How long until you stop caring?(need some major help, long read)

[irocknike23]

Hello guys, long time no post.
So 11 months ago I got a GF...ya I got caught up in the love game. Ironic as I always preached on here to not get a GF and just keep girls coming in varieties...

But I started hanging out with this girl a lot and before you know it I was asking her if I can become her man. She said yes. Things went great. I gave her all those talks about how special she is to me, how she is like no other girl I met and ofcourse she was very flattered to hear all that stuff. She told me the same stuff back and we were all cute together for months.

But then one day she called me and told me that she just wanted to be alone for a while. I was shocked...had no idea just what the hell happened. I pretended to be cool with it and we said our goodbyes and hung up. It was weird because usually when a couple breaks up, you can sense it. Usually its because someone is cheating, or the people grow apart from each other or start to get bored of each other. Neither of those things were happening(that I know of). Leading up to the day she made that phone call, we texted and talked everyday...and she actually did it more than usual...as a matter of fact she wanted to see me too much that week to the point where I was kind of annoyed, but I played it off and saw her all the times she wanted to see me and acted like the happiest guy in the world...

So the next day after the break up I basically told her I need to separate myself from her.I told her I did not want to see her or talk to her for a while. She told me that was fair..I only did that because I could not handle the thought of her flirting with other guys since she is a super flirt..

Now here is where I need help. I swear, I still love this girl with all my heart, as in I would take a bullet for her even thought she did me dirty..however I at the same time HATE her to death and cant stand her for what she did. Its freaking messed up as hell and I hate it and do not know how to deal with it.

My friends suggested I try to get back with her but I cant...I simply cant! Even if she was to ask me to get back(which wont happen) I still would not be able to get back with her because I freaking hate her soo bad...but at the same time I love this girl and feel empty as hell without her and feel like life is not worth living anymore...I dont even enjoy anything anymore. When I go out to clubs, movies or anything with my friends or other girls, I just put a fake smile on my face but I am dead on the inside..

So 2 months go by where we dont talk. She finally hits me up asking me how I am doing. I told her I was good(hella lied, was super ****ty)

I tried to take this as an opportunity to start talking to her again however I did notice something different. She hardly would text me back if at all and when she did it would be with 1 or 2 letter words...or she would not reply at all. That made me feel x10000 worse.

Now I cant even talk to her anymore because she will just keep convo very short. I just dont get how you could be so close to a person just 4 months ago and now they treat you like your a stranger to them...

I just dont know how to deal with this one guys. I have dealt with breakups before but nothing like this. I put this girl at the top of my life above everything..and I still dont get what happened or why we broke up.

My only theory are she was messing or talking to another dude...that's my only explanation I got.

Its so bad that it runs through my head all day:box:
and at times I will just start punching out my dash board or steering wheel while I drive until my fists start bleeding...or sometimes my desk in my room(actually broke my middle finger a week ago doing this)

Its been 4 months since we broke up but I still think about her all the time and still get pissed off at what she did and how she now treats me like a stranger...but having said all that still love the girl.

And yes I know the advice for this one...meet and talk and mess with other girls.
Already done so and its not helping. As a matter of fact its making it way worse.
I cannot even hold a normal convo with a girl anymore. Every time a girl texts me that cute BS like Goodmorning/Goodnight etc...I literally get nausea in my stomach just knowing its not the girl I am in love with since it brings back of memories of how we used to text and call each other and say stuff like that.

And it only gets worse...I actually ditched some pretty girls the past 4 months and left them hanging and stood them up because I just...cant go out with other girls. I still am stuck on this one. and knowing her..she is probably flirting with other guys and grinding and dancing with them as well as making out every weekend...

Sorry for the wall...just needed to vent....this sux so freaking bad I have no idea what to do with myself

 

[DonJuanabe]

You're in detox - that takes *TIME*. Can't tell you how much time; you'll know when you no longer care one way or the other about her. Meeting a great girl when you've been through more of the detox process will help.

As far as her wanting to see you so much that last week: she was trying to make herself feel that she wanted to stay with you because she already knew she didn't have those same feelings. It didn't work, obviously.

That said, you are hyping always being together and texting for the whole relationship like that was the right thing to do. It wasn't. Two or three times a week keeps her interested; more than that wears out her emotions. Imagine, for yourself, only seeing her 2-3 times per week despite wanting to see her every day -- really tough to do, right? Well, imagine how difficult it would be for her, how much she would yearn to be with you. That is why you don't see her more than three times per week, and when you do you give her a mind-blowing orgasm.

 

[MikeOck]

I put this girl at the top of my life above everything..and I still dont get what happened or why we broke up.

You asked a question and answered it in the same sentence.

Contrary to what society will have you believe, no woman wants you to put her first. Remember that and live by it. Women will do everything in their power to test your strength here. You must resist because the moment she has you, she loses attraction for you. It isn't her fault, it is what women are programed to do. Even if you are married, this sh!t test never ends so get used to it.

 

[irocknike23]

You asked a question and answered it in the same sentence.

Contrary to what society will have you believe, no woman wants you to put her first. Remember that and live by it. Women will do everything in their power to test your strength here. You must resist because the moment she has you, she loses attraction for you. It isn't her fault, it is what women are programed to do. Even if you are married, this sh!t test never ends so get used to it.

Is that like something that women do and dont even know it?

Because when I asked her out, she specifically told me that she wants me to put her on above everything..

 

[EastWind]

Is that like something that women do and dont even know it?

Because when I asked her out, she specifically told me that she wants me to put her on above everything..

You might be a bit too young for this to apply to you, but keep it in mind: when a girl tells you earnestly, at any point in the interaction "I want my boyfriend to put me above everything else" (or any variation thereof) a huge red warning flag should be waving before your inner eye. Any woman who says this is not, in any way, in touch with reality and has some extreme attention issues, that is, she's not getting enough and believes she deserves more.

Of course most women wish for this to be the case, but girls with some worthwhile relationship experience will accept that good men will have other priorities in life.

My ex used to say something very similar. In her case, she didn't like that after about six months of her and I being together, my mom (who was diagnosed with terminal cancer shortly afterwards) was still more important to me than her. Not that this would ever have changed. Your mom is (usually) the only woman who will love you, unconditionally, for ever. Keep that in mind.

 

[incognito42]

I know it's impossible for you to understand this right now, but you don't love her or hate her nearly as much as you think you do. When you get some other pvssy or get a couple options you'll finally realize this. You'll start noticing her flaws and not caring so much that she dropped you. You'll realize that you're a great guy and it's her loss in the long run

I dealt with a very similar situation a few months ago. Had a fling with a girl I was good friends with and she dropped me afterwards. Super flirty girl that didn't want a relationship, and the type thT has fun with a guy and when the newness wears off she loses interest. I thought we were good friends an took it personal because I thought I cared about her. that was the evolution of my situation with her, and I think you'll find yours to be very similar.

 

[irocknike23]

Thanks guys, this is all great stuff

Now, how do you draw the line and keep a balance between not putting her as the priority in life and treating her like crap?

Because I know if the scale tips they other way where it feel like you dont care about them that much, that is another way to make them leave you

 

[MisterSisterFister]

Thanks guys, this is all great stuff

Now, how do you draw the line and keep a balance between not putting her as the priority in life and treating her like crap?

Because I know if the scale tips they other way where it feel like you dont care about them that much, that is another way to make them leave you

It is learning to balance. To be a Man. To know yourself and let her know that you LOVE her but dont NEED her. Love her like no one else has yet letting her know she is not a pedestal and that you do not need her. Being really caring and kind one day and aloof and away the next mix it up be yourself and figure out who YOU are and only then can you truly learn how to be your own man.

does that make sense?

 

[bigneil]

The OP parallels my story almost to the month except there is one difference: I lost 40 lb in the 2 months after she dumped me. I then broke NC (3 months ago today actually) and she said she'd see me again but wasn't all that excited about the prospect, but once she did she realized how much I had improved, and the relationship is much stronger now.

The first year went:

6 months of dating
1 month of arguing
2 months of NC
3 months of dating
----------------------

I think the amount of NC should be about twice as long as the arguing phase in order to let the bad memories fade. If you bail sooner you can get her back sooner.

Although breaking NC might be bad, if you improved yourself dramatically you can get away with it.

 

[MisterSisterFister]

The OP parallels my story almost to the month except there is one difference: I lost 40 lb in the 2 months after she dumped me. I then broke NC (3 months ago today actually) and she said she'd see me again but wasn't all that excited about the prospect, but once she did she realized how much I had improved, and the relationship is much stronger now.

The first year went:

6 months of dating
1 month of arguing
2 months of NC
3 months of dating
----------------------

I think the amount of NC should be about twice as long as the arguing phase in order to let the bad memories fade. If you bail sooner you can get her back sooner.

Although breaking NC might be bad, if you improved yourself dramatically you can get away with it.

If you had all this trouble though? Why go back?

 

[bigneil]

If you had all this trouble though? Why go back?

1) A month of arguing isn't that much trouble.
2) We argued because she lost interest because I had fallen out of shape (going from 200 to 240). Once I got back in shape (going from 240 to 200) things were great again. I appreciate her for inspiring me.
3) I have fun with her.
4) She initiates all the time now.

 

[Skalioppe]

Mate, it's done, it's over. She's conquered you and will never look at you in the same light. Hence the cr@ppy short texts, she's just not interested and has found another man to try and conquer. She contacted you out of curiosity, to check to see if you have a new woman or are still worshipping her. Women have an innate ability to sense this. She sensed you're still in love.

Metaphorically speaking women love stallions - wild, untamed, unpredictable, masculine types - they are fascinated by them, attracted to them immensely want to fvck them and be the property of them. During the fascination period women will do anything for them, chase, seek favour, spend as much time as possible, literally climb a mountain to be fvcked by them. But the other side of women's psychological conditioning is they feel they have to break the stallion, have to test his mettle, make him tame. It's the bizarre test they are programmed to perform. For as long as the stallion is being wild, she'll want him, BUT as soon as she breaks his spirited bucking and can ride him safely, she'll feel her task is completed, lose interest and then be looking for the next stallion - the next exciting time, the next c0ck to be mounted by. Some stallions never get broken, because generally they are the ones with harems of mares to fvck, they are comfortable being a stallion and would never give that up - because it gives them choices of mares to hit on. The stallions that get broken become geldings, castrated by the mare, but by then they are heavily invested - balls removed - so the relationship dynamic changes. It's then the gelding chases the mare, looking for that original passion she showed the stallion he once was, this makes her run away, trying to escape this c0ckless hang-er-on-er, whilst she's looking for new stallion c0ck.

You're angry at her because she subjugated you, and you lost what you were and her in the process. Unfortunately you became a gelding to her - so as hard as it is, you have to give up on the hope and negative emotions, it's time to move on and become a new mare's stallion.

 

[irocknike23]

Mate, it's done, it's over. She's conquered you and will never look at you in the same light. Hence the cr@ppy short texts, she's just not interested and has found another man to try and conquer. She contacted you out of curiosity, to check to see if you have a new woman or are still worshipping her. Women have an innate ability to sense this. She sensed you're still in love.

Metaphorically speaking women love stallions - wild, untamed, unpredictable, masculine types - they are fascinated by them, attracted to them immensely want to fvck them and be the property of them. During the fascination period women will do anything for them, chase, seek favour, spend as much time as possible, literally climb a mountain to be fvcked by them. But the other side of women's psychological conditioning is they feel they have to break the stallion, have to test his mettle, make him tame. It's the bizarre test they are programmed to perform. For as long as the stallion is being wild, she'll want him, BUT as soon as she breaks his spirited bucking and can ride him safely, she'll feel her task is completed, lose interest and then be looking for the next stallion - the next exciting time, the next c0ck to be mounted by. Some stallions never get broken, because generally they are the ones with harems of mares to fvck, they are comfortable being a stallion and would never give that up - because it gives them choices of mares to hit on. The stallions that get broken become geldings, castrated by the mare, but by then they are heavily invested - balls removed - so the relationship dynamic changes. It's then the gelding chases the mare, looking for that original passion she showed the stallion he once was, this makes her run away, trying to escape this c0ckless hang-er-on-er, whilst she's looking for new stallion c0ck.

You're angry at her because she subjugated you, and you lost what you were and her in the process. Unfortunately you became a gelding to her - so as hard as it is, you have to give up on the hope and negative emotions, it's time to move on and become a new mare's stallion.

See that's what I dont get...
the balance between being too in to her but at the same let her know I am into her(talking about the next girl obviously)
i perfectly understand the stallion metaphor but I guess I need help in how to not be controlled and always be "wild"

and this time with less metaphors

 

[MikeOck]

See that's what I dont get...
the balance between being too in to her but at the same let her know I am into her(talking about the next girl obviously)
i perfectly understand the stallion metaphor but I guess I need help in how to not be controlled and always be "wild"

and this time with less metaphors

Create a full life for yourself. A woman should be an addition to that, not the center of it. That means having a career, hobbies, friends, interests and passions that do not revolve around her. If she is lucky and plays her cards right, you might just let her get involved with some of these things some of the time. If you are doing it right, you won't have to play a game with it, you will just genuinely have a full life that a woman will want to be a part of. Let her fight for your time and don't always give it to her.

 

[incognito42]

It is learning to balance. To be a Man. To know yourself and let her know that you LOVE her but dont NEED her. Love her like no one else has yet letting her know she is not a pedestal and that you do not need her. Being really caring and kind one day and aloof and away the next mix it up be yourself and figure out who YOU are and only then can you truly learn how to be your own man.

does that make sense?

Sry but I don't see how this sort of balance makes sense. She dumped him for seemingly no reason. Out of nowhere. She got bored or her IL dropped and she's shown every sign that she has no interest. Why keep showing her that he loves her? That's ridiculous. I know it can be hard to let go, especially when it makes no sense to him how things went wrong. But it's out of his control. He can only control how he reacts to her behavior, and why make such an effort for this girl when she pushed him aside? It's just gonna come off as desperate And make her even less interested and more reassured about her decision

Op don't worry about not showing her enough interest and having her push away. She already did that.

It's easy to give advice but wish I would've taken it myself. It can be difficult when you're the one in the situation

 

[incognito42]

Just read the last half of the op post....

Over dealt with girls like this before and been miserable when things went downhill out of nowhere. How did i get over it? I made sense out of a nonsensical sitiation. Reminded myself that the girl is a major attention wh0re. Super selfish. Has her own serious issues from dealing with and being attracted to d0uche bags and losers her whol life. Made myself realize who was really going to be sry. Yea, I took things super personal (no need to but it helped at the time). I was stuck in limbo like you were/are, and finally I blew up on her (which I regretted). The good thing that came out of it was our relationship that had devolved into an awkward friendship (for me at least) was completely ended and I then moved on. I decided I'd stop being a nice guy and getting hurt, and have become a d0uche bag that gets laid a lot and attracts chicks

I hate that I've had to change who I was to get laid and take control back, but women give you no option. I'm jaded now and I acknowledge I have an unhealthy view on women but I don't care anymore, and finally Im in control and don't put my feelings in the hands of chicks. I'm feeling great and banging lots of chicks and even though I still work with that girl I'm in such a good place now that I barely acknowledge her just because I can careless about her at this point

Think about YOU. Look out for YOU. As you can see that's exactly what SHE'S doing, and you sound like a decent guy and prolly deserve better than that

 

[TheWolfMan]

I've been in a situation like this before too man, don't lose your head over it. I was talking/hooking up with this girl for a couple months. Things were going good and we were at the point of practically dating.I had just made plans for her us to go to a movie and for her to stay over afterwords. B^tch texts me the next day and goes "Hey I've been meaning to talk to you (Never a good beginning to a conversation with girl), I need to take a step back...need to be single...don't know what I want" I was pretty devastated, had the empty pit in my stomach, food didn't have a taste. It took me about a month to get over it, but I did and now I'm better off because of it. Hang in there, you'll meet someone that will make you wonder why you even dated this chick in the first place.

 

[TheWolfMan]

She was also the type of b^tch that goes from guy to guy, once the newness wears off and she gets bored forget. I was just another number...it sucks.

 

[Renegade357]

You done got quick dropped chief. Another guy from the past came back into her life and she all of a sudden had to be freed up just in case there was a chance.

Either way this is your fault. You were too available and you loved her too much with words. Love a girl with words and they will hate you for it. Better luck next time.

 

[bigneil]

99% of the time it's based on her lack of physical attraction, so the only real answer is to improve your physical appearance.

If you can't pick up equally hot girls (if most of her peers don't like you as much as she does) it's only a matter of time before a correction takes place.