How is it possible for gay guys to find a man extremely attractive, yet the ladies largely view him as invisible?

[GoodMan32]

A lot of gay guys view me as extremely attractive (not merely slightly above average). How do I know? Because gay guys have told me they find me extremely attractive.

On the other hand, it's a well-known fact on this forum that I'm largely invisible to the ladies.

I'm wondering how there could be such a massive mismatch between how a gay man views me vs how a straight woman views me.

At the base level, a gay man and a straight woman are sexually interested in the same population: Men.

So you'd think a gay man and a straight woman would (more or less) agree on who's extremely attractive.

The fact it's more socially acceptable for a man to make a move (than it is for a woman to make a move) might at least partially explain why I get more attention from gay guys than straight gals. That being said, Chads are one subgroup a woman will make a move on.

If I really am the Chad a lot of gay guys make it sound like I am, you'd think I'd get lots of attention from the ladies.

 

[New_Journey]

Cause gay men have the same Logic Brain that heterosexuals men have. For men first is: Physically attractive guy = arousal therefore sex.

For women is much complicated, its a combination of physique, status, how he projects value and emotional strength.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Gay guys are more assertive than women.

For example. I get a haircut in a few times year at a place that serves a shot of whisky with your cut. One shot. However. I’ve twice, within the last year gotten two shots.
Once, the cashier (female) came by, saw my empty glass, smiled & said ‘you want one more?’
Another time. the barber (male) said ‘you’re handsome, you get another shot.’

Guys tend to be (often. but not always). more direct.

TBH. I’m not sure the barber was gay. As straight guys have called me ‘handsome’ too.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

.
Gee, I guess that's enough trolling for one day.

 

[GoodMan32]

Cause gay men have the same Logic Brain that heterosexuals men have. For men first is: Physically attractive guy = arousal therefore sex.

For women is much complicated, its a combination of physique, status, how he projects value and emotional strength.

In that case, I suppose my looks aren't the problem.

 

[characternote]

testosterone

 

[sevbucmash]

To answer your question with purpose, consider breaking down the factors that could contribute to the discrepancy in how you’re perceived by gay men versus straight women. Here’s a structured approach:

1. Understanding Attraction Dynamics: Attraction is subjective and can vary significantly between different groups. Gay men may prioritize certain traits that they find attractive in men, which might not align with what straight women look for. It could be related to personality, style, or even the confidence you project.
2. Social Context and Environment: The social dynamics in which you interact with gay men versus straight women may differ. For instance, if you’re in environments where gay men feel more comfortable expressing their attraction, you might receive more positive feedback from them. Conversely, straight women may be in settings where they feel less empowered to express interest.
3. Cultural and Societal Influences: Societal norms can shape how attraction is expressed and perceived. Women may be socialized to be more reserved in expressing interest, while men (including gay men) might feel freer to compliment or express attraction. This could lead to a perception of greater attractiveness from one group over the other.
4. Different Standards of Beauty: Different groups may have varying standards for what constitutes attractiveness. It’s possible that the traits that make you appealing to gay men don’t align with the traits that straight women prioritize.
5. Self-Confidence and Presentation: Consider how you present yourself in different contexts. Confidence can significantly impact attractiveness. If you feel more comfortable around gay men, that confidence might shine through, making you more appealing to them.
6. Feedback and Reflection: If you’re open to it, seek feedback from straight women about what they find attractive. This could provide valuable insights into their perspective and help you understand the mismatch.

In summary, attraction is complex and influenced by many factors, including social dynamics, cultural influences, and individual preferences. By exploring these areas, you can gain a deeper understanding of the differences in perception and perhaps adjust your approach to connecting with straight women.

 

[Bokanovsky]

At the base level, a gay man and a straight woman are sexually interested in the same population: Men.

Gays are not women trapped in men's bodies. They are still men. So it would be erroneous to draw direct parallels between gays and women.

 

[zekko]

Just thinking aloud here: Are the top or bottom gay men finding you attractive? Because if the dominant gay men see you as attractive, maybe they see you as a sub? Which would explain why women don't find you attractive, because they would see you as weak as opposed to strong.

 

[GoodMan32]

2
Well, okidoki then

@GoodMan32 do you have a nice ass or is it the submissive gays who have, uh, romantic thoughts about you?

Based on my small stature, I'd guess the gays I get attention from want me to be the bottom.

In fact, one gay guy asked me specific questions about my cornhole.

 

[GoodMan32]

To answer your question with purpose, consider breaking down the factors that could contribute to the discrepancy in how you’re perceived by gay men versus straight women. Here’s a structured approach:

1. Understanding Attraction Dynamics: Attraction is subjective and can vary significantly between different groups. Gay men may prioritize certain traits that they find attractive in men, which might not align with what straight women look for. It could be related to personality, style, or even the confidence you project.
2. Social Context and Environment: The social dynamics in which you interact with gay men versus straight women may differ. For instance, if you’re in environments where gay men feel more comfortable expressing their attraction, you might receive more positive feedback from them. Conversely, straight women may be in settings where they feel less empowered to express interest.
3. Cultural and Societal Influences: Societal norms can shape how attraction is expressed and perceived. Women may be socialized to be more reserved in expressing interest, while men (including gay men) might feel freer to compliment or express attraction. This could lead to a perception of greater attractiveness from one group over the other.
4. Different Standards of Beauty: Different groups may have varying standards for what constitutes attractiveness. It’s possible that the traits that make you appealing to gay men don’t align with the traits that straight women prioritize.
5. Self-Confidence and Presentation: Consider how you present yourself in different contexts. Confidence can significantly impact attractiveness. If you feel more comfortable around gay men, that confidence might shine through, making you more appealing to them.
6. Feedback and Reflection: If you’re open to it, seek feedback from straight women about what they find attractive. This could provide valuable insights into their perspective and help you understand the mismatch.

In summary, attraction is complex and influenced by many factors, including social dynamics, cultural influences, and individual preferences. By exploring these areas, you can gain a deeper understanding of the differences in perception and perhaps adjust your approach to connecting with straight women.

Good feedback.

One thing that stood out in particular was the idea that I'm more comfortable around gay guys than around straight gals.

Since I have zero fear whatsoever of getting rejected by a gay man (seeing as I have no interest in a date or romp with a man), I'm understandably more comfortable around gay guys.

For that matter, I know a decent amount of gay guys. Perhaps I could seek feedback from a gay guy on why exactly he thinks I trigger so many gaydars.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

In fact, one gay guy asked me specific questions about my cornhole.

Getting hit on by gay guys is generally out of one’s control. However, I shut that nonsense down ASAP. Never got far enough into a conversation that the subject of Cornholes would appear.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

A) Gay men tend to be more superficially attracted, like hetero men, than women
B) Gay men don't really care if their butt monkey is retarded.
C) Gay men are more direct in their approach than straight women.
D) You managed to open another nonsense thread that is sure to go double digit pages.
E) Gay men think you're gay too. Probably because you don't appear homophobic, just clueless.
F) You have a feminine aesthetic, that appeals to gay men, but not all the women are into metrosexuals.
Gee, I guess that's enough trolling for one day.

This is actually a good post. I'd add suspected bottom to the list.

 

[GoodMan32]

Just thinking aloud here: Are the top or bottom gay men finding you attractive? Because if the dominant gay men see you as attractive, maybe they see you as a sub? Which would explain why women don't find you attractive, because they would see you as weak as opposed to strong.

On a prior post (although after you had already made this post), I mentioned that one gay guy pretty much admitted he's a top.

As for the other gays who've come onto me, I don't know either way (but it's certainly possible they were also tops)

 

[GoodMan32]

Getting hit on by gay guys is generally out of one’s control. However, I shut that nonsense down ASAP. Never got far enough into a conversation that the subject of Cornholes would appear.

The gay guy who asked me about my cornhole was a gay guy I used to run into a lot.

Here's how it went with him (and how it's gone with certain other gay guys for that matter):

-He expressed interest in me
-I broke the news I'm straight
-He didn't believe I'm straight (and/or he insisted he could turn me)...therefore he continued coming onto me every time I ran into him

This one specific gay guy went the extra mile and asked about my cornhole (no other gay guy has gone that far).

In a nutshell, you can see I attempt to shut it down (but the gays don't take my shut down seriously)

 

[GoodMan32]

@Hamurabimbi To add onto what I said on my last post, I just remembered a time when I told cornhole guy "If only the ladies wanted me this badly"

He told me I don't need a woman; I only need him.

Well then it's clear that you're an attractive pillowbiter, but most women don't want a submissive man, unless they want to act out their frustration corn-holing you with a strap-on.



Gay men, on the other hand, don't need a strap-on.

What an unfortunate scenario I'm in.

If I act submissive, the ladies don't want me because I'm not manly enough.

Yet if I act dominant, the ladies don't want me either (When an autist acts dominant, it comes across as creepy/dangerous; not sexy)

 

[Hamurabimbi]

@Hamurabimbi To add onto what I said on my last post, I just remembered a time when I told cornhole guy "If only the ladies wanted me this badly"

He told me I don't need a woman; I only need him.



What an unfortunate scenario I'm in.

If I act submissive, the ladies don't want me because I'm not manly enough.

Yet if I act dominant, the ladies don't want me either (When an autist acts dominant, it comes across as creepy/dangerous; not sexy)

Get with a Zoomer girl. They’re into pegging.

 

[corrector]

That is interesting, because generally, I like women and lesbians and bisexual women like women too.

The gay guy who asked me about my cornhole was a gay guy I used to run into a lot.

Here's how it went with him (and how it's gone with certain other gay guys for that matter):

-He expressed interest in me
-I broke the news I'm straight
-He didn't believe I'm straight (and/or he insisted he could turn me)...therefore he continued coming onto me every time I ran into him

This one specific gay guy went the extra mile and asked about my cornhole (no other gay guy has gone that far).

In a nutshell, you can see I attempt to shut it down (but the gays don't take my shut down seriously)

That's insane. That is like the worst thing that could happen to anyone and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. There is no worst feeling than being treated like an object by another guy. Only with a woman that's welcome.

 

[GoodMan32]

That is interesting, because generally, I like women and lesbians and bisexual women like women too.


That's insane. That is like the worst thing that could happen to anyone and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. There is no worst feeling than being treated like an object by another guy. Only with a woman that's welcome.

In all seriousness, I much prefer the sexually aggressive behavior from gay guys over the awkwardness (and feelings of idiocy/inadequacy) that comes from crossing paths with a woman I got turned down by.

I say that as a man who's experienced both. Crossing paths with a woman I got turned down by is a thousand times worse than getting objectified by gay guys.

At least these gay guys are complimenting me. Rejection, on the other hand, is an insult.

 

[corrector]

In all seriousness, I much prefer the sexually aggressive behavior from gay guys over the awkwardness (and feelings of idiocy/inadequacy) that comes from crossing paths with a woman I got turned down by.

You prefer really attention from gay guys?

I say that as a man who's experienced both. Crossing paths with a woman I got turned down by is a thousand times worse than getting objectified by gay guys.

I've crossed paths with women that I've been turned down by and don't get how you are blowing it up like it is really that bad. She is still a woman and you are being true to yourself and who you like, no matter how she is with you.

I guess I went to an all boys high school, you went to a coed high school. You never experienced being in an environment when you only had mainly guys around I guess for four years during your most formative years. @MatureDJ also went to an all boys High School.

At least these gay guys are complimenting me. Rejection, on the other hand, is an insult.

Are you bi-curious? I can't wrap my head around how a straight guy who likes women would like complements from gay guys unless some part of him was a little bi-curious? It means on some level you are comfortable with other guys seeing you on a sexual level. To each their own I guess if that is the case. Rejection means you shoot your shot and it didn't stick. Everyone gets rejected. It means the one who breaks the ice/dry-spell, all the more rewarding.