimes this amounts to nothing more than approaching and saying hello), they are game to get freaky. You are guaranteed at least a make out session, and in about half (to more) cases, you'll be able to take her to your hotel or flat, whatever.



I think this is in stark contrast to N. American women, who have a much stronger Anti-Slut Defense mechanism. I blame this on the more religious/conservative nature of American households. A girl may still be adventurous/slutty, but overall, they need more/more potent priming to be convinced to fvck on a PU than say a British club goer in London. I guess the Euros are just more accepting of natural, open sex - while the Yanks are much more caught up in old Christian values (that stem from traditional Protestant/Puritan values... remember who came and founded the US). Call it a matter of contrasting cultures, then.

 

[MysteryWoman]

Are you sure New York girls have higher morals, or are they more high maintanenance than London girls? A lot of London girls will make out with a guy they find attractive in a nightclub and usually won't bother to have sex with them (I guess we can be **** teases at times). But guys who meet girls in England at nightclubs outside London, claim that London girls are the most difficult girl to manage to get laid with, because they are so high maintanenace.

I'm sure with New York girls they are more a bit like Prostitutes, I will sleep with you if you wear the right designer clothes and spend enough money on me first

 

[Hurri]

everyone who are still scared, regardless or doing them or not should not come on here, go out there and accutally approach. there will be no easy "magic bullets" or a post that will cure you.

 

[wolfie]

To all the people who think approaching involves going up and making sexual advances on a woman - it doesn't have to go that way.

Believe it or not ladies and gentlemen, an approach for me and many of my wingmen means first HAVING A CONVERSATION. You start off with a playful or situation comment, ask an opinion, ask directions, whatever, and segue into other conversational topics. Eventually, if they seem interested enough you make advances or ask for contact details. But there's no point in immediately trying to get sex or set up a second meeting with a woman you just met, because most likely she will flake or give you a fake number.
If a guy just goes up and says "you're hot, I want your number baby", then he's asking her to judge his attractiveness on the spot, based on the boldness he's displaying at that moment, and how physically attractive he looks. That is not pickup, that is a moment of boldness. Pickup involves many different techniques to BUILD VALUE and leave a lasting impression of your personality upon the woman.. and this involves TALKING TO HER, not just trying to grab her ass and hoping you 'get lucky'.
Oh my! How sleazy! A guy she doesn't know tried to TALK TO HER. POLICE!!

Sure some people make their cold approaches by just going up and making their advances straight away, and this is the kind of thing that gives pickup a bad name. Whereas if you try to be social and have a conversation and get to know each other first, it becomes fun and interesting instead of sleazy.